Hi there, I'm Patricia Infante. I'm part  of the Central East Regional Team. I am   outside of Philadelphia on the traditional lands  of the Lenape. My pronouns are she, her and iIm   just gonna chat for a few minutes about one  of those things that happens in congregations.   Conflict. We are in just in the midst of of a of  such a challenging and transformational time. None   of us have ever experienced this before and yet we  know that nothing will go back to the way it was.   Everything has changed period. Everything  has changed - worship has changed, the way   we are doing music has changed, when and how we  gather has changed and will continue to evolve,   how families engage has changed everything.  Conflict and change are inextricably   linked and there will be conflict around some  of the conversations that are going to happen   between leaders and families and  congregants over the coming months.   How we respond to the conflict is really  what matters now in some congregations.   There are long established patterns of dealing  with conflict, some may be conflict adverse - we   don't talk about that, everything will fix itself.  Some congregations love a crisis - this is when   they're at their best. And all of that will impact  how we move forward as we consider the reopening   and re-engaging strategies. So as we think about  our return and wrestle with the big questions,   there is going to be anxiety. Conflict, change,  it all makes us get get that little, that little   tremble, that little shutter uh it it gets our  brains sort of engaged in a fight or flight and   um that can that can lead to that can lead to  conflict. That in itself can lead to conflict.   As individuals maybe we know  what our conflict style is,   you know maybe we bring our own, you know,  sort of history and way of managing conflict,   but we're going to be in a system and in a system  everything that happens affects everything else.   So we've been thinking uh talking a little bit  about where do we think we might see conflict   emerge and this might be a good thing for you to  kind of think about. Where might conflict emerge   because then you can do some you can do some  thinking about it ahead of time. You can you   can meditate. There might be conflict between the  board and the staff about some of the reopening   strategies, there could be conflicts within  the staff, there's a potential for conflict   across generations, there are different  needs, different needs for socialization,   different needs for access, different needs for  connection. There's a potential for conflict even   among your families, your parents. There are  different needs, there there are different um   different uh things happening in the household,  different uh successes and and less than successes   around how we're engaging now like in Zoom  world. Some families are really struggling   and some families are having a more successful  school year. There is going to be some tension   around how we prioritize accessibility. One of the  one of the gifts of our Zoom days has been that we   have created some um some windows of accessibility  for some folks who weren't able to be physically   with us in years past, in times past and now we've  opened this window. So there's going to be some   tension about what does going back mean for people  who have just just gained access to our community.   There's potential for conflict when uh maybe the  neighboring congregation has a different schedule   and they're going to reopen sooner or later uh  we're kind of all influenced by that. And there   can be potential uh particularly with families as  schools begin to make decisions around how they're   going to reopen and when they're going to reopen  and it's also complex and it's all different.   So where you know we're doing a national a  national conversation here what's happening in   Pennsylvania may be very different from what's  happening in Oregon or some other places. So   remembering that conflict is part of a normal  process of resuming our congregational lives.   What can we do to minimize conflict and make good  inclusive decisions because that's really what our   what our hope is is that we make good  decisions that can be as inclusive as possible. One thing that's often true about conflict in  organizations is that if we remain true to our   values we don't we don't really disagree about  the why but the the disagreement comes when we   start to dig into strategies like what we plan to  do, how we're going to do it, when we're going to   do it. That's where the tension and the friction  really seems to really seems to take hold.   So you know one strategy for you as a leader  is to try to enter into these conversations   with the idea of letting go that letting  go of the idea that there is a right way   because we know that's not true.  There isn't one right way and   things are going to emerge and we may go down  one path and then we realize whoa whoa wait a   minute that's not working the way we thought it  might and so we're gonna, we're gonna shift and   we're gonna try something else, so there's  gonna be adaptation and experimentation. One of the things that may be helpful is to make  sure that you lean into your existing covenants.   If you don't have covenants or some kind of a  right relations set of policies or guidelines   you might want to think about that how can  we have conversations in really healthy ways.   We want to we want to watch out for what  Nancy McDonald-Led calls fake fights. We   want to really focus on the authentic concerns  and we want to focus on mission and seek clarity   on our common goals it's helpful if we think  about prioritizing safety equity and compassion   over comfort and privilege and those are those are  some of the tensions that are going to that are   going to arise. All of these things are going to  be different depending on where you are. Each of   us individually, each of us in a as a congregation  has has our own history we have a culture and we   have a perspective that influences how we make  decisions and the choices that we ultimately make.   So you want to think about what does success  look like. What would success really be for   you. Success is not a metric so how will we know  when we have found the right way to move forward   work on healthy communication skills we want to  do as much direct communication as we possibly can   and always try to communicate clearly even  if we can't communicate with certainty. It's   always better to say you know we just don't  know right now than to than to make promises   that you later find that you can't keep.  There's much to think about, it's a complex   time. We all need to keep breathing. So trust  your heart lean into conflict and offer grace.