so uh page 45
question four is this a belief I want to
continue to believe it hey did you say
25.
oh you see I gotta catch up
tell me we're growing a beer
congratulations thank you are you gonna
have the surgery
I mean there's a lot of surgeries I'm
not
just don't have breasts I mean are they
going away I mean they're very lovely
breasts you know no offense I just want
to make sure that you you know that
you're sure for you mutually yourself I
mean you were always such a pretty girl
wow so I haven't even know do this for
men I mean it's gonna be a lot easier to
make a hole in a bowl so I can help
trans women manage but
I am not discussing my generals with you
some of those hormonal changes are
permanent too like the beard I mean it's
not going to go away even if you stop
taking the hormones I mean that's the
points so uh Steve what did you think
about yeah just to make sure that you're
fully informed okay I mean I care about
you sometimes lesbians are pushed into
transition too and they end up
regretting the choice later I mean you
get to be a lesbian right you know you
don't have to actually transition okay
I'm just I'm gonna go now okay all right
um all right well well we're gonna
finish this chapter and we'll see you
next time
oh God Susan Susan Susan I wrote this
and I still hate her
so they were I mean first of all there
were clear signs even if you knew
nothing else Tommy was giving up clear
stop the conversation signals she
stopped and backed up and said wait a
minute I think I've crossed the line
what did I do right if nothing else if
somebody looks uncomfortable
stop
yeah and honestly
Google is free
there's a lot of bad information out
there so like oh and that's totally fair
so like in my role as the as the chair
of the queer Ministry I'm happy to
answer questions but they need to be
like factual questions like you know
what I mean like like there was almost a
good question about like how does male
reconstructive surgery work but then it
was clear she was angling to ask about
Tommy's genitals in particular and
that's just not cool right and like
asking someone about their genitals and
what type of surgeries they have they've
had or are planning to have or what kind
of medications they're taking
it's not okay I mean let's be honest we
wouldn't go up to Reverend Josh and say
hey are you circumcised right that would
be really inappropriate it would be so
inappropriate and so asking oh have you
had bottom surgery yet same thing it's
like you're asking about a surgery on
someone's genitals that they may or may
not have had for very deep personal
reasons like
don't unless you know them really well
and even then it's like can I ask you
you make sure that they're okay with it
make sure that they're comfortable that
they that you have their consent
um in this scenario these people are
near strangers it's definitely not
appropriate to be asking right
so
so when you ask ask with care
talking about Tommy's breasts and saying
how nice they are could be really
triggering for him it could make him
really uncomfortable
yeah you don't know what people's
dysphoria is about until they tell you
like I might or might not have dysphoria
around my breast you don't know so
therefore you don't know if it's okay to
say to comment on them to say that
they're good to say that they're bad to
say they should stay they say that they
should go to call them breasts a lot of
trans men call it their chest area
instead
um you know all of that might or might
not be triggering to a specific person
and if you don't know them it's not
really appropriate to bring it up unless
you've you've asked if that's okay you
know right and some people can be really
sensitive about their transitions
um because one it's extraordinarily
personal and two not everyone can get
the surgeries that they want right
whether that's because of finances or
there's not a qualified surgeon in your
area right or because of health issues
and disability yeah there are a lot of
complications that will make you just
not a good candidate for surgery so
people will just not want to operate on
the particular person right or
you know some people go over all of the
informed consent and
decide that the side effects are more
than they're willing to deal with right
now right like we get a lot of
information doctors will sit you down
and talk to you about all the different
side effects what things are permanent
what things are temporary you know we do
a lot of research and Care going into
this and so asking if are you sure I
just want to make sure you're sure like
thanks we got it we are experts in this
domain that is our bodies and our lives
that you are not an expert in so it's
almost like mansplaining or or I mean
woman's playing this case but like right
and
we are the expert in our own personal
experience right
I know my body inside and out and you
know your body inside and out and so
does Tommy right and like I know your
body pretty well because we're Partners
but like not like you do right and
and like
the things that
I'm willing to do for myself
and to talk about what other trans
people I might not be willing to talk
about with somebody like Susan right
well especially like we've seen Susan in
these before clips that would not be a
good person to talk about with she would
be like I wouldn't necessarily say that
she's necessarily transphobic but she is
not a safe person absolutely
so why don't we go ahead and take take a
look at this next clip and see how she
does better yeah let's make Susan a
safer person
what page are we on 45 uh we're about to
discuss question four is this a belief I
want to continue believing right right
tell me I see you're going to be here
congratulations thank you
you mind if I ask you a few questions
I'm just I'm kind of curious about how
transition works on the physical level I
mean you don't have to answer if you
don't want to
um I mean it depends on the question but
I'm game if you are okay well I'm just
curious about those surgeries that trans
people have
um
the trans men what do they have open to
them I mean I'm more familiar with trans
women than men
um okay so many men get Top surgery
which is like a double mastectomy it's
basically what you have when you have
breast cancer but without the
Reconstruction part obviously um and
then there's bottom surgery which is you
know to be technical you're creating a
penis out of a clitoris well how do they
manage that I mean there's not a lot of
material down there to work with you
know yeah well uh they can take when one
kind phalloplasty they take some extra
material like from your inner arm or
from your stomach and they sort of
construct it um and on the other one you
know like when you're on hormones it
gets larger they can sort of make it
more prominent and make you able they
reroute the urethra so you can pee
um so that you know that's the other
version
sting thanks for being so open about
this may I ask how do you know if and
when you're ready for surgery
um I mean it ends up being as a really
personal decision I mean some people
never have surgery other people go into
it right away sometimes even before
hormones it really just depends on the
level of dysphoria you're feeling and
the ability to pay for it all we're in a
casual Society right
um you know your doctor goes over the
risks and some people can't handle the
risks or you know their bodies just
can't handle it maybe they're too
disabled for surgery
um it just depends on the individual
person's circumstances
it's really interesting thank you so
much for talking to me about it I know
it's hard sometimes for some folks well
I always love talking to you so you're
so respectful and polite
so question four okay question four
sorry to distract us okay question four