Rev. Megan Foley  0:06  
Welcome, everyone. It's so great to see you. I'm Reverend, almost Reverend Dr. Megan Foley, and I am the regional lead for the Central East Region. And it's my pleasure to work on the team of UUA staff who serve our smaller congregations in particular, I hope that some of you have attended some of our other events this past spring. If not, no worries, we have them all recorded for you. So you can learn lots of new things about sharing. And we have planned a whole spring suite of sharing. But at the end, we talked about sharing youth groups, and people were so excited that we invited Shannon and added in Jennica Davis-Hockett  to talk a little bit more about the nature of youth and multi generational communities, particularly in smaller congregations. But really, you are on the cutting edge, because all of our congregations can benefit from the wisdom that these two are are going to impart tonight. So I'm so glad you're here and want to injure introduce, to my right Shannon Harper on the Central East Region team, Jennica Davis-Hockett on our Lifespan Faith Engagement team at the UUA headquarters. So take it away, Shannon and Jennica.

Shannon Harper  1:28  
I got the is that does that mean? Okay. So welcome, everyone. Hello, my name is Shannon Harper. And we are going to, we're going to do this kind of quickly, honestly, because, as usual Jennica and I have a lot to say, and not a lot of time. So we're going to hopefully cover everything that you want. But we have some tools, and we're going to get into those later. To help us help you get all the information you can from this really quick, I want to introduce myself, as Megan said, I am work in the Central East Region. I am the youth and young adult and youth and emerging adult ministries, specialists, but the Central East Region. And I've been doing this for about five years. I also have young adults and teenagers of adults not living in my house as children and young adults living in my house. And now I have as of last month and actual teenager just turned 13 she's very proud of herself, in my house. And so this is also very, very important near and dear to me as well. Jennica you want to do this yourself?

Jennica Davis-Hockett  2:37  
Yeah, thank you. So I'm Jennica Davis-Hockett, I use she her pronouns, I don't have that in my name. And I'll change that at some point. And I live in Salt Lake City, Utah, and I work for the Lifespan Faith Engagement office, which serves the whole nation. And one of the reasons I'm so excited to be here in this workshop is, oftentimes when I'm doing national work it It feels a little disconnected. And this is a really great way to reconnect, and to be with people who are in smaller congregations. Our favorite author of Shannon's and mine, Adrianne Marie Brown says small is all and that what you do on a small scale ripples out into the large scale. And so that's really exciting for me to be here. And one reason that I'm really passionate about community building in general is, I love the concept of building capacity together, building capacity to do hard things, do challenging things, to new things to change culture, and do that together. And that feels what feels like what we're going to be talking about tonight.

Shannon Harper  3:52  
So let me give an opportunity for you to also share in the chat, introduce yourself in the chat. Let us know who you are, what congregation you're with, and what your role or roles are. In that congregation, I'll put the that prompt in the chat as well. So, so we know who we're talking to, that's always nice. Even if I can't actually process it all at once. I always look back at the chat. And it's nice to see who is here. So Jennica shared a shared a little bit about why she's passionate about community building. And I just want to also say, to go along with that. I think that I think that like at the most basic level community is just a group of people who have a shared interest, or you know, are in a location together, right, but at the highest level, community can be transformative, it can be healing, it can be liberating. And we don't, we can't get to those levels, without like a lot of practicing what it means to be like really messy, imperfect humans together. Right. And so I think that community building is all about that just practicing being really messy, imperfect humans together. And the relationship building that is foundational for when our communities go through rough times, right. When, when, when something happens to the community, and we have to come together or when something happens within the community. And we have to come together. So I think that foundation of community building is super important to have a healthy, healthy community for the long run.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  5:35  
So I'm going to be sharing my screen so you can see what we're up to Tonight, we're going to do a check in, we're going to talk a little bit about the ethos of youth ministry and give you some, a synopsis of some research that Shannon and I have done on how we build community, how communities are formed and fortified. And then we're going to get a chance in that stretching and goal setting section to actually break into small groups and do some of that capacity building together. And like Shannon said, we're going to move through quickly. But hopefully, this is the beginning of a longer and deeper conversations that we can have, we're going to close with some plenty of time for questions and answers. In fact, we've got a spice rack that Shannon will tell you about that we can engage with right now.

Shannon Harper  6:29  
So I'm going to share a link in the chat as soon as I find the link that I need. So this link is to a jamboard. And so you're welcome to you're welcome to in fact, we invite you, we would love it if you put down that link and went into the jamboard. So this is this is our presentation. So Jennica when Jennica sharing, sharing a screen, you're gonna see this presentation, but it's also interactive there, there are ways that you can interact with the, with the jamboard, as well. So I'll give you a minute to get into it. On the second if at the very top. And that looking at what Jennica is sharing, it's really confusing when you have multiple screens. Okay, so yeah, Jennica is in the spice rack. So if you're in the if you're in the jamboard, if you go at the very top, there's, um, you can see little arrows. And if you go from the first arrow to second arrow, it's the second the second screen. So this is the spice rack, I got the spice rack from a youth on a committee like many, many years ago. We often have a bike rack or a parking lot, if you're all familiar with that those terms. But it's usually this place that you put questions that have come up during a meeting or during a facilitation period, like questions that you have, and you put it in on this big piece of paper. And she said, No, it should be a spice rack, because we're going to use post it notes. And each thing is going to be individualized on the post it notes. And then we can move the rope post it notes around and lump them together. And we have similar questions. So this is our spice rack for tonight. And the whole point of the spice rack is when questions come up, when comments come up when like, Oh, this was a, this was something I really want to lift up and say all of those kinds of things can go into the, into the, onto the spice rack. So on the right, left side of your screen. There's a there's like a menu. And like halfway down is there's a something that says when you mouse over it, it says sticky note. And if you click on that sticky note, it'll bring up a well a box, and then you can type in it, and then hit save and it'll actually populate it onto the screen for us. So we thought we would give you an opportunity right now, if you like if you came to this with like a specific question, like I want to know how to do this thing, or this is this is uh, this is something that's going on in my congregation, or just you want to say something to us, whatever. We're going to give you an opportunity right now to to put some post it notes on the spice rack and kind of practice because we're going to use the jam board for some other things later on. And I'm meeting to any questions about how to do it is anybody having problems?

Jennica Davis-Hockett  9:54  
Yeah, take a sec to try it out. Share a question that maybe whatever it was that inspired you to come to this workshop, or something that you hope will cover,

you can choose what color your sticky note will be

Shannon Harper  10:16  
moving around once it's there. This is also about learning new things to so when we when we facilitate, we're often inviting people into doing something that they're not used to doing or that they haven't done before. Because I think that's also part of it is community building is, you know, learning together, experience, experi-failings, is one of the things is one of the terms that I learned this year, in particular, and what it's like to experiment with things, and sometimes it's not always successful, but sometimes it is. There we go, this one.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  10:54  
And this spice rack will be here the entire time. So if we're moving along, and you have a question come into your mind, you can scroll back to page two of this jamboard and add something, we'll take a look at this before we get to the Q&A part as well. So feel free to stay here, I'm going to stop sharing my screen, and we'll come back to it to it in a moment. Because I want to guide us in a check in something that is very common in youth spaces, like you hardly ever gathered together without starting with the check in. And it's a way for us to just get a sense of who's in the room, what they're bringing with them into the space. And to be able to calibrate or recalibrate if we need to what the plan is for the day. So because we have a lot we want to cover and we have a large group, we instead of doing a verbal check in where everybody goes around and says how they're doing, we're going to do what I call a body mind spirit scan, you're just checking in with yourself. So leave us in the session, just take a minute or two. So find a way to be comfortable, maybe it's sitting or even standing and walking around. If you've been sitting at the computer for a while. You can close your eyes or leave them open, you can turn your camera off if you like.

And I'll start with the scan of the mind. So I think of the mind, you know, there there's the small m mind. That is the thoughts you have going on through the day. The way maybe some reoccurring or some things that you get caught up in sometimes that's the smile and mind. And then there's the big M mind that thing that transcends thought.

What state is that in for you right now? Is it calm or agitated? Tired or energized? Maybe it has labels words that go along with it, maybe it doesn't.

And then move your attention to your body, your physical body. You can start from the top of your head, work your way down to your feet or from your outside your skin and work the way in towards your heart. How is your physical vessel in this moment?

Where is your breath landing?

and move your attention now to your spirit. And spirit is the word I use for that thing that is both within us and beyond us the thing that exists now and existed well before we were born well after we die, the thing that moves through us our breath of life

How's your spirit. So in the, in the spirit of being welcoming to many different kinds of experiences that we're bringing into the space, I want to affirm those who are excited and energized to be here, those who are a little trepidatious, or nervous, those who've had a really long day and are tired. And everyone experiencing something in between. You're welcome here, just as you are.

Shannon Harper  15:59  
Thank you Jennica. Sometimes I don't know, I need that until I do it. And I go, Oh, I actually have been preparing this whole time and haven't taken a moment to center myself. So thank you. So now I want to share a little bit about what we call the ethos of youth ministry. And this is the ethos of youth of youth ministry is, is huge. And all encompassing. And so we're just going to talk about a little bit of it today. And Jennica, do you are you sharing? We share the

Jennica Davis-Hockett  16:38  
Yeah, I have adult leadership and Youth Leadership spectrum.

Shannon Harper  16:42  
Yeah. So um, as you're getting that up. So, you know, the idea of ministry, wit to and with youth, is what we call like a companionship for the longest time youth ministry, and at the UUA and not just at the UUA Honestly, this was this was like the youth ministry, ethos for a lot of a lot of denominations. This, the youth group that the lockins, the, you know, there's like the 80s and the 90s, probably 70sm 60s, I don't know, but there was there was a big push for youth empowerment. And, and it was about giving youth the, you know, empowering youth to to really lead their own communities. And youth empowerment, yes, we support youth empowerment. But we also found that there was that you can go too far right, you can go too far with the, we're letting youth decide all the things and do all the things. And sometimes because of, you know, the age and the experience level of people, we make decisions that aren't the best decisions for the whole community when we're still learning. And so we found that a better way to talk about how we want to support youth is is more about companionship, and more about shared leadership, how the adults are super important in the lives of youth and in congregations, the youth advisors, the religious educators, the volunteers, the teachers, the average congregation member are super important in the lives of the youth, and how those relationships, you know, form? And as, so what are we looking at? Looking at that screen? You want to bring up that? Yeah,

Jennica Davis-Hockett  18:35  
I think it's up.

Shannon Harper  18:35  
Like, okay, and so that's my fault. So, so we have this really great diagram, I think it's I think it's wonderful diagram. And it shows like what it means to be when you're working with youth with, you know, with youth. How, in the beginning, the adults need to have more there's, they're going to have more involvement. And as the youth, as young people, as anyone grows and learns and gets more confidence and more experience, and and more practice, they're going to be able to take over more and more of the leadership. So there's a there's an expectation, I think sometimes people go into youth ministry or, or just talking to you, they're working with youth and congregations, that the youth will just audit, I mean, because they are brilliant, and they are wonderful, and they'll just lead and they'll just do the thing. And that's not always the case. Sometimes we have to we have to help and we have to support because they have to build the confidence to gain more. And so as adults, our job is to constantly check. Where's What's our trajectory? Are we are we releasing some of the some of the leadership to the youth so that they are learning and they are growing more and more and taking on more and more responsibility in the congregation and are we letting are we or we are we coming back from that? To give them more room for that and it's a it's a constant tension. And check, right like, you could be in that, on that that plane. And then your youth group all bridges out and a whole new group of people come in, or if you don't have a youth group, because this is what we're really talking about today is when you don't have a youth group. But like, say you have, you know, two youth who are in your congregation, and they become seniors, and they bridge out, and you've got some new middle schoolers, they're going to need more support, they're not going to automatically be at the level where the where the high schoolers were in that spectrum.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  20:37  
And Shannon, I'm realizing this word leadership, you know, you could replace it with a number of other words, ownership, stewardship, participation, I think of what you say often about youth not just being the not just being welcome in your congregation, but being the welcomers, the folks who feel empowered enough that they know where things are, and can introduce newcomers to where to go and what to do when they're, that they feel a sense of ownership of their church.

Shannon Harper  21:08  
Yes, I took a took a course this this past year, through Vibrant Faith, and it's an all denomination kind of offering. And one of the things they did this study with congregations that had really successful, not necessarily youth group, but really successful youth involvement. So all sizes of congregations, but the youth in their congregation were were connected and stayed, stayed and stayed in the congregation stayed connected once they became adults. And what they found when they interviewed all of these youth, is that they felt not just welcomed by their congregation, they didn't feel like somebody had made a place for them, they actually felt like they were integral to the congregation like the congregation couldn't survive without them. Like they were so much a part of the congregation. I think that like, for me, especially in a small congregation like that would be that you know that that that that feels like a really great place to be right where you're where you feel like, you're so much a part of the congregation, that they couldn't be that they couldn't be the congregation without you.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  22:16  
And this is a good time to point out that we are two adults talking about youth culture and youth community and connecting with youth in your congregation. And there are no youth on this call, there are no youth that are that are sharing their wisdom and insight. So this is these are things that we've learned in our experience over time, but really, don't take our word for it, and go back and say, Now I know everything I need to know about encouraging participation with youth in our congregation, talk to the youth that, you know, build relationships and get their opinions and insight into how they want to feel involved and feel like those that integral part of your congregation. Alright, enough about linear things. Let's talk about the nonlinear map of community building.

Shannon Harper  23:15  
So I'm in youth ministry, there's, there's a text that we often refer back to, and it's called the The Steps steps of Community Building, I think, and I'm not sure exactly what it's called now at this point in time. But it's a it's actually I think it's genius. And it feels like it's a formula to creating, like a bonded group of people, not just young people, but of all people. I think the formula actually works for all ages. But what I don't, what was what I struggled with about this formula is that it was it was linear. And we said, well, it does it's not linear, like, you know, you don't definitely go through it. But it was literally called the steps of community building, right. So what we thought we would do is take that those steps and put them into a map. Because it isn't linear. And we imagine congregations youth groups communities, actually moving through this map together, right? Like you, you you set out for a place you get to the place you experience the thing and then you decide where you're going to go next, or where you need to go next. And so that's what this is the community map.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  24:32  
So let's see, for example, down here in the corner where it says bonding in the left hand corner where it says bonding harbor. This is like for if you have it open on your on your own jamboard. Oftentimes, you have to spend quite a bit of time before you even get on to the landscape of the map doing some bonding well before you can get to a place of deeper sharing. Or stretching together, you have to spend quite a bit of time. Just even just getting to know each other.

Shannon Harper  25:08  
Right. So like, oftentimes, we also start with the opening up beach. And so opening up in the terms of the steps, the opening up period is, is where you're, you're getting to know each other on a level of you're sharing, but you're not sharing things that are like they're, you're sharing things that are like, low, what I'm looking for, it doesn't low vulnerability, right. So like, what's your favorite color, what's your feel, what's your favorite kind of ice cream, but it's still sharing, you're learning about each other. You're you're you're practicing opening up, you're practicing sharing, that is a super important point to be. And you always like in it with a group of the congregation, when you're doing this work, you want to keep going back to the to the beach, for that, for those for that that period of opening up that's not high intensity, should say.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  26:14  
And right in the middle of that stretching river, sometimes you can plan for this and anticipate this like, Hey, everyone, let's go do a ropes course together and really push ourselves to the limits. And sometimes you can't plan for it. It's totally unanticipated and spontaneous, you enter into a conflict with other folks in the congregation that you didn't even know was going to be an issue. And here you are. And so part of spending time in the bond in harbor and opening up beach, even the covenant lighthouse, which we'll talk about in a minute, is laying the foundation setting some some groundwork so that when you do end up in a place where you're stretching, you're growing, you're either in conflict with yourself, as part of the group or the group is in conflict, you actually have some some things, a container to hold that ability to stretch.

Shannon Harper  27:16  
And stretching, stretching can be something that happens on purpose, or it can happen naturally in your community. So when we do, like immersion experiences with youth, we often build in the stretching. So we'll so we'll have a whole week, where we're with youth. And we're doing the we're doing the the opening up and the bonding and these other things that we're talking about. And then one day, we take them to go to a service trip, a service project together. And like one of my favorite, my favorite immersive experiences, we would take them to a gardening to this garden does community garden and they got dirty, they learned how to like use a power tiller, they like dug fence posts, they painted, they did all of these things that they've never done before. And they accomplish something. And that was like that was stretching for them. And because they did it together. Once when that project was over, when we went back to the to the dormitories where we were staying, they were so much closer, because they had just experienced something together, they had experienced growth together. And so in congregations, you know, you you work on a project together, you you go out into the community to do a service together, those are kind of stretching, but then also it can happen. Um, you know, because you're my congregation I'm in Dayton, Ohio, we had a terrible hurt uh, terrible tornado a couple of years ago, and that really brought my congregation together, we had to like come together to learn to, to serve our neighbors to help each other to check on each other. And that was a stretching that was experienced. So stretching can happen in lots of different lots of different ways.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  29:05  
And a group that doesn't stretch together is probably going to find themselves in the Tepid Bay where it's just everyone's going along to get along and it you know, it's it's nice hanging out, it's nice being around each other. But there isn't that that sticky kind of connection that keeps people coming back.

Shannon Harper  29:29  
After after stretching and before stretching. The two places that are super important to visit super, super important to visit are the Forest of Affirmation and the Healing Springs. So the forest of affirmation is where we encourage each other. And we, you know, we listen and acknowledge that we're listening and that we hear people what hear what they're saying. And we also like you know commend each other for learning how to use a power tiller for You know, for holding that stake that they didn't think that they could, they could do that kind of acknowledgement. It's like a celebration, the affirmation for us, like I think of each other, and then the healing springs, the healing trains is actually not part of the steps of community building. There are a couple of things on here that we've added on the Tepid Bay was one of them. But the Healing Springs is something we, we realized, especially after this year, is super important for, for community that we can heal together, that we can take a moment to center and to relax, and reset and reflect. And that we can, you know, help each other in times of need. And to process things that have happened to them.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  30:51  
Up towards the top on the right is the canyons of deeper sharing. Similar to the stretching river, this is something that it's helpful to create the container for, it's helpful to have done the groundwork so that community members trust each other, but is likely to evolve naturally. And really, when, when folks feel confident and comfortable that their vulnerabilities will be held with care, and tenderness that creates an environment where deeper sharing can come into play.

Shannon Harper  31:36  
Then we have the covenant light house, which is also something we added and it wasn't amazingly enough part of the steps already. But we think I I truly believe that covenant is is incredibly important for community building. And then we're going to talk about that a little bit more later. Jennica can talk about that in a moment. But we call it a lighthouse because it's like the light that guides you right. So when you get into the thicket, when you get lost when you're not sure what's happening. That's, we need to look towards the covenant if we if we've if we've created a strong covenant, that help that guides us. It will it can see us through. And then the very last, the last thing on this map is the cliffs of exclusivity. And so that was me adding like, Hey, there are also some parts, some parts of the map that make it hard to do community building. And the cliffs of exclusivity is something that I added, because it's like, it's when you're trying to get into community. And the people are so bonded, and they're having so much fun, that they're actually not being very welcoming. And sometimes that can happen in small congregations because we're like family, right? It's it's like family. And so the the rituals and the things that we do, we're not always thinking about what it's like, for a brand new person, brand new family, a youth to come in and see these things and experience these things. Because it's like, you know, there's so near the rituals, and the things that we do are so near and dear and important to us. So always remembering that we have to keep reaching, reaching out, and bringing people in and introducing them to the things that we love. So they can be part of the family, right. So our idea, and I'm like looking at our time. So our idea was to invite you to think of like, what are other things because this is not the reason I made the map so that it's very, there's lots of space on it is because I think there are lots of things that we could add to this map, that are part of building a community or part of experiences that a community goes through. And so we're going to invite you to actually add things to the map. You can if you would like if you would like the easiest way to add something to the map is to go to the little tea at the second to the bottom on the menu, and you can add your own things to the map. And you can kind of play with it that way. I've had people take the map in like a print form and use it with their, in their, you know, with their committees, or their ra teams. And like talk about like, what are the things that we're working through in our community? And where are the places that we need to like focus on or where are where are we on the map? So it's just a tool that you can use.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  34:35  
Okay, I have a confession. I was going back and reading the spice rack crest Did you say we are putting we are putting our additions onto this map now.

Shannon Harper  34:49  
You're well we I'm inviting people to but I'm also recognizing that time wise, where so people are welcome to experiment with that if they want but you're We're also going to get, you're going to get the link to this jamboard, like we're going to give you the link to this jam oard. So you can actually play with this all you want us to do right now.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  35:11  
Okay, thank you. So I'm going to move on to go a little more in depth into this community light or covenant lighthouse. And feel free to spend some time adding to this community map at your leisure. So now I'm on the slide five, oh, AC, some of our spice rack has migrated this way. I like it. I'm gonna bring this over here. And I talked briefly about the difference between norms, rules, and covenant or community agreements. So I'm using the word covenant as the religious word and community community agreement as a secular word, that means a very similar thing. But when I'm talking about norms, I'm talking about how you communicate what is normal about how this group behaves. What's normal about how this group behaves, or what it's okay, and what is not okay for members of the group to do. And every community has norms. Oftentimes, they're implicit, and you don't know that you've broken one of the norms until you've done it. So part of healthy community building is being clear and honest about what the norms of a group are. So Shannon, and I came up with these norms for this particular session. Be comfy and take care of your needs. If that means having your camera off, go ahead, if that means grabbing a water in the middle of the session, if that means lounging out on the floor. While you're listening to this, go ahead, use the chat. It's very helpful for for us as facilitators to have a sense of what your hopes are for this workshop if you're using the chat. And also you can communicate with each other through the chat. And then when we break into small groups, it's okay for a natural leader to emerge if somebody says, if if somebody has an idea, feel free to jump in and share it rather than waiting to waiting Your turn. And at the same time, in small groups, be mindful of the space you take up. So if you notice that you're sharing a lot, take a couple of breaths and pause and let the folks who haven't shared yet come forward. And in small groups, feel free to use a tool called mutual invitation if you like, which is if you're when you're finished talking, invite somebody else to share that is almost like passing the mic when we're on zoom so that you're sharing the air. And lastly, when we're in small groups, you are encouraged to have your camera on so that it can heighten the engagement since it's going to be maybe four or five people, I think in a small group. And when we're talking about community agreements, or covenants, I like to think of some big buckets of, of ideas that a covenant can hold. One is vulnerability and generosity. So what do I need from the group? And what do I have to offer the group? One is promises and practices. So the promises are the big aspirations, how we, how we wish we work together, where we're headed together. And the practices are the actual behaviors, the concrete things that we are, are committed to the concrete ways we're committed to acting so that we can get to those promises together. And the last one is making amends. How when, when we fall short, when we don't live up to our promise, when we make a mistake, how do we make amends so that we can stay together and community and there's a workshop that you can use, it'll be part of the resources at the end that we'll share with you. If you go to uae.org slash web to life. There's a covenant building workshop that you can use.

In this in the cut within the covenant light house, one of the things that it's shining on is the importance of safety. And when we're thinking about multi generation Additional spaces, safety becomes extra important. So there's many, many. We could spend many hours talking about safety and multi generational spaces. But for the sake of this workshop, I want to point you two places. One is to reach out to your congregational life staff, and ask them about safe congregations. And then also, there'll be a link in the resource at the end, but we have a very comprehensive youth safety guidelines that you can use and adapt for your congregational setting. Okay, we're about to do our own stretching and goal setting. Oh, no, we're not I'm sorry.

Shannon Harper  41:03  
Well escaped. So I was I am, I'm supposed to tell you a little bit about the importance of icebreakers and opening up and I have to admit that as we're doing this is especially organic, and I have done this, I feel like, I feel like I would do that if I did this, again, I would put this in a different order. I feel like it's a little it's a little out of order, but, um, icebreakers and how to invite opening up. So um, I don't know how many of you have like, when you're in person, have like a coffee our time. And in my congregation, we call it, you can call it coffee hour. Yeah, I think that's pretty common in your settings to have that that time. And that's also a time when you're going to socialize. And so if you have youth in your congregation, and you're not in, they're not like off doing some other some other class or youth group or something like that, they're going to be there. I'm doing coffee hour. And so we have often heard from youth and young adults who have experienced coffee hour in congregations, and some of the things that they are, like asked or that are that are said to them that are kind of like, like, kind of, you know, cringy in some ways, but also in some ways, just like really like that. But that seems like that seems like a normal question to ask. And yet, here's why. It's, it's hard. So we have a, we do have a really great graphic that's called on like coffee, our caution and it's going to be in our and our links that we're going to share with you just to kind of talk about like, how to easily have conversation with youth in your congregation. And I like one of those things that you can like post it up, and read recommend people recommend recommend people watch. But, so icebreakers are super important. When we do when we when we work in multi generational and youth specific communities. The icebreaker is like the first thing we actually do it, oftentimes before we do a chalice lighting before we do a centering or anything, because especially when you're brand new to a community or even when you're like, as we're going to be experiencing what it's like to be back in person, after maybe not only connecting online or not connecting at all. So I think we're all going to be kind of going through this, how doing icebreakers is, is is a really good way to get people to lower their they're gonna say lower their guard. But it's it's a it's a way for people to like laugh, and stop getting scared out of their head. Right? Because I know me I'm I'm actually a very shy person. But I go into spaces. I'm often like, very self conscious. And I'm often like watching other people to see how they behave. And I'm wanting to like, make sure I don't do anything wrong. icebreakers are just, sometimes they're silly games, sometimes they're, they're, they're reflective games. But there are ways to like, again, do that opening up that we were talking about that that sharing that doesn't feel like oh, it's it's it's like I'm, I'm sharing a piece of my soul. Right? And so oftentimes with us, it's like, it's about checking questions. We do check in questions that are all kinds of interesting things. Sometimes. It's like, Oh, I thought we had I thought we had examples. Okay, so sometimes it's like what's, you know, if you were a dinosaur, what color of dinosaur would you be? Or if you were, you know, like, it can be all kinds of things. If you what there's one that's like, if you were a, a beverage, what kind of beverage would you be and why. And so it allows people to share a little bit about like, and they can take that as seriously or as not seriously as they want to write and they can share as much as it gets them to choose what kind of sharing they're doing. So in coffee hour, like Would it be fun to go around and ask everybody? You know, if you were a dinosaur, what color dinosaur? Would you be? Like, I would enjoy that coffee hour because personally, I'm really worried that I'm going to get into a conversation that that I'm not going to, and I can remember somebody's name, or I'm not going to remember what I'm supposed to know. And I'm going to feel self conscious that would, that for me would would kind of break down those. Those barriers. Um, Jessica, do you want to say something about joyful militancy? Because I think that's

Jennica Davis-Hockett  45:38  
Sure, sure. Okay. So I highly recommend a book called Joyful Militancy. And one of the ways that the authors define joy, like I said, at the top is building capacity together as a sort of like, we did a thing, feeling. And the other way is, increase. Let's see, it's increasing one's power to affect and be affected. So when we're talking about doing icebreakers opening up, you're actually taking on the responsibility of shaping the container where people feel comfortable and confident to be welcomed into. So you're using your own life force to help others feel confident and comfortable and welcome.

All right, now, are we ready? Okay. Now, we're going to go into breakout rooms. So if you haven't yet done, click on that jamboard link, and navigate to slide six. So from six forward, there are, there's a slide for each group. So when you go into your breakout group, take a moment to notice what number you're in, and then navigate to that slide in the jam board. And you're going to do the same thing you did on the spice rack, which is just use the sticky notes on the left hand side to capture the thoughts that you're coming up with in your, in your small groups. So while we're doing the stretching the way, this isn't going to be like the virtual ropes course type of stretching, this is just it, you know, we're trying to think creatively, we're trying to think we're trying to take small risks that still feel within reach. And we're trying to do something that is not just for ourselves, but is for others. So there's a level of accountability in this stretching. So one of the points of one of the intentions of doing a stretching experience together is that an individual is different, or the group itself is somehow different or transformed after the experience. So even if that's just just slightly because you have one new perspective or one new idea, then I'm going to say that's a win for stretching. So we're going to break into groups. And the prompt is to get creative about ideas for youth centered, multi generational ministry. So given what you've learned tonight, what this is has spurred for you come up with a few ideas of how you could do youth centered multi generational ministry, in your setting

Shannon Harper  48:56  
we all have or how you have done right, so share the things that you have done.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  49:04  
Welcome back, everyone. All right. I'm very excited to hear what y'all came up with. And we're gonna try we're gonna try we're gonna, this might be in a experia fail, but I am. This this. This is definitely going to be a little stretch. Here's how we're going to share back group one. The reporter from group one is going to ask the reporter from group to a question about what is on their slide. And then group to the reporter will answer and then group to the reporter will ask group three to share a question about something on their slide.

Shannon Harper  49:49  
We have three groups. We have Beth, how many groups do we have? Right. Three plus the staff one, okay. Okay.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  50:00  
So then group three, after they share, we'll ask group one, a question about what's on their slides. Got it? Okay, so I'll give you a moment to navigate to the slide in which you'll be asking a question. And then I'll invite the reporter from probe to the reporter from group one, to ask a question of group two.

Alright, group one reporter, you have your questions, feel free to ask away.

Unknown Speaker  50:44  
I'm working on it. And they want to help me out with the chat bar. Like if you have a question for group two. Let's see. Oh, I would love to learn more about your idea of including youth in the worship process, the opening words candle lighting, etc.

Unknown Speaker  51:08  
Yeah. Okay, I'll speak for a group too. Unless y'all want to chime in, that's fine. We threw our notes onto the jamboard. And we were thinking exactly the same thing. If people get you involved, either doing the opening words, or the candle lighting or things like that. The thing is, we need to get kids in the door, or youth in the door. That's the problem, too. We don't have a lot of young folks coming in your young families even.

Unknown Speaker  51:44  
I don't know a follow up questions are allowed that and have you thought about maybe just asking the kids you have like, if you have two of them,

Unknown Speaker  51:51  
that's just yet we've got a family that had youngsters, they're moving out of town, and another one is bridging. And so it's, it's really difficult. Yeah, we could ask, we could ask, there's no question about that. struggling for words here because unfortunately, even before COVID, our group was imploding. So we're looking at having to rebuild from the ground up. We're not even sure how to do that. yet. He had a good idea about doing outreach through Facebook. And we also had a suggestion of activity boxes for younger kids that they can do at church or at home, which I like that's, that's always good. Get an article into the local paper or affiliate in common cause with other organizations in the community.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  52:44  
Thank you. And so as Emily, you are the reporter for group two. Did you have something you wanted to add on?

Shannon Harper  52:53  
Go to? Emily Are you muted?

Unknown Speaker  52:58  
Just unmuted. Okay, there we go. We have had a couple of people actually who are so facilitates youth at like 13-14 years old. And that's really nice for the adults and kids and everybody. And it makes the other kids feel like they're more ready to be involved maybe then than they would have thought before.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  53:20  
Girls, they have a role model. They have somebody to look up to. Alright, Emily, as you're taking a look at group threes. Note what question comes to mind for group

Unknown Speaker  53:33  
three? group three, okay. Let's see here. Oh, I like that. They have great ideas, I'm going to steal them. Question is getting the clothing sorting the clothing, and how do you how do you do that? Do you solicit through the members? Do you solicit through the community? How does that work?

Unknown Speaker  54:00  
I'm the reporter. But I'm going to let the person who actually offered up that idea answered the question,

Unknown Speaker  54:08  
can speak to that we have a member of our church who works at a local shelter that has other programs as well for women experiencing homelessness, and they have just done their Mardi Bras fundraiser in February. And I just contacted her and said, Hey, do you have something that these could do? And she she said yes. And we have bras that need to get sorted. And so it ended up being intergenerational because we have so very few youth in our congregation, but it ended up being a grandma, a mom and her granddaughter who helped sort and everyone thought it was a valuable way to spend an afternoon and they were a family group. So we could you know, we separated people we did it outside and we could separate and they felt safe doing it too.

Unknown Speaker  54:57  
That sounds good. Sounds like you had an initial contact in that to implement that kind of work? That's

Unknown Speaker  55:03  
great. We did. Yeah. But if we didn't, you know, I mean, we could have just called up, I think, one of the many organizations in town and said, hey, what can we do for that would take two hours and be appropriate for children's to help with.

Unknown Speaker  55:18  
And I know kids love that feeling of being empowered by helping I know, when we had a larger participation, our kids loved being able to do what we called an Easter can hunt, and we took food to the animal shelter. Okay, I'm going to go to mute and let Stephanie asks us something of number one.

Unknown Speaker  55:45  
Lisa is our official spokesperson. I'm looking at the sticky notes right now. Thank you. So what I see on this and what I like is his invitation and encouraging and you've got great ideas to of what to invite and encourage them to do. So it looks like it's a matter of deciding what to invite them to. So how would you go about that? How do you decide?

Unknown Speaker  56:22  
you'd ask them? Yeah, I plan to. Maybe they just be asked to save as wondering if you all know anybody who needs meeting space, or I don't know. invite my teammates to chime in here as well. Oh, yeah. We were thinking about doing a community art project. Have you all ever heard of such a thing? Like, what would you like to try that? What do you think it might be like? These are some really excellent ideas, we have a place down here called AnneMarie gardens, and they they do community art projects, and getting them involved in helping us coordinate such a thing would be really, really useful. And then another one you have exploring ways to make all active areas of the Church of church life inclusive and welcoming. What, like, what, what, specifically, what? Which, which areas? Well, again, I would ask the kids, I've, I've only been with my congregation for just under two years. And though I've noticed a lot of the activities that the children and they've planned are very related to giving and contributions and being involved with other organizations. And so I kind of want to invite kids to kind of adjust this committee meeting and, you know, maybe sort of integrate the programming a little bit better. But also, to just, I was thinking that, you know, the neighboring face program, like, what about doing that in your own church with the different committees? And I don't know, if it's, I think it can be really, really fun. Thank you.

Unknown Speaker  58:28  
So this thing you just said, Did you mean that you would invite the committees in your UU church to go and visit other churches, or you would invite the youth from other churches to come to a yuyu event?

Unknown Speaker  58:45  
Well, that sounds like a great idea, too. But more just, the youth could learn about what each group of volunteers with the church does. We've actually already tried that once we had the garden committee come to lead children's chapel, and it was one of the best children's chapels we ever had. It was awesome.

Shannon Harper  59:03  
Thank you. Thank you. These are great ideas. And we noticed from the from the spice rack that there were like a lot of questions about this. So hopefully, this kind of got your, your mind rolling I had. So I have a couple of things to like to add. First of all, I think when it comes to when it comes to you, it's really hard for like youth to just enter into a congregation where there aren't any youth already. That's that feels awkward and weird. Like they'll come to the door and they're just not going to stay. But if you can grow the youth in your congregation, then they'll already be bonded. So what we were talking about with that map, like is what you want to do is and this is true, this is not just true for you. This is true for adults in your congregation, too, right? They say that when somebody visits A congregation, if they if if people make connections with them, where they like learn their name, and the next time they walk through the door, they know their name, they're going to feel a connection. And they're going to there's a relationship building. So it's not just the community as a whole, that's, that's necessarily bringing them back, if I'm going to see that that person again, or I'm going to see those people again, I'm gonna have that experience again, you feel the same way. So if you can get them to be bonded together, like a group of take, you know, you say like, because when they're young, their parents bring them to church, and they have to come to church, right? So you've got the young families, hopefully, and, and if you can get those kids to like, really be tight, they're going to grow into the youth that you'll have. And then once you have those youth, more youth might walk through the door and go, Oh, there's other youth here. Right. But like, I think it's important not to, like beat ourselves up over the fact that you don't just walk through our door and don't see any other youth and don't want to stay because that's pretty normal. Right? Like, that's, that's developmentally, where you are. But I also think that like, don't discount families, I think we in a lot of in a lot of cases, and youth ministry, we want to say, Well, you'd have to have their own separate space, and parents aren't cool. And parents aren't cool. I definitely have a 13 year old who struggles with me being cool or not cool, right. But I think that what we've also learned is that they that they like us more than they let on. And they like us to be involved more than we let on. And of course, you have to keep checking in with with them, you know, but doing multi generational things. Oftentimes, kids really, like really get into that, and really like it to have their their parent. Annie I know is someone who would take youth to cons. And like that was I mean, that's something that I'm sure any could like speak to about, like, how you, you know, we think that they don't, that they don't want to surround, but they actually really, they really kind of like adults. And they kind of like adults that are supportive. And that and that helped them and listen to them and talk with them.

Unknown Speaker  1:02:12  
Yeah, that I've definitely found that to be true. But we've had some wonderful conversations coming and going to cons. You know, when we're going from Indiana to Louisville or someplace else. I get a little frustrated sometimes, because there's some parents who just never really connect into the cons. And that really bothers me in this some kids just swallow it whole, you know, so yeah, that's but the cons, I really liked the cons, I take the kids because I enjoy them.

Shannon Harper  1:02:44  
I'm sorry, I should I should explain. So cons is short for conferences. And in some areas, churches will come together and create these like weekend long events where youth can come. But adults have to bring them and adults have to participate in the community as well. So while it's a youth centered place, the adults are there to support and do the whole leadership thing that we talked about. And that's not available to everyone. And I have to name that to not everyone is going to live in an area where that's available.

Unknown Speaker  1:03:15  
Well, the nice things about this is it's run by the kids, at least super high school. Well, I think elementary is also run by high school kids I recall, there have been a while but the adults are there to back them up.

Shannon Harper  1:03:30  
And so that is an that that kind of leads into the the workshop that we that Eric Bliss and I did before about shared youth ministry. How if you only have one or two youth, and you can get them connected with other congregations and have one or two youth. And sometimes these events like cons are a way to do that. That becomes that becomes the ministry for them. And then they get involved with the congregation. Because they learn about you know, they learned about you, you are you you faith through those events.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  1:04:06  
And any you bring up a really good point that for some youth a con or an overnighter or the event type experience is really what they yearn for. And for other youth. That just isn't what they're into. And to really think very thoroughly about rather than like oh, youth are into such and such to say what are you unique, whole complex human being into and how can I help you find that niche in our congregation. And I'm very interested in this. The sticky about having very few youth and excited to plan intergenerational programs and thinking about Beyond the program, who was it somebody was saying they may have turned their camera was was talking about really focusing on asking the young folks of your congregation what sort of programs they're interested in, and then building around that. And I'd also like to suggest, beyond the program, what are the ways that you can use that map of community building that isn't content driven, but is relationship driven. And maybe it isn't something that's time boxed like a weekly series or like a youth group, but it's something that is just integrated into the experience of coffee hour or is integrated into the newsletter that goes out that that isn't necessarily focused on a program is more focused on relationship building.

Unknown Speaker  1:06:03  
How many of you all are doing Chalice groups with adults, but I've done Chalice groups with our we do middle school high school, because we're a small congregation together, which is a its own challenge. But we've done some chalice groups with them, I've always really want to do it more regularly. But it really went well. And you really, I think, been meaningful for the kids. So that's something else you can do with kids that I think works pretty well, was a little easier than some of the other things.

Shannon Harper  1:06:39  
So I'm gonna say, I don't, I think Hannah said it before, but especially as we're coming back, because I don't know, I don't know how many of you have been meeting all this time, or if you're coming back to meeting, but I think everybody's routine is out of order, right? I think we're all kind of doing things differently than at least we were doing in two years ago. And I think that for, for a lot of people that youth haven't been showing up haven't been, like coming to the zoom, things are the zoom stuff. And so when we, when we do come back together, if you have user you have families, offering things that are like that are just fun, that are just just truly fun. Like don't discount that as not being a fake experience. Just because you're playing games, like that is a fake experience. That is a religious experience building relationship with people isn't religious experience. And so, you know, sometimes just coming together to play games with no, no ulterior motive is okay to and it's also great to do service work and all of these things. But sometimes you just have to really work on the relationship building so that they want to show up to the other things so that they have the friends that they have. They have the parents have other parents, and I live with my congregation, we had a, we had a we have a playground. And like just like watching the kids play in the playground was a huge part of parents connecting. And that's what kept those parents coming back is because they actually had other parent friends to talk with on the playground. And they wanted to come back to church for that. So sometimes it's those relationships that get them get people to stay stick.

Unknown Speaker  1:08:22  
We did something we traditionally had done our RE for all the classes during the church service. And when they came to the first part of the search services, that just drove me nuts, because with high school, school, high school kids, you get down there at 20-25, after the church service ends at 10. And you just getting things going good when the church service ends, and then they want them to come out for coffee hour. So I got on the two years before COVID started. We were doing two hours on Tuesday night. And I wonder who else has tried that sort of a thing? or what have you done about that problem of not having enough time on Sunday morning?

Unknown Speaker  1:09:08  
That sounds familiar. Yeah, go ahead. I'm really sorry. Yeah, that sounds very familiar. And there have been times when we tried to do game nights and I think we need to space them out like quarterly because otherwise they nobody comes because they're already too busy.

Unknown Speaker  1:09:25  
Yeah. We were running curriculums am I still muted, no, we were running through like the first one we ran was the big questions, which is a middle school curriculum, but it was pretty easy to adapt. So you start with the whole age group. And that went really well. And we did something else after that. I think what it was right now.

Shannon Harper  1:09:57  
So want to be mindful of time in the world. You have four minutes left, this conversation is really good. I'm really excited about the sharing. So again, remember the jamboard is yours. So you can continue to add things to it, you can continue to and then and get informed get information from it. So you can keep using that and connecting Jennica Is there anything that I am missing that we need to make sure we say had to condense?

Jennica Davis-Hockett  1:10:31  
You know, I would really like to hear that story. That really frames why ritual is important to you. So the way to close that out,

Shannon Harper  1:10:42  
right? So so we ran out of time. And there there was there was we wanted to talk a little bit about ritual and how ritual is important in multi generational settings. And I want to, I wanted to say how ritual is super important to young people, doing something the same or doing doing something over and over again, in building memories is super important to them. And that was illustrated to me, and my own congregation. So my own congregation, we used to do Thanksgiving dinner, like it was for church like Sunday is I don't recommend doing this. This is a good practice. But this is what we did. We had a Sunday on on Thanksgiving, the Sunday of Thanksgiving, or after Thanksgiving, I think maybe before the incident, we would have everybody potluck, everybody would bring a Thanksgiving dish, and we would have a short intergenerational service. And then we would come out and we would have a Thanksgiving meal together. And we would set up tables in our sanctuary. And one of our young adults who had been through our program came back this one of the one of the last years that did it. And she was she was like, I came back from college just so that I could serve the bread for Thanksgiving. And I didn't realize it. But it was a tradition in our congregation. I was the DRE at the time. But this tradition in our congregation was that the youth always brought out the rolls, like that was the first thing that would come out because everybody would be sitting at the table and really hungry. And you'd have to call on your table to go get your food, but the rolls would come out and the youth would bring out the rolls. And it was so important to the to the youth and the young adults in our congregation that they would come back from college, just so that they could go to that service so that they could serve the bread. Right. That's the ritual that was important to them. And that's what connected them to our congregation. And I think like, I think having those kinds of stories of like, this is like, Yeah, sometimes they don't show up. And sometimes they don't stay. And sometimes they have a lot of things going on. But they made enough connection there with that ritual. And those people, they wanted to keep coming back and keep coming back to doing that. So think about ways that you're bringing ritual like you're, you're you're giving them these traditions that they will always remember. And the other funny thing about children and youth is that I think about a tradition is something like it's been going on for 20 years. No, they have a very short memory. So something that's happened for like, three years is like set in stone, like to my children, it happened for three years. And they're like, we always do this thing, right. And so it doesn't take long for those kinds of things to like set in. Don't let that hold you back from also trying out new things like don't get stuck in a rut. But remember that that it is sometimes those small, little things and when we stopped doing the Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving dinner, which we had to because it it wasn't it wasn't inclusive in many ways there was there were issues with it. We still do on that on that. Thanks. on that Sunday, we still allow the youth to bring bread to the congregation like that's, it's it's become a bread offering now, because it was so important to them. This whole thing about ritual.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  1:13:57  
Thank you. Okay, I'm putting in the chat, the links to the resources that we talked about tonight. So click on that one tab comm link that's in the bottom of the chat. There's the song that we opened up with, and our Oh, we need to put the jamboard in there. Oh, it's in there? Yes, it is. There's an example of a behavioral covenant that you could use as well as the link for the workshop on building a covenant and are you safety guidelines and also that coffee, our caution poster that you could even print off and hang up in your congregation when we get back together in person.

Unknown Speaker  1:14:42  
Web page and that chat will be available. And then again, the webpage and the chat along with the web page in the chat be available online

Jennica Davis-Hockett  1:14:57  
will always exist. had an open in your browser.

Shannon Harper  1:15:01  
It's the jamboard. It's a Google product. So it's just like a Google Doc, or whatever you can. Okay. All right. Oh is there and 

Beth Casebolt  1:15:15  
also mentioned that we're recording this tonight. And the video will be edited and placed on the UUA website and the links to that. And these resources, again, will be sent out into an email or probably take us about a week we're getting close to General Assembly and my is fairly cool, but I will get to it by the end of next week.

Shannon Harper  1:15:37  
And we can end by saying that you can always reach out to Jennica and I or your congregational life staff, um, to talk more specifically about your own specific issues or problems or concerns or questions or we can just commiserate together. That's okay, too. Whatever you need to. Yes, thank you.

Rev. Megan Foley  1:16:00  
Okay, I actually don't know you, J. Davis Hockett or what's your configuration for email? Maybe you could put it out there. Yes, it's that second one jdavishockett. Yes.

Jennica Davis-Hockett  1:16:15  
Well, and thank you for this invitation. That was definitely I had a good time tonight.

Rev. Megan Foley  1:16:22  
Thanks to the two of you for your heartfelt offerings and lots of good ideas. Now, it's not nighttime for all of the country. But it is nice to like just imagine things at this time the night I think. So thank you so much for, for providing that. And the experiential part of it, too, is always fun. So thank you. So for the rest of you, I hope that you're thinking about coming to our online General Assembly this year, now's the time to register, it's a great opportunity to learn a whole bunch of speaking of ideas, got a whole bunch of ideas, and a lot of it's on demand. So you don't necessarily have to move your body to a whole new place in the country, you can just click a few things and get lots of ideas to coming up right after father's days. So now it's time to register hopefully, well, lots of cool speakers. And so thanks so much. It's been great to be with you this spring and we'll we'll dream up some new things for smaller is come the fall. So stay tuned and I hope that you'll enjoy this warm weather and get some downtime and reconnect and re energize in all the ways that well, thanks, everyone. Thank you, everyone.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai