WONDERFUL WELCOME
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 3: THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS
BY AISHA HAUSER AND SUSAN LAWRENCE
© Copyright 2008 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/8/2014 8:58:45 PM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
When I see the Ten Most Wanted Lists... I always have this thought: If we'd made them feel wanted earlier, they wouldn't be wanted now.
Eddie Cantor, 20th-century actor, singer and comedian
Forgiveness is the act of admitting we are like other people.
Christina Baldwin, Life's Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
Mother Terasa
Most children know what it is like to feel wronged or treated unfairly. Many, too, know the uncomfortable feelings that come when we realize we have hurt someone else. For either party in a conflict, it can seem natural and justified to feel angry or sad and to act accordingly. Yet "fighting back" or "staying mad" usually makes a conflict worse. Forgiveness is another option.
This session introduces forgiveness as an intangible gift with power to heal friendships and restore peace. The children consider forgiveness in the context of how they can respond if someone in Wonderful Welcome breaks the covenant the group made in Session 2.
The Wonder Box holds a picture of a dove carrying an olive branch, a common symbol for peace that also implies a willingness to forgive and a desire to be forgiven. A person who extends an olive branch is taking a brave step that puts two of our Unitarian Universalist Principles into action. Extending an olive branch says, "I affirm your inherent worth and dignity, as well as my own (first Principle)," and, "I want to promote justice, equity and compassion in our relationship (second Principle)."
In the story, The Prince and the Rhinoceros, one friend breaks another's trust. The other takes the brave step to seek an apology, and once the apology is received, completes the healing with forgiveness. Learning about forgiveness enriches the children's understanding of welcome. In a truly welcoming environment, people accept the possibility of conflict and understand how to use forgiveness to restore peace.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
ACTIVITY | MINUTES |
Opening | 5 |
Activity 1: Wonder Box | 5 |
Activity 2: Story — The Prince and the Rhinoceros | 10 |
Activity 3: Forgiving Faces | 10 |
Activity 4: Consequences | 10 |
Activity 5: Singing "There Is More Love Somewhere" | 10 |
Closing | 10 |
Alternate Activity 1: Making Doves of Forgiveness | 10 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
Take a quiet moment to reflect on a time when someone has hurt you — intentionally or unwittingly. Have you forgiven them? How difficult was it to forgive? What might have moved you more easily from hurt to forgiveness? Did you receive an apology? How did that feel? Did you express your forgiveness to the person who hurt you, or did you keep it to yourself?
This session helps the children understand the power of forgiveness. When one forgives, one generally feels better about the hurt that has transpired. Forgiveness can heal conflict between people and allow them to move forward together. Although it can be very hard to feel and express — or perhaps because it can be so hard — forgiving someone is a very strong expression of our Unitarian Universalist Principles.
Is there someone you need to forgive? Bring your willingness to forgive into your leadership today.
SESSION PLAN
OPENING (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather participants around the chalice. Explain that each session opens with a ritual. Ask if anyone knows what a ritual is. You may say:
Now we will light the chalice, the symbol of our Unitarian Universalist faith; then say together our opening words.
Light the chalice and invite the children to repeat each line of the opening words, and the accompanying movement, after you, line by line.
We are Unitarian Universalists. (Make thumb and index finger of each hand into a "U.")
This is the church of the open mind, (Put hands on either side of the head and open them out.)
The loving heart (Clasp hands over heart.)
And the helping hands. (Extend hands in front of self.)
Together we care for our Earth (Raise hands above the head to form a globe.)
And work for friendship and peace in our world. (Gently grasp the hand of the person on either side.)
Extinguish the chalice.
ACTIVITY 1: THE WONDER BOX (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
While children are still in a circle around the chalice, show them the Wonder Box. Invite them to guess what gift could be in this big, beautifully-wrapped box. Take some guesses. Then pass the box around for children to open and find the olive branch inside. Tell them the bird is a dove and it is holding a branch from an olive tree in its beak. Ask if anyone has seen this image before, and if so, if they remember where they saw it. Allow some comments and questions. Then say:
A dove with an olive branch in its beak is a symbol for peace. When countries are at war, people who want the war to end will often use the symbol of a dove to stand for their desire for peace. When people are arguing or fighting, and someone wants to offer peace and end the fight, we say they want to give the other person an olive branch. It means you are ready to forgive the other person, and ask them to forgive you, too. Forgiving somebody helps you stop fighting and make peace together. It may seem easy to hand someone a branch and end a fight. But, it only works if you are ready to forgive.
Ask," What words do you say when you want someone to forgive you?" Affirm the responses, such as "I'm sorry."
Ask," What words do you say when you are ready to forgive someone else?" Affirm the responses such as: "I forgive you." "It's OK." "I'm not angry anymore" and "Let's be friends and play."
ACTIVITY 2: STORY — THE PRINCE AND THE RHINOCEROS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite the children to get comfortable for listening to a story. Read or tell the story.
Engage the group in a discussion of the kind of friendship Great Joy and the Prince had before their disagreement. What qualities made the friendship strong and valuable? If the group understands the term, "intangible gifts," you may use the term in these questions:
Now ask:
ACTIVITY 3: FORGIVING FACES (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Settle the children at worktables. Hold up a red and a green circle, and say:
I'd like you to meet my friends, Red and Green. Red and Green are two children. They are in religious education together and they are usually good friends. But something happened today.
Red didn't mean to, but Red did something that made Green feel bad. Green had been sitting next to a new person during circle time. When Green got up to get something, Red went over and took her spot. Green came back and was upset and hurt. She walked away feeling mad and a little bit sad because Red did not ask if someone had been sitting there.
Have you ever had a time when a friend did something that made you feel bad?
Allow some responses, but discourage elaborate stories that affix blame, and guide children away from naming peers who are present. Revisiting incidents that have happened in this group may be addressed in Activity 4: Consequences.
Now say:
Green was angry, and then Green felt sad. What do you think Green did?
What do you think Red did?
Children may talk about what Green and Red might have done, or about how they might have felt. Help the group consider possibilities, such as:
Point out the responses that imply forgiveness, such as "Green decided she was no longer mad," or "Red apologized and Green said, 'It's okay.'"
Distribute blank paper, a red and green circle, markers and glue sticks to each child at work tables. Invite them to make a picture of the friendship between Red and Green.
ACTIVITY 4: CONSEQUENCES (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather the children in a circle. Direct their attention to the covenant poster they created together in Session 2. Review the covenant to remind the group of their work and to bring new participants on board. Ask the children if they still think it is a good agreement for their Wonderful Welcome group and allow some discussion.
Now ask, "How well have we been keeping our covenant when we are together?" Children may mention times when the covenant has not been kept. If they do not, prompt them. You may need to mention specific incidents, for example, "Remember last time we met, no one helped clean up?" Avoid tying a covenant-keeping lapse to a particular child.
Then say, in your own words:
You know, we didn't really make any plans for what to do if someone does not follow our covenant. If someone in the group does not follow the covenant, how do you think we should respond?
Elicit responses. It will be important to differentiate among behaviors; there will not be one consequence that will fit every kind of lapse. If a child breaks a covenanted promise that is important for the safety of the group, such as by hitting another child, time out might be an appropriate consequence. However, if someone is talking out of turn, a more appropriate consequence might be to stop the discussion, turn everyone's attention to the covenant, and remind everyone of the agreements.
Record the consequences that the group agrees on. You may wish to post this list in your meeting space.
ACTIVITY 5: SINGING "THERE IS MORE LOVE SOMEWHERE" (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This song engages children in the expression and power of forgiveness. Teach the song, line by line, and then lead children to sing it through once or twice.
CLOSING (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather the children in a circle. Point to the Wonder Box poster and explain that it looks like the Wonder Box to remind us about our intangible gifts. Invite a child to tape or glue the picture of a dove with an olive branch to the poster. You may say:
Now we will see the dove of peace every time we are together here. The dove reminds us that, just as Great Joy forgave the Prince and brought peace back to their friendship, we, too, know how to use forgiveness to make peace.
Tell the children you are happy and thankful you all could be together this morning. You may say:
Giving thanks for being together helps us remember that it is important to be ready to forgive one another. Let's say our closing words of gratitude together.
Invite the children to hold hands. Show them where you have posted the closing words. Ask them to say each line with you, and say the lines slowly:
We are thankful.
We are thankful to be here.
We are thankful to be here, together.
We are thankful to be here, together, now.
Then ask one child to very gently squeeze the hand of the person to their left, and have that person continue to pass the squeeze until the squeeze has returned to the person who started it. Tell the person who started the squeeze to signal that it has returned to them by raising their arms, still holding hands with the people on either side. When this happens, instruct everyone to raise their clasped hands, together. If you like, suggest a word for them to say at this moment, like "Good-bye!" or "Shalom!" or the name of this session's intangible gift — "Forgiveness!".
Extinguish the chalice. Distribute copies of Taking It Home. Thank and dismiss participants.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Reflect on these questions and discuss them with your co-leaders:
TAKING IT HOME
When I see the Ten Most Wanted Lists... I always have this thought: If we'd made them feel wanted earlier, they wouldn't be wanted now.
Eddie Cantor, 20th-century actor, singer and comedian
Forgiveness is the act of admitting we are like other people.
Christina Baldwin, Life's Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
Mother Terasa
IN TODAY'S SESSION...
When children opened the Wonder Box today, they found a picture of a dove bearing an olive branch — a common symbol for peace. We talked about the intangible gift of forgiveness, something we can use to restore peace to a relationship when we feel hurt or wronged. The children learned that forgiving somebody can make things fair again and can be a way to welcome someone back with you after a conflict.
In the story from India , a prince and a rhinoceros, Great Joy, are good friends. Great Joy offers to help the prince win gold in a race, but in his hunger to win, the prince abuses Great Joy, who then refuses to perform. Mistrust and mistreatment are overcome when an apology is accepted.
EXPLORE THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Talk about...
Have there been conflicts in your family that ended in forgiveness, or should have? Talk together about these times.
EXTEND THE TOPIC TOGETHER. Try... Make a family covenant together with forgiveness as its focus. Acknowledge that there will be conflict within the family, and agree together that the individuals in conflict will seek forgiveness of one another — even if it takes time for the forgiveness to come.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: MAKING DOVES OF FORGIVENESS (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Gather children at work tables and distribute materials. Say, in your own words:
The words "I forgive you" are simple, but can be hard to say. When we are ready to forgive someone, we might like to tell them with a very special card. We are going to make cards shaped like a dove and write on each card, "I forgive you."
Invite the children to close their eyes, if they are comfortable doing so, and think of someone whom they would like to forgive. You can prompt them to remember a conflict they have had recently at school or with someone in their family. Give them a moment. Then tell them:
If you have someone in mind to forgive, making an "I forgive you" card might help you get ready to really forgive that person. If you do not have someone in mind, make a card and save it for a time when you do want to forgive someone.
Show the children where you have posted the words "I FORGIVE YOU." Invite them to write the words and decorate the doves any way they wish.
Including All Participants
Not all children are proficient at forming letters. Be ready to help some children print "I forgive you."
WONDERFUL WELCOME: SESSION 3:
STORY: THE PRINCE AND THE RHINOCEROS
An Indian tale of speaking kindly, from Teaching Tolerance, Rhinos & Raspberries kit. Permission pending.
Read or tell the story.
Once upon a time in India , a rare rhinoceros was born, with skin so beautiful it almost glowed. The rhinoceros was given to a noble prince who was very lonely and whose kingdom was poor. The prince was so delighted with the unusual gift that he laughed joyfully. So he named the little calf Great Joy.
The prince treated the rhino with great kindness. He fed her rice, fruit and choice tender plants, and he always spoke in a kind and gentle voice. Great Joy grew and was happy. The prince thought Great Joy was quite beautiful.
At sunrise she would be golden. At sunset, she would be a canvas of pink and red and orange, and later the dark blue of evening. Sometimes after a rain, she would reflect everything around her. She seemed almost enchanted.
"You are wonderful and special to me," the prince whispered softly.
In time, Great Joy grew into an enormous rhino. She was very strong. One day she thought about her good life with the prince and what she could give him in return. "I am only a rhino, but I can use my strength to help him earn gold for his kingdom." She suggested to the prince that she compete in a contest of strength against the town's strongest bulls.
A rich merchant with many fine oxen agreed to the wager: Great Joy would pull a hundred loaded wagons usually towed by his team of eight oxen. The bet was one thousand gold pieces.
The next day, the prince inspected the wagons and harnessed Great Joy to the front. Then he climbed onto the driver's seat. Great Joy waited for a few kind words of encouragement before starting. Instead, the prince, thinking only of the gold, waved a whip in the air and shouted, "Pull, you big wretch. Move, you worthless rhino."
Great Joy was shocked at her beloved prince's words. Wretch? Worthless? "I'm no wretch," she thought. "I'm not worthless, either." She stiffened her huge legs and refused to move an inch.
Humiliated, the prince ran home and hid in his royal bed. "I'm ruined," he cried.
Great Joy was filled with pain and sorrow. She needed to understand what she had done to deserve such cruel insults. After many days and nights without food or sleep, she went to the prince's palace, which had grown shabby due to his impoverished state. "Oh, Prince, in all our years together, have I ever done anything to hurt you?"
"No, never."
"Then why did you say those terrible things to me? Was the thought of gold worth more than what I can offer?"
The prince hung his head. Tears ran down his face. "The gold distracted me. I forgot the importance of our friendship. I am so ashamed."
"Then we will try again," Great Joy said. "Go back to the merchant and double your bet."
Again the carts were loaded, and Great Joy was harnessed to the front. The prince climbed up and sang out, "All right, you marvelous marvel, you splendid rhino, my Great Joy. It's up to you!"
The powerful rhino snorted, pawed the ground and charged forward. Her sides heaved as she pulled, until the last cart crossed the finish line. The townspeople cheered wildly as they covered her with garlands of flowers and strands of tinkling bells.
The prince collected his two thousand pieces of gold, then humbly thanked Great Joy for a job well done. That very evening, the prince and the rhino walked along the river in the red glow of sunset.
"I didn't mean to say such hurtful words to you," the prince whispered. "Please forgive me."
"I already have," said Great Joy.
And that's how they lived forever after — in friendship and great joy. Never again did an unkind word pass between them.
WONDERFUL WELCOME: SESSION 3:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: DOVE WITH OLIVE BRANCH
Download a high-resolution PDF (at www.uua.org/documents/tapestry/welcome/dove.pdf) for printing.
FIND OUT MORE
The Symbol s of the Dove and the Olive Branch
The olive branch as a symbol of peace has roots in Hebrew scripture (Genesis) and ancient Greek mythology and tradition. In Genesis, Noah releases a dove to find land after the rains have stopped. The dove returns with an olive branch in its beak (Book of Noah, 8:11), signifying God's forgiveness or mercy toward humankind and the end of the flooding.
In Greek mythology, the goddess Athena gives an olive tree to the people of Athens , and they name the city for her in gratitude. An Olympic winner's olive branch crown, in tandem with the Greek's tradition of suspending war for the duration of the games, suggests a relationship between the olive tree and peace.