The ‘Acceptance’ Bounce: Grief and Joy in the Midst of It All

By Megan Foley

Grief - Denial - Anger - Depression - Bargaining - Acceptance

This week the article “Why Is Our Church Stuck?” appeared in my inbox from the insightful Convergence consulting group. Rev. Dr. Anna Hall gives several real life examples of how churches are moving through Kubler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. We on your Central East Regional staff see congregations in each of these stages every day. Does one of the stages resonate with you and your church?

And then Rev. Dr. Hall mentions the fifth grief stage of Acceptance and writes this vignette: Acceptance – Our church is changing. The religious landscape in our country is changing. I may not like all these changes. But it is the reality. We can only choose how we respond to this new reality.

Americans are not well versed in grief processes, which have their own calendars and can’t be pushed through, and so when grief comes to church it can be hard to do the work of moving through it well. Some congregational leaders react to grief by trying to Take Things in Hand or Get More Done, while others react by Becoming Completely Overwhelmed or, my favorite, Retreating to Blanket Fort. We on CER staff have seen a lot of this since the Trump presidency and the Covid lockdowns.

This fall, though, we staff are seeing something different, and now I think I know what it is: Acceptance. We may not like the changes we are confronted with, but it is the reality. We can choose how we respond. With this attitude comes what I consider to be an Acceptance Bounce. Moving towards acceptance causes an uptick in energy levels, creativity and joy in our congregations. Maybe you’re experiencing the Bounce this fall as well. Aren’t we all ready for energy, creativity and joy?

Americans often don’t know that on the other side of the sad and hard work of grieving there is opportunity, joy and freedom. It’s hard to let go of the way things were, especially when those ways were taken from us. But even when we weren’t willing, clearing away those old ways, and accepting the new reality, opens new doors. Really, what isn’t possible, once we accept the Way Things Now Are? Groups of smart and dedicated people are the thing that best changes our world. There are few groups smarter or more dedicated than Unitarian Universalists.

Your primary contact is here to help your congregation, whatever stage of grief you find yourselves in. Be patient with yourselves, lend a hand to each other, and soon we will more clearly see the options laid out before us. When the Acceptance Bounce comes we can joyfully move towards a bright and energized future, together.

About the Author

Megan Foley

Rev. Dr. Megan Foley serves as Deputy Director for Congregational Life as well as Regional Lead for the Central East Region staff. Before joining regional staff she served for six years as the minister of the Sugarloaf Congregation of Unitarian Universalists in Germantown, Maryland....

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