Being in community can be challenging. But being in a faith community can give us the opportunity to explore our edges and test our assumptions.

Ordained ministers serving congregations have a unique role and relationship with congregants that doesn't have any analogies or parallels in other institutions. Healthy Boundaries are essential.

Have you ever wondered why people sometimes act out of character during times of stress? Here's a fun way of understanding how the Frontal Cortex and Amygdala work together.

Do you remember playing a game as a child called Traffic Light where a leader called out “green light!” and we children behind them would race to tag them. And then they’d call out “red light!” and we’d stop instantly. Sometimes so suddenly that we’d fall over with the momentum and...

The interdependence of our faith communities is integral to our polity (as is our independence). This is what makes us an Association of congregations. What can this interrelationship look like when it comes to congregational staff? Here are a few examples: Newly hired staff are welcomed and...

Covenant: A deep abiding promise, grounded in my deepest values, that I hold myself accountable to. Does your congregation suffer from constant, divisive conflict? Is your congregation looking to develop its first covenant to help members with healthier behavior?...

Avoiding triangulation will not eliminate conflict in a congregation but it will help keep it in the constructive and creative zone.

Systems theory is extremely helpful in understanding how people work in groups and why change is sometimes so difficult.

What can the congregation do in a crisis to avoid a crash during conflict? The solution mostly falls to the work of the driver of the car or the congregational leaders.

Many congregations have a committee to assist and work with the professional minister or ministers. An older model is the Ministerial Relations Committee, which tends to be an advocate for, and a support and guidance group to, the minister or ministers....

Whenever two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another, they will turn their focus to a third person or issue as a way to stabilize their own relationship with one another.

“He said, she said, they said, and now we have a conflict!” “I don’t remember what we fought about, but I do remember how I felt when you yelled at me.” “When I hid the ‘send’ key, I didn’t expect this reaction!” “Now that we are in the parking lot, let me tell you what I...

S-H-I-F-T is a way to remember the basics of emotional systems (Self-Differientation, Homeostasis, Identified patient, emotional Familiy field, and Triagulation) and how they operatin in congregations.

Learning how to be in community with people who have different opinions or experiences is essential in UU congregations.

Self-differentiated Leaders know who they are well enough that they also know where they stand, and what they will and will not do; they understand the necessity of boundaries, and work within the congregation to ensure that healthy boundaries are in place and are supported; they can be clear in who they are, without requiring others to join them in that same place, but instead to be true to their own self.

Leaders know where their buttons are, and know how to manage their own anxiety; they recognize that anxiety serves little purpose in moving a congregation forward, and instead can lessen that anxiety and help the congregation focus on the issues involved, rather than the anxiety and fear that uncertainty can create; they are comfortable in and with ambiguity.

Leaders know how to read people emotionally, and how to help people feel safe enough to not be driven unconsciously by emotions. Leaders help people understand how to appropriately express emotions and to use them as forces to move the congregation forward, rather than trapping them in the past.

Emotional Intelligence—one of the recommended leadership development competencies—includes: Forbearance, e.g. having self-control, especially when provoked. Presence and functioning, i.e. a high level of self-awareness with an alignment between the body and the mind. Knowing and taking...

Learn how the human brain is impacted by anxiety in organizations like congregations.

Healthy and transparent communication needs to be mutual, with all parties taking responsibility for their words. Leaders should have firm policies against accepting anonymous feedback. And yet, there are times when cultural differences or power differentials require a nuanced understanding of healthy communication.

Surveys that work best come out of an understanding that the job of leadership is not to “make people happy” but to help the congregation live out its mission.  Surveys that are useless at best and divisive at worst typically seek to honor personal preferences about various areas of congregational life (including the minister).

Learn about some common difficult meeting behaviors and a few strategies to cope with them.

Learn about how to prevent destructive conflict in meetings by nurturing a culture that promotes respectful communication and creative interchange.

Become more informed about and more comfortable with neuro-diversity (autism spectrum disorders, dyslexia, ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc) so that we can more fully live into a practice of radical welcome. With Linette Lowe(2015).

The opportunity is great in our congregations for rumors, miscommunication, gossip and, of course, conflict. Examine the barriers to open communication processes and will explore ways in which lay and ministerial leaders can open up channels of communication and create transparent systems where...

Learn how triangulated communication increases unhealthy conflict in congregations, and how to avoid and untangle triangulated conversations. Pacific Western Region (2016).

Sometimes, living in a bubble can be a good thing. It can create a barrier between harmful things on the outside and precious things on the inside. In some ways, our congregational covenants operate in this way....

Given the increasing shortage of UU ministers, congregations might wish for a simple way to evaluate their own fitness for ministry. Ministers, likewise, might find an objective scale helpful in discerning whether a congregation is ready for them. This scale is similar to the hoped for outcomes...

The 1970's heart-throb boy band The Osmonds provided a disservice with their ear-worm hit song "One Bad Apple." They sang, ...

Self-differentiated Leaders know who they are well enough that they also know where they stand, and what they will and will not do; they understand the necessity of boundaries, and work within the congregation to ensure that healthy boundaries are in place and are supported; they can be clear in ...

Let me share a fable of two congregations. ...

In dealing with adapt… challenges (e.g. changing demographics or attitudes toward religious institutions) congregational leaders can learn some wisdom from the old folktale about the 7 Blind Men and the Elephant. Each of the men could feel a part of the creature, and each came up with his own...

The congregational meeting was held right after the Sunday service to guarantee a quorum.  There were a couple of important issues to discuss, including passing a deficit budget to help fund a part time membership coordinator in service of their desire for growth. Standard...

Is rudeness a quality of Unitarian Universalism? How else to explain the lack of hospitality exhibited by many congregations toward unbidden guests? This workshop will explore the prevalence of rudeness in our society, how it is seeping through the walls of our congregations, and what we can do...

My father-in-law was a no-nonsense businessman who worked a 600 acre farm. Fiercely independent, he liked to play by his own rules.  When he bought a new piece of machinery, he would remove all of the pesky shields and other safety devices that slowed him down or got in the way during...

Once upon a time there was a congregation that wanted a mission statement. They appointed a committee that worked hard. They held cottage meetings, World Café conversations, and got a real sense of the identity of the congregation, who they were as a "whole"—or their "center." It became time to...

Your congregation is committed to growth and understands that growth in numbers results from other kinds of growth. You also know it is important to set goals and measure how well you are doing.  ...

How do Committees on Ministry function? Rev. Nancy Bowen shares an overview.

"Your actions are speaking so loudly, I can hardly hear what you are saying." This is a quote from a http://lp.citrixonline.com/102213-NA-G2W-MKT-WBR-SM?ID=70150000000ZOrx"… on the presence of leaders that I took recently. A leader's presence reflects their underlying values—it's how they wear...

An intercultural framework can help us be in community across difference.

Church leaders that I work with are often frustrated with the slow, almost glacial speed of change in congregational life.  What might take a month or two in the workplace takes a year in the church. ...

Here are some more tips for the savvy leader to learn how to recognize and respond to drama both in themselves and others. (adapted from the book The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers and Boss by Jim Warner & Kaley Klemp).   ...

Because of our strong attachments in our congregational communities, emotions can run high during times of change. The energy produced can be creative or destructive.  The savvy leader learns to recognize emerging drama both in themselves and others—and more importantly, learns...

As we head into the holiday season, it's a good time to bring attention to the practice of self-management. Time together with relatives often elicits old memories and deep emotions. The practice begins by first becoming self-aware when ugly emotions start to swell up and our amygdalaevideo by...

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I spent several days hiking in the Monongahela National Forest in West Virginia for my vacation. (It was a good opportunity to get away from the technology that is my constant companion during the rest of the year, since there are few cell phone towers in those mountains.) Many of the trails we...

One of my favorite Joni Mitchell songs (YouTube) begins: Every picture has its shadows And it has some source of light Blindness, blindness and sight… When I talk about leadership qualities, I find that many of the qualities can be either strengths or weaknesses—or somewhere on a continuum...

This webinar helps leaders discern how to separate disruptive behaviors from persons to create a peaceful community.

Too often our leaders lead from unexamined fear and frustration. We need to lead from our hopes as embodied in the vision of the Beloved Community.