The second session for trans and nonbinary participants starts with opportunities for them to share their favorite stories from the book. It then invites them to talk about their own stories, first with a guided poetry activity and then with a broader discussion. The goal here is to situate queer experiences within the practice of storytelling, and to make it clear that storytelling is for all of us, not just people who’ve been selected for inclusion in a shiny book.

Materials

• Name tags and markers
• Chalice and a way to light it
• Copies of Handout 1-1: The 8 Guidelines for Equity and Inclusion, and Covenant for any new participants
• Copies of Handout 2-1: “I Am” Poem Template for each participant
• Pens or pencils
• Timer
• (optional) Newsprint and markers, or a whiteboard and dry erase markers

Preparation

• Make one copy of the closing words, for a participant to read.
• (optional) Prepare five sheets of newsprint (or slides, for online meetings), each with one of these sets of discussion questions:
• What struck you about this story? What parts resonated with your own lived experience? What parts were outside your experience?
• Does your poem express who you are, in part or in full? What line bears a lot of meaning for you? What parts of you are missing?
• What was uncomfortable? Were there any places where you took an easy option over an uncomfortable option?
• Would you feel comfortable sharing this poem with an audience? What kind of audience would make it more comfortable?
• Have you ever shared your story in a context where you felt safe? Has your sense of safety changed over time?

Session at a Glance

Chalice Lighting (5 mins)

Gather the group to begin the session. Use this chalice lighting to distinguish between the unstructured, milling-around time of people showing up and saying hello and the more focused time of the discussion group.

Either light the chalice yourself or ask one of the participants (perhaps the chattiest one) to do so, while you share the following reading: “A True Story,” by Li Kynvi (they/them), student minister in residence at the First Parish Church of Groton, Massachusetts, and a hospice music therapist.

This chalice is for the living,

the changing,

the becoming.

This chalice is for losing the script of your life,

the chapters about who you are

in other people’s stories.

This chalice is for the lost GPS

that was supposed to show you how to get

where they expected you to go.

This chalice is for skipping the directions,

coloring outside the lines,

painting—not by number—but by silence,

by wild abandon,

with a brush you made yourself

from light deep inside.

Startling.

Vivid.

A new voice

that already knows you.

Finally, a true story.

Revisiting Our Covenant (5 mins)

Say something like:

The first order of business is to revisit the covenant we established in the first session.

If you’ve ever been in a UU small group or similar meeting, chances are you’re familiar with participating in a covenant. The covenants that we make are always important, but this discussion group is going to deal with a number of sensitive topics— identity, love, oppression, hope, and power—and so we need to be especially mindful about how we covenant for these discussions.

Distribute Handout 1-1: 8 Guidelines for Equity and Inclusion, and Covenant to anyone who was not in the first session.

Check-Ins (10 mins)

Say something like:

In a moment we’re going to go around the room and check in. If you’ve ever been in a room with a bunch of trans and nonbinary people making introductions, you know that we can probably fill the whole timeslot just sharing our stories of coming out and transitioning. And we will get there, but we’re going to spread it out over all three remaining sessions. Our goal right now is brevity.

This is also a self-identified affinity group, which means everyone here chose this group because of their internal sense of identity, which they may not yet be ready to share. We are going to hold everyone in this group in love and patience. Nobody has to prove that they belong here.

So right now, please give us the name and pronouns that you’d like us to use to refer to you tonight. If we shouldn’t use that name or those pronouns outside of tonight’s session, please let us know. We’ve got you. If you would like to, feel free to add whatever gender labels you prefer and how long you’ve been out, if you are.

Go around the room, giving each participant time to introduce themselves. Limit elaboration; as soon as each person is done, call on the next. Remind the group after every two or three people that introductions are “name, pronouns, and maybe gender labels and how long you’ve been out.” Have participants make name tags for themselves with the name and pronouns they have indicated.

Sharing: Favorite Stories in Authentic Selves (20 mins)

This sharing segment allows participants to talk about their experience reading Authentic Selves. By offering a concrete topic to focus conversation, it breaks the ice and helps participants connect with one another.

Say something like:

In a moment we’re going to break into pairs and trios to discuss favorite stories from the book. Before that, we’re going to go around the room one more time. Share the name of a person or family whose story had a big impact on you, and try to summarize in a single sentence what resonated with you. So you might say something like “I enjoyed Parker Glick’s story and how he wove together his understanding and activism around gender, sexuality, and disability.” Or simply “Genny Beemyn. They remind me of my own story.”

Go around the room as described. Then have the group break out into twos or threes, ideally without grouping together people who picked the same story. Once the groups are formed, tell them that they will have about 10 minutes to talk, and they don’t have to stick to just one of the stories in the book but can speak of the experiences across multiple stories.

Share the following discussion questions:

• What struck you about this story?
• What parts resonated with your own lived experience?
• What parts were outside your experience?

You might also display these questions on newsprint or a whiteboard for everyone’s ease of reference.

After 5 minutes, announce that you are halfway through the discussion time. Suggest that if one person has been doing the bulk of the talking, it’s time for them to listen.

After 5 more minutes, gather everyone’s attention. Say something like:

Think of a time when you shared your story. Even if you haven’t been interviewed for a book, we humans tell our stories in lots of contexts. Dating involves sharing your story. Coming out or just being visibly trans or nonbinary often includes sharing our stories. Raising kids or serving on committees or talking with our elected representatives can also entail sharing our stories. So describe a time you shared your story, and what that experience was like.

Give the groups 5 minutes to share.

Reflective Writing: “I Am” Poem (20 mins)

Distribute Handout 2-1: “I Am” Poem Template and writing implements.

Introduce this activity by saying something like:

An “I Am” poem offers a structure to describe yourself in poetry through repetitions of the phrase “I am.” There are many versions; ours focuses on gender.[1]

Give 8 minutes for writing. You might choose to play music from the playlist during the writing time.

Gather the group back together and ask them to discuss what the process of writing their poems was like, and what feelings writing it brought up for them. Explain that the discussion will proceed through the process of mutual invitation. One person will speak first, and then invite another person to share. That person can choose to speak or to say “pass for now” if they’re not ready, or just “pass” if they don’t want to speak at all. Whatever they choose, they then invite another person to share. This continues until everyone who wishes to has spoken. Ask for a volunteer to begin.

If you are running ahead of schedule, you might invite some or all of the participants to read their poem to the group. Be clear that anyone may choose not to share.

Discussion: Telling Our Diverse Stories (20 mins)

Create small groups of three or four people each. If everyone’s “I Am” poems were not shared with the whole group, invite group members to share their poems with one another before you introduce the discussion questions.

Say something like:

These small groups will let us talk about our poems and the experience of sharing our stories through them. I have four sets of questions to guide that discussion. The first set is about what gets included, the second set is about your comfort with the exercise itself, and the last two are about comfort sharing with others. We’ll have about 5 minutes for each set. Here’s the first.

Share one set of questions at a time, following each set with 5 minutes of discussion time—or a little less, if groups needed time to share their poems.

• Does your poem express who you are, in part or in full? What line bears a lot of meaning for you? What parts of you are missing?
• What was uncomfortable? Were there any places where you took an easy option over an uncomfortable option?
• Would you feel comfortable sharing this poem with an audience? What kind of audience would make it more comfortable?
• Have you ever shared your story in a context where you felt safe? Has your sense of safety changed over time?

You might also display the questions on newsprint or a whiteboard. In this case, do not display them all at once, which can be overwhelming for participants. Instead, write out or reveal each set as you go.

When time is up, gather the whole group together again. Tell participants that they will return to these poems in Session Four. Either gather them up to hold for participants, photograph them before people leave, or just emphasize that people should hold on to them and bring them to the final session.

Next Moves (5 mins)

Say something like:

This book is about sharing stories that often don’t get told. During this session we’ve not only talked about the book’s stories, but we’ve also shared our own stories. Some of us have shared our stories outside this group, as well. So to close, I’d like us to consider our broader community and how it receives our stories. What does our community do well when it comes to receiving stories of diverse experiences? What can our community do better in this regard?

Try to keep each person’s comments brief and invite participants to use mutual invitation. Discussions of this topic can easily collapse into perseverating over frustrations; if people linger on a complaint, try to acknowledge it and move the conversation onward.

Closing and Chalice Extinguishing (5 mins)

If you have not collected or photographed the “I Am” poems, remind participants again to keep them safe.

Then say something like:

Before we close, I’d like to take a moment to encourage you to read more of the book if you haven’t yet finished it. This book is not small, and fitting a read of this size into a busy life is not easy. That’s why having finished the book is not a requirement for participation in this group. But the good news is that the whole book is made out of little chunks, and you can read one story in 5 or 10 minutes. So please read up; it makes these discussion groups so much better for all of us.

Then ask one participant to extinguish the chalice while another rereads the conclusion of the opening words:

This chalice is for skipping the directions,

coloring outside the lines,

painting—not by number—but by silence,

by wild abandon,

with a brush you made yourself

from light deep inside.

Startling.

Vivid.

A new voice

that already knows you.

Finally, a true story.

Close by thanking participants and saying that you look forward to the next session.