Avoiding Drama Trauma - Part 2

By Renee Ruchotzke

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Here are some more tips for the savvy leader to learn how to recognize and respond to drama both in themselves and others. (adapted from the book The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers and Boss by Jim Warner & Kaley Klemp).

Controlling

Symptoms

  • Wants to be in on every decision
  • Impatient with others' learning curves or ideas; resists delegating
  • More task-focused than relationship-focused
  • Becomes angry or frustrated when challenged or confronted

Responses to Controlling Behavior as a Leader

  • Give clear direction and boundaries for them within the context of the congregation's mission
  • Be clear and direct when they violate those boundaries
  • Require regular updates on progress
  • Encourage and support them in empowering others
  • Insist on their full support once a decision is made

Responses to a Controlling Leader

  • Make sure they they get credit when it's their due
  • Demonstrate your loyalty and support in helping to serve the congregation's mission
  • Insist on clear agreements about what you are promising to do
  • Respond positively when they delegate or show trust

Caretaking

Symptoms

  • Takes on too many commitments
  • Sacrifices their own health or wellbeing for the congregation
  • Rushes in to fix or take over the minute someone is struggling -- doesn't allow others to grow and learn in the struggle
  • Sets poor boundaries

Responses to Caretaking as a Leader

  • Coach them to set good boundaries, for themselves and others
  • Spend time on coaching -- help them to see how their overcommitment doesn't serve the mission
  • Help them find healthy ways to caretake (e.g. writing thank-you notes) without overfunctioning
  • Help to create an atmosphere where struggle and mistake-making in service of learning is encouraged

Responses to a Caretaking Leader

  • Offer to take on specific tasks with clear limits and regular reports back to them
  • Articulate and hold your own boundaries
  • Model and call attention to your own practice of self-care
  • Be supportive when they do set boundaries or say no to a new project

About the Author

Renee Ruchotzke

Rev. Renee Ruchotzke (ruh-HUT-skee) is a Congregational Life Consultant and program manager for Leadership Development.

For more information contact .