This final session focuses on understanding what it means to come to a place of radical acceptance and affirmation. Participants will revisit their “I Am” poems from Session Two and understand that for most transgender and nonbinary people—including the authors in Authentic Selves—authenticity comes with great joy and self-acceptance. When experienced around one’s gender, these feelings are called gender euphoria.

As people arrive, we suggest that you play “Gender Euphoria” (YouTube), by Ceréna. Ana Ceréna Sierra is a Canadian Metis performer who advocates for wider acceptance of transgender musicians and performers.

Materials

• Chalice and a way to light it
• Name tags and markers
• Copies of the group covenant, for new participants
• Laptop or other way to show the video
• “I Am” poems written in Session Two
• Lined paper, if you choose the third option in the Next Steps activity

Preparation

• Make copies of the group covenant to share with any new participants joining in this session.
• Decide what you want to highlight about the group covenant and prepare to say something brief about it in the covenant review.
• Prepare to show the video “Retrospective on Telling Their Stories for Authentic Selves.”
• If any participants missed Session Two and did not write an “I Am” poem, send them Handout 2-1 in advance and ask them to write one and bring it to this session.
• If you collected or took pictures of participants’ “I Am” poems, bring one copy of each.
• Choose one of the options for the Next Steps activity. If you choose option 1, find out what your congregation is currently doing to welcome, include, and support trans and nonbinary people.
• Prepare five slides or sheets of newsprint, one for each of these sets of discussion questions.
  First set:
  • When have you felt most whole and truly yourself? When have you felt most authentic in your gender? Does the term gender euphoria resonate for you?
  • What do you celebrate about your gender? What do you enjoy about your gender?
  • If you haven’t celebrated or felt whole in your gender or your identity, what would doing that be like for you?
  • What would you like to explain about gender to your younger self?
  • How can we help people of all genders and identities celebrate themselves? How can we celebrate each other?

Second set:

• How did one of the stories in Authentic Selves give you hope, either for its author or for yourself?
• What stories in Authentic Selves gave you greater understanding or helped you learn something new, either about yourself or about someone different from yourself?
• How do stories and the sharing of stories help bridge gaps and build understanding?

Third set:

• When have you felt safe to share a vulnerable story, and what helped you feel that way? What lessons on storytelling and story sharing do you take from that?
• How can we reduce the amount of emotional labor demanded of marginalized people and invite, support, and celebrate their storytelling?

Fourth set:

• Does this poem tell your story?
• What might you change in it now, to better express your story?
• What audience could benefit most from your poem?

Fifth set:

• What did you learn from your engagement with this book and this group? What are your takeaways?
• What learning and growing is next for you? What are you still wrestling with?

Session at a Glance

Chalice Lighting (5 mins)

Ask people to make name tags for themselves as they arrive, and invite them to share their pronouns on their name tags. Before moving on to the chalice lighting, ask if anyone requests that the name or pronouns they have shared be kept confidential within the group during participation (this is an important protection for transgender or nonbinary people who might not be out publicly).

Light the chalice with these words from “A True Story,” by Li Kynvi(they/them), student minister in residence at the First Parish Church of Groton, Massachusetts, and a hospice music therapist.

This chalice is for the living,
the changing,
the becoming.
This chalice is for losing the script of your life,
the chapters about who you are
in other people’s stories.
This chalice is for the lost GPS
that was supposed to show you how to get
where they expected you to go.
This chalice is for skipping the directions,
coloring outside the lines,
painting—not by number—but by silence,
by wild abandon,
with a brush you made yourself
from light deep inside.
Startling.
Vivid.
A new voice
that already knows you.
Finally, a true story.

Covenant Review (5 mins)

Remind participants of the covenant that they created and have copies available, especially for any new participants.

Highlight any section of the covenant that seems important to you with your group. Keep your remarks brief and speak from your own experience and authenticity.

For instance, say something like:

One part of this covenant that I’d like to lift up for us all today is the section called “Practice Self-Focus.” I love this idea because it reminds me to get curious when I am feeling irritated or having a reaction to something someone else said or did. I find that when I do that I’m able to learn more both about myself and about other people.

Or:

One part of this covenant that feels important to me is “Confidentiality.” I always feel more able to share deeply when I know my stories aren’t going to be repeated elsewhere without my permission.

Check-Ins (10 mins)

Have participants offer brief check-ins, using mutual invitation. Ask them to share the name and pronouns they would like others to use today, and one way they express themselves or tell their story to the world. Check in first yourself, to model brevity.

Have participants make name tags for themselves with the name and pronouns they have indicated.

Gender Euphoria (20 mins)

Review the terms dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, gender euphoria, gender identity, and gender expression, which were included in Handout 1-2: Some Definitions. Each person should have a copy of it in their folders.

Then say something like:

We hear about gender dysphoria quite often, and it is true that this can be a great source of distress for many people. It is also true, and we are holding this truth with tenderness right now, that there are other ways that people can feel distress about their bodies. There are many kinds of dysmorphia. So for just one moment here, we pause to hold in tenderness and care the truth that some in this circle may have known pain, suffering, or trauma associated with some aspect of their body or gender.

Pause for a long moment of loving silence. Then continue:

And now we turn our attention to gender euphoria, which is less well known. Gender euphoria is when some aspect of your gender identity makes you feel whole, fulfilled, or simply happy. It is important to remember that joy and happiness are also part of the experience of trans and nonbinary people.

Divide participants into groups of three. Post or reveal the first set of questions, and have the groups discuss them for 10 minutes:

• When have you felt most whole and truly yourself? When have you felt most authentic in your gender? Does the term gender euphoria resonate for you?
• What do you celebrate about your gender? What do you enjoy about your gender?
• If you haven’t celebrated or felt whole in your gender or your identity, what would doing that be like for you?
• What would you like to explain about gender to your younger self?
• How can we help people of all genders and identities celebrate themselves? How can we celebrate each other?

Stories of Celebration (25 mins)

Show the video “Retrospective on Telling Their Stories for Authentic Selves.”

Post or reveal the second set of discussion questions:

• How did one of the stories in Authentic Selves give you hope, either for its author or for yourself?
• What stories in Authentic Selves gave you greater understanding or helped you learn something new, either about yourself or about someone different from yourself?
• How do stories and the sharing of stories help bridge gaps and build understanding?

Invite participants to discuss these questions about 10 minutes. Then say something like:

Storytelling can also be a form of emotional labor. Emotional labor is the usually invisible work that people are asked to do to manage their own emotions and actions in order to appease someone else. It’s the labor of behaving in a certain way, displaying certain feelings and suppressing others, to make another person comfortable. For instance, restaurant customers often expect waitstaff to be cheerful and friendly, and may penalize them by tipping badly or complaining to management if they’re not. People with marginalized identities are often expected to perform similar emotional labor to protect the feelings of more privileged people. Nonbinary and trans people may be expected to be “discreet”: not to be open about either their joy in their gender or any anger or pain they may feel.

Post or reveal the third set of discussion questions, and put people into pairs to discuss them for 10 minutes:

• When have you felt safe to share a vulnerable story, and what helped you feel that way? What lessons on storytelling and story sharing do you take from that?
• How can we reduce the amount of emotional labor demanded of marginalized people and invite, support, and celebrate their storytelling?

Revisiting the “I Am” Poems (10 mins)

If participants did not bring their “I Am” poems, give each person a copy of their poem. Post or reveal the fourth set of discussion questions and invite them to reflect on and journal about their poems for 10 minutes, using the questions as prompts. You may choose to play some music during this quiet time.

• Does this poem tell your story?
• What might you change in it now, to better express your story?
• What audience is your poembest suited to communicate with?

Next Steps (5 mins)

Tell participants that, as this final session comes to a close, it’s time to think about what the next steps might be. Then take 5 minutes for the option you have chosen.

Option 1: Existing support. Tell participants about the support resources available in your congregation and community for trans, nonbinary, gender-expansive, and gender-questioning people and their families. Revisit Handout 3-1: Support Resources, which participants should have in their folders; if you created a handout of your own for Session Three listing local resources, revisit it as well. Show any relevant pages on your congregation’s website, and suggest ways that participants can get involved in support groups and activities if they wish.

Option 2: Additional support. Ask these discussion questions and have participants respond. Take notes to send to the group afterward.

• What steps could make the congregation more welcoming, supportive, and celebratory of people of all gender identities?
• Where in your congregational system would you go to do that work?

Option 3: Personal support. Give participants paper and writing utensils, and invite them to reflect on what they personally could do to more fully support and welcome transgender and nonbinary people. Encourage them to think about how they could take those next steps.

Closing and Chalice Extinguishing (10 mins)

Post or reveal the fifth set of discussion questions, and invite the group to respond to them (if you have more than a dozen participants, break them into small groups):

• What did you learn from your engagement with this book and this group? What are your takeaways?
• What learning and growing is next for you? What are you still working through?

Share your gratitude with the group and read this prayer for the Trans Day of Visibility, by Mr. Barb Greve or you may play the video of the author reading it which is included in the Authentic Selves playlist.

Blessed are the trailblazers,
who brought us this far,
and are still trailblazing...
still celebrating.

Blessed are the drag queens and kings,
who remind us to not take life too seriously.

Blessed are the gender benders, non-binary,
gender fluid, and third-gender folk, those
who challenge us to reframe our gender
paradigm.

Blessed are the young ones,
who present fearlessly from the start.

Blessed are their parents,
who make space for freedom,
and love their children fiercely.

Blessed are the siblings and relatives,
who educate, support, and love us as we are.

Blessed are the gender queer youth,
who are struggling and persist.

Blessed are the 90-year-olds just coming out,
and those who have been out decades.

Blessed are those whose lives were cut too short,
may their stories live on through us.

Blessed are the survivors,
may they keep on living.

Blessed are the allies,
learning to be accomplices.

Blessed are those gathered here today,
witnessing,
learning,
celebrating.

May we all commit to continue showing up,
fighting for justice,
celebrating all the genders in life.

Amin.

Extinguish the chalice.