1 00:00:29,519 --> 00:00:32,799 Welcome to the Congregational Leaders conversation. 2 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,000 This month's program offers an opportunity to hear from 3 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,640 our experienced expert guest on a topic of interest to congregational 4 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,280 leaders, and be in conversation with them, and one 5 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,679 another about what you're noticing in your congregation and our congregations. 6 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:52,679 You can expect a variety of topics, questions, concerns, and ideas to be shared each month. 7 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,719 We do record these meetings and post them on 8 00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:57,799 our website for those who want to access them later. 9 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,640 If you hear something juicy and you want to bring it to your board. 10 00:01:00,719 --> 00:01:04,120 This video does not include the time we spend and breakout. 11 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,359 Um, I am QuianaDanae Perkins. 12 00:01:07,439 --> 00:01:09,719 I am in my pronouns are she and her. 13 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,359 I'm an African-American woman with colorful glasses. 14 00:01:13,439 --> 00:01:15,640 I have on a rainbow headband. 15 00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:17,719 You may see my locks. 16 00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:19,079 They're long and they go past the screen. 17 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,000 I'm wearing a blue shirt that has the word black family 5K on it. 18 00:01:23,079 --> 00:01:26,079 Um, I am physically in Ann Arbor, 19 00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:28,879 Michigan, but my heart is always in 612 Minneapolis. 20 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:32,599 Um, I currently served the Mid-America region. 21 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,200 Um, and I work primarily with our small congregations. 22 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,680 Um so that is me. 23 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,000 Tonight's gathering is an opportunity for all of us to practice some 24 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,799 of our key leadership skills that are essential for these times. 25 00:01:44,879 --> 00:01:48,040 We ask that you lean into those skills and 26 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,439 your interactions with others this evening and suggest following 27 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,280 the group norms, which you will find in our chat. 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,439 Our group norms include taking 29 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,079 care of yourself and extending grace to others at the same time, share 30 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:06,159 by choice, and it's okay to pause, share the time, and speak from your own experience. 31 00:02:06,239 --> 00:02:08,560 There's a couple of more in the chat 32 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,639 I'll let you read. 33 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,520 Here's a bit more information to 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,960 let you know what you can expect in our time together. 35 00:02:15,039 --> 00:02:19,960 Our tech host who just put all of those wonderful words in the chat is Ritoo. 36 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,479 Um, and I'm also here with my colleague Lauren, who should wave their hands. 37 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:29,360 Um, is also your other co-host, and the 3 of us will be with you every month. 38 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,520 This month, our guest facilitator is 39 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:37,560 our colleague Nao Bethea, who is the co-director of UUA's lifespan engagement office. 40 00:02:37,599 --> 00:02:40,159 And our guest speaker this evening. 41 00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:43,319 I know I shouldn't, but I need to tell you, this woman is 42 00:02:43,319 --> 00:02:46,560 absolutely amazing in every single way. 43 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:49,639 Is Aisha Hauser, who's currently serves 44 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,960 as one half of the church of the larger fellowship lead ministry 45 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,080 team and has held so many leadership roles in our movement. 46 00:02:56,159 --> 00:02:59,680 You will learn more about Neo in Aisha later in the program. 47 00:02:59,759 --> 00:03:02,879 This promises to be a rich conversation for all of us, 48 00:03:02,879 --> 00:03:07,199 and we are so glad they, you, and everyone has joined us tonight. 49 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:13,639 Thanks so much, QuianaDenae today. 50 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:16,719 It's such an exciting evening to be with you. 51 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,800 My name is Lauren Wyeth. 52 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,599 My pronouns are she or they. 53 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,680 I am a white person in my 54 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:28,039 mid 50s with blondish brown, curlyish, shoulder length hair. 55 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,360 Today I'm wearing a gray top, and I'm in my attic 56 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:35,919 office in South Minneapolis right now with 57 00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:39,560 a chalice behind me over one shoulder and a bulletin 58 00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:41,639 board behind me over the other. 59 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,400 Um, I serve on the Congregational Life 60 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:49,240 Mid-America team, alongside QuianaDanae, uh, 61 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,520 where I work primarily with our large congregations and serve 62 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,960 as the faith development specialist for our region as well. 63 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,080 Before we 64 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,560 dive into our program, we want to give you a sense of the evening's agenda. 65 00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:07,159 Ritoo is going to paste that into the chat for you. 66 00:04:07,199 --> 00:04:11,639 Coming up next, we'll take a few minutes to light our chalice and ground ourselves. 67 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,960 Then we'll take some time to reflect on what's happening in 68 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:19,199 our own congregations before introducing ourselves in small breakout groups. 69 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,240 When we come back together, we'll hear from our 70 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,800 guests for about half an hour and then following their conversation, 71 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,560 we'll have a chance to process, again, back in those same breakout groups. 72 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,839 And we'll return to the large group for Q and A. 73 00:04:35,319 --> 00:04:39,199 So let's settle in together. 74 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,279 I'll light a chalice in a moment. 75 00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:44,560 I want to offer this reading from 76 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,879 the Reverend Julián Jamaica Soto, from 77 00:04:48,879 --> 00:04:52,279 their lovely book, spilling the light, and 78 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,600 this is the title poem. 79 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:59,160 They write, some people are used to keeping rules. 80 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,920 Don't cross the street when the light is red. 81 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,000 Only sensible. 82 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,240 It turns out that keeping rules 83 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:10,399 isn't the same as keeping covenant, which asks 84 00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:14,279 us, instead of keeping a bright line, to keep our promises. 85 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,959 To what have we promised ourselves? 86 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,920 To this moment in time and place? 87 00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:26,959 To this community, and even tenderly interconnected this planet. 88 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,399 We promise ourselves to the idea that 89 00:05:30,399 --> 00:05:32,959 we are each and all human beings. 90 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,279 We promise that there is something moving between 91 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:39,439 us that we cannot tame, and cannot measure. 92 00:05:39,519 --> 00:05:42,920 The chalice is a reminder that 93 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,759 what flame we keep inside us cannot light the way, the 94 00:05:46,759 --> 00:05:48,959 light must spill to shine. 95 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,199 The thing you must be is yourself. 96 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:55,399 Unadulterated, shedding the willingness to journey 97 00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:59,279 alone, as though you are made of something hard and unforgivable. 98 00:05:59,439 --> 00:06:01,439 You are human. 99 00:06:01,439 --> 00:06:04,519 You belong right here, right now. 100 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,600 And together, we will chase away 101 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,879 the sickness, the secrets, and leave only 102 00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:16,160 the open possibility that the future is a space for growth. 103 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:39,600 What is something that you recently repaired? 104 00:06:39,639 --> 00:06:42,759 So you'll take just a minute for each 105 00:06:42,759 --> 00:06:48,040 person, for each round, if you have any time remaining at the end, you can use that for conversation. 106 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,639 And we'll head out into those breakout groups now. 107 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,680 Welcome, welcome back, one and all. 108 00:06:56,759 --> 00:07:01,600 Um, I'm Nao Bethea, and grateful to be here tonight with Aisha. 109 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,920 Um, I use they them pronouns 110 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,319 and as QuianaDanae introduced me earlier on 111 00:07:08,319 --> 00:07:12,639 the UUA's lifespan faith engagement office, co-director. 112 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,959 I am a person in my 113 00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:19,839 early 40s with curly, shoulder 114 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:23,560 length, brown hair and brown eyes. 115 00:07:23,639 --> 00:07:26,680 I am a multiracial person 116 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,439 with round features and wearing a black sweater 117 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,800 with yellow sleeves tonight. 118 00:07:32,879 --> 00:07:36,120 Um, And 119 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,759 I'm in Tallahassee, Florida. 120 00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:42,959 Um, which is the land of the Appalachia 121 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:46,600 and Muscogee, and Aisha, I believe. 122 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,120 Are you still on the other? 123 00:07:49,839 --> 00:07:52,959 I am in the land of the Coast Salish people, also known as 124 00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:56,319 home of the Super Bowl champions, the Seattle Seahawks. 125 00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:58,399 I live in Seattle proper. 126 00:07:58,399 --> 00:08:00,160 Not to brag or anything. 127 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:07,040 And Aisha, Aisha and I go way back. 128 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,120 I think we probably met each other for the 1st 129 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,879 time either at LREDA or finding our way home or something like that. 130 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:17,480 And, um, so Aisha has uh, 131 00:08:17,519 --> 00:08:20,800 been the president of the Liberal Religious Educators 132 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000 Association. 133 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,680 Was it only once twice? 134 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,480 Well, I was secretary many years ago, and then I was president. 135 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,560 So I've been on the LREDA board twice, but... 136 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,679 I knew there was more than one. 137 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,000 Um, and as 138 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:40,080 QuianaDanae said earlier, is the, one of the, 139 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,600 uh, one half of the lead minister role, uh, team 140 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:48,440 at the Church of the Larger Fellowship, our online congregation. 141 00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:53,320 And um, Aisha, are there other things you want us to know about you? 142 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,399 Um, Yeah, your visual description. 143 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,440 Yeah. 144 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,480 So I am a brown woman with, I am wearing pink glasses 145 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,480 today, bright orange earrings, uh, blond curly hair pulled back. 146 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:08,159 That's mostly black, some gray, because I am middle-aged, literally 55 147 00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:12,480 years old, um, and I'm wearing a shirt that says church of the larger fellowship. 148 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:16,159 So, um, I think that's all I wanted to say. 149 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:20,919 Uh, yeah, I've really, really, Humbled 150 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:24,440 and, um, appreciative that you invited me to be in this conversation 151 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,960 and I do want to give a shout out to the people that I know in the, in who are attending. 152 00:09:29,039 --> 00:09:31,039 So thank you all. 153 00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,480 Hugs to those of you who I know, you know who you are. 154 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,720 That's sweet when 155 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,639 we're able to be together, um, even virtually. 156 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:45,639 And um, I'm really happy that we get to discuss this topic together. 157 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,720 Um, I know and have been watching 158 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,320 um, from a little bit of a distance, um, that restorative 159 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,559 justice is one piece of this larger, uh, 160 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:02,919 conversation, the congregational study action issue for like the next, is it the next 2 years? 161 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,639 We are talking about that. 162 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:10,639 We just had a meeting about the officially in the bylaws. 163 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,320 It's another, after this one, another year, but 164 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,960 we're hoping that maybe it can be 165 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,240 extended another year so that folks have ample time to talk about it. 166 00:10:21,279 --> 00:10:24,320 Yeah, so, uh, for those of you who 167 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,960 aren't familiar, this is a, a process that we go through where 168 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,120 we study an issue and the topic, um, 169 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,840 that we're talking about is abolition, transformation, and faith formation, 170 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:38,840 and uh, that will be voted on uh, 171 00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:42,039 at GA, uh, coming GAs, uh, to see if that 172 00:10:42,039 --> 00:10:46,519 is a statement of conscience that we want to make as a faith as Unitarian Universalists. 173 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,559 And, um, there, 174 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,639 it's a wide-ranging topic and, 175 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,759 Um, restorative and transformative justice is one piece of that. 176 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,000 I think that we can really get our hands around, um, and practice 177 00:10:59,039 --> 00:11:01,200 actually practice in our communities. 178 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,200 Um, and I know that it's been a part of previous resolutions 179 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,799 and and uh, part of past common reads. 180 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:12,279 Um, so can you tell me, Aisha, 181 00:11:12,279 --> 00:11:14,559 like, why is this important? 182 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,600 Like, why is this issue like important to you? 183 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,679 And can you give those of us who are 184 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,080 new to it or need a little bit of a refresher, 185 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,200 what is, what do you mean by restorative justice? 186 00:11:26,279 --> 00:11:29,559 And I know some people use transformative justice 187 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,840 and, you know, is there a difference between the two? 188 00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:34,080 So give us a little. 189 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,200 Thank you. 190 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:36,480 Yeah, I'll start. 191 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,159 I'll start with. 192 00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:41,000 I learned the difference between restorative, 193 00:11:41,039 --> 00:11:45,960 the word restorative and transformative, um, either are combined with the word justice. 194 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,360 When we're talking about restorative justice, 195 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,120 um, we are restoring a 196 00:11:53,159 --> 00:11:56,440 relationship, a community, to something. 197 00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:58,519 It's being restored. 198 00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:00,919 I heard, um, a 199 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,679 friend of mine, a black activist say to me, I never use the word restorative 200 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:09,120 justice because what is my, what are my people being restored to, right? 201 00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:11,159 There has not been reparations in this country. 202 00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:13,919 Um, for descendants of enslaved Africans or 203 00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:18,120 indigenous people, so transformative justice is, 204 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:22,559 um, a term that invites us into expanding 205 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:27,480 our imaginations of what repair can be and what we are leaning into. 206 00:12:27,519 --> 00:12:32,080 Um, for me, I'm 207 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,840 going to boil down the concept of why restoration 208 00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:41,279 and repair, transformation, and service to justice is so important to me. 209 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,480 What we're witnessing and 210 00:12:44,519 --> 00:12:48,360 blessings on everybody who is in Minneapolis, around Minneapolis, 211 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:53,639 and have been impacted by what we are all witnessing, and just FYI ice is in a lot of places. 212 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:55,679 They're here in Seattle. 213 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:57,080 We've been hearing about people being disappeared as well. 214 00:12:57,159 --> 00:13:00,200 We have a society that's 215 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:04,000 been, that's, United States has been founded on 216 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:09,159 the, idea of controlling another human being. 217 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,080 control and and that control includes, 218 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,840 um, punitive measures when someone is not 219 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,000 following the rules or doing what they're told, right? 220 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,080 There are brutal examples of this. 221 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,519 Mm-hmm. 222 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,480 What would it look like, and 223 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,720 this is not just my work, Mariame Kaba, Adrienne Maree Brown. 224 00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:32,320 I mean, there has been, um, a legacy that goes, uh, 225 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:36,279 much wider than what I'm repeating is what I've learned from great leaders. 226 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,480 What would it look like to expand our 227 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,840 imaginations to center care, to center society that 228 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,559 is not predicated on, um, 229 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:50,840 not only violent extractive capitalism, but is predicated 230 00:13:50,879 --> 00:13:54,159 on what are the ways we can sustain, nourish, 231 00:13:54,159 --> 00:14:00,159 and uh, nurture life, all life, human life, animal life, plant life, right? 232 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,360 Um, and so the 233 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,840 word abolition, when we talk about abolition, people go immediately too, well, we can't close prisons, right? 234 00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:11,279 Like they go to the, where it feels like that's the end of the conversation. 235 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:16,360 To me, talking about restorative justice, and for the sake of tonight, that's what we'll use. 236 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,000 Um, is the beginning of saying when 237 00:14:20,039 --> 00:14:23,559 we are in relationship, when we are in community, what 238 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:25,720 are the ways that we can center care? 239 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:30,639 Now, when I say center care, I am not inviting anyone into, 240 00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:33,879 Um, not having boundaries. 241 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,759 Because boundaries is part of care. 242 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,960 Uh, I'm not suggesting that anyone 243 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,440 has to put themselves in a situation of being emotionally 244 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,480 abused of being attacked, any of that. 245 00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:48,639 What I'm saying is, what are the ways we can create 246 00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:52,240 containers, and right now I'm talking about the Unitarian Universal's container? 247 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,039 To, Navigate 248 00:14:56,039 --> 00:15:01,000 when there has been a rupture, when there has been harm caused. 249 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,559 What are the ways that we can name that harm? 250 00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:08,519 And expand our imaginations of what repair looks like. 251 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:12,279 So if I may, can I go to the, um, to the image? 252 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,360 I have one handout. 253 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,559 Could we put that up so I can just as a framing of this whole conversation? 254 00:15:17,639 --> 00:15:20,080 It's not a whole PowerPoint. 255 00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:23,200 It's one thing that I think, I'm gonna pop it into 256 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,519 the chat, Aisha, and I'm gonna share my screen. 257 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,600 Yeah, that would be great. 258 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,039 That would be great. 259 00:15:29,039 --> 00:15:29,879 Thank you. 260 00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:32,320 And while Lauren's doing that, um, just a reminder that is in the chat. 261 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:35,519 If you have questions, um, while we're 262 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:38,639 having this conversation, feel free to put them in the chat, we'll get to them 263 00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:42,039 at the, uh, towards the end when we do the Q and A, but feel 264 00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:44,240 free to pop them in the chat while, while we're talking. 265 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,440 Um, so to be clear, this comes from 266 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,960 my friend and colleague and those of you who are joining from East Shore 267 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,960 Unitarian Church, uh, you know Pam Orbach very well, 268 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,039 a center for restorative solutions in Seattle, Washington. 269 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,360 So this handout comes from Pam. 270 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,440 Um, and it, it, to me, 271 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,759 it's a helpful, kind of distilled framing of what we're talking about. 272 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,399 Here they use the words punitive and restorative. 273 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,440 I said, um, control 274 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,960 or care, but it's kind of the same idea. 275 00:16:17,039 --> 00:16:20,279 So in a punitive system, The questions that 276 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:23,759 are asked, so this is in relation to crime and conflict. 277 00:16:23,799 --> 00:16:25,799 What law was broken? 278 00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:27,440 Who did it? 279 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,559 What punishment do they deserve? 280 00:16:28,559 --> 00:16:32,320 And in a congregation, what we say is, what covenant was broken? 281 00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:34,399 Um, who did it? 282 00:16:34,399 --> 00:16:37,240 Why, you know, in some, whether or not we ask why they did it. 283 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,799 We go right to, okay, they broke covenant now, what are we going to do? 284 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,879 Like, what's the, what's the, um, 285 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,320 Maybe we don't use the word punishment, but we say what's the consequence, right? 286 00:16:47,399 --> 00:16:51,480 Which is not, I mean, we're going to get more deeper into that. 287 00:16:51,519 --> 00:16:54,519 But, um, then there is, we ask about 288 00:16:54,519 --> 00:16:58,399 accountability, if you can go up a little bit, Lauren, I think it's your screen, right? 289 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,120 Um, Accountability 290 00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:05,880 equals punishment of the offender, can result in 291 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,920 exclusion, prison, suspension, um, the whole. 292 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,880 I mean, we are now watching on steroids, what's going on with ICE. 293 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,880 Uh, what is really a civil offense and does not warrant. 294 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,880 The response, uh, 295 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,720 supposedly, the what the public is being told somebody 296 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,440 is here illegally and needs to be punished 297 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:31,039 and, you know, um, sent out of the country or detained. 298 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:35,599 So in a, um, accountability 299 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,359 when it centers, restoration, it is understanding 300 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,519 the effects of the action, taking responsibility to make things 301 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:46,720 right, and can result in reconnection, support, and belonging. 302 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,960 That's one of the things that could happen. 303 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,119 So, uh, punitive 304 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,599 court center, justice is determined by the judicial system, and 305 00:17:55,599 --> 00:17:59,799 in an oppressive system, justice 306 00:17:59,799 --> 00:18:02,359 is not just, in my opinion. 307 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,960 It is, um, not administered 308 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,720 in a way that is transparent, that is equitable, or 309 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,880 that even offers any kind of accountability. 310 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,079 It is simply who gets caught in the system and doesn't have enough resources 311 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:18,640 to, um, navigate a judicial system. 312 00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:22,000 And then the outcome is there's 313 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,160 no regard for meeting individual needs, limited opportunity for 314 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,880 expressing remorse or making amends or repair. 315 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,880 So community-based outcome and restoration. 316 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,079 All those affected are equals discussing and 317 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,400 developing an action plan to correct the harm done. 318 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,480 The intended outcome being the community 319 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,960 is impact, community impact determines outcome. 320 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,519 Community explores needs, interest, root causes, 321 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,759 and emotions before writing the action plan. 322 00:18:48,839 --> 00:18:53,559 The intention is promoting healing, making amends and restoring trust. 323 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,640 The community is empowered to implement change. 324 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,720 So the invit- now, um, 325 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,400 this is kind of a very, you can take that off now, Lauren. 326 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,480 Thank you. 327 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,279 This is a very distilled handout. 328 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,599 That for me was kind of a way to simply frame 329 00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:12,279 the conversation because in congregations. 330 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,359 We often talk about. 331 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,799 What, what, how do we navigate? 332 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,000 I'm gonna put in quotes, um, problematic congruence or 333 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:25,200 people who behave a certain way that maybe we say is, is, out of covenant. 334 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,319 Um, I don't, disruptive. 335 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,400 and and you know, and and I, 336 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,640 The conversation has been 337 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,400 like, what do, you know, we need a disruptive congregant policy. 338 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,720 I mean, yes, and I 339 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,680 mean, I wonder if we put as much attention to, the 340 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,279 caring committee, and I, and please know, I know hashtag not all congregations. 341 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,519 I know there are many congregations that are doing this caring work and 342 00:19:51,519 --> 00:19:57,680 Because we exist in the United States system, We, 343 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,720 our imaginations are, Without being examined 344 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,680 are limited to how we center care. 345 00:20:04,799 --> 00:20:06,839 Yeah. 346 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,920 Yeah, I think essentially, having 347 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,960 a policy, you feel like you have a playbook. 348 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Um, and also doesn't give 349 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,400 us the actual, um, technical, 350 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:24,960 uh, not technical, but like the practice, right, of like what does it look like for us to do this in real time? 351 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,240 and to be human beings doing this together. 352 00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:32,559 Um, so what are, I mean, those are some examples. 353 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,759 Do you have any other examples of like situations 354 00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:39,279 and congregations where leaders can be 355 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,440 practicing restorative justice? 356 00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:45,279 Um, can I start with covenant? 357 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,480 Because I actually rarely anymore use the term covenant. 358 00:20:48,519 --> 00:20:53,240 I don't love it, and that sounds blasphemous almost in Unitarian Universalist space. 359 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:56,319 Um, But the reason is, 360 00:20:56,319 --> 00:20:58,400 I have experienced it. 361 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,759 I've worked for several congregations and now I am co-leading one. 362 00:21:01,839 --> 00:21:07,279 I have not, experienced 363 00:21:07,319 --> 00:21:11,759 covenant, someone saying, even talking about covenant in a positive way. 364 00:21:11,799 --> 00:21:13,799 It's always been. 365 00:21:13,799 --> 00:21:17,319 We need a covenant so that when somebody breaks it, we can X, Y, and Z. 366 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,400 So it's weaponized. 367 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,240 So, 368 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,640 And I wonder as 369 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,319 I'm, as we're talking right now, I'm wondering if that's part of a consequence 370 00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:30,039 of being a pluralist, faith, and the 371 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,319 United States is not a homogeneous place. 372 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,400 I don't need to tell anyone, right? 373 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,839 Uh, we come from different cultures, how I grew up Egyptian. 374 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,039 Um, has informed how I show up as an 375 00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:45,519 adult, and what the cultural norms are of even New Jersey. 376 00:21:45,599 --> 00:21:48,240 I mean, there are cultural norms that are different from Seattle and New Jersey. 377 00:21:48,279 --> 00:21:51,440 Um, and expectations. 378 00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:56,079 And sometimes those are explicit and sometimes they're implicit. 379 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,799 But when we, as a faith community, 380 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,920 Say, you know, it's one 381 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,039 thing, I think, when we say, um, here's how we nurture each other. 382 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,119 Here's how we care for each other. 383 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,599 And when harm happens. 384 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:15,720 When, Someone is impacted negatively by something I say or do. 385 00:22:15,839 --> 00:22:18,240 What does repair look like? 386 00:22:18,279 --> 00:22:20,279 And I don't ask forgiveness. 387 00:22:20,279 --> 00:22:23,079 There was, I will give an example actually of a congregation that 388 00:22:23,079 --> 00:22:25,960 I served where Bill Sinkford came and spoke. 389 00:22:26,039 --> 00:22:30,839 And I remember we had just started the bipoc caucus group. 390 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,880 And I was so excited and I had I had 391 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,119 asked Bill ahead of time, Reverend Bill Sickford, former president of the UUA. 392 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,400 And I said, would you have lunch with the BIPOC group? 393 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,440 And of course, he said yes. 394 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,400 And, On the way to that lunch, there 395 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,559 was a young white woman who had adopted 2 or 3 396 00:22:48,599 --> 00:22:52,119 young men, young boys from, 2 397 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,640 young boys and a teenager from, uh, I believe Uganda. 398 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,720 They were black. 399 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,559 And so the oldest, um, was 16 and 400 00:22:59,559 --> 00:23:03,039 I said, hey, come to the lunch and I was coming out of service. 401 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:06,279 I said, come to the lunch with Bill, and he said, oh, okay, I'm going to get my mom. 402 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,839 I said, and I just, I mean, I could cringe now that I said it. 403 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,680 I said, no, no, no, she's not invited to only folks of color. 404 00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:14,759 So he said no. 405 00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:15,720 I didn't think anything of it. 406 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,160 went about my day and I got a call. 407 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,319 That said, you know, you hurt his feelings, 408 00:23:20,319 --> 00:23:24,400 you hurt the mom, he didn't understand what was happening and why his mother couldn't come. 409 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,880 And 410 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,279 then I and I immediately was like, ah, okay, so here's 411 00:23:31,319 --> 00:23:33,400 where I did not get stuck in my intention. 412 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,880 Because I would like to think that 413 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:41,920 I obviously didn't mean to hurt a young, a teenager or his mother or anyone, right? 414 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,759 And I knew that didn't matter. 415 00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:47,079 What I had to tend to was the impact. 416 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,160 So I called her up immediately. 417 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,079 I said, hey, I just was alerted. 418 00:23:51,079 --> 00:23:54,119 I said, I recognize and 419 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,160 I, I, that I caused harm to your child. 420 00:23:57,279 --> 00:24:01,519 What can I do or say to you and him to offer repair? 421 00:24:01,599 --> 00:24:03,599 How can I repair this? 422 00:24:03,599 --> 00:24:05,880 So that's one example where 423 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,759 I didn't get stuck in, oh, I didn't mean to do this. 424 00:24:08,799 --> 00:24:10,799 Here's the reason why we have. 425 00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:13,480 I didn't go into a dissertation of all the reasons why. 426 00:24:13,559 --> 00:24:15,559 It was fine. 427 00:24:15,559 --> 00:24:17,240 It wasn't fine for me to do that. 428 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,359 I was careless. 429 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:19,799 I was, and I took responsibility. 430 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,880 I did not ask forgiveness. 431 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,400 I offered repair. 432 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,200 Does that make sense? 433 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:24,720 Yeah, yeah. 434 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,559 And I, I wonder what 435 00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:31,599 are the, um, like the, the small stakes opportunities, right? 436 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:35,559 That we can do in congregations to, like, 437 00:24:35,559 --> 00:24:38,200 make that smooth, right? 438 00:24:38,279 --> 00:24:40,799 That you were able to jump to that right away. 439 00:24:40,799 --> 00:24:45,160 And hopefully many of us are on this call or able to jump to that right away. 440 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,519 And, you know, like you said, where we 441 00:24:48,519 --> 00:24:52,720 come from all different backgrounds and, um, have different expectations. 442 00:24:52,799 --> 00:24:55,359 So what does it mean for us to practice that together, 443 00:24:56,319 --> 00:24:58,319 in congregations? 444 00:24:58,319 --> 00:24:59,480 I think that's a rhetorical question maybe. 445 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,200 Um, yeah. 446 00:25:02,279 --> 00:25:05,799 So I think there's different levels to this work. 447 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,519 Um, Let me just check the time. 448 00:25:08,559 --> 00:25:10,559 Okay, we're good. 449 00:25:10,559 --> 00:25:12,400 Um, In thinking about 450 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,400 like, punitive versus restorative 451 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:20,519 or caring versus what was the other train controlling, right? 452 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,680 Um, even like in our own self-talk and 453 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:27,200 behavior, I know that like a lot a lot of times I 454 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,559 do something stupid and I'm, you know, calling myself an idiot or, you know, oh no, okay. 455 00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:35,559 I, I, um, I had cake today. 456 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,039 And so I have to have salad for dinner, you know, or something like that, right? 457 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,279 Um, so where, um, 458 00:25:42,279 --> 00:25:46,039 I feel like we can do that for ourselves internally, right? 459 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,839 That's a lot of like within work, um, that we have to do uh, 460 00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:53,079 with ourselves and with our families and our, um, the people 461 00:25:53,079 --> 00:25:55,359 in our community, in the congregation. 462 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,319 And also like even further out, right? 463 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,960 Like working to make systemic changes in the cultural prison system. 464 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,200 And recognizing that for 465 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,799 our fellow UUs, who are congregants at CLF, 466 00:26:08,799 --> 00:26:12,759 those systemic issues are very close to home. 467 00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:17,160 They're very personal in the ways that they, the systemic issues affect them. 468 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,240 So with like such a wide range 469 00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:24,119 of ways that we can engage this, 470 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,880 where do you recommend that congregations focus their energy? 471 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,119 So, um, one of 472 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,599 the things that has transformed my, 473 00:26:34,599 --> 00:26:37,480 how I show up in the world is nonviolent communication. 474 00:26:37,559 --> 00:26:40,799 And Pam Orbach, who, um, 475 00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,680 is well known to the folks here on East Shore Unitarian Church. 476 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,599 Um, And West Seattle, she's been coming to West Seattle as well. 477 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,680 She worked with a few. 478 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,400 I'm naming her because she is the person 479 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,640 who, um, and a woman named Leonie Smith, who I learned from. 480 00:26:55,799 --> 00:26:59,400 How to 481 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,519 your point about how we have self-talk, learning self-empathy was really hard for me. 482 00:27:03,599 --> 00:27:05,599 Um, 483 00:27:05,599 --> 00:27:09,640 And it was crucial to 484 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:14,000 my learning how to be truly 485 00:27:14,039 --> 00:27:17,880 empathetic to others, even people who caused me harm. 486 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,920 Now, this is not condoning. 487 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,960 It is saying, so one of the things I learned from Pam, 488 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,720 that was, it was one of those light bulb moments. 489 00:27:25,799 --> 00:27:28,799 She said, people use tragic 490 00:27:28,799 --> 00:27:30,880 strategies to fill unmet needs. 491 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:36,000 So, when, 492 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,119 There 493 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:42,759 was, you know, when there were situations where congress were angry at me. 494 00:27:42,839 --> 00:27:45,880 And I would, and I was in my 495 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,039 feels about it, and Pam would say, They're 496 00:27:49,079 --> 00:27:54,160 using tragic strategies to fill unmet needs, and I, and my 1st question was, well, what's their unmet need? 497 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:59,079 You know, they're been here 30 years and they have all the power to ever, and she said they're afraid they're not going to belong anymore. 498 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:03,240 Oh, and let me tell you, belonging 499 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:07,839 is the crux of why we are part of a community. 500 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,279 We choose to be a part of a faith community that is sacred, 501 00:28:11,279 --> 00:28:15,720 that that holds us, that nourishes us in all the ways. 502 00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:19,400 So when people who have been part of a community for a long time, 503 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,680 Feel 504 00:28:21,839 --> 00:28:24,720 Threatened, afraid. 505 00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:28,240 And I'm the symbol of that, or 506 00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:33,640 maybe downright maybe, in some cases, maybe people perceive I am the cause of that fear. 507 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,000 It is completely understandable that 508 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,279 they are using tragic strategies, um, to 509 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:42,759 fill an unmet need of fear of change. 510 00:28:42,839 --> 00:28:46,240 Um, And 511 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,039 so that helped me have deep compassion. 512 00:28:49,119 --> 00:28:51,559 That I didn't have. 513 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,759 I was stuck in anger, and in some ways, like feeling sorry 514 00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:58,480 for myself, like here I am trying to fill in the blank. 515 00:28:58,559 --> 00:29:01,240 Be a good faith leader, be a good religious educator. 516 00:29:01,319 --> 00:29:03,880 And it wasn't about me trying. 517 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,200 It was about me recognizing that as a faith leader. 518 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:11,119 What are the ways people need to be affirmed and held and cared for? 519 00:29:11,279 --> 00:29:14,640 And I took a me learning 520 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:20,039 about nonviolent communication has helped me take a lot less and personally a lot less. 521 00:29:20,079 --> 00:29:25,000 I mean, I probably should take a little more personally, but I take very little personally, uh, 522 00:29:25,079 --> 00:29:28,440 So, okay, so a tragic strategy, 523 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:32,279 um, is when a group of people, 524 00:29:32,319 --> 00:29:35,680 For example, um, 525 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,720 are upset at a decision I make. 526 00:29:38,799 --> 00:29:41,920 And instead of having a 527 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,680 thoughtful, like kind of, If 528 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,079 there's a congregation where there's not a system of support to process 529 00:29:49,079 --> 00:29:52,839 what that fear is, let's 530 00:29:52,839 --> 00:29:56,240 say a group forms, uh, you know, maybe 5 people form 531 00:29:56,279 --> 00:29:59,799 a group and they say, well, we're going to go to the board and make demands 532 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:02,240 about how something needs to be run, coffee hour. 533 00:30:02,319 --> 00:30:06,160 I'm just using an example that is not connected hopefully to anything real 534 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,440 because, um, I'm trying to make a point. 535 00:30:08,519 --> 00:30:11,559 So let's say there's a coffee hour rule that we're not going to have children. 536 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,680 And because an incident happen, and so 537 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,279 these 5 people decide, okay, so we're going to have a separate place for coffee hour, 538 00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:22,839 we're going to have the children, um, and the children have to be somewhere else, and we're going to go to the board. 539 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,960 Now 540 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:25,160 The tragic strategy. 541 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:29,400 The unmet need is, you know, let's say a child almost had an elderly person trip. 542 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,440 That person could have hurt themselves, right? 543 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,240 So, It could be that 544 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:38,079 there is, the, the, 545 00:30:38,079 --> 00:30:41,480 the need is safety, the tragic strategy is 546 00:30:41,519 --> 00:30:44,279 saying to the board, we can't have children in coffee hour. 547 00:30:44,319 --> 00:30:46,319 Right? 548 00:30:46,319 --> 00:30:47,720 That's the tragic strategy. 549 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,400 The unmet need is having a place to say, you know what? 550 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:53,359 We may want children in here, but what are the ways we can mitigate? 551 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,079 You know, we have elderly folks with canes, with walkers. 552 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,519 And so there needs to be care for the community. 553 00:31:00,599 --> 00:31:02,599 How can we do that? 554 00:31:02,599 --> 00:31:03,359 Does that make sense? 555 00:31:03,359 --> 00:31:04,200 Is that answering your question, Grace? 556 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,000 About what a tragic. 557 00:31:07,119 --> 00:31:10,119 And I let Grace, 558 00:31:10,119 --> 00:31:14,240 uh, answer in the chat and then, um, and then we'll, we'll. 559 00:31:14,319 --> 00:31:16,319 Oh, hopefully. 560 00:31:16,319 --> 00:31:18,240 Yes, very much. 561 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:18,839 Yay, good, good. 562 00:31:18,839 --> 00:31:20,240 Oh, go ahead now. 563 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,759 I can keep going, so you need to cut me off to say no, no. 564 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:25,119 You know, that's hard to do for me. 565 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,400 I will continue to listen. 566 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,759 Um, so I'm wondering too of 567 00:31:30,759 --> 00:31:34,640 like, all right, let's let's say these congregational leaders 568 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,839 who are here with us tonight are taking 569 00:31:37,839 --> 00:31:41,119 this back to their congregations, to their boards, to their 570 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,440 committees on chaired ministry. 571 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,880 Are, do you think these 572 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,759 strategies for implementing, um, practice 573 00:31:50,759 --> 00:31:53,200 practicing this in our congregations? 574 00:31:53,279 --> 00:31:56,279 Does that look different for different size congregations or 575 00:31:56,279 --> 00:32:02,160 like if they have religious professionals in the congregations or if they're like completely lay led? 576 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,359 Do you think that looks different or do you have any tips for that? 577 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,319 Yes, because here's the the, 578 00:32:08,759 --> 00:32:11,160 unfortunate tragedy of being human. 579 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,200 We can weaponize almost anything 580 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,119 So I think I would, Marshall 581 00:32:16,119 --> 00:32:20,319 Rosenberg, who created nonviolent communication, has written several books, 582 00:32:20,319 --> 00:32:23,680 um, so there are resources you can do on your own. 583 00:32:23,759 --> 00:32:25,759 I would, I will say. 584 00:32:25,759 --> 00:32:28,359 There is value in 585 00:32:28,359 --> 00:32:31,640 having a lot of grace for yourself and and the community 586 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,759 when you enter into work that. 587 00:32:33,839 --> 00:32:36,880 The thing about what we've been conditioned to 588 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:41,200 in the United States is we only know punitive, because that's what we've been conditioned into. 589 00:32:41,279 --> 00:32:43,279 This is not the fault of anyone. 590 00:32:43,279 --> 00:32:44,640 It is. 591 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:45,079 And it's really pretty global. 592 00:32:45,079 --> 00:32:50,319 Like, I mean, I grew up Muslim, and in a very much Egyptian home. 593 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:54,519 It was still, it was deeply punitive, may not have been Protestant, 594 00:32:54,519 --> 00:32:58,759 white, but it was, you know, the Egyptian flavor, the 595 00:32:58,799 --> 00:33:01,440 Muslim flavor punitive rather than any kind of care. 596 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,519 So there was an unlearning for me, like you said, now 597 00:33:04,559 --> 00:33:09,359 you made the point about how we talk to ourselves, to not beat myself up when I make a mistake. 598 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,400 I just did it the other night. 599 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,279 I mean, and I had to stop. 600 00:33:13,279 --> 00:33:14,359 I like, I'm such an idiot. 601 00:33:14,359 --> 00:33:15,480 Why did I do this thing? 602 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,519 And then I'm like, I'm deeply human. 603 00:33:16,599 --> 00:33:18,599 I'm overwhelmed. 604 00:33:18,599 --> 00:33:20,839 There's a lot going on, and in the top of it, we're fighting fascism. 605 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,000 I think we can all give ourselves a break. 606 00:33:23,079 --> 00:33:26,200 And one of the ways to fight fascism is to lean 607 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,359 into repair, is to do this work. 608 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,599 I promise you, even in your congregations, when you're 609 00:33:31,599 --> 00:33:35,119 able to to unlearn the idea, that there is a, 610 00:33:35,319 --> 00:33:38,359 That the 611 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,799 only way to be in community is to have these rigid rules that 612 00:33:41,799 --> 00:33:43,880 try to control others, and it's impossible. 613 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,720 There is no such, there is only violence and oppression. 614 00:33:47,799 --> 00:33:49,960 We cannot control each other. 615 00:33:50,039 --> 00:33:52,039 That is not a thing. 616 00:33:52,039 --> 00:33:54,880 We can only enact violence and oppression, but we cannot control. 617 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,000 Mm-hmm. 618 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,640 Yeah, that's the medicine and the healing that we need. 619 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,519 Um, All right, so as 620 00:34:03,519 --> 00:34:05,720 we wrap up here the last few minutes. 621 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:07,880 Um, 622 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,880 I'm, I'm thinking of, 623 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,599 so I, I just took a bunch of, um, uh, 624 00:34:13,599 --> 00:34:18,519 trainings, workshops, things around trauma inclusive, uh, 625 00:34:18,519 --> 00:34:20,960 care and ministry trauma inclusive ministry. 626 00:34:21,039 --> 00:34:24,039 Um, I'm thinking about like, 627 00:34:24,119 --> 00:34:27,639 You named NVC as something that, 628 00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:29,920 um, is helpful. 629 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,039 I have found it helpful for me, just like 630 00:34:33,039 --> 00:34:36,760 not even having a vocabulary of feeling or needs, right? 631 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,519 It's helpful to even just get to that level. 632 00:34:39,599 --> 00:34:42,599 Um, and I know that, 633 00:34:42,599 --> 00:34:47,639 if you name NVC, that will, that will, Some 634 00:34:47,639 --> 00:34:50,159 people will like automatically opt out. 635 00:34:50,199 --> 00:34:52,199 I don't want a script. 636 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:55,440 Um, or I, you know, that's been NVC 637 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,519 has been weaponized against me or, um, yeah, 638 00:34:59,519 --> 00:35:04,239 so I'm wondering, are there things that congregation 639 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:08,840 leader, congregational leaders can do or to hold um, 640 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,159 as we have like, um, these discussions and 641 00:35:12,159 --> 00:35:17,360 learn more about restorative justice or practice it that is trauma inclusive? 642 00:35:17,519 --> 00:35:20,639 So I will say 643 00:35:20,639 --> 00:35:24,039 it takes intention, time, and there is no easy, 644 00:35:24,039 --> 00:35:26,840 Fast, fast way to do this. 645 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,920 So, Coming to things like 646 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,440 this, investing in time with each other, investing in learning, 647 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,480 and knowing it's a practice, when I'm, I'm also a consultant. 648 00:35:36,599 --> 00:35:41,920 So when I get hired, I say to folks, if one workshop would solve things, I'd make Oprah money. 649 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,480 One workshop does not in anything that we are learning, right? 650 00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:48,559 So, I think, know 651 00:35:48,599 --> 00:35:52,480 that it is part of who and how we 652 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:58,119 are invited to be as Unitarian Universalists and trying to make the world a better place. 653 00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:01,320 I believe in the health of the cell is the health of the organism 654 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,239 and that's the work of Adrienne Maree Brown and emergent strategy. 655 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,320 Yeah, yeah. 656 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,039 Well, thank you, Aisha, for this, 657 00:36:09,039 --> 00:36:12,519 and I'm gonna turn it back over to QuianaDenae, 658 00:36:12,519 --> 00:36:15,639 and I hope that, uh, y'all have some fruitful conversations 659 00:36:15,639 --> 00:36:18,320 about what we discussed. 660 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,400 Ah, thank you both in a 661 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,880 world, um, that is constantly changing, having a place to 662 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,440 ground about restoring is very, very valuable. 663 00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:30,760 But we're going to switch gears 664 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,639 just a little bit and come back into the space, leave the space, come back to the space. 665 00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,719 We will be heading back into our breakout groups again with 666 00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:39,639 some minor adjustments to incorporate folks who joined a little bit later. 667 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:43,920 We'll be in our breakout groups until 40 minutes after the hour. 668 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,559 So you should have about at least 15 to 20 minutes together. 669 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:50,039 And we'll add the prompt in the chat. 670 00:36:50,079 --> 00:36:53,119 To begin your conversation, go around and 671 00:36:53,159 --> 00:36:55,360 invite each other to respond to this 1st question. 672 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,440 What was a moment in the presentation where 673 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,480 you had an aha or a feeling of sparkiness? 674 00:37:01,559 --> 00:37:03,639 After that, you can open up the discussion. 675 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,760 We ask that you spend at least 5 minutes of your 676 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,119 time coming up with one more question to bring to the Q and A 677 00:37:10,119 --> 00:37:14,360 that will take place after the breakout groups, and we're going to open those rooms now. 678 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,159 Welcome back everyone. 679 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,639 I hope that you had great discussions and 680 00:37:22,639 --> 00:37:28,039 a-ha's and glimmers in your conversation, 681 00:37:28,039 --> 00:37:31,679 and I welcome you to, put some of your questions into 682 00:37:31,679 --> 00:37:36,360 the chat, um, that you want us to engage 683 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,840 in and, uh, have a little last 684 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:44,760 part of our gathering tonight, um, to 685 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:48,159 synthesize and, um, bring home some of these points. 686 00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,239 So feel free to put those into the chat 687 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,800 and Aisha and 688 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,880 I will discuss. 689 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,599 Um, oh, okay. 690 00:37:57,679 --> 00:38:00,440 I thought I was gonna have to go to a filler question here. 691 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,480 Um, 692 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,480 Wait, what? 693 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:08,519 I don't think we understand. 694 00:38:08,599 --> 00:38:10,599 Yeah, what does that mean, Ted? 695 00:38:10,599 --> 00:38:12,519 Tell us more about your conversation. 696 00:38:12,519 --> 00:38:14,360 With the mother. 697 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,400 Maybe that wasn't meant for us. 698 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,880 Oh, the mother of the young man. 699 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,920 Oh, yes. 700 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:22,280 your example. 701 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,079 My example. 702 00:38:23,079 --> 00:38:24,679 Thank you. 703 00:38:24,679 --> 00:38:27,880 So I called her and said, um, The, 704 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,960 you know, I was alerted to, someone called me and let me know that you 705 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,679 were, that I caused impact to, um, you and your son, and, 706 00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:38,280 She said, I don't need anything. 707 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,360 Thank you. 708 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,519 Um, she thanked me for the call. 709 00:38:41,599 --> 00:38:43,599 She said that she had spoken to him. 710 00:38:43,599 --> 00:38:45,400 They had only, she had just moved back. 711 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:49,079 From, I want to say it was Uganda. 712 00:38:49,159 --> 00:38:52,320 It was pretty, like within, I think a year or 2 so they were 713 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,079 pretty, the boys were newish to the United States. 714 00:38:55,159 --> 00:38:58,280 So, um, she was able 715 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:02,880 to process that with them and she didn't want anything more from me and she appreciated that I made the call. 716 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:08,000 And, um, acknowledged my part and impact. 717 00:39:14,119 --> 00:39:17,159 Deb is asking, how do we 718 00:39:17,159 --> 00:39:19,599 start with restorative justice in our congregation? 719 00:39:19,679 --> 00:39:23,760 So 720 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,159 I think I would start by naming 721 00:39:27,199 --> 00:39:30,800 wanting, what does asking yourselves questions. 722 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,000 Maybe if you have covenant groups, maybe, you know, and asking the 723 00:39:34,039 --> 00:39:38,400 leadership, um, to engage in what 724 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,679 does it look like to center community care? 725 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,159 What does that, what are the things that would be happening? 726 00:39:43,199 --> 00:39:47,880 What are the things in addition to, um, a caring committee? 727 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,960 What else do we need? 728 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,280 What does it look like to have care? 729 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,760 When we are talking about, 730 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,840 um, let's say, you know, I mean, I'm gonna go really extreme. 731 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,960 There are people who who think there's a right way to 732 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,679 apply to be a citizen in this country, right? 733 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,960 So how do we how 734 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,599 do we center care when there can be the possibility 735 00:40:11,599 --> 00:40:15,119 of potentially challenging views from people 736 00:40:15,119 --> 00:40:17,159 who have let, let's say, been part of the community. 737 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,280 And this is an open question. 738 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:23,000 I don't, it's more that when you ask the question, how do we center care? 739 00:40:23,039 --> 00:40:26,039 With boundaries, because one of the things I 740 00:40:26,039 --> 00:40:28,360 say is I'm not going to compromise on my values. 741 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,000 And I will affirm your humanity. 742 00:40:31,079 --> 00:40:35,159 I will not agree to disagree about other people's humanity. 743 00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,239 That's that's non-negotiable for me. 744 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,519 I will always choose the side of humanity. 745 00:40:39,679 --> 00:40:42,559 Because otherwise I will become what I rail against. 746 00:40:42,599 --> 00:40:46,800 Um, 747 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:53,079 Yeah, so I I think it's, start with, do a book club, uh, Mariame Kaba. 748 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:55,159 We do this till we free us. 749 00:40:55,159 --> 00:40:57,960 That's a really provocative book that centers community care. 750 00:40:58,039 --> 00:41:00,960 Um, yes, the premise is abolition. 751 00:41:01,039 --> 00:41:05,960 But very much it's about what does it look like to, and and Minneapolis. 752 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,000 Is showing us that. 753 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,519 And I also want to say, It 754 00:41:11,519 --> 00:41:15,000 should not be that a community has to be terrorized and traumatized. 755 00:41:15,079 --> 00:41:19,079 To illustrate what community care looks like, and yet here we are. 756 00:41:19,159 --> 00:41:23,000 Um, we do this till we free us. 757 00:41:23,039 --> 00:41:26,440 Oh thank you. 758 00:41:26,519 --> 00:41:28,840 Lauren Wyeth has put that. 759 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,039 And when questions get asked, the resources 760 00:41:32,039 --> 00:41:34,320 will try to put them in the chat as soon as possible, everybody. 761 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,480 Just know we're working on your questions as you were typing them. 762 00:41:36,519 --> 00:41:38,519 Thank you, QuianaDenae. 763 00:41:38,599 --> 00:41:42,199 And what you just said, Aisha, around, 764 00:41:42,199 --> 00:41:45,559 you know, do a book group, and I think that sometimes 765 00:41:45,559 --> 00:41:49,400 we have these like big ideas, and and like 766 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,559 if there's disagreement around the ideas, like the, the, 767 00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:55,199 that, that can heat up, right? 768 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,440 And, and I feel like the, the, um, 769 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,960 did you say this earlier, somebody said this of like, let's slow down. 770 00:42:02,039 --> 00:42:04,039 Yeah. 771 00:42:04,039 --> 00:42:05,119 Slowing down, right? 772 00:42:05,119 --> 00:42:07,920 when those disagreements arise, especially if 773 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,320 they're getting to a point of like, it's not just disagreeing. 774 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,400 I mean, we can disagree on ideas. 775 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,840 We can definitely disagree on ideas. 776 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,119 And that centering care that you were talking about really 777 00:42:19,159 --> 00:42:23,280 looks like who, like, centering our humanity, right? 778 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,679 Like, of who are we in this room right now? 779 00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:29,280 And that's more important than whose 780 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,440 idea is better or, um, 781 00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:38,119 yeah, so, uh, Leah asks, what are some ways, 782 00:42:38,159 --> 00:42:41,280 Oops, sorry, what are some ways to cultivate strong, durable, and multiple 783 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:45,119 threads to anchor our folks in their feeling of belonging? 784 00:42:45,199 --> 00:42:52,199 I mean, that's a big one, right? 785 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,559 It's, it's what are, um, 786 00:42:54,679 --> 00:42:56,679 Ooh. 787 00:42:56,679 --> 00:43:01,079 I 788 00:43:01,079 --> 00:43:05,159 think take it 1 thing at a time, like on a certain Sunday, right? 789 00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,239 What are the ways, um, 790 00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,079 What do you know about your community? 791 00:43:10,199 --> 00:43:14,760 Um, do you have an idea of most of the people who show up? 792 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,639 Uh, do you, you know, do you have a culture of saying hello? 793 00:43:18,679 --> 00:43:22,320 One time in the New York metro area, when we still had districts, 794 00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:25,119 the district, um, theme was radical welcome? 795 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,920 And I remember a colleague said, we need to learn to say hello. 796 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,280 This is way ahead of what we're even used to. 797 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:35,159 And while it was a little bit of a snarky comment, I'm like, there's a little bit of truth to that. 798 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,599 Um, and so, I, 799 00:43:38,599 --> 00:43:42,719 I'm gonna, I'm gonna give an example in my own life that I'm gonna invite 800 00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,360 you to think about ways that you can replicate this in your congregations. 801 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,440 When I'm every, I've lived in 802 00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,960 5 different states and 3 different countries and everywhere I've moved, 803 00:43:52,079 --> 00:43:56,199 partly because I'm an extrovert, but more because I'm Egyptian. 804 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,079 I would invite people over to my house to eat. 805 00:43:59,159 --> 00:44:01,159 I would make dinner. 806 00:44:01,159 --> 00:44:02,360 I would invite, I would say hello. 807 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,440 I would introduce myself every single place I've lived. 808 00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:06,559 As a consequence, I knew my neighbors. 809 00:44:06,559 --> 00:44:08,559 I would say hi to them. 810 00:44:08,559 --> 00:44:11,119 And I remember even when in Seattle, I've lived in 2 different places. 811 00:44:11,159 --> 00:44:15,360 And and uh, somebody I knew said, oh wow, you're so lucky. 812 00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,440 I said, this isn't luck. 813 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:18,760 actually, this is me. 814 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,880 Being an extrovert, Egyptian, who knows 815 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,920 that I need to say hello to create community. 816 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,320 Now, I'm not saying, it's not everyone's cup of tea. 817 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,400 It doesn't come naturally to everyone. 818 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,320 However, what you can do. 819 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,639 Is, let's say in your community, 820 00:44:35,639 --> 00:44:38,159 in your congregation, you can host a community night. 821 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,239 That's what we're doing in Seattle. 822 00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,079 Ajomo Luo started, beloved community once a month, lunches. 823 00:44:43,159 --> 00:44:45,960 We have a topic, it's been going on for a year. 824 00:44:46,039 --> 00:44:48,960 The last one, she couldn't make it too. 825 00:44:49,039 --> 00:44:52,079 So I led and we talked about the neighboring movement, the 826 00:44:52,079 --> 00:44:54,519 neighboringmovement.com, whoever's putting links in the chat. 827 00:44:54,679 --> 00:44:57,719 Uh, it is out of Kansas City, and it 828 00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:01,920 is a literal, they have, I did do deep dive to make sure they weren't a cult. 829 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:05,159 I don't think they are, but the resources are great because they 830 00:45:05,159 --> 00:45:07,559 literally granularly take you through. 831 00:45:07,639 --> 00:45:09,639 How do you get to know your neighbors? 832 00:45:09,639 --> 00:45:11,320 They'd show you. 833 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:12,639 So in your congregation. 834 00:45:12,639 --> 00:45:16,079 Maybe you can offer, you know, an opportunity for folks, 835 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,840 to get together and look through those resources. 836 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,840 And what are the, who do you? 837 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:22,639 How do you say hello to your neighbor? 838 00:45:22,679 --> 00:45:25,920 What are some ways, and they have them, all these reasons, 839 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,480 the neighboring movement has like, here are some ideas. 840 00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,559 Get an ally. 841 00:45:30,559 --> 00:45:33,320 If you don't want to knock door to door, get somebody to come with you, get their number. 842 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:37,079 It's really, and that's something literally every congregation can do. 843 00:45:37,159 --> 00:45:40,440 Um, You can create space for 844 00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,800 for communities to start to learn how to get to know each other. 845 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,440 Does that answer your question? 846 00:45:46,519 --> 00:45:48,519 That's what I've been doing. 847 00:45:48,519 --> 00:45:50,000 I think that's a good start right? 848 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,559 Okay, that's a good start. 849 00:45:51,559 --> 00:45:53,039 Yeah. 850 00:45:53,039 --> 00:45:53,719 Yeah. 851 00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,159 And, and, um, I 852 00:45:55,159 --> 00:45:58,639 think, uh, you know, similar to how 853 00:45:58,639 --> 00:46:03,719 you centered care in that conversation example that you gave Aisha of like asking, right? 854 00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:05,800 what does that mean to you? 855 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,519 Um, and what are you wanting, right? 856 00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,599 And what are you? 857 00:46:10,599 --> 00:46:12,480 And I mean, I think that's, that is, um, 858 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:16,239 in my experience in my congregation, you know, having world 859 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,119 cafes or visioning nights or things where people are able to, to 860 00:46:20,119 --> 00:46:25,519 really just say, this is the community that we want to create and this is what belonging feels like and caring feels like here. 861 00:46:25,639 --> 00:46:28,679 Um, and and being able to reflect that 862 00:46:28,679 --> 00:46:31,920 back in your programming or or the things that you're um, 863 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,800 planning to do in your community, I think, are great. 864 00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,039 Um, I, there are a 865 00:46:38,039 --> 00:46:41,400 few other questions in the chat about how to spread these ideas 866 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:46,440 or how to, um, like uh, Nathaniel is asking, how do we spread these ideas? 867 00:46:46,559 --> 00:46:49,679 If we want the conversations within our congregation to begin from 868 00:46:49,679 --> 00:46:54,400 a place of care, we need people to know it is possible and practice. 869 00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,360 How do we reach people who may not know what they don't know? 870 00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,639 Model it. 871 00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:02,039 I, I, um, 872 00:47:02,159 --> 00:47:06,280 I am a 55-year-old post-menopausal woman. 873 00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,360 I am a bull in a China shop, which 874 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,800 I've been probably most of my life, but I'm even more so now. 875 00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:16,440 Having said that, You can always start where you are. 876 00:47:16,519 --> 00:47:21,360 So it could be that if you, I don't know the context of your congregation, but maybe say, hey, 877 00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,039 after coffee hour or after the service, 878 00:47:25,039 --> 00:47:29,960 uh, if you have the space, I'm gonna sponsor a game day, game afternoon. 879 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,239 Bring some games, um, at at 880 00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:36,719 the beloved community meeting we had on Sunday, uh, Leonie 881 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:40,719 said, one of the members, she said, have tend 882 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,920 to relationship, have a group of people over, and 883 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,480 you are one and only agenda items is donuts. 884 00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:50,440 And I said, since we're in Seattle, have gluten-free vegan donuts. 885 00:47:50,519 --> 00:47:52,519 They exist. 886 00:47:52,519 --> 00:47:54,360 You know, have a have simply 887 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:59,079 opportunities for people to gather and build relationship and you can model that. 888 00:47:59,159 --> 00:48:01,159 Sponsor game day. 889 00:48:01,159 --> 00:48:03,079 What does that look like? 890 00:48:03,079 --> 00:48:04,519 Sponsor um, Millie Malarky's on this call. 891 00:48:04,559 --> 00:48:07,199 One of the 1st people I met when I moved here in 2013. 892 00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:10,840 Um, gingerbread housemaking was a big thing at East Shore. 893 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,159 That was so much fun and people loved it when the Seahawks, 894 00:48:14,159 --> 00:48:17,079 way back when they were in the Super Bowl 2 years in a row. 895 00:48:17,159 --> 00:48:21,519 The congregation, um, had people over to watch it. 896 00:48:21,599 --> 00:48:25,239 Had, you know, got the TV and people watched the Super Bowl together. 897 00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,360 Think outside the box and you could model 898 00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:31,320 that, get 2 or 3 people and say, hey, let's have a game. 899 00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:33,400 I mean, something that is accessible to you. 900 00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,519 You don't have to wait. 901 00:48:35,599 --> 00:48:37,599 Be the change. 902 00:48:37,599 --> 00:48:39,559 Yes. 903 00:48:39,559 --> 00:48:42,360 Um, I think uh, let's see. 904 00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,440 Yes. 905 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:45,719 Leah also says, thank you for your thoughts on initial belonging. 906 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,800 Any ideas on creating a sense of belonging that's 907 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,280 not so fragile, that one event can make a longtime 908 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,199 member feel that they may lose a place in the community with one change. 909 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,679 I can I just insert here, Aisha, unless you have something. 910 00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,920 Um, I just, just 911 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,519 because I know, like, my office is, is, uh, launching 912 00:49:05,519 --> 00:49:08,920 and and and trying to spread the news about deeper joy, and 913 00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:12,960 I'm sure someone can find the, um, the link 914 00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:16,480 and put that into the chat, but deeper joys and is, like, 915 00:49:16,519 --> 00:49:19,880 uh, uh, a whole bunch of activities and 916 00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,360 games and, um, songs and discussions 917 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,840 that you can do, and, and it gives you a map of community building. 918 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,039 So it starts in like the tepid bay where, 919 00:49:30,079 --> 00:49:33,800 um, you know, yes, where like newcomers come 920 00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,199 and and and they're like, do I like this place? 921 00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,239 Do I not like this place? 922 00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,760 It's very tepid and you don't know, but then you like move into bonding harbor, right? 923 00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,400 And you move into these different places. 924 00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,480 And so each area of the map, that is like a part of 925 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,079 community building and belong, like, like getting 926 00:49:51,079 --> 00:49:56,639 people into feeling like they belong, has different activities for that area. 927 00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:02,480 So, um, that is a resource that you are welcome to dive into. 928 00:50:02,519 --> 00:50:05,559 And this is something that comes out of our youth movements, y'all. 929 00:50:05,639 --> 00:50:08,639 Um, you know, it used to be uh, deep 930 00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:13,079 fun was the, was the book that why are UU, UU's? 931 00:50:13,159 --> 00:50:16,280 And now we've like taken the, the, the honey 932 00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,840 from that and made it into deeper joy. 933 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,199 So, yeah, that's a reason. 934 00:50:21,239 --> 00:50:25,480 I also want to say real quick, um, People 935 00:50:25,519 --> 00:50:27,719 in the United States are the loneliest people on the planet. 936 00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,400 Every single study done on this affirms that. 937 00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,400 People are thirsting for connection. 938 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,639 And um, one of the people who's already been 939 00:50:36,679 --> 00:50:39,960 engaged in the neighboring movement here in Seattle said, 940 00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,000 she's been knocking on doors and people feel relief. 941 00:50:43,079 --> 00:50:46,320 Now, I want to put a caveat because 942 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,800 also it came up in the room, well, what if somebody supports ICE or somebody? 943 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,880 I said, that is information. 944 00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,480 I mean, now I'm talking about literal neighborhoods, but that's information to 945 00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,360 know, who in your neighborhood. 946 00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:00,239 Would not be on your ICE rapid response team. 947 00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,559 But yet, that's a person who, if they need something, 948 00:51:03,559 --> 00:51:07,559 I, me as a neighbor, I'm gonna bring something over if they need something. 949 00:51:07,639 --> 00:51:11,280 But 3rd that was actually not why I wanted to talk. 950 00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,599 3rd spaces, places that you don't have to pay 951 00:51:14,599 --> 00:51:17,960 to be at, are not as 952 00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:23,519 prevalent as they once were in this country, and I firmly believe our congregations can be 3rd spaces. 953 00:51:23,599 --> 00:51:26,719 Are brick and mortar, can be 954 00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:30,800 places where the community is invited to gather, um, 955 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,880 and just be, where the only agenda items is Uno 956 00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,519 or donuts or whatever, like, um, If 957 00:51:38,519 --> 00:51:41,920 there can be, we lean into the abundance of caring 958 00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,239 for each other in whatever way that looks like. 959 00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,280 Um, that, that is something that 960 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:52,320 I think our spaces, our community spaces UU's can, can, I think we can do that. 961 00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,400 I have faith in us. 962 00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:55,719 That's what the world needs right now. 963 00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,000 Thank you, Aisha. 964 00:51:58,079 --> 00:52:01,119 And as we transition into our last question 965 00:52:01,159 --> 00:52:04,800 here, I see Wendy asking, how does the congregation or person 966 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:08,320 know when there is enough transformation? 967 00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,440 Um, I, you may have 968 00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,639 some thoughts on this, Aisha, and I also want to, I, I will do this 969 00:52:14,639 --> 00:52:18,400 in the chat if, um, our hosts are, are busy transitioning 970 00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:23,400 to our closing, but, um, I, I want to point people to the CSAI, right? 971 00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:28,639 Like those are like for the people who do feel they belong and they want to go deeper, right? 972 00:52:28,679 --> 00:52:31,719 There's a lot there in terms of the UU 973 00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,079 theology, as well as some of these things on restorative justice, 974 00:52:36,079 --> 00:52:39,800 and there's like monthly conversations, I think, that y'all are hosting. 975 00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,119 Yes, and they're all recorded. 976 00:52:42,199 --> 00:52:45,679 There's a whole hour on me talking about restorative 977 00:52:45,679 --> 00:52:47,719 justice and I did do a PowerPoint for that. 978 00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:50,679 So if you want to, yeah, it'll be, um, it's all online. 979 00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,840 To me, I 980 00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:56,880 don't know, what was the question you said something about when we reach a certain place. 981 00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:58,960 Yes. 982 00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:00,239 When when do we know that we've trans- enough transformation? 983 00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,320 There's enough transformation? 984 00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,440 When we have universal based income, universal healthcare 985 00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:08,920 and guaranteed housing, which I know sounds out there, but you know what? 986 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,000 I'm going to leave you with this. 987 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,679 How come destructive 988 00:53:13,679 --> 00:53:16,360 violent ideas get traction and money? 989 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,440 Let's cage children. 990 00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:19,480 Oh yeah, let's do that. 991 00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,639 But when we say, let's have universal based income, universal 992 00:53:21,679 --> 00:53:25,559 housing and get, um, healthcare, that's unrealistic. 993 00:53:25,639 --> 00:53:28,880 We're going to make it realistic, forget cruelty is the point. 994 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,920 Make kindness the point. 995 00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,000 You can do it. 996 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,519 You must stop you right there and make kindness the point. 997 00:53:34,559 --> 00:53:36,559 Make kindness the point. 998 00:53:36,559 --> 00:53:38,239 I did a whole sermon on it. 999 00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:42,239 Yes, I want to add, you know, somebody talked about what if you're like kind of alone. 1000 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,360 I live alone in my house, y'all, and I live in a parking lot that's a 1001 00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,639 C shape, and there's 20 apartments, 20 units here, and I 1002 00:53:48,679 --> 00:53:51,320 put a note and candy in everybody's box about a month ago. 1003 00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,079 Um, to say who I am and what I'm willing to do for them. 1004 00:53:55,159 --> 00:53:59,000 I said, I don't have money, but I can drive you to the hospital, go get your groceries. 1005 00:53:59,039 --> 00:54:02,400 And you know I haven't shoveled my walk since then and I live in Michigan. 1006 00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:06,920 Um, and I found not one but 2 cards on my door and a box of candy one time. 1007 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:10,480 I say hi to all of my neighbors now and we are looking out for each other. 1008 00:54:10,559 --> 00:54:14,440 So my aloneness didn't change my ability to create community. 1009 00:54:14,519 --> 00:54:16,840 It was my willingness to put a note in everyone's mailbox. 1010 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,920 So, I say that to say the work is 1011 00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,840 the work and we're going to all find the way to do the work, the ways we can do the work. 1012 00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,960 The work tonight of being together was 1013 00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,280 beautifully executed and done by my friend Ritoo. 1014 00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,599 Um, and I want to thank her. 1015 00:54:31,679 --> 00:54:35,639 I want to thank Nao and Aisha for lighting a fire and creating Spark. 1016 00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:38,880 I want to thank Lauren for consistently holding the spark and 1017 00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,280 then passing me a few, a few matches when I'm when I say I'm able to. 1018 00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,639 If you are looking for the video for tonight's program, 1019 00:54:45,639 --> 00:54:47,960 you will find it posted on the website, give us about a week. 1020 00:54:48,119 --> 00:54:51,239 Uh, we got to clean it up and make sure it's what we want to have and 1021 00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,719 all those good things, and you'll find other recordings from the fall, 1022 00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:57,719 uh, there right now, if you're wondering what we've been doing the rest of the year. 1023 00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:01,199 Um, next month, our 1024 00:55:01,199 --> 00:55:03,880 program falls on Tuesday, March 24th. 1025 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:07,559 Our guest will be Simone Monique Barnes, and Dana 1026 00:55:07,559 --> 00:55:11,199 N. Moore, who will join us in a dialogue at the intersection 1027 00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:16,400 of pastoral care, radical welcome, radical hospitality, and small group ministry. 1028 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,599 The conversation is called Holding the Sacred. 1029 00:55:19,679 --> 00:55:24,119 Um, it'll be a part of um, our smalls congregation stuff. 1030 00:55:24,199 --> 00:55:26,880 We're going to throw that in the chat if we get a chance. 1031 00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,159 If you're a small congregation, love to see you there. 1032 00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:32,360 We're also going to ask you for a little bit of feedback because 1033 00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:34,920 we use that feedback to enrich these conversations. 1034 00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,519 We show them to the, like Dana and Simone 1035 00:55:38,519 --> 00:55:42,719 will actually see the notes from this conversation so they can make the next conversation even better. 1036 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:46,920 Um, so, uh, 1037 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:52,360 and I will pass the mic to my friend, Lauren. 1038 00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,440 I got excited. 1039 00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:55,119 I'm sorry, Lauren. 1040 00:55:55,119 --> 00:55:57,519 I love that you get excited, QuianaDenae. 1041 00:55:57,599 --> 00:56:00,639 And I love that story and I would love to hear it so many 1042 00:56:00,679 --> 00:56:03,800 times about your neighbors and how you are creating community right there where you are. 1043 00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:05,840 It's beautiful. 1044 00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,639 So yeah, so I think that Ritoo 1045 00:56:08,639 --> 00:56:11,519 has put the link for the feedback form into the chat. 1046 00:56:11,599 --> 00:56:14,360 We really value the feedback that you offer us each month. 1047 00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:16,400 We look at it. 1048 00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:17,239 We comb through it. 1049 00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:18,679 We make changes to our plans. 1050 00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:21,239 We invite speakers based on what we hear from you. 1051 00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:24,480 So please do, open that link right now. 1052 00:56:24,559 --> 00:56:27,719 And before you close your computer this evening, if 1053 00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,000 you'd be so kind as to give us your feedback, we would be 1054 00:56:31,079 --> 00:56:33,079 so incredibly grateful. 1055 00:56:33,119 --> 00:56:37,360 And we just want to thank you so much for being here. 1056 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:41,679 We want to thank you for your leadership in your congregation. 1057 00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,920 We want to thank you for showing up and being part of this 1058 00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:49,519 conversation with others who are doing the same in their congregations. 1059 00:56:49,559 --> 00:56:51,559 Together, 1060 00:56:51,559 --> 00:56:54,559 We constellate a community for an evening and we do this once a month. 1061 00:56:54,599 --> 00:56:57,360 We, We can't do it without one another, can we? 1062 00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,440 We need each other. 1063 00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:02,039 In order to grow and learn in order to heal, 1064 00:57:02,039 --> 00:57:05,159 in order to, in order to, in order to 1065 00:57:05,159 --> 00:57:07,840 do this important ministry that all of us are doing in the world. 1066 00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:11,400 As we come to an 1067 00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,039 end, will you please share a lesson, 1068 00:57:15,079 --> 00:57:18,480 a gratitude, or a question, you'll carry from tonight's 1069 00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:23,320 gathering, drop that into the chat so that we can all see those. 1070 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,639 It's always interesting to read what 1071 00:57:26,639 --> 00:57:30,519 different people take away from the experience of our time together. 1072 00:57:30,599 --> 00:57:32,760 And as you go back. 1073 00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,679 Into your life, into your world. 1074 00:57:36,719 --> 00:57:40,119 Know that we are grateful for you carrying 1075 00:57:40,159 --> 00:57:44,760 the flame with you into all that you do, and we will be doing the same until we meet again. 1076 00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,360 Thanks, friends. 1077 00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,400 Good night. 1078 00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,280 Take gentle care of yourselves and one another. 1079 00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:53,360 It's the best we can do.