Even with the most thoughtfully constructed covenant in the world, human beings will still be human beings.

Sample Problematic Behaviors

• Somebody talks too much. Maybe they take way too long for opening check- in. Or they are (or think they are) exceptionally well informed on the subject at hand and they want to share everything they know. Or they are exceptionally extroverted and the way they figure out what they think about something is to talk about it with no preceding silent reflection.
• Somebody nearly always expresses something negative no matter the subject or what anyone else has said about it.
• Somebody engages in behaviors that diminish or demean other. This can take many forms: refusing to use preferred pronouns or names, making generalizing statements about certain identities, or other microaggressions.
• Somebody doesn’t seem to be able to resist commenting on what others say, that is, engaging in cross-talk. The comment may be a criticism; it may be an affirmation. No matter which, it is not consistent with the deep listening in the Small Group Ministry process.
• Somebody almost never says anything.

Prevention Strategies

Review the Covenant

Reviewing the group’s covenant before the time for sharing at each session may reduce the number of occasions when you will see a need to intervene.

Encourage Turn-Taking

• Pass around an object to indicate whose turn it is to share. You might offer an assortment of meaningful objects around the chalice that people can pick up when are ready to share, and set down when they are done. Some small groups even add this to their covenants. Such a process can help ensure the Circle's attention is drawn to the speaker, give the speaker assurance that they have the floor, and also serve as a stimulus to the practice of deep listening.
• Groups meeting online have found that they can creatively pass an object virtually. The facilitator and the group agree first on a method of indicating a person is ready to speak, perhaps by raising a hand. The facilitator recognizes the person wishing to speak by saying something like, "Taylor is picking up the object." When Taylor is done sharing, they then indicates this by stating, "I'm returning the object."
• Another way to help circle participants delineate a thoughtful space between speakers is with a chime. If you are comfortable using a chime, you can sound it to help mark the ending of one person’s speaking and make a space before the next person speaks. If you are comfortable lifting the chime into view for the others in the Zoom room to see you prepare to sound it and then slowly put it back down again, the chime can at least partly serve the same monitoring function as a talking stick.
• Many groups establish an order of speakers based on a circle format, creating a virtual circle if online. If you are comfortable using a chime, you can sound it to help mark the ending of one person’s speaking and make a space before the next person speaks. If you are comfortable lifting the chime into view for the others in the Zoom room to see you prepare to sound it and then slowly put it back down again, the chime can at least partly serve the same monitoring function as a talking stick.

End With Process Observation

Taking time at the end of each small group meeting to share observations about how mutual the sharing was, and name both positive and problematic group dynamics gives participants a chance to be more mindful of problems at the next meeting. Save yourself for last. This allows the group to take responsibility for holding the covenant.

Intervention Strategies

• For brief, one-time behaviors that aren't causing individual harm, mention them during the process observation time at the end of the session if no one else in the circle does so first. Describe the behavior and note the part of your covenant that speaks to it.
• If a behavior needs to be interrupted while it is happening, make your intervention short and focused. Say things like:
  “Mary, we need to make time for others in the group.”
  “Is there someone else who would like to share (who hasn’t yet)?”
  "Remember that we agreed to use only "I" statements."
  You don’t need to give a speech to give the group your rationale for intervening.
• If a behavior has become a pattern, consider a call with the person so that the two of you can talk over in private what is happening and its impact. Then listen to their response with a pastoral presence. There may be something happening in the life of this person that you did not know about. If there is a significant life situation, recommend they reach out to a minister.

The role as a facilitator of a Small Group Ministry is truly a significant part of the ministry of the church. May you thrive in this ministry even as you help others thrive as well.

Note: This resource is adapted from the Chalice Circle Training at the UU Church of Bloomington, IN.
Thanks to Jan Armstrong, Anne Haynes, and Linda Pickle for sharing their work.