In her Drivetime Essay Untangling Conversations, Paula Cole Jones states:
There are usually three conversations underlying our communication with each other. One is a conversation about what we observe and experience. This conversation is relatively objective, it is oriented around actions and environment, and it is not emotionally charged. Another level of conversation is about our hopes and satisfactions. This is the source from which we project our aspirations and positive feelings. Then there is a level of conversation that comes from our fears and frustrations. From here we project our doubts, apprehensions, and negative feelings into the mix.
Here is a sample script you can use to untangle conversations:
Round 1 (Framing):
Name or describe what the issue is--as either a complication or opportunity.
Round 2 (Perception):
Describe your own observations and experiences of what happened.
Round 3 (Aspiration):
What hopes did you have?
What satisfactions did you experience?
Round 4 (Desires):
What fears or frustrations did you experience?
What was the hardest thing for you?
Round 5 (Growth):
What are your edges for growth?
Where are you being called to stretch?