Session One
Materials
This list includes what you'll need for both Sessions 1a and 1b.
- Laptop or another method to show videos, pull up a web page, and/or play music
- Chalice and a way to light it
- Copies for each participant:
- For Part I of the program (Session 1a): Copies for each participant of handouts from GenderWheel:
- “How to Tell If It’s a Guess, Assumption, Expectation or Assignment”: Scroll to bottom of this page on the GenderWheel website to the heading “Get the Coloring Page” and click “Download the PDF.”
- “Pronoun Protocol Poster”: On GenderWheel website, scroll to bottom of this page for the black and white version. Click “Download the PDF.”
- Pocket folders
- A copy of the book, Authentic Selves: Celebrating Trans and Nonbinary People and Their Families
- Pencils, pens, and markers
- Blank paper or usual journaling notebooks
- Whiteboard or large newsprint tablet
- Sticky notes (at least 3-5 per person)
- 3x5 notecards, 3 per person
- For Part I (Session 1a, Sharing Wisdom to Build a Safer World): For volunteer readers, printouts of quotes taken from the book (provided below), plus any additional quotes you have chosen. Alternatively, you can sticky-note the quotes you wish to use in your copy of Authentic Selves and pass your book to volunteer readers. Page numbers for the pre-selected quotes are provided, with the quotes, below.
- For Part II (Session 1b, History of Gender Diversity): Slips of paper with gender diversity names (provided below) written on them, placed in a bowl.
- for Part II (Session 1b, History of Gender Diversity): Tablets or phones for Internet research
- A copy of the book Julián is a Mermaid by Jessica Love (or a video option; find on YouTube)
Session 1a
Part I of the four-part UU Youth Group Common Read
Opening (10 minutes)
Word Activity: As participants arrive, have a whiteboard or a large newsprint tablet, sticky notes and markers out. Invite the arrivals to write on sticky notes some of the gendered terms that surround us. Have easy ones like man, woman, boy, and girl already posted; ask each person to add two or three new ones to the whiteboard or newsprint. If they get stuck, encourage them to think of cultural slang that is gendered, for example, "manhandle" or "girl band."
Light the Chalice: When everyone has arrived, light the chalice. Offer the words below or other favorite words as an Opening reading. This reading is by Kimi Floyd Reisch from their poem, “Colors of Love,” available in full online.
We come together committing to deeper connection,
to listen more, to see and witness,
seeking compassion over conflict,
hope over hate,
joyful in intent and dismissing the false unity of sameness,
woven in the unity of the love that can only come with full equity
as part of humanity.
We belong.
After the reading, share this information with the group:
Rev. Dr. Kimi Floyd Reisch led the team that developed the resources for the UU Common Read of Authentic Selves, including this workshop for us. They are one of many transgender and nonbinary people who serve as leaders in the UUA. Kimi Floyd is two-spirit, a sakwo'mapi akikiwan or ninawaki which means “manly-hearted woman” in the Siksikaitsitapi (Blackfeet) community. They also have an adult transgender son who they helped guide through their affirmation process starting in elementary school.
Covenant: Distribute Handout 1-1, The 8 Guidelines for Equity and Inclusion, and Covenant. Briefly review the handout and, if you have one, your existing group covenant. Invite everyone to assent to a shared covenant.
Emphasize that the things people share in this UU Common Read workshop should remain private unless a speaker has given explicit permission to share something they say. This includes participants’ stated names and pronouns, unless these are already known and used outside the group.
Lead a one word/phrase introduction and check-in. It might be helpful to write and display these check-in directions on a whiteboard or newsprint sheet:
Name
Preferred Name or Nickname (answer "same" if they are the same)
Pronouns
Think of a favorite item of clothing, and fill in: "I feel like [insert human or imaginary superhero name] when I wear my [insert favorite clothing item]."
Word Activity, Revisited (5 minutes)
Return to the sticky note collection of gendered words created as people arrived. Give the participants one minute to add another sticky note if they desire. Now lead the group to divide the words into two categories.
- Words associated with humans, plants, animals, or things (like man, girl, etc.). In other words, things a human or other entity might BE.
- Words associated with actions or behaviors (uncle, actress, mansplain, etc). In other words, things an entity might DO.
Form a third group for any words that do fit into either category.
Ask the group if they think there is a large difference between the two categories. Are we born into a gender or gender identity or is a word like man as much an assumed set of actions, roles, or characteristics as a word like actress that describes a specific job, in this case for women. Take a few minutes and discuss differences or similarities.
Invite the group to keep these words in mind as they move through the four parts of this program. If you will be able to keep the words displayed from session to session, invite the group to return to the words when they meet for the last session. It's possible their time with Authentic Selves may change their perceptions or feelings about some words.
Musical Engagement: “Cameron” video by Jillette Johnson (10 minutes)
Play the video for the song, “Cameron” by Jillette Johnson (4:10).
After the video, ask:
What words or images struck you or reminded you of any experiences you have had with family, friends, people at this congregation or school, or strangers?
Point out that the song shares ideas of what is right or wrong in gender identity. Share this Authentic Selves quote from Rhett Bolen (he/him, 18-years-old, member of the Confederated Salish and Kootenai tribes in Montana):
“From when you first learn to talk, certain ideas [about their gender] are ground into kids’ minds. ‘Oh, you’re going to be a heartbreaker,’ or ‘Oh, you’re going to get all the girls.’ I think it is blatantly wrong to grind these ideas into children’s minds when they are so young.”
Invite the youth to name some things they have been told that exclusively affirm or promote male or female cisgender identities.
Then say:
Rhett Bolen goes on to say, “Those messages affected my mental health severely. From a very young age I started feeling very isolated because I felt like I had to hide.” Note that in the video Cameron is a normal human. The song says that it’s those around him who ridicule or judge him who are the “aliens” he confronts as a space explorer.
Invite the youth to recall a time when they learned something about their own identity or wanted to explore an aspect of who they are that did not match how others around them seemed to be. It could be about gender, or something else. Invite any volunteers to share an example.
Ask: What ways have other people helped your understanding or affirmed you, as you’ve tried things out?
Assumption Game, adapted from GLSEN (15 minutes)
State that humans often make assumptions about others and often those assumptions are incorrect. Distribute copies of the handout “How to Tell if it’s a Guess, Assumption, Expectation or Assignment” (from Gender Wheel) and take two or three minutes to discuss it.
Then, invite the group to participate in a game about assumptions. This game requires a larger space where people can move around. Designate one person to read two or three of the questions and direct the assembled group to quickly divide themselves according to what is said. The group will have to talk to each other to determine commonality.
Note: If someone in the group has mobility challenges, you can do this activity using different colors of index cards. Invite youth to hold up different colors to show their answers.
- What is your favorite color?
- What is your favorite drink?
- What pets do you like the best: dog, cat, hamster, fish, goat, bird… or something else?
- Which subject is your favorite in school?
- Outside of school, do you prefer doing sports? reading? music? crafts? socializing?… or something else?
- Do you usually walk? wheel? take a bus? drive? or catch a ride with family or friends to get to school?
Point out any diversity of answers among the group. Ask if the youth had realized the different kinds of diversity in the room. Say that there are many kinds of diversity everywhere humanity gathers; sometimes we fail to recognize that and we make assumptions about one another.
Ask the youth to grab paper and a pencil if they wish to make notes during a private reflection. Say they will not be asked to share what they reflect or write. When they are ready, tell them they will have one minute to think or write about this question:
- When is a time you found out that someone else made an assumption about you? How did you find out? How did you feel?
Bring the group back. After reflecting on their own experiences, do any youth have ideas about how assumptions can cause harm? What can youth do to prevent making assumptions in their lives? Lead a discussion.
“I Am” Poem (10 minutes)
Tell the group you will give them a poem-writing template, adapted from one used by mental health providers and in college classes to help people think of their own identity in new ways. Say there are many aspects of ourselves that we might think about in a new way; this exercise is about our gender and gender identity.
Distribute Handout 2-1: "I Am" Poem Template. Give the youth five minutes to begin filling it out. Invite them to move to another seat in the room if it will help them reflect and write. Invite them not to rush but to think deeply on each response. If they do not have time to fill it all in now, they can complete the remainder later.
After five minutes, re-gather the group. Invite each person to share all or part of their poems. Assure them it is fine to say “Pass” or “Pass for now.”
Ask youth how it felt to think of themselves in these different terms. Invite youth to take their poems home and keep writing or totally rewriting their poems. Say you’ll invite them to bring their poems back to share and discuss in a later session.
Sharing Wisdom to Build a Safer World (20 minutes)
Say:
Many of the trans and nonbinary people who participated in Authentic Selves share stories of difficulty telling their families of their gender identity. Several of the families share about their grief or other reactions to their child or loved one’s disclosure. Let's meet some of the people in the book.
Play the video, “Introduction to a Small Author’s Panel of Book Participants” (5:00).
After the video, say:
Think about times in your own life when you had to share something difficult with important people you cared about. How did sharing make you feel? In what ways was the result good? In what ways did sharing feel bad?
Explain that people in the book, Authentic Selves, spoke their truth. Mention that the world we live in can make truth-telling hard or unsafe; many voices in media and society today are trying to restrict transgender and nonbinary people or shame them for being authentic.
Say:
Now we are going to consider some pieces of advice from the people in the book. As we hear what they've said, please keep two questions in mind:
- What advice might help transform the world into a safer place for all people?
- How do their ideas align with our shared UUA values?
Ask for volunteers to read several quotes from these, below.
- Josef Wolf Burwell (he/him): “Nowadays, the number of young people identifying as trans or nonbinary is growing exponentially, and by joining this wider community, they have far more knowledge, power, and influence. My advice to trans and nonbinary people is advice I have given to myself repeatedly: Believe in yourself and respect yourself for exactly who you are. Ask questions, listen to answers even when they seem to conflict, keep exploring and learning, and be flexible and patient with your evolving self.” (page 48-49)
- Lana Patel (she/her): “There is so much about me beyond my trans identity. Being a trans woman is a part of me but not all of me. My advice to allies is to be there for us, protect and defend us. We need you to walk next to us but even more, walk in front of us. Be our first line of defense. Open doors and opportunities and provide us seats at the table so we can make real change. Too many people call themselves an ally during Pride season but don’t help us where it’s needed. Don’t be a rainbow sticker ally. Truly support us. Ally is a verb, not a noun.” (page 220)
- Jozeppi Angelo Morelli (he/him): “I believe it is our duty as adults to encourage young people and give them platforms to speak truth to power. Even though many young trans and nonbinary people are resilient thanks to the creation of positive peer groups and online communities, we adults need to take more responsibility to help create safe, affirming spaces to allow these youth to just be kids and thrive. We need to listen and learn from them.” (page 83)
- Jerry Cox Gonzales (he/him, Ted Rau’s partner): “What people need is to find ways of spending enough time together so that assumptions and stereotypes get replaced by actual experiences with real human beings. It is only then that we can realize that we are all seeking to meet the same universal human needs and that we are inevitably all interconnected.” (page 186)
- Robert Williams (they/them): “Trans and nonbinary people cannot be placed into a box designed to fit in a cisgender binary system. It is important to introduce language that protects and recognizes us in legislation, but the end goal is to get us to a place where gender is not a category that constrains us. Trans and nonbinary youth deserve the same opportunities as their cisgender counterparts. By creating environments where trans and nonbinary people are made uncomfortable in terms of using bathrooms and playing sports at school, we only further damage what could be a healthy environment for young folks to grow in.” (pages 207-208)
After reading several quotes, repeat the question, "Which ideas could help transform the world into a safer place for all people?" Lead a short discussion.
Then ask, "What advice would you want to share with the world?" Give the youth a little time to write their advice down, then invite volunteers to share.
Part I of the four-part UU Youth Group Common Read program ends here.
If your group is finished for the day, share any information you need to about the next meeting. Then, close this time together with Closing words of your choice; if you wish, use Closing words from either of the Authentic Selves UU Common Read discussion guides for adults. Extinguish the chalice.
If you are doing the program in two sessions, you are midway through Session 1 and one-quarter through the entire program. Take your bio and snack break now, then proceed into Session 1b, Part II of the program.
Bio and Snack Break (15 minutes)
Session 1b (Part II of the program)
NOTE: This section runs 60 minutes without an Opening. If this is a new gathering, you may repeat Opening words from Session 1, Part I; choose a reading from one of the Common Read discussion guides for adults; or provide your own Opening/Chalice Lighting.
In your Opening, remind youth of your covenant and particular guidelines around confidentiality.
Definitions (10 minutes)
Distribute Handout 1-2: Some Definitions. Invite volunteers to read definitions aloud.
Point out that terms and definitions related to gender non-binaries and transitioning evolve quickly. Acknowledge that this list offers some important, basic terms but is incomplete. Invite the group’s questions and their suggestions of other terms and definitions that could be added to this list.
If you don’t know a word or aren’t sure of a term's meaning, tell the youth you will find out more, and remember to follow up.
History of Gender Diversity, Changing Nature of Language (20 minutes)
For this activity, we recommend allowing one youth per small group to use a phone or tablet to complete research. Also, this is the activity where you will need the bowl and small sheets of paper, each with one of the following names printed on it.
Share with the group:
On page 246 of Authentic Selves, Ashlee Page (she/her) writes: “The way I explain being transgender is that gender is not just your body parts. When we are born, people only look at our anatomy to determine our gender. My gender identity is what feels natural to me and makes me who I am.
"If you were to ask somebody if they’re left-handed or right-handed, they’re going to come up with a response unless they are ambidextrous. As a lefty, someone might ask me, ‘How do you know that you are left-handed?’ I’d have to answer, ‘It has always felt right to me that I write with my left hand. It feels more comfortable. It feels more natural.’ And it’s the same thing about gender.”
Say:
One misperception about transgender and nonbinary people is that they only exist in the modern era of the world. But gender expansive people have always existed. Being cisgender or transgender are just two of the many beautiful forms of humankind. The diversity and complexity of gender in human history is well documented.
For example let’s look at Diva, a magazine for LGBTQIA women and non-binary people.
Pull up the web page, Top Ten Trans History Facts. Tell the group that these facts are often ignored by those who oppose the dignity, humanity, and rights of people under the transgender umbrella of identities.
Invite a volunteer to read aloud the first fact: “There are countless examples of people living outside of conventional gender binaries across the world.”
Say:
It is also a historical truth that many Indigenous communities had nonbinary understandings of gender when they were colonized by the nations of Europe. Many were forced to conform and abandon sacred beliefs. In our time, some communities have begun restoring their traditional gender identities.
When some people push for our laws to include a rigidly binary understanding of gender, that is a perpetuation of colonization.
Spend up to five minutes discussing the list. Ask the youth what information they already knew and what surprises them. Share the information below as fits your group’s knowledge.
- Today 0.6% of the world’s population are transgender. 1 in 2000 people are born Intersex. A 2020 study by the Trevor foundation found that 26% of youth between 13 and 24 in the United States are nonbinary and nonbinary people are 11% of the LGBTQ people between 18 and 60. Many youth have a close friend, family member, or are part of this rising demographic, but it is not new; people living outside the binary understanding of gender have always existed.
- Part of the difficulty is that much of the language used by people to describe themselves was lost or changed over time. The loss of words for different gender identities does not mean people who would today be called transgender did not exist.
Now, explain the activity. You can say:
We are going to explore some of the numerous stories of gender diversity from across history. Partner with one or two other people and draw a name from the bowl. Spend five minutes online researching the person named. Make notes of important information. Note the sources for your information, too.
After five minutes we will all come back together and you can share what you’ve learned.
Leader Suggestion: After this gathering, you might share any un-researched names by setting it on a table and inviting the youth to write down the names or take a picture of the list with their phones before they leave. Or, share the full list with the group via email.
- Eleanor Rykener/John
- Lou/Louisa May Alcott
- Albert D.J. Cashier
- Chevalier d’Eon
- Mary Jones (NY, 1784-1864
- Frances Thompson (1860’s, former enslaved woman, Congress)
- Ardhanarishvara
- Elagabalus
- Marinos/Marina the Monk
- Herculine Barbin
After the groups have done their research, re-gather so youth can share what they learned.
To close this activity, read or ask a volunteer to read this quote from Rev. Louis Mitchell (he/him), a transgender man who is one of the people in Authentic Selves:
“Throughout history, those of us who are in the gender kaleidoscope have always been created to be the ones who move around all the crossroads of life to apply clarity, correction, and healing. Genderfluid or gender nonconforming people have always been the people at the intersections of so many cultures around the world.” (page 350)
Or, you can play this video of Louis offering advice to future generations (YouTube, 1:34) as an elder.
The Science of Gender (20 minutes)
Say:
From the moment we are born (and now even when we are still in production, through ultrasounds and gender reveal parties), other people have a need to declare “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” Following that start in life as one or the other, people are taught expectations for their behaviors, depending on which category they were assigned to at birth. But around the world, many gender identities that were not just male or female were lost (as explored in the previous section). As we continue the work of reclaiming these different identities, knowing the science is important.
Read Joy Ladin’s (she/her) quote from Authentic Selves (p. 275): “None of the identities that any culture gives us perfectly fit us as individuals or perfectly fit us our entire lives. Being trans of nonbinary are just different ways of being fully human.” Explain that that truth is even clearer when we understand the science and history of gender and gender identity.
Then take a few minutes to watch one of the videos below. Before you play the video, explain that science is not fixed; more is being learned and will be learned about the science of gender. Tell the group that even some of the terms used in these videos, like “biological sex,” are being challenged as not fully accurate as the study of gender and gender identity continues. For groups that use Our Whole Lives (OWL), some of these facts might be known.
“The Science of Being Transgender,” (YouTube) from AsapSCIENCE (4:20)
What We Know About Gender Identity According to Science from Seeker (4:44)
Guide the youth to process what they have learned. Use these questions:
- Why do you think so many people are stuck on the idea of only two allowed gender identities (male and female)?
- What could happen if the world shifts away from this binary understanding?
Read the illustrated children's book, Julián is a Mermaid, by Jessica Love or use this video from Story Time With Ms. Jay (2:22)
After the story, ask:
- Knowing the history and science behind gender is important, but it is even more important to love and support people even if we do not understand. How does Abuela do that in this story?
Say something like:
As we come to the end of this time together, I want you to keep the people of Authentic Selves in your hearts and minds, along with what we've learned. Before we meet again for this Common Read, I ask that you try to do one of these things:
- Think of ways we could support our transgender youth in our local community. Find out what support our community already offers for transgender youth.
- In 2016, Paul Jenkins and Leila Leiz introduced a new comic book series, “The Story of Chalice.” The title character is a young transgender woman trying to navigate becoming her true self as a transgender person. Her being named after an important part of our Unitarian Universalist traditions may not be intentional, but it is cool. You may want to read the graphic novel.
- Finally, please take some time during our break to explore real life superheroes who are helping support gender expansive people. Where are the supportive places, and who is making them happen?
Closing (10 minutes)
Show the video, “Advice to Teens” (Vimeo, 4:02). Make sure the youth know that the speakers are a panel of people from Authentic Selves. In this segment, their comments are directly speaking to the young people doing this UU Common Read.
For a Closing reading, share A Blessing for Queer Youth of Faith by Cathy Rion Starr, used with permission. You may wish to share slides with the text of this blessing, available on the Side with Love website.
Say that the Rev. Cathy Rion Starr is a queer and genderqueer white minister, organizer, and parent who coordinates the Volunteer Squads with the UUA's Side with Love Action Center. Tell the group that our closing blessing was written for queer youth of faith, and, the writer is sharing it with our Authentic Selves group along with a message to us.
Then, share their message:
Black, lesbian, feminist writer Audre Lorde talks about “a mythical norm, which each one of us within our hearts knows ‘that is not me.’” In that sense, queer means anyone who doesn’t fit that “mythical norm.”
This blessing is for you in your wholeness and authenticity, however you identify. This blessing is for all of us. May you receive the blessings here.
Now, share the reading:
Bless you, for who you are, right now, right here.
Bless you in your queerness, your genderfabulousness, your questioning, wondering, exploring, declaring. Bless you in the words you create and evolve and claim for yourself. May you relish your divinity as you dismantle binaries and create beautiful worlds of infinite possibilities. May those of us who are not queer respect you, learn from you, and show up for you as you need.
Bless you in your youth, your brilliance, your ideas, your curiosity, your incredible leadership right now (let alone what is to come). May you be fortified in the face of adultism and may you inhabit the fullness of your being. May those of us who are not youth respect you, learn from you, and show up for you as you need.
Bless you in your faith, your precious connection with the sacred, tradition, community, belief and action that guides your life and holds you through the storms and celebrations of life. May your faith sustain you when your faith tradition honors you and when it harms you. May those who hold faiths that judge you come to know how very sacred and perfect you are. May those of us from all sorts of faith traditions respect you, learn from you, and show up for you as you need.
May all of us — queer and straight, trans and cis, young – younger – old and elder, faithful and faith-allergic — bless you as your full, beautiful, queer, young, sacred self.
Bless you as YOU. Know that you are enough right now, right here; and you are ever evolving, growing, deepening as your imperfectly perfect self.
May we bless all queer youth of faith, all queer youth, all queer and trans and questioning people, all youth on our collective journey towards liberation.
May you be blessed with the glitter of joy, dances of liberation, bricks of safety, and the nourishment of radical love.
After the reading, extinguish the chalice.