Faith Curriculum Library: Common Read: A Community for Learning and Reflection

Session 2: UU Youth Group Common Read Part III, Resilience and Hope It's Hard, and Part IV, Family, Love and Humanity

Part of Authentic Selves: Celebrating Trans and Nonbinary People and Their Families

Materials

This list includes what you'll need for both Sessions 2a and 2b.

  • Laptop or another method to show videos, pull up a web page, and/or play music
  • Chalice and a way to light it
  • Copies for each participant:
  • For Part III of the program (Session 2a, Closing): Copies of Handout: Map of the Journey in Progress for all participants or to share
  • For Part IV of the program (Session 2b, Family Support Through Hard Times):
    • Several copies of the book, Authentic Selves: Celebrating Trans and Nonbinary People and Their Families(enough for each breakout group of 3-4 to have one)
    • Handout: Suggested Family Stories, print enough copies for each breakout group to have one, or print once (3 pages) and cut the individual story suggestions apart to give one to each breakout group
    • Sticky notes
  • Pencils, pens, and markers
  • Whiteboard or large newsprint tablet
  • For new participants: Pocket folders and copies of previously distributed handouts
  • Optional: For Part III of the program (Session 2a, Collage Activity; optional): Art paper, old magazines or printed flyers that can be ripped up; scraps of fabric or ribbons, glue sticks, markers/pencils/paints

Preparation

  • For Part III of the program (Session 2a, Set the Stage): The video that introduces this activity has brief top nudity. Before you use it, please notify and get consent from parents/caregivers. We recommend sharing the video with them so they can see why there is nudity. You can instead opt to skip the video and move to the next activity.

Session 2a

Part III of the four-part UU Youth Group Common Read 

NOTE: This section will take about 55 minutes including the Opening and Closing.

If your group has more time together, or if you have chosen not to share the video, “Wrabel – The Village" (the Set the Stage activity), and thus have some more time—consider using the optional activity, Collage Portraits. It can be done in 15-20 minutes. If not used during this gathering, you can plan to do this activity with the same group at another time.

Opening (10 minutes)

Welcome and Entering: If you have new people arriving for this session who were not part of the first session, make sure to give them a folder and all the handouts others have already received. If they arrive a little early, invite them to work on their “I Am” poem template which will be used later in this session.

Light the Chalice: Once everyone has settled, light the chalice using these words from the Rev. Julián Jamaica Soto, used with permission.

Bring your broken hallelujah here.
Bring the large one that is beyond
repair. Bring the small one that’s
too soft to share. Bring your broken
Hallelujah here. I know that people
have told you that before you can give
you have to get yourself together. They
overstated the value of perfection by a
lot. Or they forgot. You are the gift.
We all bring some broken things, songs
and dreams, and long lost hopes. But
here, and together, we reach within.
As a community, we begin again. And
from the pieces we will build something new.
There is work that only you can do.

We wait for you.

Share this information with the group:

Rev. Julián Jamaica Soto (formerly Theresa) is a Unitarian Universalist minister and activist. They have worked in parish ministry, interim ministry, and hospital chaplaincy with veterans. Soto lives in the Pacific Northwest and seeks to serve the mission and values of Unitarian Universalism, along with the healing of the world.

Covenant: Review with the group the covenant they have affirmed previously.

Repeat your reminder that any personal information shared in this gathering is confidential unless you have explicit permission to share it. This includes the names and pronouns participants are using, unless you are certain these are commonly used outside the group.

Check-ins: Use this prompt for brief check-ins, asking participants to each begin by stating their preferred name and their pronouns. You may wish to write the check-in question on newsprint and post it:

If your current mood were a song or a movie, what would it be?

Ice Breaker: Areas of Similarity Game: Tell the group you will ask them to assemble into small groups according to things they have in common that are not based on appearance or identity.

Invite them to take the initiative and move, as they are able, to seek out others who may share a commonality. Add this twist: Challenge them to speak up when they have been in the same group three times with another person.

Use the following prompts to get started: family birth order, shoe size, how many digits in your street address, first letter of first or last name, month of birth. Then invite the youth to contribute more prompts like these--prompts that have nothing to do with appearance or aspects of one's identity.

Set the Stage (10 minutes)

NOTE: This video that introduces this activity has brief top nudity.If you have not notified and received consent from parents/caregivers, you may opt to skip this activity.

Explain that you are going to spend some time today discussing some hard aspects of being transgender or nonbinary, including how others sometimes treat you.

Share the video “Wrabel – The Village" (YouTube, 5:06). Name that you will discuss the video afterward.

After the video, lead a discussion with these questions:

  • How did it feel to watch the video and how the main person shown was treated by their family?
  • In what ways was their story relatable? Have you experienced discrimination? Do you have friends or family that have faced discrimination?

Understanding Privilege (15 minutes)

Explain that it is hard to understand what privilege is until you experience not having it. Say that many laws being passed today are designed to restrict the rights of transgender, intersex, and nonbinary people, which has the effect of causing them to lose privilege.

Invite the youth into a simple experiment on privilege. Say it is based on an activity some teachers have been using for years.

Have the group assemble three rows of chairs. Create a perfect grid with the chairs aligned in tight rows and columns. Ask the youth to sit in the chairs. Then, give each youth several pieces of scrap paper. Ask them to write their name on one sheet along with the number of the row they are sitting in (e.g., Lee, 1st). Explain that they will each get a chance to sit in a different row.

Now, place a recycling bin in front of the first row. Invite the youth to wad up their numbered sheet. The objective is easy: Throw their paper into the recycling bin. No moving the chairs or standing up.

Invite the youth to get up and move to new seats in different rows in the grid. Ask them to write their name on a new sheet of paper along with the number of the row they are now in. Again, invite the youth to wad up their paper and throw it into the recycling bin.

In most cases, the group will quickly realize that sitting in the front row provides access to throwing denied the other two rows. To be sure the point has been made, you may wish to repeat the exercise for a third time.

Take out the balls that made it into the recycling bin. Read off the numbers they hold.

Ask the group to articulate how sitting in the front row is like how privilege plays out in our society. If needed, prompt: In the front row, you have an easier throw into the bin. People can overcome lacking some privileges, but the privileges we may have or lack makes life an unequal playing field.

Now invite the group to consider privilege as it relates to gender and gender identity.

Say you will read some statements and invite the youth to silently consider each one. Encourage them to respond to the statements from the perspective of their own gender identity, but, let them know it is fine to consider any statement as it relates to other aspects of their identity. Ask them to privately keep track of how many statements apply, but not to disclose any of their responses.

Read these statements aloud slowly, one at a time:

  • The choices I make in my self-expression do not cause others to question my value as a human being.
  • I can dress in ways that others believe do not match my gender, without expecting to be shamed by others.
  • I can count on people using the name that I tell people is my name. I do not usually get questions about my name or anyone’s refusal to use it.
  • People do not disrespect me by using incorrect pronouns for me even after they’ve been corrected.
  • I do not worry that someone wants to be my friend just because they find my difference from them to be “hip” or wish to use me to prove their good politics.
  • I do not regularly see debates in the media or political spaces about whether my gender is “real.”
  • I can join a sports team at my school without my gender being challenged.
  • I can travel on overnight trips with other youth and feel safe and comfortable sharing a hotel room with others.

Lead a discussion with these questions:

  • What did these two exercises teach you about privilege?
  • We spoke of privileges denied to those who are part of the gender rainbow of communities, but what are some of the other ways you see people experiencing privilege? (Mention mental or physical abilities, country of origin or first language, race, religion, etc. if those are not mentioned by the group.)

Challenges and Facts Facing Gender Diverse Communities (5 minutes)

Offer the group the following information:

  • Over 1.6 million people identify as transgender in the United States.
  • Of U.S. adults, 0.5% (about 1.3 million) are transgender.
  • Among youth aged 13-17, 1.4% identify as transgender.
  • Transgender people are younger than average than the overall US population. Youth ages 13 to 17 are almost five times more likely to identify as transgender than adults 65 or older.

Share this important note with the group:

“Identify as,” in this demographic information, only tells us how people check boxes on forms. It does not necessarily tell us who people are. Many transgender and nonbinary people do not disclose their identity to Census or other researchers. For this reason, demographic reports likely underestimate true numbers. Also, we should not interpret the phrase “identify as” to mean people’s gender is a matter of choice.

Go on to share information about the legal status of transgender and nonbinary people in the U.S. in 2024:

  • In 2023, 615 bills were introduced across the United States that targeted transgender or nonbinary people with restrictions or discrimination that limited their dignity. Eighty-seven of those passed in 49 states. Another 191 are still active as of July 2024. These included attacks on gender-affirming health care especially for transgender youth, educational rights, athletic eligibility, birth certificates, legal recognition, and others.
  • Some of those laws or proposed laws classify parents’ or doctors’ affirmation of the gender identity of a child or youth as child abuse.

You may wish to add current information specific to your state. Visit theHuman Rights Campaign website. Tools include amap of Attacks on Gender Affirming Care by state.

Are Human Identities Static or Do They Change Over Time? (10 minutes)

Read aloud this quote from Lana Patel, even if you have used it in the earlier session:

  • Lana Patel (she/her): “There is so much about me beyond my trans identity. Being a trans woman is a part of me but not all of me.” (page 220)

Point out Lana’s opinion that people should never quit exploring their deeper identities. Then, watch the video,“What Gender Identity Means to Today’s Teens" (YouTube, 7:00).
After the video, invite discussion by asking:

  • What surprised you with the youth who were tracked in the video?
  • What did you notice about how their understanding of their own gender changed over the time they were tracked for the study?

Optional: Dual Portrait Collage (15-20 minutes)

Note: If your group has more than an hour for this section, or if you have skipped the “Wrabel – The Village” video and the activity, Setting the Stage (and thus have more time), you may wish to add this activity.
Give each participant a sheet of paper and art materials. Tell the group they are invited to create dual self-portraits. Invite each person to take their paper and fold it into two halves (either landscape or portrait works). Using the art materials included, invite the youth to use one side of the sheet to create an image based on how they think others see them. On the other, they may create an image of how they see themselves.

Offer these additional instructions:

  • The images may contain some of the same elements, but are expected to be different.
  • These do not need to be actual reflections of faces but are images of internal identities. They can be abstract.
  • You can draw, paint, rip images from the magazines, etc.

Give the group 10 minutes to work on starting their portraits.

Then, tell the group they are now welcome to work more on their collages or share their images with each other. Say that this collage, like each of us, is a work in progress! And you do not expect them to finish their dual portraits today.

To close the activity, gather the group together. Ask them how it might help someone’s resiliency to reflect on how you feel about yourself and how you believe others feel about you?

The youth will not have had time to finish their dual portraits. Some may want to work on them another time the group gathers; some may wish to take them home to complete.

Closing (5 minutes)

NOTE: Use this Closing to end your time together if your group will re-gather another day for Session, 2b, Part IV, the final part of this program. (Remember to choose Opening words for that final meeting!)

If your group will remain together today to complete the UU Youth Group Common Read, skip this Closing. Instead, offer a 15-minute Bio and Snack break. When you return, expect Session 2b, Part IV to take 55 minutes including the Closing provided for the entire program’s conclusion. (That Closing can be used as is, or, you may wish to add Closing words of your choice.)

Gather the group in a circle, Distribute the handout, “Map of the Journey in Progress.” Tell them the words are from Victoria Safford, a UU minister and chaplain. Moving around the circle, invite each person to take a turn reading. Assure them that it is fine to “pass”!

Here is where I found my voice and chose to be brave.

Here’s a place where I forgave someone, against my better judgment, and I survived that, and unexpectedly, amazingly, I became wiser.

Here’s where I was once forgiven, was ready for once in my life to receive forgiveness and to be transformed. And I survived that also. I lived to tell the tale.

This is the place where I said no, more loudly than I’d thought I ever could, and everybody stared, but I so no loudly anyway, because I knew it must be said, and those staring settled down into harmless, ineffective grumbling, and over me they had no power anymore.

Here’s a time, and here’s another, when I laid down my fear and walked right on into it, right up to my neck into that roiling water.

Here’s where cruelty taught me something. And here’s where I was first astonished by gratuitous compassion and knew it for the miracle it was, the requirement it is. It was a trembling time.

And here, much later, is where I returned the blessing, clumsily. It wasn’t hard, but I was unaccustomed. It cycled round, and as best I could I sent it back on out, passed the gift along. This circular motion, around and around, has no apparent end.

Here’s a place, a murky puddle, where I have stumbled more than once and fallen. I don’t know yet what to learn there. On this site I was outraged and the rage sustains me still; it clarifies my seeing.

And here’s where something caught me – a warm breeze in late winter, birdsong in late summer.

Here’s where I was told that something was wrong with my eyes, that I see the world strangely, and here’s where I said, “Yes, I know, I walk in beauty.”

Here is where I began to look with my own eyes and listen with my ears and sing my own song, shaky as it is.

Here is where, as if by surgeon’s knife, my heart was opened up – and here, and here, and here, and here. These are the landmarks of conversion.

Close by reminding the group that we are each a work in progress.

Bio and Snack Break (15 minutes)

Session 2b (Part IV of the program)

NOTE: This section concludes the UU Youth Group Common Read program. It runs 55 minutes without an Opening.

If you are regathering on a new day, provide an Opening. You may use (or re-use) Opening words from earlier in this program or choose a reading from either of the Authentic Selves UU Common Read discussion guides for adults. Or, you are welcome to use your own Opening/Chalice Lighting.

During your Opening, include an affirmation of your group covenant and a reminder about confidentiality.

The Closing for this section—which closes the entire program—has room for a short blessing of your choice.

Choices (10 minutes)

Say:

As human beings, we all get to make choices in our lives. Many cultures center particular ways of thinking about the choices we make. The Anasazi Foundation has a treatment facility for youth in Arizona that centers Hopi and Navajo teachings. Here is what they teach their group participants about choices.

Show the video from the Anasazi Foundation, Forward Walking | Good Buffalo Eagle (YouTube, 3:15).

Invite brief reactions to the video. Then say:

Choosing to move forward is a commitment humans and their communities can make. As Unitarian Universalists, we choose to keep moving forward in love, toward a place where all are seen as their true selves, including transgender, nonbinary, and intersex people. When we spend our time with the people in Authentic Selves, as we have been doing, we move forward together with them.

Show the video, “Trans Euphoria and Thriving” (Vimeo, 4:47). Remind the youth that the speakers are participants from the Authentic Selves book.

Family Support through Hard Times (15 minutes)

Say:

In the book, we’ve seen how transgender and nonbinary people share about the importance of family. However, many of the people have been rejected by their biological families because of their gender or sexuality. Many people have adopted chosen family. Let’s look at some of the family stories.

Form breakout groups of 3 or 4 people. Give each group a copy of the Authentic Selves book and some sticky notes. Provide each group with a copy of the Handout, Suggested Family Stories, or, invite someone from each group to choose a pre-cut strip that has one story suggestion from the handout.

Point out that each story suggestion gives page numbers for finding the story and a a key question to start the small group’s discussion.

Suggest that volunteers read portions of the story aloud in their small groups. As they consider the questions, ask them to flag relevant quotations in the book using sticky notes.

Give them five to ten minutes to review their stories and begin discussion. Meanwhile, post these questions on a white board or newsprint.

  1. What did you notice in the stories the family shared?
  2. Where do you find judgement or disappointment in the story? Where do you find acceptance?
  3. What do you think made this family open and resilient to change? Who showed resiliency? How did they get there?

Regather the large group. Invite small groups to share reflections. Do a quick calculation of the time you have to offer all three questions, and the number of small groups, so you can offer each group equal time to share out, then open the floor to individuals.

Claiming Ancestral Resiliency (15 minutes)

Invite the group to bring out their completed “I Am” poems from the first session. Ask them to reflect on how writing the poem built a deeper understanding of themselves. Then explain that this type of self-reflection practice, reflecting on ourself and our supportive connections, can be useful in building resiliency.

Say you will offer them another reflection exercise that can build resiliency. Distribute the handout Roots, Trunk, Leaves, extra writing paper, and writing utensils. Read the instructions on the handout. Then invite volunteers to read aloud the sections on Roots, Trunk, and Leaves.

Give everyone several minutes to begin noting their Roots, Trunk and Leaves. Allow conversation to help the youth clarify their understanding of the metaphor as they work on their handouts.

Come back together. Invite volunteers to share their roots, trunk, and leaves. Encourage the youth to name the forms of support they identified in their own template.

Remind the group about the stories of families from the book that they discussed earlier. Ask:

  • What roots, trunks, or leaves do we have in common with any of the people in the book?
  • What common themes of support does our group share with people in the book?
  • How can understanding yourself and acknowledging your supports help you be resilient?

The Human Knot (5 minutes)

State that we are all part of one, interdependent human family. Invite the group to gather, standing as they are able, in a tight circle in an open space. Explain that you are going to create a human knot:

Each person will take the hands of two other people in the group, with no one holding both hands of the same person. The only rules are that every person must have two hands to hold and that the entire group must be connected.

Explain that this is what it feels like to build our own knots of support, of chosen and biological family, and of friends and others.

Closing (10 minutes)

Invite the youth to briefly share final thoughts on their engagement with Authentic Selves. You might ask them to offer one sentence on how they will take this experience forward.

Offer brief closing words of your choice. You might thank the youth for being part of this UU Common Read.

Play one of these videos as you extinguish the chalice: