Create a Safe, Nurturing Environment
At the most rewarding events, conferees feel safe and cared for, emotionally and physically. They should feel that if they share something deep and personal, they will not be trashed or ostracized—as they might at their schools. A safe environment can be intentionally created. Conference rules play an important part in creating safety.Creating a nurturing environment requires a lot of logistical planning. When people are physically comfortable they are more comfortable psychologically. Make sure the meals are good and on time. Is there enough food for everyone? Are the sleeping arrangements adequate? Have you made provisions both for youth who are more comfortable with a single-sex sleeping area and for youth who might like to share sleeping space with friends regardless of gender? Can those who want to sleep get enough quiet and peace? Are snacks and drinks available for people during the conference? Are the facilities at a comfortable temperature? Will everyone be able to find the bathrooms? The better people feel physically, the more open they will be to joining the conference community.
Post a complete daily schedule every morning. Part of being cared for is knowing what will happen at the conference, and where and when. It is crucial to give participants a complete schedule. Conferees must be able to trust the leaders to tell them in advance of schedule changes. Flexibility in scheduling is good, but respecting the participants requires filling them in.
There are few areas in which we are more emotionally vulnerable than in the area of sexuality. It is therefore essential to pay special attention to ensuring the sexual safety of the conferees. Sexuality is something to be valued and developed in persons of all ages. However, overt or inappropriate sexual behavior at conferences can make others uncomfortable and set couples apart from the community. Youth in the YRUU (Young Religious Unitarian Universalist) age range vary in readiness for and comfort with sexual intimacy.
One of the most wonderful aspects of a conference community is non-sexual touching that develops as members of the group grow closer and more comfortable with one another. In our society, physical contact is often sexually charged. But in the community that can develop at a conference, touch can lose its sexual connotation. A back rub or a hug can mean simply, "I like you." In the conference community, this non-sexual physical affection—an essential and beautiful part of our lives—becomes much freer.
Newcomers to YRUU conferences often don't understand the physical freedom that develops in the community—they may think the hugs are sexual. A conferee may innocently give a newcomer a back rub, only later to find him or herself in a sexually dangerous or abusive situation. Creating an environment of sexual safety can help prevent situations like this.
Be explicit about the community that is being created, the behavior necessary to maintain it, and what a conferee can do when she or he feels unsafe. Conference rules are essential to maintaining the safety of individuals and the community. Don't be afraid to talk honestly in conference publicity, at the orientation, and as situations arise about the vision of conference community and its relation to the conference rules, particularly the rules about physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive or demeaning behavior. The more honestly abuses are dealt with from the beginning, the more secure a conferee will feel about coming to a conference leader because she or he feels emotionally, physically, or sexually unsafe.
For more information contact youth@uua.org.
Last updated on Friday, April 18, 2008.
