There are two sides to exclusivity. On the one hand we want to watch out for the jagged borders that actively or inadvertently keep others out instead of drawing the circle wider. I think of this type of exclusivity as a dead-end, a real cliff’s edge. We must pay close attention to inclusion and accessibility. We know that diversity is a key strength in group settings, so a group that excludes anyone who is not the same is just not going to thrive. But, there’s another side to the Cliffs of Exclusivity. Priya Parker calls it “generous exclusion,” where the “guest list” (if you will) is exclusive and based on the purpose, principles or values of the gathering or community. This type of exclusivity creates the conditions for more powerful and meaningful experiences.

What Happens on the Cliffs of Exclusivity?

Let’s consider the dead-end exclusivity, first. When people in a community are tightly bonded, they may actively or inadvertently exclude others or become exclusive. It’s tempting to do. It feels good to be in the “in crowd.” It can be uncomfortable to let new people in. New energy will inevitably change the group dynamic. And change, even good change, can be hard. The light from the Covenant Lighthouse should shine directly on these jagged edges to ensure your group is prioritizing inclusion, belonging and accessibility over comfort. As a facilitator, you can task the leaders in your group with paying attention to when someone is being left out and encouraging their peers to make room for them.

Now, what about this idea of “generous exclusion?” It’s OK, and Parker would even say it’s thoughtful and kind to your participants, to exclude people who threaten the purpose of your gatheringand those who don’t actively further the purpose. When you get very clear on the purpose of your community, not only will that help prospective members not get stuck in the Tepid Bay on the other side of the map, it will make it clear to those who may threaten or dilute the intention of your group that this isn’t for them. Expect this clarity to bring some discomfort, and do it anyway.

Generous exclusion might look like creating groups based on affinity or identity. It means modeling firm boundaries and being proactive about processes of letting go of what is no longer serving the group. The activities in this section will help you draw the circle wider for inclusion AND define the parameters for your gathering or community.

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Cliffs of Exclusivity Activities