start with chapter three I think I think
we did this oh hey hi welcome uh are you
new to the book club yeah um Tommy they
then pronounce oh hey come sit down I'm
Susan uh she her obviously I never met
someone who has made them pronouns
before I want you to know this is a
welcoming place right
um and I'm a huge trans Ally but it's
gonna be hard for me to remember for a
while I mean
you look so masculine and when I was in
school I mean name them you know we only
use those for you know groups not really
a single person so I just want you to
know that I'm a inevitably mess up of
course
um but I'm not being transphobic okay
it's just because old and us old people
you know it's hard for us to get used to
wrap our brains around it
um we never never even nerves as
non-binary stuff I mean I'm doing my
best so sometimes I eat but sometimes
you know I date trans people just get a
little sensitive and you know they don't
give us time to really adjust loot
fragile but as normal folks are honestly
trying you can really blame it I mean I
I mean it takes a while for our brains
to change you know what I mean yeah
um I I'm gonna use the restroom before
we get started oh okay well well we're
going to start with chapter three
so what we just saw is bad
oh boy so
there's a lot to unpack here yeah it's a
big suitcase it's a big suitcase so
let's just tuck right into it
when somebody introduces themselves to
you with their pronouns
a really good first step
is not to tell them how much they look
like something else yeah definitely
don't do that I mean would you like it
if I don't think Susan would have liked
you if somebody came up and said wow you
really look like a man Susan like that's
just rude don't do that absolutely so
when someone introduces themselves with
they them pronouns
we also don't need the preemptive
apology right because like look it's a
big world out there we've heard this a
million times we know you're gonna mess
up and we know it's gonna be okay you
know what I mean we know you're trying
we know that you're not doing like we
just kind of assume that everybody's
trying until they act like a dick so if
you don't act like a dick we're gonna
assume that you're doing your best and
that you know maybe today your best was
messing up and then apologizing and then
doing better that's okay you know great
and
when you make a huge deal about messing
up
it becomes less
about the person that you mess with
their pronouns for
and more about
you right and your mistake right and
that's kind of what the the big
preemptive apology is really about it's
about making it's about Susan making
herself feel more comfortable rather
than making Tommy feel more welcome
right
and I and I've definitely been in
Tommy's shoes I have unusual programs
um I use Neo pronouns which are well
we'll get to that in a later episode
um and so I've definitely had people do
that and it always just kind of makes me
feel
worse it's it's like othering right it's
like it's telling you that like you your
pronouns are not normal your pronouns
are bad we don't we don't want to deal
with them but we have to because of you
and it's just it's it's gross you know
well it also makes me feel bad if I
correct somebody because I know you're
trying I'm reminding you of my pronouns
because I know you're trying and
honestly like
Nobody's Perfect Right
even us trans folks mess up right we
mess up all the time exactly pronouns we
must have pronouns for our friends it
happens sometimes
the brain just shorts out and you mess
up and that's fine but when you make a
big deal about it and start degrading
yourself or messing up
it makes us unable to have autonomy in
our pronouns and our Corrections right
and like
I think one of the reasons why and a
thing that I've noticed in myself at
least I can't speak for everybody but
one of the reasons why like I mess up
pronouns is if I don't quite have the
gender correct in my head like I'll mess
up pronouns way more if I knew somebody
under a different set of pronouns and
then had to change it's because like
there's lag time I'm still updating you
know but like if I spend time thinking
about them trying to like cast them in
rolls in my head that the the gender
they are does like if somebody has him
pronouns and they look really feminine
and I'll start trying to think about
them like you know maybe they like
boxing maybe he likes you know
Street Fighter I don't know like try to
think of him as masculine as possible
until my brain gets the correction oh
that's a heat and then usually it stinks
yeah I think that's a really good idea
why don't we go back and see how Susan
and Tommy could actually do this better
yeah let's roll the tape
okay so I think we're on chapter three
right yeah
okay oh hey hi welcome are you new to
the book club yeah yeah
I'm Tommy uh they then pronounce okay
Dana got it I'll do my best
so um how did you like the book did you
get a chance to read it before I read a
little of it um honestly I lost my job
and I was kind of scraping together for
food a little bit so I was a little
distracted oh wait hold on okay okay
before we get started let me just let me
call our food pantry lady back that's
got because we always have a whole bunch
of stuff in the food pantry I'm sure
that she can uh
put some stuff together for you hey hey
Bev hi yeah I got a person here who
needs some food yeah
um he just lost his job sorry they just
lost their job last week yeah
that oh 10 minutes great cool all right
all right we'll see you then
she's gonna be here in 10 minutes and
she's got to keep it here
oh my God thank you so much you're
welcome all right excellent we're in
chapter three but I think we could
probably do like a brief summary of one
and two before we get to three and then
we can just jump in there yeah yeah okay
cool sure great let's do it