LOVE CONNECTS US
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 4: LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
BY MICHELLE RICHARDS AND LYNN UNGAR
© Copyright 2010 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/7/2014 7:49:44 PM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. — Hebrew scripture, Leviticus 19:18
Commonly known as the Golden Rule, the ethic of reciprocity appears in some form in every major religion—Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam—as well as in many other traditions. We can consider the ethic of reciprocity a universal value on which people of diverse faiths can agree. This session explores how it guides us to cooperate, for the good of all.
For Unitarian Universalists, this ethic comes to us both from our Jewish and Christian heritages and from the wisdom of world religions. In the context of this program, children explore the ethic of reciprocity as a guide toward actions that strengthen the beloved community—in our congregations, in our families, and in other communities to which we belong.
This ethic is related to the idea of "radical hospitality" in our congregations. Radical hospitality invites us to welcome not only those to whom we are naturally drawn because of their similarity to ourselves, but also those who seem different from us.
Radical hospitality and the ethic of reciprocity can help us promote justice. When we are truly open to the "other" and welcome them into our beloved communities, we help build a more just society in our congregations and in the world.
Be aware that in discussions about the Golden Rule and kind and affirming behavior, participants may bring up their experiences with quite different behavior—mean and bullying behavior. Be prepared to discuss these experiences, to report abusive incidents to your congregation's minister or religious educator and the child's parent(s), and talk about what resources are available to the family in this situation. Bullying is a serious issue.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Welcoming and Entering | 0 |
Opening | 10 |
Activity 1: Center Knot | 20 |
Activity 2: Story — Crossing the Finish Line Together | 10 |
Activity 3: Affirmation Badges | 15 |
Faith in Action: Making Greeting Cards | |
Closing | 5 |
Alternate Activity 1: Sharing Affirmations Ritual | 15 |
Alternate Activity 2: Role Play | 15 |
Alternate Activity 3: What's in the Boxes? | 15 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Find a place where you can be quiet with your thoughts. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for about five minutes, perhaps repeating a word or phrase to separate yourself from the activities of the day. When you feel settled and relaxed, think about a time when you reached out to someone who was very different from you. How did it feel to be open to someone whose background, perspectives, or ideas seemed very different from yours? Did it make you feel vulnerable? How?
Were you able to make a connection, despite your differences? How did you reach across barriers which could have limited your ability to communicate or find common ground? If your experience was not a positive one, how might it have been different?
Now, think of some assumptions you hold about others, perhaps people who may have different political views than yours or appear to have a background or lifestyle quite different from yours. How would it feel to be open to someone who you feel naturally inclined to turn away from, ignore, argue with, or attempt to convince to believe as you do? How could you overcome your negative assumptions and open yourself up to the other person? How could you accept them and offer hospitality to them, despite your differences?
You might also think about a time when you were welcomed by someone different from you. What was that like? How were you welcomed, and what difference did it make for you? Did you recognize their hospitality as "radical"?
Hold these thoughts and feelings in your mind, as you lead the participants in this session.
SESSION PLAN
WELCOMING AND ENTERING
Materials for Activity
Description of Activity
Encourage early arriving participants to help you by making "affirmation badges" to use later in the session. Instruct them to punch two holes in a sheet of paper, cut a piece of yarn long enough to hang the paper around a person's neck without choking them, loop the yarn through the holes in the paper, and tie knots to fasten the yarn to the paper. If time allows, invite participants to decorate the borders (leaving plenty of room in the middle).
Including All Participants
If any participant lacks small motor skills, assign them a step you know they can do and make sure they have one or more partners to work with.
OPENING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Love is the spirit of this church,
and service its law.
This is our great covenant:
To dwell together in peace,
To seek the truth in love,
And to help one another. — James Vila Blake
Description of Activity
The opening activity brings participants together for a chalice-lighting ritual which honors the coming together of this community in the spirit of love, and reintroduces the Blake covenant.
Invite a participant to light the chalice. Lead the group to read aloud the Blake covenant:
Love is the spirit of this church
And service its law.
This is our great covenant:
To dwell together in peace,
To seek the truth in love,
And to help one another.
Continue by saying something like:
Today we continue to explore how we come together in the spirit of love. We will learn a new way to show that "love is the spirit of this church."
Ask participants if any are familiar with the Golden Rule and know what it means. Affirm or explain that the Golden Rule, also known as the ethic of reciprocity, is often stated as:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Ask if participants know what religion this comes from. Some may say "Christian" or "Jewish." Tell them that this wording comes from Hebrew scripture (in the Book of Leviticus), this notion is also central to Jesus' teachings and some form of this ethic of reciprocity exists in all major religions of the world. As a result, we consider it a universal value which is affirmed by people of all religious faiths.
Ask your Golden Rule reader to present each of the sayings, one by one with pauses in between, as participants take turns coming forward to take a strip of paper with a Golden Rule saying on it and hang it on the wall or your wall hanging.
When all the sayings have been posted, invite reflection with questions such as:
Including All Participants
It may be tempting to select the best reader of the group to be your designated reader. However, if you distribute the Golden Rule sayings ahead of time, a participant who might normally be uncomfortable reading in front of a group can take the time to practice at home and learn the words they need to read. This can be an empowering experience for someone who normally struggles with reading aloud and give them a chance to shine in an area which is usually challenging for them.
ACTIVITY 1: CENTER KNOT (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Divide participants into two teams and invite each team to form a line. Then pass out the lengths of rope, asking participants to stay in the line formation and take one end of a length of rope in each hand. When you are done, each team will form a long chain of people and ropes. Only the two participants at the ends of each line will have a hand free; all the others will have both hands on a rope.
Note: This works best for teams with an even number of members, so the number of ropes will be odd, creating a center rope for the knot. You may wish to make unequal teams (for example, divide 14 children into a team of eight and a team of six, rather than two teams of seven). If one team has an odd number of members, a co-leader can participate.
Say, in your own words:
Each team's task is to create one knot in the center of your rope-and-people chain without letting go of the ropes you are holding.
Help teams identify the center of their chain if they are not sure where it is.
Eventually they will discover that the trick is to have all the team members act as one large rope and manipulate their bodies like a train so the knot can be tied in the center. After the teams manage to tie the center knot by working together, reflect on the activity with questions such as:
Including All Participants
Position a participant in a wheelchair, on crutches, or with other mobility challenges at either end of their team's line, so they will have one hand free to assist their movement. If a participant cannot grasp the rope or move freely and safely enough to participate on their own, you could pair that person with a volunteer who will partner with them to act as a single team member.
ACTIVITY 2: STORY — CROSSING THE FINISH LINE TOGETHER (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Read or tell the story to the group.
After the story, invite the group to be silent for a moment to think about it.
Begin a discussion by asking the children to recap the story in their own words. What they recall indicates what they found most meaningful or memorable.
Lead a discussion using these questions:
ACTIVITY 3: AFFIRMATION BADGES (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Pass out the hanging signs. Invite each participant to place their string over their head and then flip the paper around so it hangs on their backs. Tell participants these are their affirmation badges. Explain that an "affirmation" is a positive statement. We are going to write words that make each other feel good.
Ask the group:
Look around. Is there anyone here today whom you do not know very well? Think about how you can write an affirmation for that person.
Distribute markers and invite the children to move around the space and write a positive statement on the badges others are wearing.
When all the participants' badges have at least two comments (or time is almost up), invite them to move their badges around to the front of their body and read the messages written on them. Invite a few volunteers to read their affirmations aloud. Guide participants to reflect on the experience, with questions such as:
Encourage participants to reflect upon how communicating positive messages to others is a way of living out the ethic of reciprocity, or the Golden Rule. Ask: How does the idea of radical hospitality reinforce our first Principle, "the inherent worth and dignity of all persons"?
Including All Participants
If any participants are unable to move about the space, make sure others come to them, or have another participant help them move. If any participant requires assistance to write messages, pair them with another participant as needed.
CLOSING (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Bring the group to the circle. If you have not yet done so, invite one or more volunteers to attach their affirmation badges to the group's wall hanging, with the comments side facing out.
When all are back together in the circle, say, in your own words:
Today we talked about the ethic of reciprocity and how some form of it appears in just about every religion. Unitarian Universalists hold this as an ideal way of living out our first Principle, which affirms each person's inherent worth and dignity, and as a way of being welcoming even to people very different from ourselves; this way of interacting is known as Radical Hospitality.
Now, ask participants to cross their arms in front of their body and then take the hands of the people on either side of them. Say "We are tied together by the spirit of love when we ... " and ask anyone who wishes to fill in a word or phrase about what ties us together in the spirit of love. When everyone who wishes to share has done so, open the circle by having everyone, while still holding hands, turn to their right, so that everyone is facing out, and no longer has their arms crossed in front of their body. (Be mindful of participants' physical mobility; use this closing activity only if you are sure all children can comfortably participate. As an alternative, simply invite the entire group to hold hands.)
Distribute copies of Taking It Home you have prepared. Thank and dismiss participants.
Including All Participants
Children in wheelchairs or with balance issues may participate in the closing ritual by sitting in a chair or wheelchair and having other children maneuver around them. This ritual does involve close physical contact, and children who are uncomfortable being touched may wish to opt out.
FAITH IN ACTION: MAKING GREETING CARDS
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite participants to create a greeting card to encourage someone they do not know very well. The person could be someone in your congregation, or, someone at school who is teased because they are different or who seems to have few friends. It is up to them who they will make a card for. The important thing is that they create and deliver the card to affirm the inherent worth and dignity and/or specific positive qualities of someone they do not know well.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Reflect on and discuss with your co-leader(s):
Approach your religious educator for guidance as needed.
TAKING IT HOME
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. — Hebrew scripture, Leviticus 19:18
IN TODAY'S SESSION... participants explored how, when love is the spirit of our church, we can find it in our hearts to treat others as we would like to be treated. Participants heard different statements of the ethic of reciprocity (also known as the Golden Rule) from a variety of religions and philosophies and a story about racing competitors who gave up their own chance to win when they chose to help a fellow runner after he fell. The participants worked together as a team to tie a knot in a rope. They wrote affirmations to each other to emphasize the idea of offering hospitality to everyone.
EXPLORE THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Talk about... ways you have extended friendship toward someone who seemed very different from yourself, or times when you forged or continued a relationship of some sort with a person who had vastly different (or even opposing) viewpoints. Share some experiences where you found it difficult to be welcoming to someone different (such as someone with opposing political viewpoints); explore what you did to overcome this or what you could do differently if you find yourself in the same situation again.
EXTEND THE TOPIC TOGETHER. As a family, reach out in some way to a neighbor, family member, or friend who has a different viewpoint than yours. You might invite them over for dinner to your house, plan a picnic at a park together, bring over a covered dish or dessert to their house or even write a letter of appreciation to them.
Family Discovery. Take some time away to do something together as a family that you might not normally do. If your family getaways usually involve hotel stays, try tent camping instead. If you usually hit the beach on sunny summer days, try a hike in the woods; or go to a beach on a cool autumn day to experience a much different place. Sometimes when we "mix it up" and do things differently, it helps us experience life from another perspective. This can be a handy way to open ourselves up to the possibility of accepting the viewpoints of others.
A Family Ritual. Share affirmations together as a family by lighting candles and each sharing one positive trait another family member has. Or, each share a positive memory you share with another family member. You might also adopt this as a mealtime ritual: Take a minute to express your thankfulness for the meal and the presence of your family members, and then encourage each family member to state a positive affirmation about someone else at the table.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: SHARING AFFIRMATIONS RITUAL (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This sharing ritual is an adaptation of the candle-lighting ritual conducted in many Unitarian Universalist congregations known as "sharing of joys and concerns."
Invite participants to come forward and either light a candle or select a stone to drop in the bowl of water. Encourage them, as they do so, to share a few brief words about how and when they feel affirmed (for example, "I feel affirmed when I know I am being listened to"). To conclude the ritual, light one final candle for "all the affirmations we will receive or give to others until we gather again in community."
Including All Participants
Make it clear that sharing is voluntary; participants who feel uncomfortable sharing in the group may choose to pass. If any participant is unable to move forward to light a candle or drop a stone in the bowl, invite one participant to light each candle or drop each stone as thoughts are shared. Setting the candles or stones in the center of a circle rather than on a table up front might make it easier for someone with limited mobility to participate.
As with any activity which involves sharing personal thoughts, some participants may feel uncomfortable. Remind the group that it is always okay to pass and that it is important to respect the person who is sharing by listening to their words without interruption, comment, or judgment.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: ROLE PLAY (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Form teams of three or four, if the group has more than six participants. Give each team the scenario and encourage them to create a role play based on it:
One person is new at your school, having just moved from across the country and appears to talk differently and wear an unusual style of clothing. Some members of the group will act as if the person has a contagious illness because of these differences, but one person will have the courage to get to know the new person and reach out to them. BUT, whoever is acting as the new kid needs to be initially resistant to the advances of friendship. (Note: "Initially" is the key. The role play should resolve itself with the new person accepting the overtures of friendship and possibly even having the others coming around to being open as well.)
Tell the teams they will have ten minutes to plan what they will do and who will do what part. Then they will role play their scenario for all the participants.
Call "Time!" after ten minutes, and ask which group would like to go first. If none volunteer, choose a group. After each team's role play, ask the entire group to reflect on what happened and discuss what they liked about it, whether they thought something was unrealistic, and how it could have been done differently.
To conclude, invite the entire group to talk about the process. Was this a challenge, or was it relatively easy to do a role play and offer hospitality to someone much different from them? Would it be the same in "real" life? Why or why not? Also, why is it important to include new people?
Including All Participants
Some participants really shine in role play activities, while others may feel uncomfortable performing. To accommodate individuals who are more reserved, make sure each team includes some extraverted participants who will step up to take on the major roles. This will allow self-conscious individuals to take a minor role which may be more comfortable for them.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: WHAT'S IN THE BOXES? (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Set out the wrapped boxes on a table or in the center of the circle of participants. Invite volunteers to take a box and examine it in order to determine what is inside—without opening it.
After several participants guess what a box holds, ask them explain how they determined what was inside the box:
Open the boxes, or invite participants to do so. Compare the real contents with the guesses. Encourage reflection with questions such as:
Including All Participants
If one or more participants cannot lift and shake a box, select one person to be the designated examiner. If any participants are visually impaired, you might have someone announce the findings inside the box or allow the participant to stick a hand inside the box in order to discover what is inside.
LOVE CONNECTS US: SESSION 4:
STORY: CROSSING THE FINISH LINE TOGETHER
Based on a true story which happened at the 1976 Special Olympics in Seattle, Washington.
Years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants lined up at the starting line for the 100 yard dash. At the sound of the starting gun, they all started off in their own way, making their best effort to run down the track toward the finish line. That is, except for the one young boy who stumbled soon after his start, tumbled to the ground and began to cry. Two of the other racers, hearing the cries of the boy who fell, slowed down and looked back at him. Then without hesitation, they turned around and began running in the other direction—toward the injured boy.
While the other contestants struggled to make it to the finish line, the two who had turned around to run in the other direction reached for the boy and helped him to his feet. All three of them then linked arms and together they walked to the finish line. By the time the trio reached the end, everyone in the stands was standing and cheering, some with tears rushing down their faces. Even though by turning back and helping the boy who fell, they lost their own chance to win the race, they all had smiles on their faces because they knew they had done the right thing.
LOVE CONNECTS US: SESSION 4:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: GOLDEN RULE SAYINGS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
While religious beliefs and practices vary widely around the world, there is near unanimity among religions, ethical systems, and philosophies that each person should be treated as we all wish to be treated. Here are examples of passages from holy texts and the words of religious leaders that promote the ethic of reciprocity (commonly referred to as the Golden Rule).
"And if thine eyes be turned towards justice, choose thou for thy neighbor that which thou choosest for thyself."
—Baha'i Faith, from Epistle to the Son of the Wolf
"Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful."
—Buddhism, from the Udana-Varga 5:18
"And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise."
—Christianity, from Matthew 7:12, King James' version
"Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you."
—Confucianism, from Analects 15:23
"Do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you."
—Hinduism, from Mahabharata 5:1517
"None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself."
—Islam, from Number 13 of Imam Al-Nawawi's Forty Hadiths
"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
—Judaism, Leviticus 19:18
"Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss."
—Taoism, words of T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien
"An' it harm no one, do what thou wilt."
—Wiccan, the Wiccan Recede which governs all behavior
"Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others."
—Zoroastrianism, from Shayast-na-Shayast 13:29
FIND OUT MORE
The Ethic of Reciprocity
On the Religious Tolerance (at www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc.htm) website, find Golden Rule statements from a wide array of faiths and philosophers.