The UU Common Read discussion guide takes the themes of identity, authenticity, family, support, celebration, and the ongoing struggle for greater safety and inclusion for trans and nonbinary people and invites participants to reflect on their own identities and understandings of gender and family. This book is a collection of stories and through this discussion guide participants can also engage in storytelling as a faith development tool. How does telling your own story help you understand yourself more deeply? How does receiving the story of another help you learn and grow?

Session Outline

There are four workshop-style sessions in this track, which is designed for groups that may or may not include transgender or nonbinary people. Each session is designed to take around 90 minutes, but you could create more spaciousness by allowing two hours, with a break after the first hour. Sessions are most often offered once a week, but we encourage you to be creative in finding the best schedule for your community. No homework is required between sessions, except for those who might miss a session and wish to complete the exercises they missed.

This curriculum will require people with less knowledge of gender or gender identity to practice cultural humility, which is a process of self-exploration and critique as we learn in community with others.

Session One guides your group through creating a covenant and also offers a general introduction to concepts of gender. This is important background information to prepare the group to engage with the book, and even if your group is familiar with gender issues it is still good to review and have common language for the group to use together.

Session Two is an exploration of names and gender identity that invites participants into some storytelling exercises, helping them begin to engage with their own stories as well as the stories in the book.

Session Three turns to the concepts of family and support. It invites participants to reflect on what support can be and on what lessons about giving and receiving support they find in the book and in their own stories.

Session Four explores gender euphoria and how participants can celebrate themselves and their gender. It closes the curriculum with a celebration of the group and an invitation for participants to consider their next moves.

The discussion guide is primarily written with an in-person gathering in mind, while also including notes for online or hybrid facilitation. Some activities that are hands-on or expressive will need to be modified foronline participants; the guide notes where modifications would be necessary. If you are offering a hybrid program, you will need to consider the needs of both in-person and online participants and may want to offer a different option to each.

Video Content and Music

In addition to the book, the Common Read will engage with videos that were created with some of the authors from the book. These videos will be shown in Sessions Two and Four and help us deepen our engagement with the themes of storytelling and communal support. You will need away to stream or download them and show them to the group.

The curriculum suggests several music videos. All rights to these videos and songs are reserved by the original musicians; you can show them in in-person groups, but we advise you not to play them over a livestream. Use in a private, online setting should be fine. Many of these videos can be found on the Authentic Selves YouTube playlist.

Some Notes for the Facilitator

Avoid Outing People

The mixed group may include people who are trans, nonbinary, gender nonconforming, or gender questioning and are not out. Some identities and diversity may be obvious, or known to you as a facilitator, but others may not be so apparent. It is important to avoid speaking in ways that will inadvertently out another person. Make sure not to ask people to disclose personal details they would rather not share, and caution participants to use the same care.

Allow People to Share Their Own Stories

Even if you already know the people participating in the Common Read, you may not know their whole stories. Don’t make assumptions, and always keep diversity in mind. There is no “us” and “them”—every identity may be present as part of the discussion group.

Facilitate with Trauma Awareness

Holding trauma awareness, or being trauma-informed, means keeping in mind that people have experienced trauma around issues like their gender, gender identity, or family acceptance, and that their past or current trauma experiences may mean that some topics or discussions are difficult or stressful for them. When speaking about abuse, illness, or other difficult topics, remember that people in the group may be survivors or may struggle currently. When speaking about topics such as family, support, or celebration, remember that not everyone has a positive experience with them, and that an assumption that everyone does can be painful.

When practicing trauma-informed facilitation, we recommend following the Four Cs: calming, containing, caring, and coping. Calming means helping participants pay attention to how they are feeling, and if the group or some individuals are feeling stress, encouraging them to practice deep breathing or take a short break. Containing involves cutting off discussions that may bring up some participants’ memories of past trauma or make them feel pressured to disclose such trauma. Such conversations risk making some participants feel emotionally or physically unsafe. By limiting engagement with past trauma, you can contain further trauma. Caring means both practicing self-care and being compassionate to yourself and others. Both you as the facilitator and all participants deserve care. Coping means encouraging all participants to support one another if someone experiences trauma, helping all access their own tools of resiliency. To learn more about the Four C’s, please refer to the resources at ACES Aware and please visit the UU Mental Health Network for additional resources.

Preparation

First and foremost, we recommend reading the entire book, making notes of things that stand out to you in the stories. Once you have read the book, you can begin preparing for the curriculum.

As facilitator, you should read through all the sessions in advance. Each one lists the steps you should take to prepare and the materials you’ll need to have available. You may need to make copies of handouts, write discussion prompts on newsprint, or prepare slides to show online; for one session, you will need to gather art supplies or objects for a symbolic activity. Carefully read the sessions and allow adequate time to make these preparations.

Additionally, we encourage you to do your own personal spiritual preparation. How would you answer the questions or engage with the exercises in each session? Do any feelings of discomfort or distress come up for you? Give yourself time to process and work with those feelings before facilitating the session with others. Are there questions or exercises that you feel nervous about leading? How can you prepare yourself for them—do you need extra help or resources? Doing your own work ahead of time will allow you to be a calm, non-anxious, and caring facilitator for others as you engage in the work together.

Handouts and Other Materials

All handouts are included at the end of the full curriculum guide and are directly linked where they are used in the curriculum. They are labeled with the session number and the title of the material. There are seven handouts used or recommended in this curriculum, but only six are used in this mixed group track.

Group Size

This curriculum was developed following a covenant or small group ministry format. While it is not a strict rule, we believe that the format will work best with groups of no more than ten or twelve people. We do encourage UU communities to offer the curriculum as many times as needed for all members and friends who wish to participate. If you choose to work with a larger group, you may need to adapt some of the exercises and materials.