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Welcome, friends, to the Congregational Leaders Conversation.

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This monthly program offers an opportunity to

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hear from experienced and expert guest speakers on

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topics of interest to congregational leaders and to be in conversation with them and one another

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about what you're noticing in your own congregations.

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You can expect a lively discussion each month.

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We do record these meetings and post them on our website

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for those who want to access them later.

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And we forgot to press record

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at the beginning of this meeting a couple of days ago

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So I am re-recording the intro for you right now.

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My name is Lauren Wyeth.

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My pronouns are she or they, and I'm

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a white person in my mid-50s with

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blondish brown shoulder length, curlyish hair

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I'm wearing now a plaid flannel shirt.

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I was wearing a different plaid flannel shirt when the program was recorded.

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I am still sitting here in my home office in

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South Minneapolis, Minnesota, and there's a bulletin

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board behind me with our shared UU values over

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one shoulder and behind me over the other shoulder is a bookcase

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with a chalice.

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I serve on your Mid-America congregational life staff team for the UUA.

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We have in this January

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2026 program, Amy Kent as our tech host

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and my colleague, QuianaDenea Perkins and I as

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your co-hosts for the monthly program, as we always are

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and this month's guest facilitator is our

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colleague, the Rev. Jami Yandle.

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Jami serves as the UUA's transgender support specialist.

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And our guest speaker was the Reverend

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Sean Neil-Barron, who was the editor and lead author of Glitter Blessed

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a collection of blessings for queer and trans

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lives that you need to get your hands on if you haven't already.

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Our guests will introduce themselves more fully later in the program.

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Welcome.

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We're so glad you've joined us.

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Hello, hello, hello, and good evening friends.

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I'm so glad that we are traveling together.

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I am an African-American woman or black.

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I have colorful glasses on.

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I have on a headband, but my locks go past the screen.

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They're very long and they're thick and black.

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I have on a blue shirt and a moose necklace and I

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have some wall art in my home office here.

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I am in Ann Arbor, Michigan,

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and I serve as the congregational life consultant

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on the MidAmerica staff and my primary contact group of are the Smalls.

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We love the Smalls.

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And it is just a balmy seven degrees here.

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Before we dive into our program, we

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want to give you a sense of this evening's happenings.

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Coming up next, we will take a few minutes to

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light our chalice and ground ourselves.

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Then we'll take some time to reflect on our own what's

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happening in our own congregations before introducing ourselves in small breakout groups.

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When we come back together, we'll hear from our guests

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for about a half an hour, and following their conversation,

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we'll have a chance to process in those breakout groups again and

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then come back for some facilitated Q&A time.

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We will close our time together by 9 p.m

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Eastern, or 6 p.m.

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Pacific, depending on what coast you're on.

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If you are not wanting or not able to

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unmute and participate in the breakout groups this evening, please

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put a Q in front of your name for quiet

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at the front of your name, put that Q there, and we know to put you in the quiet

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room when it's time to be sorted into groups.

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Lauren, thanks QuianaDenea. 

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All right.

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There's always time for a breath,

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so take a moment if you will to get settled in,

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whatever that means for you in the space that you're in.

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If it's helpful for you to take a few deep breaths, do that,

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if it's helpful for you to wiggle a little bit

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or just so you're just a little bit more comfortable in the space you occupy.

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Please take time for yourself to do that.

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And I'm going to light our chalice in just

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a moment with some words from Sean Neil-Barron

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from this book.

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In the pieces titled A Blessing Before the Next Shoe Drops.

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Blessed are

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you who know the world is no just place,

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that it doesn't get better unless we drag it, kicking and screaming toward mercy.

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The battle never ceases, friend.

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Blessed are you who still

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stop and watch the light hit your lover's face just right.

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Who noticed the kid on the bus reading the book that saved your life once?

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Who know the revolution, who

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know that revolution starts with refusing to let them kill the tender parts of you?

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The miracle isn't that we're winning.

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The miracle is that we're still here,

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still choosing each other, still believing tomorrow deserves us.

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I'm Reverend Jami Yandle.

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My pronouns are they and them.

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I'm joining you from my office in Austin, Texas.

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Hello to all the Texas folks I see you.

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We survived the ice storm, but our internet is out.

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So

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I'm now on a hotspot, so hopefully it stays for the duration of this.

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I'm wearing a blue shirt layered with a

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darker blue button up and I have red hair, blue eyes, and pale skin.

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I serve as the UUA transgender support specialist providing

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direct care and emotional support for our trans community within Unitarian Universalism

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and beyond.

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I am also a board certified chaplain and the creator

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and lead facilitator of the Woodlands in all ages, monthly online

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pastoral care program for transgender folks and their folks.

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And I have the honor of introducing Sean.

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Reverend Sean Neil-Barron

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serves as an associate minister at Foothills Church in Fort Collin, Colorado.

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Sean brings a kaleidoscopic spirit to his

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ministry, shifting fluidly between pastoral care, justice,

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advocacy, and often bold expressions of queer sacredness,

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creating a vessel for all people to experience

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reflection and community in unexpected and deeply authentic ways.

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We ask that you stay muted for the presentation.

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You are welcome to put any questions for us in the chat for the Q&A later.

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So without

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further ado, I want to say that we're going to be using experts from this book called Glitter Blessed.

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Don't worry if you don't have it.

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We'll be reading to you and from it.

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But also if you're interested in it, hopefully somebody will put that in the chat because it is amazing.

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And first and foremost, Sean, I want to say this was a project that you started

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went through Kickstarter and I think you had a goal of like five

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grand and it wound up being over, I'm not good at numbers.

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Yeah, I think we just needed about like $2,000 to make it happen.

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And we ended up getting about $11,000, which was amazing.

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And what I really love is in in the story of that

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initially, you had colleagues and friends sign off and give some money here and there.

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And then you said that the list grew to people you

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didn't even know, and it just went, it went out into other communities.

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It was, you know, there's those people that will

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give you money or show up for you because they love

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you, even if you're not doing, you know, even if it's not worth it

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to anyone else, like the people that just love you.

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Like that was, you know, that was the inner circle and it feels great.

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And then I had this experience where like I

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gave like a digital copy to a bunch of people.

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I was like, hey, just have this

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And then people bought it after that.

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And I was like, wow, there's something in this that even though

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you didn't need to buy it, you wanted to be a part of this,

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which has been a really neat thing because it's so needed right now.

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We need to speak into the lives of queer and trans people because our society

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is trying to tell us one story about those things

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and it isn't the story that's real.

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Well, that leads into

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the ethic of care, which you and I have talked about at length before getting

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prepared, preppered.

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Is that a new word?

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Prepared.

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And I just, I think there's

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something to this idea of

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you care about the person before you get

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in your head about correct pronouns.

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Because instead of a conversation, if you are, to be clear, pronouns are important.

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They are important to me.

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They are important to other people

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But if you get so wrapped up of like getting

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it right, you lose the human connection.

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So I think there's something to the ethic of care first.

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And then the pronouns follow.

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Like it will just be correct because you understand that person.

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Yeah, I'm so I don't know how many

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of you didn't grow up around a

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lot of folks that were queer and trans, but that is

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a lot of our experiences, even if we are queer and trans.

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And what I've noticed in our congregations

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is that there is this deep desire,

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you know, a stated desire, and often a heartfelt desire to be inclusive

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right?

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We want to figure out how to make spaces, how to make places,

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how to do the work, because we know it matters.

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And then when we get into those moments where maybe we're meeting someone who queer and trans for the first time.

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We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get it right.

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We're like, oh my God, this is the moment I've been preparing for.

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And then all of the like, you know, all of the

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thinking, all of the unlearning and the relearning that we've done kind of like

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freezes and we don't, we just kind of don't know what to do.

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And then we maybe we mess up and we say the wrong pronoun,

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we say something something wrong, and then we kind of just spiral.

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And I see it all the time.

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And my congregation is just, we want to do the right thing often.

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We're not always sure what it is.

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And then we get stuck.

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And one thing from El

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Capitan and Reverend Michael Slack, who have the transforming

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Hearts Collectives, who are helping a lot of our congregations do this work.

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And if you're looking for an amazing curriculum to help your

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congregation be more inclusive and engaging and think critically

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about what it means to be transinclusive, I would really recommend the transforming

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Hearts Collective and maybe someone can drop a link into the chat for you all because they truly are doing amazing work.

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But they kind of framed this in a way that was really helpful for me.

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They just said, what if we approached these moments from an ethic of care?

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And so it isn't about getting it right.

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And it just kind of made

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me pause, because I really like to get things right.

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I don't know if any of you like to get things right.

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But, you know, you can tell when

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someone makes a mistake, that they cared.

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Like, there's a difference instead of like, oh, I made a mistake.

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And then they just kind of like move on, you like see it and feel it

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in your body and in their body that like, oh, it mattered that they got it right.

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And then they can ask you that question and they're like, hey,

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I don't really know how to ask this correctly, but 

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I don't know how to address you and I really want to do it well.

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You know, there's like this heart opening space,

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which says like leads with that care.

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And that is the thing that I like want our congregations and

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are the people in our congregations to take to heart the most.

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It isn't like learn all the rules to get it right

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I want you to ground yourself in your care.

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Because queer and trans people, they need it more than ever right now.

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And that's like one thing that I've been wanting, like just everyone to know is how

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how hard it is for queer and trans people,

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especially trans folks right now in this political climate.

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I don't know, you want to like share

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a little bit of your advantage point of what you're you're seeing in that area?

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Yeah, I think, I think it's very,

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it's life-threatening in ways that a lot of cisgender people don't

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know, and there's full underground

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rainbow railroads to try to get people to safety.

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And there's no such thing as safety.

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And what do you do in a red state?

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When do you just want to get to a bigger place like Austin?

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We have a lot of people come in from more rural parts of Texas

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just to get to Austin because it's safer than other places.

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And I do think at the end of the day, when when I

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met with miss-gendering, where

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if it's done with compassion, I have so much more room than

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it being done on purpose, which makes sense, right?

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But there really is an exchange between, oh, I

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got that wrong and correct and move on because it's not the end of the world that it happened.

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And

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I understand social construction and I understand what I appear like.

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And I understand all these things that were taught

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from a young age and assigned at birth from a young age.

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And so growing and flexing that and saying, like, what if it's not that?

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And what if it actually is a performance?

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And what if this?

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And so inviting cisgender or people and also

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non-binary and trans people into a conversation of compassion

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about it instead of it just being like this elephant in the room and we're all going to freak out about it.

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It's okay.

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We're human.

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00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:34,279
And on that note, Sean, I was wondering if you could read

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one of your pieces from your own book.

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00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:41,679
It's called a Blessing for Chosen Family, which is a lie from your book.

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00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,720
I want to say one thing about one of my

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goals that we like half succeeded with this book

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00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:51,519
is that I wanted to write and collect blessings that

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00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:55,279
when people read them would only resonate with some

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00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,279
people, which is a weird thing to say, maybe, but

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I think we've all had an experience of reading something or receiving a blessing

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or receiving like, like some

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00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:10,080
sort of like poem or sacred text.

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And it feels like it speaks to the particularity of our life in

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00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:17,039
a way that like the person had to know the insides

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00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:19,600
of our life to be able to write it.

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00:15:19,639 --> 00:15:21,639
And they couldn't have done it from the outside.

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00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,879
And so I was trying to collect things that spoke

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00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:28,200
to different parts of my life, different parts of other people's lives

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00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,759
that would do that.

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And chosen family is a big part of my life.

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It saved my life over and over again.

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And so this is a blessing that I wrote

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for that.

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00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,720
And in particular for Jessica and Leanna, who are this wonderful,

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queer couple who are a part of my family's chosen family, who

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have literally saved my life over and over again.

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So a blessing for Chosen Family, which is a lie.

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00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,840
It's a lie, the chosen part,

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not the blessing, as if you picked us

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00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,879
from a catalogue, as if you could have walked away

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00:16:04,639 --> 00:16:07,639
as if this were a door, you opened instead of a

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00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:12,799
threshold you fell through, stumbling, half-dressed, caring nothing but you're breaking.

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00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:15,559
We don't choose family.

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00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:17,600
Family chooses us.

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00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,159
It assembles itself the way rivers assemble.

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00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,159
Stitching and committing, entangling and retangling,

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00:16:25,159 --> 00:16:28,679
wearing grooves in the landscape of you until

283
00:16:28,679 --> 00:16:31,480
there's no telling where you end and the current begins

284
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,399
And until the choosing is done for you, for

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00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:41,159
us, until one morning you wake up with keys to three apartments you don't live in.

286
00:16:41,159 --> 00:16:44,279
And someone else's kids call you Auntie, and you

287
00:16:44,279 --> 00:16:47,080
don't remember agreeing to this, but here you are

288
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,600
stuck.

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00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,960
Stuck in the best way, Stuck like

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00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,440
roots finding water, stuck like the scar that's

291
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,639
stronger than what it healed.

292
00:16:57,679 --> 00:17:01,039
Because family that finds you doesn't

293
00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:05,359
ask if you're ready and arrives with groceries when you're too broken to eat.

294
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:10,279
It sits in the ER at 3 a.m., learning the shape of your fear.

295
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,319
It knows your coffee order and your therapist's name,

296
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:17,079
and which Ex you don't mention, and it knows because

297
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,759
it stayed, not because you chose it.

298
00:17:20,279 --> 00:17:23,799
but because it chose you back again and again in

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00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:25,920
the small ways that build a world.

300
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,440
This is what happens when you stop trying

301
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,200
to construct love and let it construct you instead.

302
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,039
Blessed are the ones who stayed when they could have left.

303
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,559
Blessings are the one who left and came

304
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,839
back different better ready.

305
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:46,000
Blessed are the midnight calls and the I'm

306
00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:49,200
five minutes away text and the way someone remembers your birthday

307
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,359
when you're trying to forget you were even born.

308
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,960
May you be chosen.

309
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,960
May you choose back.

310
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,000
May the family that finds you be stubborn,

311
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,119
as mourning, tender as truth, wild as

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00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:06,519
the actual shape love makes when no one is watching.

313
00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:09,559
May your family tree grow sideways, backwards

314
00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:14,400
in loops and spirals, a constellation that refuses the straight line from root to branch.

315
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,480
May it tangle like galaxies, like Mycelium, like the actual

316
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:23,640
shape of how love moves when you stop forcing it into charts that only know up and down.

317
00:18:24,839 --> 00:18:27,839
May you be held in a web with tops

318
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:31,119
and bottoms and verses and switch, a constellation that

319
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,880
refuses hierarchy that says, everyone gets to hold and be

320
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:39,000
held until you can't tell who's holding who anymore.

321
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,640
And it doesn't matter because you're all holding each other,

322
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,920
and that's what keeps the whole damn thing from collapsing.

323
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,759
One thing that I, obviously, that was amazing, and it brought forth a

324
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:57,400
lot of themes, like resonating with

325
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,160
accompaniment inside of congregations and the power there,

326
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,880
care over correctedness, relationships over performance.

327
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,640
Community as survival is what I think is really

328
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,359
obviously what we're seeing with ICE is just terrible and

329
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:16,440
how, how it's happening, how we're so powerful as a community,

330
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,559
literally our neighbors, getting to know our neighbors, getting to know

331
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,559
the people around you, and extending your network

332
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,720
I once met

333
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,680
a couple and they were telling me about the church that they go to.

334
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,920
And they said, yeah, we're the youngest people in this church by

335
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,960
50 years.

336
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,519
And I was like, that's that's a big, that's a

337
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:43,880
big, that's a big difference because you're in your 20s.

338
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,440
So like, that's, that's a big difference.

339
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,720
And I was like, why, why did you, why do you keep going to this church?

340
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:54,240
And they said, well, we showed up and the people were really warm.

341
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,960
And then we got a cancer diagnosis

342
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,240
and they showed up with so many many casseroles.

343
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:03,920
We had to tell them to stop.

344
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,720
And they

345
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,519
formed that community of survival around us.

346
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:15,480
And so we're not going to any other church, even though we don't like the music.

347
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,759
And even though we don't really resonate with

348
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:22,160
all of the things that are going on at other people's lives because they're so different

349
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,720
than us, like we're each other's people.

350
00:20:25,279 --> 00:20:28,279
And I feel like that's one place that churches have right in these moments is

351
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:31,759
just like this capacity to be that for each other.

352
00:20:31,759 --> 00:20:34,880
And I think is what I love about queer and trans families and

353
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:39,200
family systems that we can all learn is that like this idea of family that is, you know, only

354
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:42,839
in a tree that descends from who you gave

355
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:47,160
birth to is not the way families are really constructed.

356
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,160
And I think, we can show that we can model that.

357
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,920
We can be that for each other, and it all comes from that care

358
00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:55,759
right?

359
00:20:55,759 --> 00:20:57,279
It all comes from that sense of like, wow.

360
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,680
I don't want you to suffer.

361
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:09,240
And I'm I'm going to inconvenience myself,

362
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,400
and it's not going to feel.

363
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,839
It's going to feel inconvenient, but a good inconvenient, right?

364
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:21,839
I think about two, you

365
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:25,480
know, we talk about queering something, queering,

366
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:29,160
and you can queer anything around for the record in

367
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:34,319
your life, but queering the concept of what, what the family is.

368
00:21:34,319 --> 00:21:36,319
And it's not just mom, dad

369
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,680
two kids.

370
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,720
It's larger than that.

371
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,880
And it's

372
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:47,359
this invitation to like, I have seen in my congregation, like,

373
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,240
if we' if we're if we're able to be real with each other about

374
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,519
what's going on in our lives, actually, we realize

375
00:21:54,559 --> 00:21:57,559
that so much of our lives are queer.

376
00:21:57,559 --> 00:22:00,920
And not in not necessarily in an identity

377
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,559
way of like being associated with LGBTQ world, although,

378
00:22:04,559 --> 00:22:06,599
if that is congratulations, I love that.

379
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,920
I'm the big proponent.

380
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,119
I'm trying to recruit everyone.

381
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:14,559
But mostly that like actually being human is a really strange thing.

382
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:17,839
And most of us don't fit all

383
00:22:17,839 --> 00:22:21,119
the way into anything of being these categories that we've made to

384
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,400
try to understand who we are and what it means to be in this world

385
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,559
And I think queerness gives us this freedom to say that the

386
00:22:28,559 --> 00:22:34,440
boxes and the constructions that we've been made, that we've been inherited are not the ones we need to pass on.

387
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,599
And they may not be able to contain all that is me

388
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:42,079
and you, and that that's actually such a fruitful place of care and curiosity

389
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,559
that like,

390
00:22:45,559 --> 00:22:49,319
you know, I can see Jami's pronouns as they and them.

391
00:22:49,319 --> 00:22:52,319
And I could think, oh, I'm putting Jami

392
00:22:52,319 --> 00:22:54,640
into the they them box now.

393
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,400
and I know how to deal with the they/thems.

394
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,000
Or I could say, I wonder what the story is behind that.

395
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:06,359
I wonder why those pronouns are the ones that that what did they point to?

396
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,359
What is the experience?

397
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:09,799
What is the expression?

398
00:23:09,799 --> 00:23:11,279
What is the history there?

399
00:23:11,279 --> 00:23:15,839
And of course, please do not ask us the first time you meet someone with pronouns like that.

400
00:23:15,839 --> 00:23:17,839
That is not great.

401
00:23:17,839 --> 00:23:18,759
That does not show care.

402
00:23:18,759 --> 00:23:21,359
I don't want to come up to you after I meet you and ask you invasive questions

403
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,680
about, you know, everything about your life

404
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,240
Like, don't do that.

405
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:27,440
That's not caring.

406
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,079
But if I got into a relationship in which Jami trusts me and I could say, hey, I've got a question.

407
00:23:31,079 --> 00:23:33,279
You don't have to answer, but I'm really curious.

408
00:23:33,319 --> 00:23:36,359
What does the they and them point to in your experience of being human?

409
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,000
And we actually have enough trust that they would answer

410
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,960
like, what a beautiful moment.

411
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,160
What a beautiful blessing to get to experience that for each other.

412
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,519
And I think that's what we're searching for in this life and

413
00:23:47,519 --> 00:23:50,880
what we can provide each other is that witness and that, that connection.

414
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,279
And then hopefully solidarity, right?

415
00:23:53,279 --> 00:23:57,960
I feel like that's the next piece is that like, then I hear of the laws that are being passed

416
00:23:58,799 --> 00:24:01,839
And then I hear about all of these things and it changes something in

417
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,880
me. because it's not theoretical.

418
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,759
It's Jami that they're targeting.

419
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,960
Sorry to make that just personally about you.

420
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,960
But you know what I mean?

421
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,039
Yes.

422
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:18,240
And I would love somebody to ask me

423
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,160
about my pronouns as opposed to what are they?

424
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,359
That would be an amazing experience.

425
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:27,440
So you talked about law and that can us right into

426
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:32,359
Sam Ames is somebody who is a,

427
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:37,039
is affiliated with the UU community, is a

428
00:24:37,039 --> 00:24:40,519
lawyer for social justice rights, and worked

429
00:24:40,519 --> 00:24:44,119
for the Trevor Project and worked for the White House before

430
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:49,279
Trump and did all kinds of things for trans rights and does all kinds of things.

431
00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:51,440
And there's an excerpt from your book

432
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:56,920
when we're talking about queer ancestry and trans ancestry.

433
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,599
Can you read the excerpt, please, Sean?

434
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,599
Yeah.

435
00:25:01,599 --> 00:25:03,440
So this is from Sam.

436
00:25:04,319 --> 00:25:08,039
We don't fight because we think we're going to win.

437
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:12,720
We fight because it's how we hold on to what makes us human.

438
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,359
Queer people have spent centuries taking care of each other

439
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:21,000
protecting the people we love one night longer.

440
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,640
We don't follow hope.

441
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,319
Hope follows us.

442
00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:30,720
So Sam has this entire thing, and

443
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,359
I was recently on, we had a legal talk about what

444
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:40,160
do all the transport stuff and the how do you fly safely?

445
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,359
What does all that mean for trans folks?

446
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,880
So Sam did a Q&A with some folks?

447
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,880
And I remember saying

448
00:25:47,039 --> 00:25:51,119
before knowing about this piece, like, oh, there's still hope.

449
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,319
And so Sam was like, actually, hope follows us.

450
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,599
So I was really excited to see this piece in

451
00:25:56,599 --> 00:26:00,440
your book and to explore it a a little more because

452
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,720
it rejects a progressive narrative that we have about winning

453
00:26:04,079 --> 00:26:06,079
without despair.

454
00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:08,519
And it centers the relationship we keep talking about in care

455
00:26:08,519 --> 00:26:12,000
and endurance of the heart in queer history.

456
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,920
And particularly, law is not liberation.

457
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,960
Community is.

458
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,640
And I was just wondering, do you, how does this play out in your congregation?

459
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,640
Like, how do you talk to folks about

460
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,960
what's happening in the quote unquote real world while you're

461
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,480
also in your own literal sanctuary?

462
00:26:34,279 --> 00:26:37,680
I think there's a story that a lot of us, especially

463
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,039
white folks, especially middle class folks, that

464
00:26:41,039 --> 00:26:46,200
we've lived in a story that says there's

465
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,279
setbacks and there's pitfalls on the road

466
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:53,039
but everything, everything gets

467
00:26:53,039 --> 00:26:56,319
a little bit better if you look at the long, if you

468
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,559
look at things in the long arc of history enough.

469
00:26:58,559 --> 00:27:01,200
That's kind of the story that a lot of us have.

470
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,960
And the story that I take

471
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:09,079
from Queer History, and I think what Sam is pointing to is

472
00:27:09,079 --> 00:27:14,240
that that's probably not that's not the only story that we might take

473
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,240
because there's a lot of people who don't make it.

474
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,279
I think I have a lot

475
00:27:20,279 --> 00:27:23,519
of grief in me that it took me a really long time

476
00:27:23,519 --> 00:27:26,039
to realize was connected to

477
00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:30,359
being so disconnected from queer ancestors,

478
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,680
from generations that didn't get to live.

479
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,839
And it's of little solace,

480
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,480
I think, to them, and to me in some ways, that we got like

481
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000
gay marriage.

482
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:45,400
Right.

483
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,319
And I am gay married and I appreciate it.

484
00:27:46,319 --> 00:27:49,599
But like, it's not, it

485
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:54,680
doesn't make up for an epidemic that took away a generation of queer and trans people.

486
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,799
It doesn't, you know, the people who were like it doesn't, it doesn't make it up.

487
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:03,400
And if we think that our validity

488
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,400
or the extent of the power that we have is related to

489
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:12,200
whether or not nine people dressed in funny robes in Washington

490
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:17,519
agree that we are people.

491
00:28:17,519 --> 00:28:20,559
If we think that is the thing where the

492
00:28:20,599 --> 00:28:24,240
occupant of the White House gets to decide that what we're

493
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,759
doing matters in the end.

494
00:28:26,759 --> 00:28:29,880
And I think we're selling each other a false bill of sale,

495
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,559
because when I look at queer history, what I see is people who

496
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,920
never expected to win, didn't want

497
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,200
to give up for, well, some of them did, but the

498
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,720
parts I looked to, didn't want to give up the parts that made us who we

499
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:48,839
are to get to be accepted, but rather demanded of

500
00:28:49,279 --> 00:28:53,400
being celebrated for all of the quirky weirdness

501
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:57,720
that we have instead of just trying to assimilate.

502
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,720
And there's a piece that in

503
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,319
what Sam says, which I think is really good, that I'll that I'll read here.

504
00:29:06,599 --> 00:29:09,880
Part of the legacy we inherit as queer people is

505
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,039
that as soon as we know who we are, we know loss.

506
00:29:14,039 --> 00:29:17,160
But those who came before us did in the face

507
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,759
of that kind of temporalness, temporariness,

508
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:24,039
was to take each forward day and distill as much beautiful,

509
00:29:24,079 --> 00:29:26,240
heartbreaking, fabulous life from it as possible.

510
00:29:27,079 --> 00:29:32,119
We could probably take a lesson or two from those forebears in the difficult days ahead.

511
00:29:32,119 --> 00:29:35,160
If we only fight because we win, we aren't

512
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,319
going to last as long as we're needed.

513
00:29:37,319 --> 00:29:39,319
Look around at our country.

514
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:41,839
And I'm thinking particularly of what I've heard from Minneapolis

515
00:29:42,319 --> 00:29:45,960
and the resistance there in

516
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,200
that Sam continues,

517
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,160
I don't have a lot in common with the people who are winning right now.

518
00:29:54,079 --> 00:29:56,079
I don't want to.

519
00:29:56,079 --> 00:29:57,440
I don't think you do either.

520
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,119
Our ancestors weren't winners.

521
00:29:59,119 --> 00:30:00,920
They were freaks and weirdos.

522
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,720
And I say this with great pride.

523
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,759
Queer people are and always have been losers

524
00:30:05,759 --> 00:30:08,279
and were really, really good at it.

525
00:30:08,279 --> 00:30:11,079
The truth is winners are no good in a fight

526
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:15,119
Hope is too fragile a muscle.

527
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:18,599
When push comes to shove, I pick the losers every time.

528
00:30:18,599 --> 00:30:20,599
We live past hope.

529
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:23,920
We fight because we love each other too much to listen to reason.

530
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,640
And we're still here, not because we won, but because we're part of what it means to be human.

531
00:30:29,039 --> 00:30:32,039
And I feel like that's what I've

532
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:35,200
heard from Minneapolis in these stories is that it's

533
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,240
not about, you know, it wasn't this expectation that

534
00:30:39,359 --> 00:30:41,359
that things would change.

535
00:30:41,359 --> 00:30:45,079
But it was a fierce determination that they fricking

536
00:30:45,079 --> 00:30:47,160
loved their neighbors.

537
00:30:48,119 --> 00:30:51,640
Period, and that it wasn't about winning.

538
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,079
It was just about showing up for each other.

539
00:30:54,079 --> 00:30:57,079
And if you could prevent a deportation, a kidnapping for a

540
00:30:57,079 --> 00:31:00,599
day, a week, that that mattered enough, and that

541
00:31:00,599 --> 00:31:03,039
if you expect if you only do things because you're going to win

542
00:31:03,599 --> 00:31:08,160
well, you, you should just play rigged checkers or something.

543
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,160
I don't know.

544
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,920
Like that's, find a better game to play than life.

545
00:31:14,119 --> 00:31:19,319
And I think that that's sometimes our people are, I love our people to death.

546
00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:22,319
And sometimes we some of us,

547
00:31:22,319 --> 00:31:25,960
expect that if we try hard enough, we'll win.

548
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:29,880
And I don't think that's

549
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,160
the only theology that's not the only theology we can bring.

550
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,440
I think I used to fall into that.

551
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,759
It was a really hard lesson that that's, you know, you can try and you can show up and you can protest.

552
00:31:41,759 --> 00:31:46,200
And I was a part of the equality marriage campaign and

553
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,599
Occupy Wall Street and just some ups and downs,

554
00:31:50,599 --> 00:31:54,359
things that we can view as success and failures and a lot we learned.

555
00:31:54,359 --> 00:31:57,960
And it really was about the friends you meet along the way.

556
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,119
I mean, as cliche as that is, but it from

557
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:05,039
those communities that were formed, there's these other branch off communities

558
00:32:05,039 --> 00:32:09,640
and then this community is doing this, and now we're doing this and now we have already learned how to network like this.

559
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,160
Yeah.

560
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,000
And that's what, I mean, I'm talking about Minneapolis because my colleagues

561
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:18,480
were just there and I'm here with a lot of people who are there and I'm looking at Lauren and my screen up there.

562
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,799
And, QuianaDenea, all these folks.  

563
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,759
what I've heard is that like the resistance

564
00:32:24,799 --> 00:32:29,400
that we're like that I'm marveling from from afar, because that's what I am doing.

565
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,400
What I'm hearing is that this was built

566
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:36,160
after George Floyd, and it was built during Climate Justice.

567
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,240
And it was built doing other local

568
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,880
you know, resistance stuff.

569
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,839
And it's, and so like all of these things matter.

570
00:32:42,839 --> 00:32:47,160
They all came together and like, we haven't, we haven't stopped climate change.

571
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,160
Sorry, we haven't yet.

572
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,039
But, but like those, those relationships

573
00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:55,799
end up practice and the infrastructure of that activism and that liberation

574
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,519
movement was able to be deployed in this way now.

575
00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:02,640
And so I think sometimes in our congregations,

576
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,960
we think about the work we're doing and as like conflictual against each other,

577
00:33:08,759 --> 00:33:11,759
that if the Green Sanctuary Committee gets more

578
00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:15,039
time and more press than the Racial Justice

579
00:33:15,079 --> 00:33:19,319
committee, that like that means that we don't care about this or that,

580
00:33:19,319 --> 00:33:23,160
you know, instead of thinking, oh, actually, these things are part of the same.

581
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,720
But like, I mean, the fascists are coming for all of us just

582
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,160
in in a specific order.

583
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:33,039
And so if we think about that, we need to, anyways, I'm getting ahead.

584
00:33:33,079 --> 00:33:35,079
What were we talking about, Jami?

585
00:33:35,079 --> 00:33:38,880
I just want to say, too, it's we have different generations right here

586
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,599
and that have a lot of this wisdom already.

587
00:33:42,599 --> 00:33:46,359
Also, that help guide these things of like, watch out for this.

588
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:50,039
We had to face this and this is different, but this is the same.

589
00:33:50,039 --> 00:33:53,079
And collectively, I think this is what we talk about, collective

590
00:33:53,119 --> 00:33:56,240
liberation, we can all get free from each other's wisdom.

591
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,839
With each other's wisdom, from each other's wisdom, all of it.

592
00:34:00,839 --> 00:34:02,839
Yeah.

593
00:34:02,839 --> 00:34:03,799
We have like three minutes left, I think.

594
00:34:03,799 --> 00:34:06,839
Maybe we have time for one more, one more reading

595
00:34:06,839 --> 00:34:10,480
from Jess Martinez Hunt.

596
00:34:11,639 --> 00:34:13,639
I think it's when the dam breaks.

597
00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:15,280
Let it be glitter.

598
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,480
Yeah.

599
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,920
May the rush be spectacular.

600
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,920
May it sparkle with all the pieces you

601
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,519
no longer need to carry the two small expectations,

602
00:34:26,519 --> 00:34:30,639
the worn out disguises, the heavy shoulds you kept out of duty

603
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,920
Let them all go shimmering downstream.

604
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:42,239
I don't have anything to add.

605
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,239
I don't know.

606
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:44,679
I feel like that's a powerful moment to end on.

607
00:34:46,159 --> 00:34:49,199
I think that they would be full reading ends

608
00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:54,039
with, I think, may it arrive without apology, may it sparkle?

609
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,840
Yes, this,

610
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:03,960
when we talked previously, you talked about the power of glitter

611
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,679
blessings and how I actually do have one more thing.

612
00:35:07,679 --> 00:35:10,679
You said, correct me

613
00:35:10,679 --> 00:35:14,280
if I'm wrong, but you said, even if you choose to not get a glitter blessing

614
00:35:14,599 --> 00:35:17,519
that morning, glitter gets everywhere.

615
00:35:17,519 --> 00:35:19,519
And it's another.

616
00:35:19,519 --> 00:35:21,280
Yeah.

617
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,159
So some of you, the title comes from

618
00:35:23,159 --> 00:35:26,519
this practice that many clergy and other

619
00:35:26,519 --> 00:35:30,119
faith folks have been doing of going into communities at pride and

620
00:35:30,119 --> 00:35:32,760
other times with glitter and offering blessings.

621
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,519
And so this has been a part of life for years.

622
00:35:35,519 --> 00:35:37,519
I know that

623
00:35:37,519 --> 00:35:39,599
folks in Milwaukee, Kimberly, I think,

624
00:35:39,599 --> 00:35:43,199
was a big progenitor of this practice.

625
00:35:43,199 --> 00:35:46,199
And for me, like it's this moment where I like ask someone what they might

626
00:35:46,199 --> 00:35:49,599
need a blessing for, and then I kind of pray, I get all,

627
00:35:49,639 --> 00:35:53,519
UU evangelical on them without doing any conversion,

628
00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,719
but I just, you know, I pray and it's that care, right?

629
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,760
I'm just like, I'm going to care for you

630
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,000
whatever the thing is, because I know there's so few places that

631
00:36:01,039 --> 00:36:04,199
you could go that someone would look at your, you

632
00:36:04,199 --> 00:36:08,280
know, your, the poly trio that's coming towards me,

633
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,119
the, the young kid who's worried about telling their parents about

634
00:36:12,119 --> 00:36:15,360
what's going on, and that I'll just, that I want to receive it

635
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,760
But, and then I'll say a prayer and put glitter on wherever they want me to put glitter.

636
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,880
And, you know, I do this for like a couple hours, maybe longer.

637
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,760
And I usually don't get blessed because I'm doing the blessings.

638
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,039
But then like I get home and like literally I look at my pants

639
00:36:30,599 --> 00:36:34,719
and I look at my shirt and my hair and it's just everywhere.

640
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,800
And then, and then I like got in my car the next week and I realized

641
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,559
that embedded in my steering wheel was glitter.

642
00:36:40,559 --> 00:36:43,719
Like it was just like my sweat plus the glitter had

643
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:48,559
just created this super cement that had then put it in there and it's like still there

644
00:36:49,199 --> 00:36:52,320
And for me, it was just this moment of like,

645
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:57,599
oh yeah, when we bless each other, we can't help but bless ourselves.

646
00:36:57,599 --> 00:37:01,199
Like that is that, that's the whole metaphor, right?

647
00:37:01,199 --> 00:37:03,519
Like it is that experience.

648
00:37:03,559 --> 00:37:05,559
And if it comes from that care

649
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,960
and it is recognizing the particularness of each other and

650
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,360
how we move into those moments, like we can't help but

651
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:16,199
have something that changes us and maybe

652
00:37:16,199 --> 00:37:21,360
even, you know, infuses more parts of our lives than we want.

653
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,840
And I'd say those are the experiences that I've had that have really

654
00:37:25,159 --> 00:37:28,320
changed me are the things that

655
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,719
have got into myself heart despite

656
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,639
my best intentions, because I

657
00:37:35,639 --> 00:37:39,159
like to have control and decide what I care about.

658
00:37:39,199 --> 00:37:42,199
But then there's some people in situations that just get in

659
00:37:42,199 --> 00:37:44,599
there and then I realize that I love them.

660
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:47,599
And that means that I need to show up for them in ways that really

661
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:50,599
inconvenience me because I'm actually super selfish.

662
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000
Sorry.

663
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:58,239
Ah, that's ridiculously beautiful, Sean.

664
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,320
And Jami, I'm so grateful for

665
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,400
you being our facilitator this evening.

666
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,039
I'm so grateful to both of you for making

667
00:38:07,039 --> 00:38:09,079
good use of our faith

668
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,199
Like, I love it when Unitarian Universalism gets

669
00:38:13,199 --> 00:38:16,599
used like where it is mostly needed.

670
00:38:16,639 --> 00:38:19,880
And I love the queering of Unitarian Universalism.

671
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,920
I think it is it is what gives me hope and sitting

672
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,679
right here in my South Minneapolis attic right now, what

673
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:30,079
you are preaching about, the two of you is what I need to hear.

674
00:38:30,079 --> 00:38:32,159
The crossover is clear to me.

675
00:38:32,159 --> 00:38:34,159
I'm so grateful for you and

676
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:37,880
and your ministries and for your willingness to be with us tonight.

677
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,239
And we're about to go out and breakout groups and give folks

678
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,480
a chance to talk about how they've been impacted

679
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,880
by what they've heard from you tonight.

680
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,400
And then we'll come back for some Q&A

681
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,519
So welcome back from your breakout groups.

682
00:38:51,519 --> 00:38:54,519
And now is the time for the Q&A. So

683
00:38:54,519 --> 00:38:58,599
if you have a question, drop it in the chat and I

684
00:38:58,599 --> 00:39:01,960
will ask Sean, or we will ask each other or we

685
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,840
will get your question into the conversation.

686
00:39:17,199 --> 00:39:19,599
I will kick us off with a question.

687
00:39:19,599 --> 00:39:23,079
So, Sean,

688
00:39:23,079 --> 00:39:27,559
you were saying how your congregation is,

689
00:39:27,559 --> 00:39:30,840
you didn't say this at this venue, but in passing,

690
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,239
how it's very queer and trans and

691
00:39:34,599 --> 00:39:38,239
did you, were you like just like the queer minister?

692
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,239
So queer people just came there?

693
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,079
Or was it an intentional thing in the community?

694
00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:44,079
How did that happen?

695
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,519
I mean, there was when I arrived, there's

696
00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:50,679
kind of two mainline churches in the town and one had all the gay men

697
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:54,199
and one had all the lesbians, and we were the lesbians.

698
00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:59,000
And I don't know how that happened, but that was what happened.

699
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,159
And it definitely

700
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,360
it was, there was a little bit of queer ministers showing up.

701
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,599
You know, you can't underestimate the power of that representation

702
00:40:08,599 --> 00:40:12,079
in the pulpit and not just from like a token

703
00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:15,599
box, but like if you can, you know, have a sense that someone

704
00:40:15,639 --> 00:40:21,280
can preach and speak to your life because they have a connection to it that that is personal.

705
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,280
I think that means something.

706
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,880
But the majority of the people who came

707
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,880
came because our congregation made a kind of commitment through

708
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,760
our ministry, through our work to show up and

709
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,519
be in relationship with the queer and trans community locally.

710
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,360
And that meant going to prides, doing the blessings.

711
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:46,760
It means we sponsored one of the drag beginners competitions.

712
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,000
It means a lot of relationship building and connections with

713
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,360
folks, a lot of really boring meetings that I went to that resulted in nothing.

714
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:58,800
You know, just like showing up consistently,

715
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,599
investing, like money.

716
00:41:02,599 --> 00:41:06,559
Like, you know, there's something that, you know, the trans day of remembrance

717
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,599
ceremony, remembrance, the community event, their funding got pulled.

718
00:41:11,599 --> 00:41:14,360
You know, we provided it.

719
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,920
It didn't ask for any recognition.

720
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,320
Like we wanted to be that trusted partner that

721
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:24,400
people could say, oh yeah, those those damn Unitarians

722
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,039
are showing up again and

723
00:41:28,039 --> 00:41:30,719
that we wanted that to be real and relational.

724
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:34,719
And I think that's the thing that led

725
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:38,199
this amazing group of mostly young,

726
00:41:38,199 --> 00:41:42,639
but not all queer and trans humans that are consistently coming back

727
00:41:43,159 --> 00:41:47,119
even though I have these moments of like, are we ready for this?

728
00:41:47,119 --> 00:41:50,840
I trust that that ethic of care that we're practicing is enough.

729
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,519
Hey, we do have a question.

730
00:41:53,559 --> 00:41:55,639
Can you please talk about this?

731
00:41:55,639 --> 00:41:57,639
Whoop, there's a question before that.

732
00:41:57,639 --> 00:42:00,159
Please speak more about engendering hope follows me

733
00:42:00,559 --> 00:42:05,280
This seems needed when we try not to lose hope or guard against having too much hope.

734
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,599
What do you think, Jami?

735
00:42:09,639 --> 00:42:13,000
There was something,

736
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,559
it is what it is.

737
00:42:15,559 --> 00:42:17,559
No, it is, will we make it?

738
00:42:17,559 --> 00:42:20,639
And I, and I'm kind of stuck there of like,

739
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,360
this is such a hard, this

740
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:29,320
is a great question because it is like messing with my head to try to explain this.

741
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:33,559
I think if you decide like, I'm going to go out and I'm going to do this thing

742
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:39,199
for myself and that hope will follow as opposed to I'm going to follow the hope.

743
00:42:39,199 --> 00:42:41,400
It's like you embodying it in your body

744
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:47,119
and then pushing it out as opposed to absorbing it from outside in.

745
00:42:47,119 --> 00:42:49,119
Does that make sense?

746
00:42:50,199 --> 00:42:54,519
I think a lot of times hope

747
00:42:54,519 --> 00:43:01,400
can be really connected to a sense of or

748
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:05,280
our sense of hope can be very quickly diminished or dashed

749
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,800
when what we yearn for, what we

750
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:13,039
desire to have realized doesn't come to be.

751
00:43:13,039 --> 00:43:16,159
And that if that happens over and over and

752
00:43:16,159 --> 00:43:18,679
over again, if our fuel

753
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,400
for our movement work, even for

754
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,000
our own personal lives, it's based on what we desire

755
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,360
coming to fruition, which if that is based in a specific

756
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,159
outcome of winning or securing those rights or whatnot

757
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,599
if that's the fuel, then I think it's

758
00:43:38,599 --> 00:43:42,840
not a very sturdy fuel if we're taking on things that really, really matter.

759
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,320
Because the things that really matter if we're thinking about

760
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,400
transforming empire, you know,

761
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,599
doing the reparations work around colonialism,

762
00:43:55,119 --> 00:43:58,159
stepping into places of deep, abuse and

763
00:43:58,159 --> 00:44:00,559
generational trauma.

764
00:44:00,559 --> 00:44:03,800
Like the guarantees that any of anything

765
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,079
we do to write those or to provide

766
00:44:07,119 --> 00:44:10,760
healing or transformation in those, I think is is not huge

767
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,840
if we're honest, right?

768
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,960
And that doesn't mean that we don't have an effect and we can't

769
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,480
win per se, but it does mean that if the thing that's going to fuel

770
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,880
us is a sense of accomplishing something, then I think our

771
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,559
hearts will be broken more often than not.

772
00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:31,760
But if our hope is that experience of who

773
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:35,239
we are to each other in in the fight.

774
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:38,280
You know, I think about, you know, I heard a lot

775
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,719
of folks, there's a Unitarian Universalist minister,

776
00:44:42,199 --> 00:44:45,199
Mark,  Mark Mosher De Wolfe, who was

777
00:44:45,199 --> 00:44:47,960
who served in Mississauga, Ontario.

778
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,480
He was one of the first kind of out gay male

779
00:44:51,519 --> 00:44:54,280
ministers in our movement, and he was HIV positive.

780
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:57,760
And he actually like ministered

781
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,800
as he was dying from AIDS.

782
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:03,199
And there's a beautiful book, a compilation of his sermons.

783
00:45:03,199 --> 00:45:05,199
And

784
00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:06,480
you know, in it, he talks about the complexities of

785
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,360
kind of gay and queer liberation,

786
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:16,039
occurring from people who who loved each

787
00:45:16,039 --> 00:45:19,199
other fiercely, were fighting and caring for each other's

788
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:23,079
bodily needs, and also were living with the realities

789
00:45:23,079 --> 00:45:27,800
that as we knew more about HIV transmission, had given each other HIV.

790
00:45:28,119 --> 00:45:32,119
And that was the complexity of our interdependence.

791
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:38,199
And so, and, you know, he died.

792
00:45:38,199 --> 00:45:41,360
Like there was there's no happy ending to his story

793
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:45,599
of like winning that battle against HIV.

794
00:45:45,639 --> 00:45:47,639
It didn't happen.

795
00:45:47,639 --> 00:45:48,480
The drugs were not there.

796
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,280
And we can talk about all the reasons they weren't there

797
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:56,320
and all of the things that could have been, could have been done on so many levels.

798
00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:01,639
But the hope he found was in the ways in which his lovers and his community

799
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:06,320
Fought, cared,

800
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,960
loved each other, despite it all.

801
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:12,679
And so if we can locate our hope in that, then

802
00:46:12,679 --> 00:46:14,719
we have a renewable resource

803
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,440
because all we need to do is keep loving and fighting and showing up

804
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,719
for each other, which is within my control.

805
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,880
It's not in my control, but the Supreme Court does.

806
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,239
I don't get to tell Trump what to do because if I did, I would just have a few notes.

807
00:46:31,599 --> 00:46:33,599
Yeah.

808
00:46:35,599 --> 00:46:37,599
Next question.

809
00:46:37,599 --> 00:46:39,760
Can you please talk about the spiritual needs of trans and queer

810
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:43,000
folks in these times, especially the unmet needs that UU

811
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,760
congregations might be able to show up for?

812
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:50,119
I think this is interesting because you and I have two different perspectives on this.

813
00:46:50,119 --> 00:46:52,119
You should go first.

814
00:46:52,119 --> 00:46:54,480
What I see from my

815
00:46:54,519 --> 00:46:58,000
role is there's this physical need for

816
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,400
shelter and money and

817
00:47:01,599 --> 00:47:05,000
to get out of really messed up environments and situations.

818
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,239
And then there's also this whole other element, which is why the Woodlands

819
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:14,360
happened, which is a pastoral care for trans folks.

820
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:18,800
And we have in Unitarian Universalism, we have trust and those folks are

821
00:47:19,159 --> 00:47:22,280
religious professionals that are doing

822
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,800
a lot to hold our religious professionals.

823
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:28,159
And then, so the idea is the Woodlands is is for our congregants

824
00:47:28,159 --> 00:47:31,880
and our congregation so that if you have a cisgender minister,

825
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,039
that is not maybe the best place to go for pastoral care

826
00:47:35,079 --> 00:47:37,960
needs, even though they're well intentioned, you have a space

827
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:40,239
that's just trans people.

828
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:44,119
And if you're a parent, you have, you have a spot to go to for

829
00:47:44,119 --> 00:47:47,760
resources for your trans kid and other UU's to talk to, I

830
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,719
say UU's it's open to everybody, but it is, but based in the

831
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,440
in

832
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,360
we have elements of

833
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:04,440
our Unitarian Universal faith, like we do a chalice  lighting and we do a grounding and then we have breakout rooms.

834
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,400
What do you have to add, Sean?

835
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,320
I want people

836
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,480
to know that

837
00:48:15,519 --> 00:48:18,639
half the conversations that

838
00:48:18,639 --> 00:48:23,239
I have with my queer and trans friends has to do with exit plans from this country.

839
00:48:24,679 --> 00:48:27,679
and that the spiritual dislocation of

840
00:48:27,679 --> 00:48:30,440
sitting in that place is huge.

841
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,440
I also think that queer and trans

842
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:38,119
people have a language and a culture and a way of being

843
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:42,719
that is beautiful and amazing and

844
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:46,400
that if parts of that were to be lifted

845
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:51,239
up and valued in their congregations, it would mean something

846
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:55,760
to see themselves and their culture not

847
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:59,239
on display, but in a place of reverence, right??

848
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,599
That we pull from a lot of sacred texts that include our direct experience

849
00:49:02,599 --> 00:49:04,679
of transcending mystery and wonder.

850
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:07,960
And for a lot of queer and trans folks, how they engage

851
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,320
in is the kind of beautiful space of queer culture and queer creativity

852
00:49:12,039 --> 00:49:16,960
I loved introducing our congregation to drag.

853
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:20,119
It has been a really powerful,

854
00:49:20,119 --> 00:49:26,639
fun, hilarious experience to do that.

855
00:49:26,679 --> 00:49:29,599
And it, you know, I had one of my

856
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:31,960
congregants come up to me.

857
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,559
So we do a drag Christmas show every year.

858
00:49:33,559 --> 00:49:36,920
And one of my congregants came up to me and said,

859
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,920
I didn't get most of what was going on there,

860
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:43,000
but I realized it wasn't for me.

861
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:46,039
And then I was, then I just enjoyed it even more.

862
00:49:46,039 --> 00:49:48,039
And

863
00:49:48,039 --> 00:49:49,880
and I think that like that is kind of,

864
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:53,360
if we could, if we could be okay in our pluralism

865
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:57,360
to lift up sources of truth from people and know that it isn't

866
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,639
for me, that I might get something from it, but not the thing that someone

867
00:50:00,639 --> 00:50:04,000
else is getting it, but I want it to show up in in our in

868
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,840
our congregations because it's worthy, I think that would go, that would make a big difference

869
00:50:08,199 --> 00:50:11,239
I'll lead into that.

870
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,880
I'd also love to hear you talk about where Joy lives in all of this.

871
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,920
Hmm.

872
00:50:18,079 --> 00:50:24,800
Joy has been hard this week.

873
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,800
Yes.

874
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:27,760
Joy's been hard this week.

875
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:31,679
It is it feels sacrilegious to say when bad things happen.

876
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:36,320
You find out like how close you are in community, but it's true when terrible things

877
00:50:37,039 --> 00:50:41,599
And then there's this beauty inside of it that happens.

878
00:50:41,599 --> 00:50:45,440
Like the where the light, what is the quote?

879
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,440
Everybody knows it.

880
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,639
The crack is where the light gets in.

881
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:55,039
And I think there's something to be in broken open.

882
00:50:55,039 --> 00:50:58,079
And, and for me personally, the

883
00:50:58,119 --> 00:51:01,719
joy is, yes, it was a hard week and yes, this and this happened,

884
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:04,519
but I still got to make it to like my kids,

885
00:51:05,079 --> 00:51:08,199
my kid is really into fencing and I got to see

886
00:51:08,199 --> 00:51:11,599
him get his, you know, advancement award.

887
00:51:11,599 --> 00:51:15,000
And it was a small thing, but that's all I needed to make it to the next day.

888
00:51:27,199 --> 00:51:30,480
I think that the idea, you know, we talk

889
00:51:30,519 --> 00:51:34,599
and we, you know, there's a phrase like joy is resistance.

890
00:51:34,599 --> 00:51:36,599
And I think that sometimes

891
00:51:37,159 --> 00:51:40,320
there may be a temptation to like,

892
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:46,000
to make that too entirely like private

893
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:50,840
in this sense of like, oh, I can go off off

894
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:54,360
into my little place and like, I can find my joy, which is, I think, important

895
00:51:54,880 --> 00:52:00,320
But I think what I see mostly is I think about the

896
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:04,880
queer ancestors who transformed Stonewall,

897
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,320
which was a riot into a parade

898
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,239
and a liberation festival,

899
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:15,440
and that all types of people were welcome there even

900
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,679
the non-respectable ones, and the ones that

901
00:52:18,679 --> 00:52:23,119
were on the margins of even the queer community had a place in there.

902
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,400
And I think about that move of saying,

903
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,679
I don't, I'm not you, but I want you to be

904
00:52:30,679 --> 00:52:33,920
you and we can still be in community even if we are not

905
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,920
the same and that we can find like a compersion, right?

906
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,440
Like a joy in your joy, even if it is not mine.

907
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,440
And I think that that is something that,

908
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:47,559
It helps me.

909
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:53,480
Are we at time?

910
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:59,480
I'm pretty sure that we are, but it was just such a deep conversation.

911
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,039
I'm like, typing notes in the chat.

912
00:53:02,079 --> 00:53:05,199
Oh, oh, oh, friends, this is so beautiful.

913
00:53:05,199 --> 00:53:08,239
And I I do want to share, there is a bunch

914
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:11,480
of links in the chat for a variety of different events that folks

915
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,639
can engage in at the UUA level.

916
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:18,360
And so please make sure you try to grab some

917
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:22,360
of those links or even just going on to UUA and saying like's

918
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,559
what we're not looking for, GLBT, you're going to find a lot of stuff even if you just do that.

919
00:53:26,559 --> 00:53:29,079
So links were open in the background.

920
00:53:29,079 --> 00:53:31,079
I'm trying to get back to this document

921
00:53:31,119 --> 00:53:33,880
You all, I want to thank Sean.

922
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,880
I want to thank Jami.

923
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:36,960
I want to thank Amy.

924
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,079
I want to thank Lauren for letting me be her partner in this work.

925
00:53:40,119 --> 00:53:43,239
If you are looking for videos of tonight's programming,

926
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,039
you will find it posted on our website in a week or so.

927
00:53:46,039 --> 00:53:48,039
Just give us some time.

928
00:53:48,039 --> 00:53:49,599
We're all doing a lot.

929
00:53:49,599 --> 00:53:52,119
And you can find recordings from the prior months are there now

930
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,639
Next month's

931
00:53:55,639 --> 00:54:00,840
presentation, just as exciting as this one, just as titillating.

932
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,400
Next month, our program falls on Tuesday, February 24th.

933
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,639
Our guest speakers will be Aisha Hauser, an accomplished religious

934
00:54:07,639 --> 00:54:11,960
educator, facilitator, author, and social justice advocate,

935
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:17,000
and who currently serves as one half of the lead ministry team for the Church of the Larger Fellowship

936
00:54:17,599 --> 00:54:20,599
Aisha  will invite us into a conversation about how

937
00:54:20,599 --> 00:54:23,960
the principles and practices of restorative justice can be applied

938
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:27,199
in our in your in the congregation.

939
00:54:27,199 --> 00:54:32,400
I'm going to hand it back to Lauren, my little duck duck gray duck.

940
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,360
Thank you, QuianaDenea.

941
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,360
What a gift ticket to work with you.

942
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,840
And we are just so grateful for

943
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,440
your presence and for your leadership and your congregation.

944
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:49,599
And we'll extinguish our chalice with... these

945
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:53,239
closing words from Sean.

946
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,480
And I'm going to invite you to receive

947
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,719
them this evening as a blessing, a blessing in

948
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:03,119
honor of the unique expression of humanity that you are.

949
00:55:04,159 --> 00:55:07,440
As Sean writes, already whole, already holy.

950
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:14,400
And this is from the piece, Wild and Free.

951
00:55:16,599 --> 00:55:21,199
What must you surrender without map, without guarantee?

952
00:55:21,199 --> 00:55:24,239
What holy chaos spills

953
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:28,360
out, what gorgeous wreckage blooms when you finally

954
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:32,079
stop pretending you were ever in control?

955
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:36,000
What drags you back to your bones,

956
00:55:36,039 --> 00:55:39,639
back to the feral electric rivers that knew you before

957
00:55:39,639 --> 00:55:43,519
you had a name, before someone convinced you that untamed

958
00:55:43,519 --> 00:55:46,159
meant broken, that wild

959
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,760
meant wrong.

960
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:51,000
Look at the barriers we built.

961
00:55:51,039 --> 00:55:54,440
Look how we cage ourselves and each other,

962
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:57,719
call it safety, call it wisdom, call it anything

963
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:01,480
but cruelty, this slow suffocation we perfected

964
00:56:02,079 --> 00:56:05,840
this violence we dress up as inevitable control,

965
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,280
as law, as love.

966
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:11,320
Hear me when I say this.

967
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:16,159
We were never trespassers here, never strangers to life

968
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:20,119
belonged from first breath, from

969
00:56:20,119 --> 00:56:23,159
the first time we screamed and meant it.

970
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:26,880
Mmm.

971
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:31,719
So grateful for you.

972
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:35,840
Grateful for your ministries, and your service.

973
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:37,840
Thank you to our guests.

974
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:42,519
Please unmute and say goodbye as you head out this evening.

975
00:56:43,159 --> 00:56:46,320
and know that you are appreciated and loved.

976
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:46,800
Thank you