On Sunday, May 3, I stood in the sanctuary of the First Parish Church of Stow and Action in Stow, MA (FPC) surrounded by the members of FPC and the Unitarian Church of Marlborough and Hudson (UCMH). Together we sang, “We shall be known by the company we keep, by the ones who circle round to tend these fires.” I felt the strength and goodness of that fire-tending company who were about to do something big together.

UCMH has faced challenges similar to many of our smaller congregations in the past decade: fewer members, aging building, financial stress. Like many congregations, UCMH had a vision of bringing in a variety of groups and activities to make use of their beautiful space and to help maintain it. They created the Spiritual Growth and Community Center to provide a range of spiritual growth, learning, and practice activities. Just as this effort was beginning to take off, the covid pandemic shut down all in-person gatherings. Coming out of the social distancing phase of the pandemic, the activities were revived, but they were not providing enough resources for the congregation to sustain the upkeep of the building as well as their other ministries.

Thus UCMH began to think about alternatives for their future. One option they considered was joining with another congregation. They had very preliminary conversations with a number of their neighbors, and FPC was the congregation who responded most positively. The two congregations began with occasional joint activities and shared worship.

I had the privilege of witnessing the process of these two congregations as they began the serious discernment about the potential of joining into one congregation. The moment I knew something special was happening was at the first meeting of the complete boards and ministers of both congregations. The UCMH board members were talking through their experience that had led them to this point, and one of the FPC members stopped them. She wanted to note out loud how hard this story was and to acknowledge to the UCMH members that she felt how much grief they were carrying. It was the first of many times that FPC members spoke their love and care for the hard parts of the process for UCMH.

FPC is much larger in membership than UCMH. While UCMH came to this discussion out of necessity, FPC is in it by choice. In some situations, the larger congregation might propose simply absorbing the smaller congregation. FPC has consistently respected UCMH as a whole, equal neighboring congregation.

After that meeting of the boards and presidents, a task force from both congregations continued the work of discernment and planning. The congregations had more shared worship, conversations about the different aspects of congregational life and how they might bring them together, a number of straw polls, and conversations to see what questions or concerns remained. They also had a detailed, multi-step process for choosing a new name for the combined congregation.

After the service on May 3, the congregations met in different rooms at FPC to take formal votes whether or not to merge into one congregation, the Unitarian Universalist Congregation in the Assabet Valley. Both votes overwhelmingly passed. After some photos, we all shared cake and ice cream.

This story is one example of what it looks like when congregations lean into their covenant with each other. I watched them practice respect for each other as people and as congregations, careful and thoughtful planning, and care for each other’s wellbeing. In other words, it was a process centered in love.

While this particular situation was unique, I think we can all learn from this example. Sometimes when congregations are close together geographically, it can be easy to think of those around us as our competition for members. The work of running a single congregation is big enough to absorb as much time and attention as we can give it, so we don’t always feel like we have the time and attention to also reach out to our neighbors. But really, we are all together in this project of Unitarian Universalism in New England. From my standpoint at the regional level, I can see that the wellbeing of each congregation contributes to the wellbeing of the whole project.

There are other examples of close cooperation among congregations such as the Five Points Cluster in southeastern Massachusetts who do joint community service and justice projects and occasionally share worship, other clusters who share worship or meet to cross pollinate good ideas, congregations who share ministers or other staff, and many others.

I invite you to be inspired by UCMH and FPC and these other examples to reach out to your neighboring congregations. What kinds of cooperation might strengthen two or more congregations? What does your congregation have to offer your neighbors? What might your neighbors be able to offer that would help you? If you’re already in a cooperative relationship with your neighbors, how might you celebrate the gifts of that partnership? (Hint: let the region know about it!) Or how might you deepen your collaboration?

We are held in the covenants of our own congregations, and we are also part of the larger covenant between UU congregations here in New England, throughout the US, and around the world. Let us draw strength from our interconnection and interdependence.