What does” being in right relationship” mean? Basically it means that we interact with ourselves, each other and our environments in ways that are kind, loving, sustainable, generous… you get the idea. We can be in right relationship with ourselves, other people, a divine source, plants, animals and the earth. We can flow in and out of right relationship. As Unitarian Universalists we believe there are endless opportunities to get back in right relationship if we fall out.

Examples of Being in Right Relationship

With Myself

• Honoring my boundaries
• Saying no
• Asking for help
• Practicing self compassion and forgiveness
• Celebrating my differences
• Taking care of my physical needs
• Being around people who care about me

With Others

• Honoring their boundaries
• Asking for consent
• Being aware of my impact on others
• Being willing to apologize if I’ve made a mistake or done something wrong
• Practicing compassion and forgiveness
• Celebrating differences
• Seeking common ground
• Using honest, direct and respectful communication

Examples of Being Out of Right Relationship

With Myself

• Pushing myself too hard
• Not trusting myself
• Saying yes when I want to say no
• Always putting others needs before my own
• Using negative self talk
• Putting myself in harm’s way
• Thinking I’m better or worse than others

With Others

• Encroaching on their personal space
• Using physical force or manipulation to get what I want
• Gossip
• Triangulation
• Using put downs
• Stereotyping
• Using derogatory language
• Being unwilling to admit to a mistake
• Treating others as if I am better or worse than them
• Always putting my needs before others
• Ignoring someone
• Neglecting someone’s needs

Ways to Get Back in Right Relationship

With Myself

• Place a gentle hand on my heart or cheek
• Remember a past accomplishment
• Take a rest
• Think of a few things I’m grateful for
• Commit to trying again
• Remind myself that nobody is perfect

If Someone is Out of Right Relationship With You

• Take some cleansing breaths
• Find a way to feel grounded
• Speak directly to the person if it’s safe to do so
• State observations, not judgements
• Remember everyone has inherent dignity
• Problem solve with a friend before speaking to the person, if needed
• Ask a friend to go with me to speak to the person
• Use “I” statements
• Make a clear request for a change
• Tell someone in a leadership position what’s happening

If You Are Out of Right Relationship With Someone

• Take some cleansing breaths
• Find a way to feel grounded
• Try to come from a place of curiosity
• Remember everyone has inherent dignity
• Forgive myself/practice self compassion
• Focus on the impact of my actions, even if it was unintentional
• Own up to a mistake
• Offer an apology
• Reflect back to the person what I heard
• Ask what I can do differently
• Commit to trying again