RIDDLE AND MYSTERY
A Tapestry of Faith Program for Children
SESSION 6: THINKING OF DEATH
BY RICHARD S. KIMBALL
© Copyright 2010 Unitarian Universalist Association.
Published to the Web on 11/8/2014 8:04:49 AM PST.
This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at
www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/tapestryfaith.
SESSION OVERVIEW
INTRODUCTION
The question is not whether we will die but how we have lived. — Joan Borysenko, psychologist
Big Question: What happens when we die?
In one sense, all of us may one day know the answer, for death is surely our fate. Yet none of us can know it in life. Nor can we know whether, after death, we will have any kind of consciousness. Nevertheless, the inherent impenetrability of today's Big Question has not stopped humanity from asking it.
In this session, youth learn some beliefs about death, hear ideas from our faith, and explore their own beliefs. Be sensitive to the experiences of youth. Most sixth-graders have encountered death in some form. Some have grieved the death of a relative, a friend or a pet. If anyone in the group is struggling with a loved one's life-threatening illness or recent death, offer space for them to open up and speak in the group or to you alone; also convey your warm permission for them to maintain silence. Honor any beliefs participants express about death. The listening and support you offer might well be more important in a time of crisis than any possible intellectual processing of death's meaning.
This session may be beneficial to lead for youth and parents/caregivers together. Except for the WCUU activity, the core activities lend themselves to intergenerational participation; you may wish to videotape the WCUU broadcast first, then invite parents/caregivers to watch and discuss the broadcast. Alternate Activities 5, Death and Your Congregation, and 6, Another WIT Time — About Death, are suitable for youth and their parents/caregivers to do together.
If you do gather adults and youth together, make sure all youth have an adult family member who can join the session.
GOALS
This session will:
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Participants will:
SESSION-AT-A-GLANCE
Activity | Minutes |
Opening | 5 |
Activity 1: Who Believes What? | 10 |
Activity 2: Story — Reflections by Forrest Church | 7 |
Activity 3: WCUU — Visit to UUville | 15 |
Activity 4: WIT Time — Memorial Rituals | 20 |
Faith in Action: Capital Punishment | 30 |
Closing | 3 |
Alternate Activity 1: Notable Thoughts | 5 |
Alternate Activity 2: Song — In Sweet Fields of Autumn and Nearer, My God, to Thee | 8 |
Alternate Activity 3: Challenge Question | 5 |
Alternate Activity 4: A Science Report | 5 |
Alternate Activity 5: Death and Your Congregation | 30 |
Alternate Activity 6: Another WIT Time — About Death | 10 |
SPIRITUAL PREPARATION
With everything for the session set to go, carve out a meditative moment for yourself. Relax. Take several deep breaths. Explore your current understanding of what happens when we die. Recall your encounters with death as a child and youth. What were your ideas then about what happens when a life ends? How have your ideas developed through the years?
Smile in the knowledge that simply joining youth in their search of life's mysteries is good and rewarding.
SESSION PLAN
OPENING (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Greet youth as they enter, and introduce yourself to any you do not already know. If the group uses nametags, invite everyone to (make and) wear one. If new youth join this session, add their names on card stock to the Kid for the Day bag.
Sound the bell or tingsha chimes to call for silence.
Reach into the Kid for the Day bag or box and select a name without looking. Announce the name and place the paper back in the bag or box. (If a Kid for the Day seems reluctant, allow them to pass. Draw another name or invite the participant to select one.)
Indicate where you have posted the chalice lighting words. Invite the Kid for the Day to light the chalice while you lead the group in reciting "May this chalice light show the way as we search for answers to our biggest questions and seek to understand life's deepest mysteries."
Invite the group to share a moment of silence. End the silence by sounding the bell or tingshas. Explain that you will use this same ritual—chalice lighting, followed by silence—at each session.
If new participants have joined the group, invite all, in turn, to introduce themselves. You can do more of a check-in, but keep it focused.
You may wish to ask if anyone did any Taking It Home activities from the previous session and would like to briefly share what they did.
If you have posted a covenant made by the group in Session 1, direct the group's attention to it and ask if anybody wants to suggest changes. Process any suggestions quickly, and amend the covenant as needed.
Announce that it is time to hear the Big Question of the day. Hand the Kid for the Day a copy of Handout 1 and help them understand and implement the instructions. Write the question—What happens when we die?—on the newsprint under the "Today's Big Question" sign.
Ask the Kid for the Day to extinguish the chalice. Move the chalice table aside as necessary to allow movement in the room.
Set aside the "Today's Big Question" sign and the Kid for the Day bag or box, with the names and extra pieces of card stock, for re-use.
Including All Participants
If the group includes youth who may have difficulty reading, be sure you routinely allow the Kid for the Day to pass.
ACTIVITY 1: WHO BELIEVES WHAT? (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This activity teaches participants Unitarian Universalist ideas about what happens after death in the context of other major philosophic and religious ideas.
Distribute slips of paper with Belief System descriptions and Belief Statements, making sure you distribute both parts of any pair you use. Give each participant one slip. If you have an uneven number of participants, an adult can participate.
For a fun challenge, fasten a Belief System or Belief Statement on each youth's back and invite the group to form correct pairs without talking. They will realize they need to gently guide one another toward possible appropriate partners.
Some of the Belief Statements are fairly similar. The youth will need to negotiate until everybody is satisfied they have it right.
Once the pairs are together, present the correct matches using Leader Resource 2, adding information from the leader key and your own knowledge, but note that few sixth graders will be ready to take in and process all that you might know.
If some pairs are not matched correctly; explain that different belief systems share some ideas about what happens when we die. Note that religious belief systems are complicated, and this activity simplifies them to make basic differences clear.
Say you will spend the rest of the session finding out more about what Unitarian Universalists—including the participants—believe happens when we die.
Intergenerational Variation
If the group is large and parents/caregivers are present, invite the adults to carry or wear the slips of paper with Belief Systems and Belief Statements. Ask the entire group to keep silence while youth move the adults into their proper matches.
Including All Participants
Respect physical abilities of all participants by setting the activity up to be comfortable for all. People with mobility limitations may still enjoy moving around.
ACTIVITY 2: STORY — REFLECTIONS BY FORREST CHURCH (7 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Invite the youth to hear reflections from a Unitarian Universalist minister who faced a terminal cancer diagnosis. Read or tell the story. Then invite reactions:
ACTIVITY 3: WCUU — VISIT TO UUVILLE (15 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Participants present a WCUU with seven On-Air roles and a Studio Crew which might include a director, a floor director, a camera operator, a sound engineer, a lighting director, a script supervisor and multiple production assistants.
Assign roles, using volunteers for On-Air People and Studio Crew. You might invite the Kid for the Day to be the Anchor or Roving Reporter.
Give copies of Leader Resource 4 to the youth who will be the UUville Citizens and have a co-leader or adult volunteer take them aside to prepare their roles.
Give participants who need to follow the script a moment to look it over. Review it with them if you have participants with limited reading skills. Note: This script asks the Roving Reporter to improvise dialogue with the UUville Citizens; coach as necessary. You might suggest the Roving Reporter talk first, very briefly, with each of the Citizens about what they are presently doing (riding a bicycle, etc.), and then, briefly again, about the Citizen's death beliefs.
Tell the group when the show should end to keep the session on schedule; assign a Studio Crew member (director or floor director) to watch the time.
Begin the broadcast.
At the end of the broadcast, ask participants how it went. Ask them to summarize how typical Unitarian Universalists respond to today's Big Question: "What happens when we die?" Do they think non-UUs would understand Unitarian Universalism better after seeing the WCUU broadcast?
ACTIVITY 4: WIT TIME — MEMORIAL RITUAL (20 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
This is a two-part activity. In Part 1, youth experience a candle-lighting ritual in remembrance of people and pets they have lost through death. In Part 2, they plan a UU memorial service suitable for use in their own congregation.
Tell the group it is WIT time—What I Think time—but this is a different kind of WIT Time. Instead of thinking right now about how they would answer today's Big Question, youth will experience (and/or plan) a ritual having to do with death. Doing/planning a ritual will help them understand what they think about death. Maybe they will realize what they think about death during this activity. Maybe they will realize some things later.
Part 1. Lead a simple candle-lighting service. Invite youth to remember people and pets they have lost through death. Remind the group of the UU idea that those who have died live on through what they have done in life and through the memories of families and friends. Say that a simple ceremony like the one you have planned can help keep the memories alive.
Explain the ceremony. Perhaps you will light the chalice, play quiet music and invite each youth to take a votive candle, light it from the chalice and place it carefully in a container you have filled with sand. As they do, they can speak or not, as they wish. If they do speak, they can name the person or pet they are remembering. They can say what they meant to them or something that person or pet has done that will live on—explain the deeds that outlive a person, or a pet, are their legacy.
Go first to model the action, but allow a moment or two of silence first, so youth can decide who they wish to memorialize. Be brief and serious as you light and place a candle, mention somebody you have lost and what that person meant to you, stand for a quiet moment, then move back so somebody else can have a chance.
Keep the activity serious at all times. It may have great significance for some youth.
Keep a careful eye on lit candles. Watch that loose sleeves and hair are kept away from flames.
When all who wish to have lit a candle, conclude with an appropriate, short song or reading, or a simple "Blessed be" or "Amen." Carefully extinguish flames. If music is playing, turn it off.
Part 2. Ask youth to plan a memorial service to be used in the congregation. If you have made specific arrangements with congregational leaders, explain the parameters for the service. Clarify whether this will be a generic memorial service or a service of remembrance for a particular person (tell the group who). Point out that a memorial service gives the full congregational community a chance to remember the person together, to express emotional responses to the loss of a member and to support the family and close friends of the person who has died. Ask if the youth can think of other ways a memorial service helps the community after someone has died.
Lead a group brainstorm. Record ideas on newsprint. Mention that youth who have experienced such a service can be especially helpful. Invite youth to describe a Unitarian Universalist memorial service they have attended and to identify elements they liked about the service. Prompt as needed, but be sure to seek the group's assent before adding your ideas to the brainstorming list. You might suggest opening music, opening words, chalice lighting, candle lighting by individuals, hymns, choir anthems/musical performances by others, readings of words that the person wrote or enjoyed, a talk about the person by a minister or somebody else who knew the person well (sometimes called a "eulogy"), sharing by friends and family members about what the person was like and what the person did in life, moments of silent meditation, closing music, and closing words.
Distribute copies of the hymnbook, Singing the Living Tradition and any other UU resources you have brought. Allow individuals or small groups to look for appropriate readings and music. Show the youth how to use the topical indices in the back of the hymnbook; it has a "Death and Life" section for hymns (page 671) and readings (page 643). Regather the group and invite them to share their suggestions; list suggested readings and songs on newsprint with book and page references. You might invite youth to add ideas from other sources—songs, prayers or readings they know which they think might add to a UU memorial service.
If you have time, use another sheet of newsprint to draft an order of service.
Concluding Discussion
Prompt with these questions:
Including All Participants
Be alert to any life-threatening illnesses or recent deaths that may concern your youth. Be prepared to make a co-leader available to leave the activity and offer listening comfort privately, if a youth becomes emotional or needs to talk .
CLOSING (3 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Briefly summarize the day's session with words like these:
Today we thought about death and what happens when we die. We explored what different religions say about death and heard a story about the beliefs of a Unitarian Universalist minister facing death. Our WCUU broadcast featured the ideas of typical UUs living in UUville. In WIT Time, we thought about rituals that memorialize those who have died.
Ask if youth agree with this conclusion:
Death is even more of a riddle and a mystery than life is.
Affirm their responses.
Distribute the Taking It Home handout. Suggest participants use the activities to continue exploring the themes of today's session.
Relight the chalice. Ask the group to say these closing words with you:
May this light shine on in each of us as we search for the answers to our own biggest questions.
Extinguish the chalice (or ask the Kid for the Day to do it). Sound the bell or tingshas to end the session.
FAITH IN ACTION: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
If the group has begun an ongoing Faith in Action project, continue work on it.
Or, consider this short-term Faith in Action project:
Unitarian Universalism and Capital Punishment. The topic of capital punishment emerges naturally from the session's focus on the meaning of death. Acquaint the group with the Unitarian Universalist Association's stance against capital punishment. Then, ask the group to make posters to familiarize your congregation with that stance and/or write advocacy letters to legislators. Plan to include discussion to determine where youth stand on the issue.
Ask the group to define "capital punishment" — putting people to death as punishment for crimes they are convicted of committing.
Say that most Unitarian Universalists believe capital punishment is wrong. Congregations agreed on this at a General Assembly (GA) meeting in 1961. At that GA, the UUA resolved to oppose capital punishment in the U.S. and Canada and the UUA has continued to oppose it ever since. (You might explain that the General Assembly is a meeting of representatives of UU congregations. These meetings have been held each year since the Unitarians and Universalists came together in 1961 and are where the Association makes many decisions together.)
Read the text of the GA resolution (Leader Resource 5) or the simplified version (Leader Resource 6) aloud to the group. Or, hand out copies for participants to share and invite volunteers to each read a bullet point aloud. Lead a discussion to clarify the resolution's meaning. Write key phrases on newsprint.
Carefully unpack the clause "WHEREAS, capital punishment has not always been used impartially among all economic and racial groups in America." Point out that capital punishment is an economic justice issue. Explain that judges give death sentences disproportionately more to poor people. If you have found relevant statistics, share them. Ask the youth to consider why this may be so. If none raise this point, suggest:
One reason may be because poor defendants are often represented by court-appointed attorneys. They generally earn less than private lawyers and may have less time to work on each client's case. Someone rich can hire any lawyer they want, so they may have a better chance of presenting evidence of their innocence and convincing the court they are innocent or deserve a lighter sentence.
Ask the group to think about how it would feel to have been arrested and have no choice in who would be your lawyer.
Mention there is another justice problem with capital punishment. The death penalty has not always been doled out fairly to all ethnic groups. Tell the group:
There seems to be prejudice in the courts. Statistics show that many state and local court systems punish African Americans and other people of color more readily and more harshly than white Americans charged with the same crimes. So, if a state allows capital punishment, it is likely to threaten the lives of people of color the most.
Another economic issue related to capital punishment is the cost of a death penalty court case. A murder trial where the death penalty is sought costs the public three times as much as a murder trial where the government seeks to punish the defendant with life in prison. This means money that could be used to improve the lives of many citizens is being used to bring about the death of one. Tell the group there is much debate about which costs more, securing the death penalty for a crime, holding the convicted prisoner on Death Row and finally executing them, or securing a life-without-parole conviction and then supporting the prisoner in jail for the rest of their life.
Tell the group the information you have learned about capital punishment in your state. Ask youth whether they agree with the Unitarian Universalist Association position and wish to help end capital punishment. If they do, suggest building awareness about the issue in your congregation with a poster-making activity—by posting elements of the 1961 GA resolution to remind congregants that the UUA is still fighting to eliminate the death penalty in all the U.S. states and Canada. Point out the phrases from the resolution which you have posted. On the newsprint, add youth's ideas for more poster phrases to explain that the issue is still not resolved and why it is important. Help the youth come up with short slogans for the posters, for example, "Don't Take a Life" or "The Death Penalty Does Not Serve Justice."
If you live in a death penalty state and have targeted legislators to whom youth can write, invite them to write letters. You might also write letters to national leaders.
Distribute materials and engage youth to begin working individually or in small groups to make posters (or write letters). Save some time or plan another time for youth to post completed posters around the congregational facility. Consider explaining and announcing the posters via your the congregational newsletter, website, worship announcements or a coffee hour announcement.
If Youth Disagree
While the youth will likely support the UUA's position, some may not. Many people in this country do support capital punishment. Like many adults, some youth may feel some crimes are so horrible that people committing them should themselves be killed. Chances of youth taking this stand may be higher if a horrible crime has been reported recently.
If youth disagree with the UUA or with each other about capital punishment, help them process their disagreement. Affirm that in our faith, we covenant about what we will do together in our congregations and as the Unitarian Universalist Association. That does not mean all members always agree. People can argue for a change in the UUA stand. See if youth would like to invite an adult with knowledge of UUA processes and procedures to talk with them about how to make pro-capital punishment or other minority views known in your congregation or the UUA.
Keep the discussion respectful, but limit the time you spend. See what next steps the group wants to take. Suggest:
Including All Participants
Some youth process difficult language more easily if they can read the text to themselves while someone else reads it aloud. Consider making a copy of Leader Resource 5 and/or 6 for each youth.
LEADER REFLECTION AND PLANNING
Meet with co-leaders after the session to reflect on how it went. How was your mix of discussion and action? How comfortable did youth seem when sharing ideas about death? Did you manage to convey the information you wanted to while respecting their own ideas? How well do you think youth understood the different ways various belief systems answer the question "What happens when we die?" Are they clear about what Unitarian Universalists think about death and how we memorialize family and community members who die?
Did any youth show signs of concern about either the idea of death or their own experiences with death or life-threatening illness which you should communicate to parents, your religious educator or your minister?
Note that the Big Question for Session 7 is "Why do bad things happen?" If you will lead Session 7 next, plan to prepare by reflecting on your own answers to that.
TAKING IT HOME
The question is not whether we will die but how we have lived. — Joan Borysenko, psychologist
Talk about the quote. What does it mean to you?
WHAT WE DID TODAY
Today's Big Question is "What happens when you die?" We talked about some different answers to the question which come from a variety of belief systems. We heard what a Unitarian Universalist minister said when he had cancer and expected to die soon. We found out that UUs talk more about heaven- and hell-like situations on Earth and what to do about them, than we talk about an afterlife. That is because many UUs believe we live on after life through what we did when we were alive—as well as in the memories of our families and friends. We also explored rituals to memorialize people after they die.
ANSWERING TODAY'S BIG QUESTION
What do family members have to say about the question: "What happens when we die?" What does your family do so relatives who have died live on, through you?
VISIT THE DEAD
Go to a cemetery and look at the gravestones. What can you learn from them? Do those messages help the people buried there live on? Are there flowers and mementos? Why do people put them there?
SHARED SEARCH
Go through a family photo album or "family tree." Choose somebody you know little about who has died. Find out as much as you can about that person so they can live on through you.
REFLECT ON YOUR BELIEFS
Ask another big question: Is anything worth dying for? Patrick Henry was a famous patriot who said, "Give me Liberty or Give me Death." Was he right? What do you think is worth dying for?
PHOTO CHALLENGE
Photograph a cycle of life and death. You might start with a seed, photograph a flower as it grows through the summer, and photograph it again when it dies in a frost. You might photograph spring buds and then beautiful dying leaves.
FAMILY FAITH IN ACTION
Find out about capital punishment in your state. Do you have a death penalty? Does it make sense to you to kill somebody to show that it is wrong to kill somebody? Do you agree with the UUA that capital punishment is wrong? What can you do about it? Try sending an e-mail or writing a letter to your governor. If the state does not have capital punishment, watch for news stories about criminal justice. Do the jails and prisons in your state have enough money so they can help or rehabilitate criminals and not just punish them? If not, send an e-mail or a letter to the governor saying you want things changed. But if you do not agree with the UUA that capital punishment is wrong, what should you do in that case?
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: NOTABLE THOUGHTS (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Notable Thoughts is the first Alternate Activity in each session of Riddle and Mystery. Remind participants that this is a time for them to record their own ideas about today's Big Question. Distribute participants' notebooks and pencils or pens. Provide any new participants with notebooks. Say that the notebooks are private; you will keep them between sessions but not read them.
Tell the youth they will have about five minutes. Remind them of today's Big Question: "What happens when we die?" Say they can write about anything they want. Their ideas can be as different as they wish from what you have talked about so far. If youth have nothing to record, they are free to doodle or relax.
Give them a few minutes to work quietly in their notebooks. When time is up, offer that they may seal their notebooks with masking tape before handing them in. Collect the notebooks.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: SONG — IN SWEET FIELDS OF AUTUMN AND NEARER, MY GOD, TO THEE (8 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Remind/tell the group that Unitarian Universalists often express our ideas in hymns. Introduce "In Sweet Fields of Autumn" and "Nearer, My God, to Thee," in a manner comfortable for you. Be sure the youth hears the words to at least the first verse of each song.
Ask which hymn participants think Unitarians and Universalists would have preferred, long ago, and which is probably more often sung today. Tell the group, as discussion progresses, that "Nearer, My God, to Thee" was probably more commonly sung years ago when Unitarianism and Universalism were closer to their Christian beginnings and Christian beliefs about God and what happens when we die. Remark, if youth do not, that "Nearer, My God to Thee," was sometimes sung by people facing death; in fact, it was sung by passengers on the deck of the ocean liner Titanic as it sank and carried them to their deaths. "In Sweet Fields of Autumn" does not mention God but presents death (in the third verse) as a natural part and consequence of the life cycle.
Ask for reactions:
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: CHALLENGE QUESTION (5 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Challenge questions guide a deeper inquiry for especially thoughtful individuals and groups. For this session, ask:
What would life be like if it did not end in death?
Share relevant ideas you have found. You might also ask:
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 4: A SCIENCE REPORT (5 MINUTES)
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
The physical aspects of death may fascinate some youth. Tell the group about scientific experiments seeking proof that a soul leaves the body after death and the dead and the living can communicate. Say:
Mary Roach wrote a magazine article in 2006 that talks about 47 attempts to scientifically investigate what happens when we die. Only one investigator ever found out, because he died trying to answer the question. After he died, he could not report back what he had learned.
Tell the youth:
Ask the youth their ideas for further scientific experiments to explore today's Big Question. Affirm ideas. Encourage youth to articulate how they might conduct an experiment and what hypothesis they might test. Help them distinguish between information about what happens to the body after we die and information about what happens to our intangible selves—our souls, our awareness, our spirits.
Conclude:
Science can tell us what happens to our bodies when we die, but not what happens to our conscious, thinking selves. Science does not know all of what happens after death. Despite the scientists' attempts, death remains a riddle and a mystery.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 5: DEATH AND YOUR CONGREGATION (30 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
Help the group explore and understand the "death culture" of your congregation by investigating the physical spaces and mementos, funeral and memorial practices and recent history of the congregation with regard to deaths in the community.
Possibilities include:
It is of course important for leaders conducting this activity to be very sensitive to participant experiences with death, especially recent ones.
Youth might benefit from hearing about the differences between traditional funeral services and the memorial services more typically held in UU congregations. Traditional funerals are often designed around traditional rituals of the dead person's religion, such as readings from Christian or Jewish scripture or performances of special music. The body of the deceased may be present in a casket. The casket might be open or closed. Memorial services typically focus on the life of the person who has died. Family members and friends may speak. Readings and music can be just about anything that was meaningful to the deceased and remains meaningful to survivors. Laughter is less likely to be heard at a funeral than at a memorial service, where people often tell stories about the dead person in order to celebrate their life.
If you want a minister, a hospice nurse, a doctor, or another congregational member familiar with death to join the group, choose someone with experience and comfort working with sixth graders. When you introduce the guest, tell the youth that you have invited them because they encounter death regularly in their work and are here to give participants a chance to ask any questions they may have about death.
ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 6: ANOTHER WIT TIME — ABOUT DEATH (10 MINUTES)
Materials for Activity
Preparation for Activity
Description of Activity
If you have time, use this activity at the end of this session.
Tell the youth you will distribute a handout to help them record their own ideas about death and the ideas covered in the session. Assure them they are not expected to share their answers. In fact, you will give each youth a sealable envelope so they can keep their ideas private. However, note that they may not wish to keep their ideas private. Many people find that talking with others about death can be very helpful.
Distribute the handouts, envelopes and pens/pencils. Suggest that youth begin by writing their name on their envelope. Tell them they need not hurry; they can take the page with them to complete later if they wish.
Give the group at least five minutes of quiet writing time. When they are done, suggest they may wish to put their envelopes away in a special place so they can find them and read them at a later time—maybe years later—to see how their ideas may have changed.
If you have time, ask if anyone wishes to share any answers. Were they comfortable thinking about death as they considered their answers? Did they find any of the questions especially interesting or challenging to answer? Which ones, and why?
Including All Participants
If some members of the group struggle with reading and writing, read the questions aloud and then give the group time to write their answers.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
STORY: REFLECTIONS BY FORREST CHURCH
Based on excerpts, adapted with permission, from Love and Death: My Journey through the Valley of the Shadow by Forrest Church (Beacon Press, 2008).
Reverend Forrest Church is a minister of a very large Unitarian Universalist church in New York City. Rev. Church has cancer. The cancer is serious and cannot be cured. Rev. Church knows it will take his life.
Rev. Church is sad that his life will end before he can finish doing all he wants to do and before he can meet the grandchildren he expects will be born some day. But he is not afraid of dying. He is comfortable with the fact that his turn has come, and he must soon say goodbye.
When he learned he had cancer, Reverend Church wrote a book about what was happening. The title is Love and Death: My Journey Through the Valley of the Shadow. The title refers to a verse in Hebrew scripture known as the 23rd Psalm. The verse talks about walking "through the valley of the shadow of death."
In his book, Rev. Church has a lot to say about death to his family, to friends, to members of his congregation, to anybody else who reads the book and to you. Death is sad, he says, especially for the people who are left behind. However, death is not scary. Death is the natural end of life.
We know all of us will die, and because we know that, we have religion. Religion helps us think about big questions, like "What will happen when I die?" "Where did I come from?" "Does God exist?" and "What is life's purpose?"
We do not know what will happen when we die. That is a mystery. Maybe there is a heaven. If there is a heaven, it might have angels, harps and puffy clouds... or, it might not. In any case, Rev. Church believes, people who die will all know peace.
God is a mystery, too, a mysterious connecting force that makes everything one, a force you can call "Divine" or "Holy" or whatever you want. God is the name many people use for the highest power we know, but God is not a "puppet master" pulling strings and deciding just who dies when.
Knowing that we will die, what should we do? We should live, we should laugh, and we should love, says Rev. Church.
The minister writes that he learned something about living from his own children. One day, when they were young, he was walking them to school. On a busy New York City street, a car swerved around a corner and almost killed them all. Forrest Church was angry. But, he remembers, "my kids just laughed, romping blithely down the sidewalk, jumping from tree to tree as they always did, trying to touch the leaves." The kids were celebrating the joy of life, and they "had the right idea. Why didn't I think to jump and touch the leaves?"
Laughing, really living, and loving all require more courage than dying does. Dying comes naturally, yet we have to work at laughing, really living, and loving. To love is especially difficult, because we may lose what we love. But love is super important, important enough to use along with "death" in a book title. Why? Because love survives us when we die. Love is the one thing death cannot take away. Our love goes on and on and on after we die. That much we do know about what happens at death.
What does "really living" mean? How should we live? In three special ways, according to Reverend Church. These three ways are his "mantra," he tells us. A mantra is something a person says over and over again in order to remember and do what the mantra says. This is Forrest Church's mantra: "Want what you have. Do what you can. Be who you are."
Think about those three things. Does doing them sound easy? It is not. Try to want what you have. Try to do what you can. Try to be who you are. You will see it is difficult. You will also find it is very worthwhile.
Rev. Church, who knows he will die soon, says:
We should laugh, really live, and love. We should want what we have, do what we can, and be who we are.
Forrest Church and his book may help other people—maybe you, maybe me—to accept those challenges of life. That is one way Rev. Church's love will live on after he dies.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
HANDOUT 1: TODAY'S BIG QUESTION
To the Kid for the Day:
You have two jobs. The first is getting your group excited about hearing today's Big Question. The second is announcing the question.
1. Say to the group, "Give me a drum roll!" Then wait for a minute while the drum roll builds. (Here is how to do a drum roll: Everybody slaps their thighs, one leg first, then the other, back and forth, beginning gently and getting louder and louder.)
2. When the drum roll is good and loud, hold up your hands to signal "Stop!" Then read today's Big Question. Here it is:
What happens when we die?
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
HANDOUT 2: WHAT I THINK
Here are some ideas about death. Use check marks to show whether you agree or disagree. Remember—this is a private page. You can share it with others if you want, but you do not have to.
Agree Disagree
_____ _____ Thinking about God can help you explain life and death.
_____ _____ Science is better than religion for explaining life and death.
_____ _____ Heaven and hell really do exist.
_____ _____ The heavens and hells on earth are more important than religious ones.
_____ _____ I can help keep my favorite people alive and well by praying.
_____ _____ Maybe someday science can fix things so nobody has to die.
_____ _____ I believe in reincarnation.
_____ _____ I think death is like a very peaceful sleep that never ends.
_____ _____ What you do in life is more important than what happens when you die.
_____ _____ A million good deeds are more important than a million dollars.
_____ _____ I think I know what happens to people after they die.
If you checked “agree” for the last item, explain what you mean in this space.
Write any other ideas you have about death and what happens when you die in this space:
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 1: MATCHING BELIEF SYSTEMS AND STATEMENTS
Unitarian Universalism — We agree that after physical death, a person lives on through the people who have known them and the deeds they have done. We may hold different ideas about the nature or existence of an afterlife.
Roman Catholicism — We believe people are judged when they die, based on their sins and how completely they have repented by doing particular rituals. A few people go straight to Heaven. Some go to Hell and stay there forever. Some go to Purgatory, where they suffer until they are purified of their sins and can go to Heaven.
Fundamentalist Christianity — We believe anyone who accepts Christ as their savior will be saved and go to Heaven. People who are not saved go to Hell.
Buddhism — We believe a person will be born and reborn many times until their soul reaches an enlightened state called Nirvana.
Science — We know about the physical part of death because we can observe it by examining dead bodies. We can observe the return of all living matter to the earth after death. Until scientific experiments prove some facts, we cannot know what happens to the non-physical aspects of a person after their physical death.
Judaism — Life is more important than death. We do not have one, definite answer to "What happens when we die?" There may be an afterlife, but our faith offers many different concepts of what it might be. Hebrew scripture, rabbinic commentary on scripture and our own personal experiences and philosophies provide individual Jews with answers.
Hinduism — We believe each soul spends multiple lifetimes on Earth, evolving each time so it can ultimately become perfect and merge with the Divine. Between lifetimes, your soul may go to a heaven- or hell-like place, depending on your deeds on Earth—your karma—and your thoughts at the time of death. Our ideas about "What happens when we die?" are expressed in a scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita.
Liberal Christianity — We believe there is some sort of life after death but we do not know the details. We do not believe scripture is literally the word of God, yet we may look to the Bible's text to form our ideas about what happens when we die. However, our faith is more focused on how we live following Jesus' teachings than on what happens after.
Humanism — We only live once. To us, "life" means life in our human bodies. There is no afterlife. After we die, our molecules live on, but we do not.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 2: BELIEF SYSTEMS AND STATEMENTS — LEADER KEY
Unitarian Universalism — We all can have different ideas about an afterlife, whether it exists, and what it might be like. We agree that after physical death, a person lives on through the people who have known them and the deeds they have done.(Our century-long Universalist heritage taught that God is good, and saves everybody's soul after death. Nobody goes to Hell forever. This radical idea of "universal salvation" appeared as a response to Calvinism and Puritanism, which said that people are predestined to go to either Heaven or Hell, and only a select few would go to Heaven. Today, our First Principle is an expression of Unitarian Universalist belief that all people are worthy of "salvation" in this life.)
Roman Catholicism — We believe people are judged by when they die, based on their sins and how completely they have repented by doing particular rituals. A few people go straight to Heaven. Some go to Hell and stay there forever. Some go to Purgatory, where they suffer until they are purified of their sins and can go to Heaven. (Family members and friends can pray and offer masses so their loved ones will spend less time in Purgatory.)
Fundamentalist Christianity — We believe anyone who accepts Christ as their savior will be saved and go to Heaven. People who are not saved go to Hell. (While fundamentalist Christian faiths have a variety of views, they commonly rely on a literal interpretation of the words in the Bible. Some say people who die will have a second life on Earth after a second coming of Christ. Others say the souls of the dead go to a holding place called Sheol or Hades until Christ comes again.)
Buddhism — We believe a person will be born and reborn many times until their soul reaches an enlightened state called Nirvana. (Buddhists believe death should not be feared, as life is merely a temporary, physical state. Nirvana is a state of bliss and perfection; a person has no physical being; they are outside of and untroubled by human concerns.)
Science — We know about the physical part of death because we can observe it by examining dead bodies. We can observe the return of all living matter to the earth after death. Until scientific experiments prove some facts, we cannot know what happens to the non-physical aspects of a person after their physical death. (Scientists have many different beliefs about what might happen after death, but most scientists would differentiate their beliefs from facts that can be tested in a laboratory.)
Judaism — Life is more important than death. We do not have one, definite answer to "What happens when we die?" There may be an afterlife, but our faith offers many different concepts of what it might be. Hebrew scripture, rabbinic commentary on scripture and our own personal experiences and philosophies provide individual Jews with answers. (Judaism entertains a wide range of possibilities about what happens when we die and, if there is an afterlife, what it is like.)
Hinduism — We believe each soul spends multiple lifetimes on Earth, evolving each time so it can ultimately become perfect and merge with the Divine. Between lifetimes, your soul may go to a heaven- or hell-like place, depending on your deeds on Earth—your karma—and your thoughts at the time of death. Our ideas about "What happens when we die?" are expressed in a scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita. (Hindus believe in the soul and reincarnation. When you die and your soul follows the path of the sun, you never have to return, but if your soul follows the path of the moon, you do return.)
Liberal Christianity — We believe there is some sort of life after death but we do not know the details. We do not believe scripture is literally the word of God, yet we may look to the bible's text to form our ideas about what happens when we die. However, our faith is more focused on how we live following Jesus' teachings than on what happens after. (When a Unitarian Universalists is also a Christian, they may share liberal Christian views about life after death.)
Humanism — We only live once. To us, "life" means life in our human bodies. There is no afterlife. After we die, our molecules live on, but we do not. (Many Unitarian Universalists consider themselves to be humanists, and might share this view of what happens when we die. However, not all Humanists are UUs and not all UUs are Humanists.)
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 3: WCUU SCRIPT — A VISIT TO UUVILLE
To the Anchor:
In today's WCUU broadcast, Roving Reporter wanders around UUville and asks citizens what they believe happens when we die. Your job is to follow the script, read your part and otherwise keep things going. When the broadcast begins, you are alone on camera, sitting or standing in front of a microphone.
[Director: Cue the station break.]
[Director: Cue the Anchor.]
Anchor: This is WCUU, Wisdom of the Community of Unitarian Universalists, on the air.
[Director: Cue the theme music.]
Anchor: Good morning. I am [give your real or stage name], and I am here to explore what happens when people die. Even as I speak, WCUU's Roving Reporter is alert on the streets of UUville, choosing random citizens to ask about their beliefs. At the end of our show, we will ask our brilliant WCUU NUUs Analyst whether the statements you have heard represent typical UU beliefs. Let's talk to our Roving Reporter now. Hey, there, Roving Reporter, are you there? Come in, come in, Roving Reporter!
[Director: Cue Camera Operator to focus on Roving Reporter.]
Roving Reporter: I am here Anchor. I am, [give your real or stage name], your Roving Reporter. Here's a great big smile [smile] for all you good folks out there watching me roam the streets of UUville.
[Director: Cue Camera Operator to focus on Anchor.]
Anchor: So let's get at it, Anchor. What have the good folk of UUville got to say about death?
[Director: Cue Camera Operator to focus on Roving Reporter and follow as Roving Reporter goes up to First Citizen, who is riding a bike. They talk briefly about what First Citizen is doing and then Roving Reporter asks about First Citizen's death belief, and First Citizen replies. Roving Reporter says "thank you" and moves on to the Second UUville Citizen, then the Third UUville Citizen and the Fourth.]
[Director: Cue Camera Operator to focus on Anchor. Cue NUUs Analyst to join Anchor in studio set.]
Anchor: Thank you, Roving Reporter. Those were fascinating reports. Now let's hear what our NUUs Analyst has to say about all this. So, NUUs Analyst [or NUUs Analyst's real or stage name], what do you think? Have we just heard typical UU views about death?
NUUS Analyst: Indeed we have, Anchor [or Anchor's real or stage name]. UUs do look to many Sources to help them think about death and the answers to other big questions. Ultimately, though, they understand that nobody can really be sure what happens when we die, at least until we ourselves die. Most UUs do not believe in a heaven with angels and clouds, but some of them do. Some believe in reincarnation. Other beliefs exist, too. But, most UUs agree we should worry more about how to use our lives than about what happens after death. Another belief shared by most UUs is this: People live on after death because of what they did in life. And the love they give in life is sure to survive them after death.
Anchor: Thank you, NUUs Analyst. That helps a great deal. Any other wise ideas to tell us?
NUUs Analyst: Here's a good way to put it: Many UUs worry more about the heavens and hells on Earth than they do about any heavens and hells that come after death.
Anchor: Thank you. That is very good to know.
NUUs Analyst: Do you also want to know all the good things that UUs have done in life to help their world? It wouldn't take me much more than three years to tell you.
Anchor: That's okay, NUUs Analyst. Maybe another time. Right now, it is time for us to leave the air. Theme music, please.
[Director: Cue the theme music.]
[Director: Cue the station break.]
[Director: Cue the Anchor.]
Anchor: This is [your real or stage name] signing off for WCUU.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 4: MEMO TO CITIZENS OF UUVILLE
The WCUU script includes short speaking parts for four UUville Citizens. You will need to decide exactly what to say when the Roving Reporter interviews you. The paragraph about your role will help you get started.
First UUville Citizen: Pretend to be riding a bicycle when Roving Reporter comes to you. You can keep moving (slowly) while you speak, and Roving Reporter will move along with you. When Roving Reporter asks what you believe about death, say you think what happens at death is a mystery. You know that UUs believe many different things, but most agree that they can never really know what happens at death—at least until they die. That is okay with you, because you want to concentrate on what you do know about. That is life. You think it's more important to focus on creating a better life for everyone here on earth than to focus on what happens when we die.
Second UUville Citizen: Pretend to be mowing a lawn when Roving Reporter comes to you. Make a lawnmower sound if you want, but stop when Roving Reporter asks you to turn the lawnmower off. When Roving Reporter asks what you think about death, say you believe there is a heaven, and that your favorite uncle, who died last week, is there. You know that many UUs do not believe in Heaven, but many other people around the world do. You believe you will see your uncle again someday when you die.
Third UUville Citizen: Pretend to be reading a book when Roving Reporter comes to you. When Roving Reporter asks what you believe about death, say you believe in reincarnation: that is, that our souls are born into a different body and experience another life. You are not sure if this goes on indefinitely or if there is an endpoint, like Nirvana, where souls become one with the Universe.
Fourth UUville Citizen: Pretend to be playing a trumpet when Roving Reporter comes to you. When Roving Reporter asks what you think about death, say you believe that death is the end and that nothing happens afterwards—you simply cease to exist. You have a good friend who believes there is a heaven, but you do not agree. You do think that people live on in the memories of others. For example, if you were a teacher in life, you live on after death through your students. If you were a parent, you live on through your children. You went to a UU memorial service recently, and people told wonderful stories about the person who died. Those stories will live on for years and years and years.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 5: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT RESOLUTION
Find this 1961 UUA General Resolution text online.
WHEREAS, respect for the value of every human life must be incorporated into our laws if it is to be observed by our people; and
WHEREAS, modern justice should concern itself with rehabilitation, not retribution; and
WHEREAS, it has not been proved that fear of capital punishment is a deterrent to crime; and
WHEREAS, human judgments are not infallible, and no penalty should be used which cannot be revoked in case of error; and
WHEREAS, capital punishment has not always been used impartially among all economic and racial groups in America;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED: That the Unitarian Universalist Association urges its churches and fellowships in the United States and Canada to exert all reasonable efforts toward the elimination of capital punishment; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED: That copies of this resolution be sent to the Governors of all states in which capital punishment has not yet been eliminated, and to the Canadian Minister of Justice.
RIDDLE AND MYSTERY: SESSION 6:
LEADER RESOURCE 6: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT RESOLUTION — SIMPLIFIED
Paraphrased from the 1961 UUA General Resolution.
All our laws must respect human life.
Our laws and courts should help criminals, not hurt or kill them.
Nobody can prove that capital punishment stops crime.
If we make a mistake and put the wrong person to death, we cannot correct the mistake.
Capital punishment in America has often been unfair to people who are poor and not white.
The UUA wants all its congregations and members to work to end capital punishment.
The UUA wants the leaders of all American states and Canadian provinces to hear what UUs believe.
FIND OUT MORE
Talking with Children about Death
About Death: A Unitarian Universalist Book for Kids (at www.uuabookstore.org/productdetails.cfm?PC=1663). About Death presents a gentle, yet unsentimental, story about how a family deals with the death of their beloved dog. The story is followed by a series of questions a child might pose about death and its aftermath, particularly the rituals and cultural customs that accompany the death of a person. The answers to these questions, like the story that proceeds them, are frank and respectful of the child's curiosity. At the same time, both the story and the questions are illustrated by lovely watercolors that say, without words, yes, death makes us sad. A short poem that follows reminds us that death is a part of life. Ages 5 and up.
Bereaved Children: A Support Guide for Parents and Professionals by Earl A.Grollman (Beacon, 1996) offers insight into how children and adolescents experience death and grieving and how adults can help them through such experiences. The book presents ways children and adults might bring various faith perspectives to the subject of death.
A Unitarian Universalist minister who has written extensively on this session's Big Question is Rev. Forrest Church. Visit his website (at forrestchurch.com/) or obtain Love and Death: My Journey through the Valley of the Shadow (Boston: Beacon Press, 2008) from the UUA Bookstore (at www.uuabookstore.org/) in hardcover or paperback or as an audio CD.
A 2008 Time magazine (at www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1842627,00.html) article details one scientist's attempts to find out what happens after death.