Conflict is normal. When two or more are gathered, there will be disagreements especially in times of great change. Congregations disagree about all kinds of things: whether or not to add another Sunday service; where to cut the budget if the pledge drive runs short; whether to put their energy into serving their own membership or serving the larger community, and so on.

Church leaders can learn -- and help others learn -- how to manage disagreements so that conflict is less likely to escalate and more likely to bear fruit in new understanding, clarity, and relationship building. Conflict can be an opportunity for positive transformation.

When conflict escalates, anxiety rises, so it's better to manage disagreements before they become more complex. Get in touch with your Primary Contact at the Region in the early stages of conflict for advice and coaching. Help is available. Check our database to find your primary contact. We can provide a listening ear, advice, coaching, and resources.

When conflict arises, stop emailing and instead, pick up the phone or have a face-to-face conversation. Email is a great medium for easy decisions and social media is a great medium for shared information, but when disagreements over values or priorities begin, we need to utilize more direct forms of communication such as meeting in person or phone conversations. Conversations via email or social media are easy to misinterpret, can spill into the public domain, and damage to relationships can result. Face-to-face conversations are essential to remaining in relationship, even when we disagree.

Here are some tips for making serious disagreements less frequent and more productive.

• Address issues when they arise. Denial and conflict avoidance will not help.
• Communicate clearly. Get information out to people in a timely way. Listen carefully to concerns. Anticipate and answer questions. Use multiple ways to communicate with those who need to know.
• Clarify expectations. Let people know what you expect of them. Create job descriptions for volunteer positions and for staff. Set goals and check in on progress being made toward the goals.
• Set clear boundaries. Be sure that people know what they're responsible for, and who they can go to for support and resources.
• Ask all committees and staff to be accountable to the Mission and Vision of the congregation. If those aren't commonly understood, or if they need to be created or revised, start there.
• Ask committees to create covenants about how they will work together. Begin by creating a Board Covenant, to model it for the committees. The MidAmerica Region has a recent webinar on covenant creation.
• Create a Covenant of Right Relations by involving members in conversations about the kind of community we want to have here and what promises we will make to each other to have that kind of community.
• Create a Destructive Behavior Policy and regularly update Safety Policies.

View this series of 6 short videos by the Rev. Sharon Dittmar: