Avoiding Drama Trauma - Part 2
Here are some more tips for the savvy leader to learn how to recognize and respond to drama both in themselves and others. (adapted from the book The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers and Boss by Jim Warner & Kaley Klemp).
Controlling
Symptoms
- Wants to be in on every decision
- Impatient with others' learning curves or ideas; resists delegating
- More task-focused than relationship-focused
- Becomes angry or frustrated when challenged or confronted
Responses to Controlling Behavior as a Leader
- Give clear direction and boundaries for them within the context of the congregation's mission
- Be clear and direct when they violate those boundaries
- Require regular updates on progress
- Encourage and support them in empowering others
- Insist on their full support once a decision is made
Responses to a Controlling Leader
- Make sure they they get credit when it's their due
- Demonstrate your loyalty and support in helping to serve the congregation's mission
- Insist on clear agreements about what you are promising to do
- Respond positively when they delegate or show trust
Caretaking
Symptoms
- Takes on too many commitments
- Sacrifices their own health or wellbeing for the congregation
- Rushes in to fix or take over the minute someone is struggling -- doesn't allow others to grow and learn in the struggle
- Sets poor boundaries
Responses to Caretaking as a Leader
- Coach them to set good boundaries, for themselves and others
- Spend time on coaching -- help them to see how their overcommitment doesn't serve the mission
- Help them find healthy ways to caretake (e.g. writing thank-you notes) without overfunctioning
- Help to create an atmosphere where struggle and mistake-making in service of learning is encouraged
Responses to a Caretaking Leader
- Offer to take on specific tasks with clear limits and regular reports back to them
- Articulate and hold your own boundaries
- Model and call attention to your own practice of self-care
- Be supportive when they do set boundaries or say no to a new project