• Newsprint sheet with prepared questions (see Preparation)
• Easel
• Clock, watch, or timer
• Optional: Music and music player (see Preparation)

• Write the following questions on a sheet of newsprint:
• What can I do to help you feel more connected to me?
• If I were to do that, how would it make a difference for you?
• What core emotion is at the heart of that?
• If desired, select a recording of soothing instrumental music to play in the background during the activity. This can help prevent couples from overhearing one another.

This activity allows couples to take turns questioning each other to reach the heart of what makes them feel connected to each other. To create a sense of privacy, you may want to play background music or suggest that the couples spread out around the meeting space.

Explain that in this activity, one partner in each couple will ask a set of predetermined questions while the other partner responds. Display the sheet of newsprint you prepared in advance, and draw participants' attention to the three questions:

• What can I do to help you feel more connected to me?
• If I were to do that, how would it make a difference for you?
• What core emotion is at the heart of that?

Point out that each question invites the responder to look deeper inside to explore new levels of understanding. Explain that the questioner will pose the first question, wait for an answer, and then ask the second question. After receiving an answer to the second question, the questioner asks the third. She/he will then continue asking the third question until the responding partner expresses satisfaction that the core emotion behind the feeling of connection has been identified.

Advise the couples not to assume they know where the answers are headed. The questioner should listen actively, using an encouraging tone of voice, so that the partner feels welcome to search deeper.

After ten minutes, ask the partners to switch roles and repeat the process.

After both partners have taken a ten-minute turn responding to the questions, re-gather the large group. Invite participants to share their feelings about the activity. Ask:

• Did you learn anything new about your partner or yourself? If so, how will you apply what you've learned?
• Did you feel you were able to reach down to the heart of your feeling of connection? If so, how did that feel?
• Might having that information change anything about how you connect as a couple in the future? If so, how?