Our congregations strive to be inclusive communities, affirming our differences in beliefs, opinions, and life experiences. However, in some cases, concern for the safety and well-being of the congregation as a whole must be given priority over the privileges and inclusion of an individual.

To the degree that destructive behavior compromises the health of the congregation, as people of faith our actions must reflect our commitment to maintaining both security and beloved community. Disruptive behavior may involve actions that create concern for the physical or emotional safety of children or adults, staff, members, or even visitors. A baby crying in worship does not threaten the physical or emotional safety of the congregation. It may be distracting, but it is not disruptive. However, someone standing and yelling racial epitaphs during the service does indeed threaten the physical or emotional safety of those in attendance. This is Destructive. Destructive behavior may involve actions that disturb activities or weaken the congregation’s ability to serve current and future members and friends. These incidents can occur on the congregation’s property, during a congregational event, or via email and social media.

Not all conflict is destructive. We hope that most conflicts can and will be resolved by effort on the part of individuals to live our covenant and principles. This includes directly approaching the individual with whom they are having a conflict or consulting directly with the minister or appropriate team member for support and guidance. However, when behaviors are seen to be dangerous (creating concern for the physical and emotional safety of children and adults), destructive (disturbing or interfering with essential congregational activities), or image tarnishing (weakening the congregation’s ability to serve current and future members and friends), additional steps may be necessary.

Four Steps for Addressing Destructive Behavior

1: Does the Situation Call for an Immediate Response?

As we assess any given situation, we must first discern whether or not an immediate response is required.

For example: moments before worship begins, you are alerted about a member who is engaging in your congregation’s closed Facebook group sharing articles, videos, and their own strong opinions about the dangers of including and welcoming trans folks into the congregation. Their posts are seen as offensive, trans-phobic, harmful, and antithetical to our UU beliefs.

You will undoubtedly need to address the situation sooner rather than later, but chances are it can wait until the conclusion of the worship service.

If the situation was different, and the person was distributing anti-trans leaflets to congregants during the offertory, that would call for an immediate response.

When a disruptive situation occurs where an immediate response is required, this will typically be undertaken by the Minister(s), if available, and/or the leader of the group involved. During worship that might be a trained greeter or usher. Their response may include asking the offending person persons to leave or suspending the meeting or activity until such a time as it can safely be resumed. If physical assault takes place or further assistance is required, the police may be called. (See the De-escalation section below for help discerning when to call the police.) Anytime any of these actions are undertaken without the Minister being involved, the Minister and/or President must be notified at the earliest opportunity.

2: Evaluate the Situation

Situations not requiring an immediate response will be referred to the appropriate group. Sometimes this is called the Response Team, Conflict Resolution Team, or an ad hoc committee appointed by the Board.

The team will respond to problems as they arise. There will be no attempt to define acceptable behavior in advance. In evaluating the problem, the following points should be considered:

Dangerousness

Is the behavior a threat or perceived threat to persons or property?

Disruptiveness

How much interference with church functions is going on?

Offensiveness

How likely is it that prospective or existing members will be driven away?

Step 3: Consider

To determine the necessary response, the following points should be considered:

Causes

Why is the disruption occurring? Is it a conflict between the individual and others in the congregation? Is it due to a professionally diagnosed condition of mental illness? Is it a cultural difference?

History

What is the frequency and degree of disruption caused by this person in the past?

Probability of Change

How likely is it that the problem behavior will diminish in the future?

4: Respond and Inform Appropriate Persons

The team should decide on the necessary response on a case-by-case basis and will inform the appropriate persons (generally the Minister, Committee on Ministry, and the Board) before acting. Any of the following levels of response can be recommended:

No Action

After meeting with all persons involved, it may be determined that the complaint is not warranted, or a resolution may be reached without further action needed. The minister and another member of the team would jointly explain and discuss this with the person who filed the complaint.

Warning

The Minister and a member of the team will meet with the individual(s) involved to communicate the concern and expectations for future behavior. The Minister and a member of the team may need to meet with the offending person(s) to communicate the concerns and present a contract stating clearly defined parameters of behavior to be signed by the offending person(s).

Suspension

The offending individual is excluded from the congregation and/or specific activities for a limited period of time, with the reasons and the conditions of return made clear in writing, signed by both the individual and Board President and/or Minister.

Expulsion

The committee recommends that the offending individual should be expelled from membership. Depending on your bylaws, this may need the approval of the Board of Trustees. The Board President and/or Minister will then write a letter to the individual(s) explaining the reasons.