HARVEST THE POWER
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Adults
WORKSHOP 7: INTEGRITY
BY GAIL TITTLE, MATT TITTLE, GAIL FORSYTH-VAIL
© Copyright 2009 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 9/29/2014 9:15:18 PM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
WORKSHOP OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
The power inherent in a leader's presence does not reside in physical or economic strength but in the nature of his or her own being... Leaders function as the immune systems of the institutions they lead — not because they ward off enemies, but because they supply the ingredients for the system's integrity. — Edwin H. Friedman, late 20th-century rabbi, family therapist and author
This workshop invites participants into challenging territory. Drawing on the work of Edwin H. Friedman, the activities explore a deeper understanding of the chronically anxious society that surrounds and invades our congregational life. Participants name and embrace that which sustains and grounds them and learn how this self-knowledge can help them lead from a place of creativity and imagination, rather than reactivity. The workshop offers models to help individuals and leadership teams support and reinforce the integrity of those entrusted with leadership positions in our congregations.
GOALS
This workshop will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Welcoming and Entering | |
Opening | 2 |
Activity 1: Rosa Parks' Moment | 15 |
Activity 2: Navigating Moments of Crisis | 10 |
Activity 3: The Who of Leadership | 10 |
Activity 4: What Sustains You? | 20 |
Break | 10 |
Activity 5: Anxiety in the System | 10 |
Activity 6: Data Deluge, Empathy and Other Barriers | 30 |
Activity 7: A Time for Worship | 10 |
Faith in Action: Leadership's Spiritual Dimension | |
Closing | 3 |
Alternate Activity 1: Button Pushing | 10 |
Alternate Activity 2: Worship with Serenity Prayer | 10 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Take time to reflect on how and where you find grounding and sustenance in times of crisis and challenge. Read Handout 1, The Who of Leadership, and journal or reflect on how you nurture your spirit.
Read Handout 2, Imagination Gridlock, and consider the ways you have become gridlocked by chronic anxiety in your family life or congregational life. Visualize yourself as a person with integrity, a well differentiated person who is able to regulate anxiety in yourself and in the congregation where you are a leader. How will you live into that vision?
To strengthen your leadership skills and confidence, explore the leadership development resources recommended at the end of the workshop, as well as Workshop 1, Leader Resource 1, Accessibility Guidelines for Workshop Presenters.
WORKSHOP PLAN
WELCOMING AND ENTERING
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite any participant who does not have a name tag to create one now.
OPENING (2 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather the group in a circle. Ask a participant to light the chalice as you or another participant read the opening words: "Prophets" by Clinton Lee Scott, Reading 565 in Singing the Living Tradition.
Tell participants this workshop invites them to reflect on their spiritual and emotional lives and the qualities they bring to their leadership roles.
ACTIVITY 1: ROSA PARKS' MOMENT (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Share the introductory material for the story and invite participants to consider the ways Rosa Parks modeled leadership with integrity. Have a participant read the story aloud to the group.
Engage participants in a discussion with these questions:
ACTIVITY 2: NAVIGATING MOMENTS OF CRISIS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite participants to recall a moment of crisis in their own lives, a moment when they had some choices to make. It might be a work, family or health crisis, or a crisis that emerged out of a commitment or goal they were pursuing. Allow a minute of silence for participants to bring a moment of crisis to mind.
Indicate the questions you have posted on newsprint. Tell participants they will have ten minutes to write or silently meditate in response to the questions and, while they will not share their reflections with one another at this time, the reflections will be helpful later in the workshop (Activity 4).
Read the questions aloud.
After ten minutes, invite participants to finish writing or reflecting and return their attention to the group. Ask for brief feedback about the experience of considering their own spiritual and emotional resources.
ACTIVITY 3: THE WHO OF LEADERSHIP (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Distribute Handout 1. Ask four volunteers to each read aloud a paragraph, then, invite participants to share with a partner their responses to the handout:
Allow five minutes for paired conversation. Then engage participants in a whole-group discussion. Continue the conversation by introducing the work of Margaret Benefiel. In her book, Soul at Work, she defines spirituality broadly as "the human spirit, fully engaged." She goes on to state, "Spirituality includes the intellectual, emotional, and relational depth of human character, as well as the continuing capability and yearning for personal development and evolution." Ask participants if they agree that the capacity for full engagement is important, especially in a moment of crisis.
Invite participants to name some spiritual practices that can strengthen and deepen us, helping us to engage more fully in all that life offers. Affirm prayer, worship, small group ministry, meditation, service, time in the natural world, singing, journaling and other ideas.
ACTIVITY 4: WHAT SUSTAINS YOU? (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Ask participants to consider what sustains them in times of crisis. What spiritual practices or disciplines do they find helpful? What keeps them grounded and centered when they face challenges?
Invite participants to create symbols with papers, glue and markers to represent that which sustains them and helps keep their spirits fully engaged. For example, they might create a leaf to represent walking in the woods. Suggest they create one symbol or many, and use words, pictures or abstract creations to represent that which sustains them.
After 15 minutes, re-gather participants. Invite them to name their spiritual practices as they place their creations, one person at a time, in the container.
ACTIVITY 5: ANXIETY IN THE SYSTEM (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
In this activity, participants identify issues—internal and external to the congregation—which heighten anxiety in both members and leaders. Approach this activity playfully, encouraging light-hearted competition and laughter, to ensure it does not itself raise anxiety.
In his book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, Edwin H. Friedman explores the phenomenon of anxiety in individuals, institutions and society. He draws on the work of Dr. Murray Bowen of Georgetown Medical School to suggest that the speed and quantity of change as well as the inability of institutions and individuals to absorb the anxiety can cause an entire society to experience a chronic anxiety. This chronic anxiety renders people unable to think creatively or move past internal barriers, which limits their ability to respond to change in a healthy way.
Tell participants that you are going to make a "soup" together that will be a metaphor for some of what we and members of our congregation experience on a day to day basis. Ask your co-facilitator or a volunteer to scribe while the group creates the "soup."
First, ask participants to name all of the changes that they and other members of the congregation have had to adjust to in the last decade; some of these may be technological, some societal, some having to do with personal life transitions. Encourage people to keep naming things, even when there is a lull. You might offer a small candy for each answer as a way of encouraging people to keep naming. Have the scribe write the items in the soup pot. It is not necessary that each word be legible from a distance. More to the point will be the sheer number of changes written in the "soup."
Continue this exercise for four minutes, encouraging general light-heartedness, but always being aware that some items may be serious. Acknowledge serious items, but do not let them overwhelm the process.
Next, invite people to name all the things they worry about or think other congregational members worry about. These may be related to home, the congregation, safety, world affairs or any other realm of life. Continue to encourage as many responses as possible, while your scribe tries to capture them all in the pot (with increasing difficulty!). Continue this exercise for four minutes. Encourage general light-heartedness. Be respectful of serious worries, but do not let them overwhelm the process.
After you have created your anxiety "soup," invite people to sit and admire the creation. Say, "This is the medium in which leaders must work. It is up to each of us to keep from being overwhelmed by that soup."
ACTIVITY 6: DATA DELUGE, EMPATHY AND OTHER BARRIERS (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
The concepts presented in this activity may be new to participants. Present the concepts, guide initial responses and encourage participants to mull these ideas over time, both in and outside the context of the workshop.
Distribute Handout 2. Invite participants to read it silently and note responses or questions in the margins as they read. Allow a few minutes. Then, tell the group they will work with the handout one section at a time. Explain that these concepts are complex and may require time to digest. Because these concepts may be counter to assumptions and practices participants have engaged in as leaders, participants may be confused, defensive, or even anxious, so it is important to assure the group that most leaders find these ideas challenging.
Read aloud the first section, listing the three barriers to leaders' imaginative thinking. Then read aloud the section, including the quote titled "Data." Invite participants to move into triads and to share responses to that section. Suggest they discuss these questions:
Allow five minutes for this discussion. Then re-gather the group for an additional three minutes of general conversation.
Next, read aloud the section, including the quote titled "Empathy." Invite participants to move into the same triads and to share responses to that section, using these questions:
Allow five minutes for this discussion, then re-gather the group for an additional three minutes of general conversation.
Read aloud the section, including the quote titled "Self." Invite participants to move into the same triads and to share responses to that section, with these questions:
Allow five minutes for this discussion, before gathering the group for an additional three minutes of general conversation.
ACTIVITY 7: A TIME FOR WORSHIP (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This worship time offers a model for leaders to acknowledge the anxieties and challenges in the congregation while lifting up what supports and deepens the congregation's vision and mission. It is a technique to help congregational leaders intentionally hold space for creative ideas and emerging leadership.
Say:
I invite you to enter into a time of silence, and bring into your hearts and minds all those in the congregation and in our families who are facing challenges—death of a loved one, difficulties with a child or elderly parent, physical and mental health concerns, sadness, job loss, financial difficulty.
Pause a moment. Then, ring the bell. While lighting one candle or putting one of the natural objects into the container, say:
We hold in our hearts and minds and prayers all those in the congregation who are facing difficulties. In this moment, you are invited to speak the names of those we hold in thought and prayer.
Wait an appropriate interval while people speak. Then say:
I invite you to hold in your hearts and minds all those who have offered their gifts of love and service to the congregation. Enter into silence for a time and call to mind those who bring their creativity, their dedication, their labor, their financial support and their passion to support the congregation and its mission and work in the world. Call to mind those who are newly emerging as leaders, both adults and youth, and feel your heart fill with gratitude for the gifts they bring.
After a minute, ring the bell. While lighting a second candle or putting the second of the natural objects into the container, say:
We hold in our hearts gratitude for the many ways in which people bring their gifts to serve the mission of this congregation.
Now say:
I invite you to hold in your hearts and minds the challenges faced by this congregation. Enter into silence for a time and call to mind—one at a time—all the myriad issues facing the leadership at this time. In the silence of your heart, embrace the challenges, knowing these are signs of a living institution.
After a minute, ring the bell and while lighting a third candle or putting the third of the natural objects into the container, say:
In the silence, we number our challenges with humility, rejoicing in the opportunity to take our own turn in guiding this faith community in living the values of our liberal faith.
Now say:
I invite you to embrace your role as leader, understanding that you and your spiritual well-being are crucial to the well-being of the congregation. In the silence, I invite you to honor your own spirit and your own service to your faith community.
After a minute, ring the bell. While lighting a fourth candle or putting the fourth of the natural objects into the container, say:
We honor ourselves and each other as leaders in this faith community and embrace our need to care for our own spirits that we may serve with integrity and with love. So may it be.
CLOSING (3 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
Gather participants. Invite the group to sit together for a brief moment of silence to honor the important work the group has done together. Read these closing words, written by Harold E. Babcock:
And now may we go forth
in the certainty of faith, in the knowledge of love,
and in the vision of hope.
And in our going, may we be blessed
with all good things on this day
and forevermore. Amen.
FAITH IN ACTION: LEADERSHIP'S SPIRITUAL DIMENSION
Description of Activity
Consider ways to nurture your spiritual well-being. What practices help you feel centered and whole, even under stress? Consider blocking time in your day and in your week for that which sustains you—and encouraging others to do the same.
Add or deepen the spiritual dimension of leadership and other meetings in your congregation. Chalice lightings, readings, prayers, songs and meditations can enrich your time together and lead to leadership with creativity, imagination, clarity and integrity.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
TAKING IT HOME
The power inherent in a leader's presence does not reside in physical or economic strength but in the nature of his or her own being... Leaders function as the immune systems of the institutions they lead — not because they ward off enemies, but because they supply the ingredients for the system's integrity. — Edwin H. Friedman, late 20th-century rabbi, family therapist and author
Reread the handouts at home. Reflect on your own responses to the situations that arise in your life and in your work. When are you responding with integrity, out of a clear and healthy sense of self? When are you reactive, responding to the chronic anxiety which surrounds us? What practices will help you nurture your spiritual well-being?
Find Out More
You may wish to add resources that informed this workshop to your congregation's leadership library:
Benefiel, Margaret, Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations ( New York : Seabury Books, 2005)
Friedman, Edwin H., A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix ( New York : Seabury Books, 2007)
Jones, Jeffrey D., The "What" and the "Who" of Leadership (at www.alban.org/conversation.aspx?id=6896) (Alban Institute, 2008).
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: BUTTON PUSHING (10 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
The purpose of this activity is to raise participants' awareness about their own stressors and consider how they react/respond to stress.
Ask participants to think about short answers to these questions:
Allow participants a minute or so to find their answers. Then, invite them to move around the room and to share answers with others, one person at a time.
After five minutes, or when the activity slows down, call the group back together. Ask participants if they saw similarities or were surprised by their own or others' buttons or responses. Allow some discussion.
Now, ask them to consider what it is about themselves, not the button pushers, that makes their buttons "pushable." Invite any who wish to share their self-reflection to do so. Tell the group they may also wish to mull this question in the privacy of their own thoughts.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: WORSHIP WITH SERENITY PRAYER (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This worship time offers a model for leadership groups to acknowledge the anxieties and the challenges in the congregation while lifting up that which supports and deepens the congregation's vision and mission. It is a technique to help congregational leaders intentionally hold space for creative ideas and emerging leadership.
Say:
I invite you to enter into a time of silence, and to bring into your hearts and minds all those in the congregation and in our families who are facing challenges.
Pause for 30 seconds. Then say:
I invite you to hold in your hearts and minds all those who have offered their gifts of love and service to the congregation. Enter into silence for a time and call to mind those who are newly emerging as leaders, both adults and youth, and feel your heart fill with gratitude at the gifts they bring.
Pause for 30 seconds. Say:
I invite you to hold in your hearts and minds the challenges faced by this congregation. Enter into silence for a time and call to mind—one at a time—the myriad issues facing the leadership at this time. In the silence of your heart, embrace the challenges, knowing that these are signs of a living institution.
Pause for one minute. Then say:
I invite you to embrace your role as leader, understanding that you and your spiritual well being are crucial to the well-being of the congregation. In the silence, I invite you to honor your own spirit and your own service to your faith community. In the moments that follow, I invite each of you to light a candle in silence (or put a rock into the water), symbolizing your own spirit, fully engaged and ready to face the challenges of leadership.
After everyone has lit a candle or placed a stone, invite participants to repeat together a familiar prayer, often attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Including All Participants
If you have participants whose mobility impairments make it difficult for them to move to the worship table, distribute stones before beginning worship. Then, pass the bowl so all can put their stones in the water.
HARVEST THE POWER: WORKSHOP 7:
STORY: ROSA PARKS' MOMENT
Adapted from Stories in Faith: Exploring Our Unitarian Universalist Principles through Wisdom Tales by Gail Forsyth-Vail ( Boston : Skinner House, 2007).
We all think we know the story of Rosa Parks. The standard script tells of a woman who became tired of discrimination and injustice and one day just refused to budge from her bus seat, an individual with courage who sparked the civil rights movement. But December 1, 1955, was not an isolated moment in the life of Rosa Parks. The complete story of how she reached that day is far more interesting than the simple version. Her life and experiences made that moment possible, but so did the passion of the many others who worked to overturn injustice and discrimination. This story presents Rosa Parks as a young woman with great integrity and humility. She is willing to take her place among those working for justice, doing whatever it takes to advance the cause, including answering phones and stuffing envelopes. She takes time to learn from others who have come before, to be grounded in the history and culture of a grassroots movement. She serves as a mentor to teens, organizing youth conferences and other events. She is a collaborator, participating in trainings and strategy sessions designed to determine the most effective way to move forward. The full picture of Rosa Parks is quite different from the snapshot many hold, in which she simply refuses to move from her seat on the bus on December 1, 1955. This is a story of leadership with integrity. It invites us to consider how our own presence and the way in which we embody the values and vision we hold most deeply can transform a situation. Read or tell it as though sharing a compelling story from the life of a beloved and familiar person, because that is exactly what you are doing.
On December 1, 1955, in Montgomery, Alabama , an African American woman named Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus to a white man. She was arrested on the spot and her arrest sparked the beginning of the U.S. Civil Rights Movement. That is the way many of us have heard the story. But she did not act alone. She had spent a lifetime acquiring the skills, wisdom and experience she needed at that very moment. She was one person in a grand organization of people working for equality and justice. She was the right person at the right time, but she was not alone.
The daughter of Louise, a teacher, and James, a carpenter, Rosa Parks was born in Tuskegee, Alabama , in 1913, a time when black people were subject to discriminatory laws and unequal treatment at every turn. Her mother believed strongly that one should take advantage of every opportunity, so she enrolled Rosa in Miss White's School for Girls. There she was taught that she could do anything she wanted to do, even though that seemed impossible for an African American child in the southern United States at that time. When Miss White's School closed, Rosa was 15. She took in sewing and cleaned houses to help support her family, and tried to complete her high school education. Family illnesses made it impossible for her to finish on time, although she did earn her diploma three years later.
When Rosa was 18, she met Raymond Parks and married him a year later. He was a barber who was active in politics and in the cause of justice and equality for African American people. From him, she learned that there were people working hard to get rid of Jim Crow laws. With him, she joined and became active in the NAACP, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. She served as the volunteer secretary for the NAACP Montgomery branch, coming in after work to answer phones, address envelopes, take meeting notes, or do whatever needed doing. She met other activists who mentored her and taught her about the long, proud history of the civil rights movement. In time, she became the youth leader of the branch, working with teens and passing on her own knowledge and wisdom.
Those were extraordinary times. In 1954, the U. S. Supreme Court had declared that the laws requiring separate schools for black and white children were unjust and unconstitutional. The NAACP leadership knew that something dramatic would happen—and soon. African Americans would not wait forever for just treatment. In March of 1955, an African American teenager named Claudette Colvin, a teenager from Rose Parks' NAACP youth group, refused to give up her seat on the bus to a white man and was arrested. The NAACP leaders thought that maybe the time had come for action to force just treatment, but they knew that Claudette was only 15 years old and had been in some trouble, so they decided not to press the issue. They needed just the right person to refuse to yield her seat, a pillar of the community, one who could withstand intense pressure and not lose her cool.
In the summer of 1955, the NAACP sent Rosa Parks and others to the Highlander Folk School for a ten-day training session in nonviolent protest. There she learned of Mahatma Gandhi's commitment to and use of nonviolence in India . She learned more of the history of the Civil Rights movement. She met the movers and shakers of the movement and sang its powerful songs, including "We Shall Overcome" and "Keep Your Eyes on the Prize." After 12 years of working hard as an NAACP volunteer and leader, she had now acquired the skills and background she would need when the moment came.
And come it did. On December 1, 1955, Rosa Parks, seated in the front row of the "colored" section of a bus, refused to give up that seat when the bus became crowded and there wasn't enough room for all the white people to sit. She refused to move and she was arrested. The NAACP leadership and Rosa herself understood that the time for action had arrived. She was a pillar of the community, a person of wisdom, skill, maturity and character who could weather what lay ahead. Four days later, the Montgomery bus boycott began and the Civil Rights movement came to the attention of people across the United States .
Rosa Parks died in 2005 after a long and full life. She was a prophet in our time, one whose style was not to be an orator denouncing injustice, but rather to work quietly, mostly behind the scenes, preparing for the moment when what was required was that she hold her ground. Her style of prophethood reminds us that learning about issues, acquiring important skills, practicing collaboration and growing our own souls is vital work that allows us to take our place in the long line of people working for justice. She is a hero in the United States , remembered for her courage, dignity and determination. The memory of her life and deeds speaks to us of her wisdom, strategic skill, passion, integrity and membership in a great community of activist souls.
HARVEST THE POWER: WORKSHOP 7:
HANDOUT 1: THE 'WHAT' AND THE 'WHO' OF LEADERSHIP
"The 'What' and the 'Who' of Leadership" by Jeffrey D. Jones is reprinted from Alban Weekly (No. 231, December 29, 2008), with permission from the Alban Institute. Adapted from Heart, Mind, and Strength: Theory and Practice for Congregational Leadership by Jeffrey D. Jones. Copyright (C) 2008 by The Alban Institute, Inc., Herndon, VA. All rights reserved.
The "who" aspect of leadership is based on the reality that not everything a leader needs can be learned from books or reduced to a step-by-step plan that can be universally applied; rather it must come from an internal sense of the situation and what the leader brings to it.
The "who" is often revealed under pressure. Your "who" is revealed in what comes out of your mouth when you need to respond instantly, without the benefit even of personal reflection. It also becomes evident in the long haul, perhaps when there's nothing dramatic going on at all—how you handle day-to-day interactions with members of the congregation, how the way you live your life outside the congregation reflects that which you value and believe as a member of a religious community.
The "who" of leadership has many dimensions. Our spiritual lives affect both our self-understanding and our relationships. The depth and strength of our faith and the way that faith is nurtured through spiritual disciplines shapes who we are and how we relate to others in profound ways. Without that depth, our "who" is something less that it can be.
Another dimension of the "who" of leadership is our own self-knowledge. Years of therapy aren't essential, but a good understanding of what makes us tick is. What issues tend to threaten us? What strengths can we rely on, what preconceived notions can get us into trouble? How has our past experience shaped the way we relate to people? What are the needs, the hopes, and the fears that drive us? All of this (and much more) influences our ability to lead. To lead effectively we need to be aware of these personal traits and the way they shape our leading. Given sufficient time, almost all of those traits will become apparent to those we lead, so we had best be honest with ourselves right from the beginning.
HARVEST THE POWER: WORKSHOP 7:
HANDOUT 2: GRIDLOCKED SYSTEMS
Adapted and summarized from Edwin H. Friedman's book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix ( New York : Seabury Books, 2007).
Friedman writes that chronic anxiety "influences our thoughts and our leaders toward safety and certainty rather than boldness and adventure." He suggests that we are "imaginatively stuck" and that leaders have developed barriers which prevent new and creative thinking. He names "imagination limiting" notions that keep today's leaders gridlocked:
DATA
Friedman writes of the current obsession with gathering data and with finding the right technique to move the institution forward. He speaks of a "quick fix" mind-set which focuses on problems and not strengths and demands certainty and easy answers rather than creativity and adaptation. He writes:
What I am driving at is this: As long as leaders—parents, healers, managers—base their confidence on how much data they have acquired, they are doomed to feeling inadequate, forever...
The data deluge can only be harnessed to the extent that leaders realize that not all information is worth gathering, and also to the extent that they can develop criteria for discerning what information is important to leadership...
Ultimately, the capacity of leaders to distinguish what information is important depends less on the development of new techniques for sorting data than on a leader's ability to avoid being driven by the regressive anxiety that is often the source of unregulated data proliferation to begin with.
EMPATHY
A second imagination limiting notion is the focus on empathy rather than responsibility, and weakness rather than strength. He writes of the tendency of chronically anxious organizations to work to lessen the pain of some needy or immature members and to organize itself around their needs, rather than nurturing the creativity of the healthier, more mature members of the organization. He writes:
On the one hand, there can be no question that the notion of feeling for others, caring for others, identifying with others, being responsive to others, and perhaps even sharing their pain exquisitely or excruciatingly is a heartfelt, humanitarian, highly spiritual, and an essential component in a leader's response repertoire. But it has rarely been my experience that being sensitive to others will enable those "others" to be more self-aware, that being more "understanding" of others causes them to mature, or that appreciating the plight of others will make them more responsible for their being, their condition, or their destiny...
Ultimately, societies, families, and organizations are able to evolve out of a state of regression not because their leaders "feel" for or "understand" their followers, but because their leaders are able, by their well-defined presence, to regulate the systemic anxiety in the relationship system they are leading and to inhibit the invasiveness of those factions which would preempt its agenda. After that, they can afford to be empathic.
SELF
Friedman writes about the importance of the leader's capacity for self-differentiation, that is, ability to remain grounded in one's own sense of purpose and identity and to avoid being swept into the anxiety of the organization's system. He writes:
The key... is the leader's own self-differentiation, by which I mean his or her capacity to be a non-anxious presence, a challenging presence, a well-defined presence, and a paradoxical presence. Differentiation is not about being coercive, manipulative, reactive, pursuing or invasive, but being rooted in the leader's own sense of self rather than focused on that of his or her followers. It is in no way autocratic, narcissistic, or selfish, even though it may be perceived that way by those who are not taking responsibility for their own being. Self-differentiation is not "selfish." Furthermore, the power inherent in a leader's presence does not reside in physical or emotional strength, but in the nature of his or her own being, so that even when leaders are entitled to great power by dint of their office, it is ultimately the nature of their real strength. Leaders function as immune systems of the institutions they lead — not because they ward off enemies, but because they supply the ingredients for the system's integrity.