Goals

• Create a forum for a variety of perspectives
• To practice holding multiple viewpoints as a group rather than using an “either/or” approach
• Have an interchange of ideas​​

Format

Small group conversations of about 8 people with one person as a designated facilitator. The groups are designed to include people who are comfortable with working on a congregation’s/the Association’s efforts to counter an oppression (such as race or transphobia) and those who are uncomfortable with the conversation. There is time at the beginning to center and frame and time at the end to share a range of perspectives.

Logistics

Advertise event as a “4 x 4 Dessert and Discussion” effort. Make an effort to encourage those who you know have concerns to attend.

Recruit people to serve as facilitators who have the skills of allowing a multitude of voices to be heard and preventing roadblocks. Prepare a sheet with groups with 8 slots each. Write the names of your facilitators so that one in each group.

As people come in, get them to put on a nametag and give them the chance to fill out a small card. The card will have a simple statement with four options (SEE SAMPLE):

WE ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT FIRST FELLOWSHIP'S EFFORTS TO BE MULTICULTURAL AND INCLUSIVE. PLEASE WRITE YOUR NAME AND THE STATEMENT WHICH BEST DEFINES YOUR POSITION. ___I strongly support these efforts ___I support them with reservations ___I have questions or concerns about these efforts ___I do not support them

While the welcome, covenant and guidelines review are going on, use the cards to form diverse groups of 6-8 people. If possible, have at least half the people in the support side and half on the question/do not support. You can ask facilitators to take places at tables and then read off names when it is time to move into groups.

Preparation

Prepare coffee or tea

Prepare PowerPoint (see sample) or flip charts

Have nametags and markers

Prepare question cards (above)

Recruit people to form groups while people are settling/reviewing covenant

Sample Agenda

0:00 Welcome (Preferably Board President)

0:02 Chalice Lighting

0:03 Review Goals (Board member)

0:05 Review or Read Together Congregational Covenant (Minister or Religious Educator)

0:10 Review suggested guidelines (Board Member, Minister, or Religious Educator)

Try on ideas

Ok to disagree/Not shame, blame or attack

“I” Statements

Ok to be messy

Respect confidentiality

Lean in/Lean out

(adapted from VISIONS, Inc. Guidelines for Significant Conversations)

Note: You can ask people to adopt these guidelines for this session if they are willing as these are guidelines which have been proven to be effective for conversations across difference. A long debate about which guidelines will take all the time you have.

Additional Process Points Other points to make (Justice leader): Other agreements/Courageous Conversations:

1. Listen Actively. Staying engaged makes a difference

2. Speak your truth. This is good practice for sharing your perspective even if you aren’t sure others agree.

3.Be willing to experience discomfort. These conversations surface differences that are already there and that can cause discomfort.

4. Expect and accept non-closure. Somethings cannot be resolved in one conversation.

5. Ouch/Oops. When something is painful for you, feel free to say ouch. When you make a mistake, acknowledge and move on. Do not seek to get “forgiveness” in the moment.

6. Safe or brave spaces. While we cannot guarantee safety for folks, we can create spaces that are safer and which allow people to take the risks of deepening relationship through sharing truths.

7.Curiosity rather than certainty. Consider approaching the relationship from a place of curiosity rather than certainty.

8. Parking lots. Please note that there are sheets posted where people can post other ideas that are beyond the scope of this event.

0:20 Move People into Groups (see Logistics above)

0:30 4 x 4 Group Conversations

Begin with a round of introductions (name, pronouns if your community uses them or relevant to the discussion, how long involved in community/congregation).

Discussion Questions

• What EMOTION comes to mind when you think about our congregation/community’s conversation on race? (feeling families)
• What from your experience fuels that emotion?
• What do you mourn?/What do you celebrate?
• What makes this a high stakes conversation for you?
• What is one idea from this conversation you want to take more time with?

1:30 Report Out

Popcorn: What is one thing you were brave to say?

What is one thing you were brave to hear?

Questions from the parking lots—post its and closing

Closing Words/Extinguish Chalice