PRINCIPLED COMMITMENT
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Adults
WORKSHOP 7: PLAY
BY MELANIE J. DAVIS STEPHANIE HAYMAKER, PH.D. CRAIG HIRSHBERG, M.DIV. RICHARD BELLINGHAM, ED.D.
© Copyright 2008 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 9/29/2014 9:03:52 PM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
WORKSHOP OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
It is a happy talent to know how to play.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, nineteenth-century author and speaker, trained as a Unitarian minister
Play may not be the first concept to come to mind when you consider the components of a strong, committed relationship, but it is necessary. Humor and playfulness can help partners connect, relieve tension, and solve problems together. A playful approach to life's demands is an integral factor in maintaining balance.
Guiding Unitarian Universalist Principle
Fourth Principle: A free and responsible search for truth and meaning
Who says a free and responsible search for truth and meaning can't be fun? A spirit of playfulness can open new possibilities in our understanding of life, as it opens us to deeper understanding of our partners. Play can create strong connections that sustain couples through difficulties. Play can help us accept our own, our partners', and the universe's foibles. Play can freely and responsibly transform a dull day into a day of laughter, joy, meaning, and truth.
Considerations for Adaptation
If the workshop is conducted at a retreat, you may want to invite participants to bring games to share or play a fun, get-to-know-you game together. See the Find Out More section of this workshop plan for a link to "Major FUN's Funny Pointless Games Collection," which presents several options for group games.
When designing a retreat, consider using some of these more playful activities to balance the intensity of some of the activities from other workshops.
GOALS
This workshop will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Welcoming and Entering | |
Opening | 10 |
Activity 1: Check-in | 10 |
Activity 2: The Role of Play in Relationships | 30 |
Activity 3: Playing with Principle | 20 |
Activity 4: Playing Games | 40 |
Closing | 10 |
Alternate Activity 1: Faith in Action — UU Trivia Hunt | 30 |
Alternate Activity 2: Playful Brainstorming for Couples | 30 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Set aside some time for personal reflection and meditation on the subject of play. Consider: Do you think the universe has a sense of humor? Is playfulness part of your spirituality? You may also wish to reflect on the role of play in your life: Have you been playful recently? If so, who were you with? Did it bring you closer to that person, or perhaps make you feel farther apart? Would you like more play in your daily life? How can you make that happen?
Consider wearing something playful to the workshop to set the mood.
WORKSHOP PLAN
WELCOMING AND ENTERING
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
As participants enter, invite them to sign in, create name tags, and pick up a schedule for the workshop series if they have not already done so. Direct their attention to the agenda for this workshop.
OPENING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
If you have asked participants to bring toys and games to this workshop, invite them to place their toys or games near the altar or centering table.
Refer to Leader Resource 1, Order of Service — Play, to conduct the opening. You may adapt the service to fit with your group's interest as well as your congregation's identity and customs. The Order of Service is provided as a starting point.
Including All Participants
Pay attention to the modulation of your voice throughout the opening, and particularly during the meditation. Make sure that your tone is gentle and meditative, but keep your volume high enough to be heard throughout the room.
ACTIVITY 1: CHECK-IN (10 MINUTES)
Description of Activity
Invite participants to take turns briefly sharing insights they have had since the previous workshop on connection. Ask whether couples have noticed anything new about the way they relate to each other.
If desired, you can move this activity along briskly by asking participants to limit themselves to a one-sentence comment.
Once you feel participants know each other well enough, you may wish to offer an alternative check-in that is more meaningful to the group.
ACTIVITY 2: THE ROLE OF PLAY IN RELATIONSHIPS (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Description of Activity
Ask participants to recall the guided meditation from the workshop's opening and how they envisioned interacting playfully. Invite them to call out one word that describes why that virtual experience was enjoyable. List the responses on newsprint. No discussion is necessary. When a variety of words have been listed, post the newsprint on the wall.
Explain that the topic for this workshop is the role of play in relationships. Encourage the keeping of a playful mindset for today's activities. You may wish to set the stage with a joke or two of your own, or begin with the following joke, found on the Internet:
Q: How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The Unitarian Universalists wish to make the following statement: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
If time allows, you may also invite a few participants to share their favorite jokes. Ask them to be mindful that not everyone is comfortable with risqu?umor or humor that plays upon gender and ethnic stereotypes.
Offer these or similar words of focus:
Play is an important part of a child's development. It is an avenue for growth, assimilation, learning, sensory experience, and self-expression. Child development experts have suggested that children need to play in order to grow and thrive.
Researchers also know that play is an important aspect of the human experience for adults. We like to laugh, play games, and use our imagination and creativity throughout our lives.
In relationships, a spirit of playfulness can ease tensions, build intimacy, facilitate connection, help us solve problems, and lower stress. Today we'll look at some ways in which we can bring the spirit of play into our relationships to help them thrive.
Invite participants to engage in a guided reflection about how the meaning of play has changed throughout their lives. Explain that as you ask each question, they are to reflect on it silently. (Keep the pace brisk, allowing just three to five seconds of silence after each question.) Ask:
Invite participants into the discussion by asking:
ACTIVITY 3: PLAYING WITH PRINCIPLE (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Description of Activity
Share these or similar words with participants:
Playing together as a couple can be tremendously bonding. However, unfair play, such as hurtful teasing and ridicule, can damage relationships. How can we bring the spirit of play into our relationships in a principled manner, one that honors the Unitarian Universalist Principles we seek to uphold in Principled Commitment?
Ask participants to brainstorm a list of guidelines for "principled play" between partners. Take notes on newsprint.
After the newsprint sheet has been filled or the group is finished with ideas, ask participants:
Distribute Handout 1, Playing with Principle. Explain that the handout offers questions for partners to ask themselves when interacting playfully around sensitive issues. You can review and discuss the handout with participants or ask them to review it at home.
ACTIVITY 4: PLAYING GAMES (40 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Share these or similar words to focus the activity:
Sometimes finding time for play is key — time to get away from the routine, relax, laugh, and be playful. Sometimes play is not something that needs time set aside — it can be a spirit we bring to our everyday activities. Sometimes it's not a matter of time at all, and finding the energy to play is a more crucial issue.
How do you play in your relationship? How would you like to increase or maintain your playfulness? We'll start by considering the role of play at the beginning of our relationships.
Invite partners to work together to write a list of the playful activities or patterns they pursued in courtship and in the beginning phases of their committed partnership.
After five minutes, suggest that they spend a few more minutes creating a list of the playful activities they enjoy together now.
After another five minutes, invite the partners to spend an additional fifteen minutes reviewing and discussing their two lists. Display the newsprint sheet you prepared in advance, and suggest that couples use these questions as the focus of their discussion:
After fifteen minutes have passed, invite couples to spend five minutes using the art materials to create a representation of a playful activity they've discussed.
After five minutes, bring the whole group back together. Encourage couples to playfully share their creations with the group.
CLOSING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Ask participants whether they have any questions about the ideas discussed in this workshop. Encourage participants to monitor their own level of playfulness in the next week, especially in interactions with their partner.
Distribute the Taking It Home handout you have prepared. Explain that this workshop's Affection Connection provides the opportunity for couples to review the covenants they drafted at the beginning of the program. They will have another opportunity to finalize their covenants before the end of the program.
Gather participants around the chalice. Invite each person to offer one thought or insight about play or this workshop.
As you extinguish the chalice, read the following closing words:
May our efforts here fuel the fires of connection in this world. May our individual efforts take us one step closer to creating a world of inherent worth and dignity for every person, beginning right here with our partners. Blessed be; may it be so; amen.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
With your co-leader, take some time after the workshop to evaluate the session and plan for future sessions. Consider these questions:
Assign tasks for the next workshop, such as gathering materials and photocopying handouts. Decide who will lead each section of the next workshop.
TAKING IT HOME
Affection Connection — Play
Extend the workshop by trying this activity on your own.
For Couples: Continuing the Covenant
At the beginning of Principled Commitment, you began to sketch out what a covenant between you and your partner might look like. Now that you have considered the concepts of humility, trust, dignity, generosity, connection, and play, have you gained new insights as a couple that you would like to see reflected in your covenant? Work together as a couple to revise or reaffirm the covenant you drafted, exploring new insights, conclusions, and dreams for your relationship.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: FAITH IN ACTION — UU TRIVIA HUNT (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Divide the group into two teams of couples, with about the same number of people on each team. Give each person a copy of your customized handout and a pen or pencil.
Explain the rules of the game:
Work with your team members to answer as many of the questions as you can in the next 20 minutes.
You can go anywhere in the building. [Or, if certain areas are off-limits, clearly identify where participants may and may not go.] Feel free to use any books or other information sources you find.
I'll ring the bell when you have five minutes left, again when you have two minutes, and again when time is up.
Start the trivia hunt, keeping track of the time and ringing the bell as described above.
When time is up, regather the group. Ask each team how many answers they found. Go through the questions and provide the correct answers.
When all questions have been answered, award everyone with a treat.
Including All Participants
Providing a variety of treats, including some nonfood items, will allow participants with food sensitivities or other special dietary needs to choose a treat they can enjoy.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: PLAYFUL BRAINSTORMING FOR COUPLES (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite participants who brought toys and games to the workshop to show these items to the group.
Invite volunteers to share some of their favorite ways of playing as a couple. While these activities may involve children, the adults' fun is the primary focus of this discussion. List responses on newsprint. You might offer the following suggestions, if participants do not mention them:
Invite participants to pair up with their partners and discuss how they can make time to do playful things more often or make the most of the time they already have for play.
PRINCIPLED COMMITMENT: WORKSHOP 7:
HANDOUT 1: PLAYING WITH PRINCIPLE
In relationships, a spirit of playfulness can ease tensions, build intimacy, facilitate connection, help us solve problems, and lower stress. Laughing, playing games, and using imagination and creativity can strengthen a relationship. However, unfair play, such as hurtful teasing and ridicule, can damage relationships. How can we bring the spirit of play into our relationships in a principled manner, one that honors the worth and dignity of our partners?
The nonprofit website HelpGuide.org recommends considering the following questions before approaching "ego-sensitive subjects" through playful communication:
On the other side, if your partner's playful communication hurts your feelings, it doesn't mean you're uptight or that you don't have a sense of humor! Playful communication, especially teasing, can slip into hurtful communication even when the teaser doesn't intend to hurt. If our bodies get hurt while playing, we usually say something, stop playing, and tend to the hurt. The same goes with feelings — if they get hurt, stop and say something so that the healing can begin.
PRINCIPLED COMMITMENT: WORKSHOP 7:
HANDOUT 2: UU TRIVIA HUNT
Work in teams to find the answers to these questions. You may consult any resources you can access in your congregation's building.
Our congregation:
Our movement:
Early history:
More recent history:
PRINCIPLED COMMITMENT: WORKSHOP 7:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: ORDER OF SERVICE — PLAY
Follow this Order of Service as you lead the opening of Workshop 7, Play.
Welcome
Chalice Lighting
Principle
Guided Meditation
Reading
Welcome
Welcome participants. Explain that this workshop is devoted to the concept of play. Participants will recognize the positive impact of playful activities in significant relationships and explore how the process of play can deepen the search for meaning and spiritual development, both individually and as a couple.
Chalice Lighting
Light the chalice using the following words:
We light this chalice as a symbol of our faith: to seek truth and honesty, to build respect, and to foster greater trust among all people, beginning with ourselves. May we dedicate our time together to these purposes.
Principle
Introduce the guiding Unitarian Universalist Principle for this workshop:
We covenant to affirm and promote a free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
Who says a free and responsible search for truth and meaning can't be fun? A spirit of playfulness can open new possibilities in our understanding of life, as it opens us to deeper understanding of our partners. Play can create strong connections that sustain couples through difficulties. Play can help us accept our own, our partners', and the universe's foibles. Play can freely and responsibly transform a dull day into a day of laughter, joy, meaning, and truth.
Guided Meditation
Give each participant a container of bubble solution and a bubble wand. Lead participants through the following guided meditation to center them for the rest of the workshop. Read the words slowly, pausing between phrases. Encourage participants to blow bubbles while you speak, when they are ready to do so.
I invite you into a time of silence. Try to sit with your spine straight, with your feet flat on the floor. Take a deep breath, inhale . . . and exhale, blowing bubbles as you do. Take another deep breath . . . and exhale, enjoying the process of blowing bubbles. Breathe again; this time, as you exhale, notice the form and color of the bubbles. Blow another bubble . . . watch it move . . . float. As the bubbles float away, let go of the "to dos," the "should haves" . . . just let them float out of the room, float away with the bubbles, as light as air. Take another deep breath. As you inhale, take in the energy of this place. As you exhale, let go of any tension or stress you might be feeling, and connect with your playful self.
[Long pause]
Now, focus on the present . . . focus on this time you have reserved for being together as a couple. It is a gift you are giving to each other. Welcome to this place where you can enjoy being who you are, together. What does play mean to you? Think of yourself playfully interacting with your partner. What are you doing? What do you enjoy most about the experience?
[Sit in silence for two to three minutes. Participants should feel free to blow bubbles as they wish.]
Please maintain this spirit during the reading.
Reading
Read "Give Us the Spirit of the Child" by Sara Moores Campbell, 664 in Singing the Living Tradition. If you have decided to present it as a responsive reading, give hymnbooks to participants so they can join you.
Sit in silence for a few moments before saying:
When you are ready, please bring your focus back into this room and join our check-in.
PRINCIPLED COMMITMENT: WORKSHOP 7:
LEADER RESOURCE 2: UU TRIVIA HUNT ANSWER KEY
Our congregation:
Our movement:
Early history:
More recent history:
FIND OUT MORE
Major FUN's Funny Pointless Games Collection (at www.deepfun.com/pointless.html), collected by Bernie DeKoven
Playing Together for Fun: Creative Play and Lifelong Games (at www.helpguide.org/life/creative_play_fun_games.htm) from HelpGuide.org
Playful Communication Skills: Strengthen and Repair Relationships (at www.helpguide.org/mental/eq7_playful_communication.htm) from HelpGuide.org
The Art of the Tease (at psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20060721-000005.html) by Kathleen McGowan, from PsychologyToday.com