New York

Syracuse Post-Standard: Facing gay marriage: The work has begun to expand equality

By David Blanchard

(March 07, 2004) Though I recognize the issue of same-sex marriage does not concern itself with the religious implications of marriage, and would ardently support the clear and enduring separation of church and state, it is difficult to speak of issues like civil rights, human dignity, family, and love strictly in the language of the law. The significance of this issue has always been clear to me, but it took a personal experience to illustrate the lived implications of such state-sanctioned discrimination.

I was called late one night to the hospital. My partner of seven years had been in an automobile accident and was being treated for his injuries at University Hospital. I dressed and drove to the hospital, only to be denied access to my partner. After telling me I could not see him, the night nursing supervisor asked me if he had any family in the area. I suspect she meant "blood relatives," but that is beside the point. We all know what the word "family" means, and I had no evidence to offer that we were family to one another. An open-hearted security guard at the front desk took up my case, and I eventually was allowed in - but not until I had been put on notice that a favor had been bestowed upon me to sit beside the man I share my life with.

My experience with marriage as a minister - one who happens to be gay - is ultimately a human story, peopled with images of loving couples, strengthened and expanded families, welcomed children, newly created homes and networks of trust, support and love. This collage of images is composed of the faces of the hundreds of couples I have officiated for over the 20 years I have been a minister. They are straight couples, interracial couples, gay and lesbian couples, interfaith couples, elderly couples, handicapped couples, "repeat offenders" (as I refer to the multiply married and divorced), to name just the first random couplings that come to mind.

Before gatheringslarge and small, I witness two human beings marry each other. I recognize it and affirm it. I also act as an agent of the state in all but those ceremonies which occur between two men or two women, as I have signed the licenses issued by town and city clerks from around the state.

Are these same-sex couples in possession of any documents that recognize the truest nature of their relationship? No. Are they married? You bet. Is the nature of their commitment any different from that of their heterosexual counterparts? I would challenge anyone to prove it.

The very rhetoric about the centrality of marriage as the foundation of human society is in and of itself all the evidence required to demonstrate that the state, by denying gays and lesbians those very rights and privileges, stands in violation of its own enshrined and noble principles. All the rest - the noisy protests, the dire predictions of the collapse of society, the religious doctrines and condemnation - obscures the central question for the state: Does the law serve to ensure the civil rights of the citizenry? Or does it contain unexamined remnants of discrimination and injustice?

I can promiseanyone who is concerned that a change in the law will not persuade a single soul to fall in love. Some same-sex couples would avail themselves of the chance to marry, some would not - just like straight people. The prevailing issue is who gets to make that choice - the individual by the exercise of his or her civil rights, or the state by the exercise of its power?

Beneath the fear, beyond the prejudice, on the other side of hate, behind the ancient biases lies the plain truth upon which our democracy was established: equality. It is the beauty of this grand experiment of our nation that, given the clear options, we have always - eventually - bent the arc of history toward justice. It will take time. But the work has begun. Our society will not only survive, it will have new health as its greatest virtues are shared more deeply and more widely among its citizens.

The Rev. David S. Blanchard is minister of the First Unitarian Universalist Church in Syracuse; this is adapted from his testimony on March 3, 2004 before a New York State Senate hearing on civil marriage for same-sex couples.

Archival Coverage from the UUA:

Additional Resources:

• "For Richer, For Poorer: Same-Sex Couples and the Freedom to Marry as a Civil Right" by Evan Wolfson. Drum Major Institute, June, 2003
• Marriage Equality Kit for Same-Sex Couples , from GLAAD
• "Why gay marriages just don't want to go away" By Frank Rich - The New York Times (published 3/1/04 in the Oakland Tribune)

Archival Coverage from the UUA:

• Comprehensive UUA.ORG Coverage of Freedom to Marry, for all People
• UUA President Opposes Call for Constitutional Amendment (2/22/04)
• Listing of UU ministers who will not sign marriage licenses until same sex couples are allowed to marry

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