How to Respond When Ministers Become Ill
April 2, 2007
Ministers are the ones who minister to the rest of us. But what happens when a minister needs to be ministered to? When a minister becomes ill and has to take on a reduced workload or can’t work at all for a time? How should we respond to that?The Rev. Drew Kennedy of the First Unitarian Society of Milwaukee (711 members), knows a lot about this. He was diagnosed with cancer in early October 2006. When he got over the initial shock he worried about the best way to tell the congregation. He wanted to keep members fully informed, but he also wanted to minimize anxiety and let them know that congregational life would proceed.
He developed a plan. He waited a few weeks while he gathered information about his illness and determined how it would be treated. With that information in hand, he told the church staff, then the Board of Trustees about his illness, its treatment, and what it likely meant for him and the congregation. The next day he met with the ministerial relations committee and the pastoral care associates team. He also mailed a letter to all his congregants that day, a Thursday. And on the next Sunday morning, he spoke about his illness from the pulpit. “I wanted everyone to have the same information,” he says. In the next issue of the society’s newsletter both the Board of Trustees and the Ministerial Relations Committee had articles expressing support.
People responded warmly, he says. He found that many congregants had experienced cancer themselves. Kennedy feels fortunate. His cancer is one of the “good” ones, and there is a good prognosis for recovery. “There is definitely stuff to worry about, but I’m likely to dodge this bullet for quite a while,” he says. He has not had to be out of the pulpit nor has he missed appreciable work.
The Rev. Charles Stephens of the Unitarian Universalist (UU) Church at Washington Crossing in Titusville, NJ (250), had cancer in 1999. It was treated with surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, and he made a full recovery. He asked for advice on the UU Ministers email list. The Rev. Mary Harrington responded because of her prior experience serving with a minister who had cancer. Stephens and Harrington (who now has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis—ALS), created Healing Ministries and have been working with and advising ministers who become ill. Contact them at uurevchas @ comcast.net or maryh555 @ verizon.net.
Some congregations feel they are going to fall apart if something happens to the minister, says Stephens. “We learned that some people will act out because they fear abandonment or because of their own vulnerability,” he says.
When ministers become ill Stephens recommends they do the following:
- Talk with other ministers, the district executive, and possibly someone who has been through a serious illness.
- Keep the congregation informed.
- Maintain some ministerial presence if possible. In Stephens’ case he had to be hospitalized 11 days and was out of the pulpit six months. In that period he wrote newsletter articles and came on many Sunday mornings to do the joys and sorrows portion of the service, to keep a connection with the congregation.
Congregations have a role too, he says:
Form a ministerial support committee. When Stephens was hospitalized his committee kept the congregation informed and kept him assured that all was well with the congregation. When he got better, the MSC shifted, focusing less on him and more on what needed to happen in the congregation.
Form a caring team and a worship associates program to take over some of the responsibilities that the minister would ordinarily have, such as visiting the sick and organizing worship services. In Stephens’ case parishioners delivered meals to his family and transported children.
Districts also have a role. Invite area ministers to form a serious illness cooperative, even before it’s needed, to plan how to help with worship services and pastoral emergencies.
It’s important, says Kennedy, to give people clear ways to be supportive. “I asked people to send cards to my home, not my office,” Kennedy says. “And told them to look for the latest information in the newsletter. I wanted to minimize the mining of information when people talked to me on Sunday morning and other times.”
He also asked congregants to care for each other, to understand while he tended to his health, and “to continue to generously support and enthusiastically carry on the ministry and programs of our expanding church.”
The congregation needs to assure the minister he or she is needed, says Stephens. “There is always a fear on the minister’s part the congregation will want to move on without me,” he says. “People were able to communicate to me, in a nonanxious way, that I was valued. It’s important to have someone who will say to the congregation, ‘We can handle this, no matter what.’”
In Kennedy’s case, the board president wrote a letter expressing support for Kennedy and reminding the congregation that he’d had a sabbatical and the society had thrived.
And what if the worst happens? At the UU Church in Idaho Falls, ID (73), the Rev. Elizabeth Selle Jones and her husband the Rev. Jeffrey Lambkin were in the middle of a two-year interim co-ministry when Jones was diagnosed with a life-threatening cancer. A week after informing the congregation, they both left for California to be close to children.
The couple returned for a weekend two months later and the congregation and the ministers were able to make their farewells. Jones died the following month. "It was a hard time for the congregation," says then-president Arthur Kull. "Not only did the congregation abruptly lose two beloved ministers, it needed to organize eight months of services until a new minister could be called."
There were also financial issues to respond to. The congregation continued to pay Lambkin until the end of his contract. And although it was not required to, it paid to move the couple’s household belongings to California. Mountain Desert District Executive Nancy Bowen arranged for two ministers a month to fill the pulpit. “We had a very strong worship team,” says Kull, “and it came up with a long list of Sunday services."
“There was a lot of grieving for a long time,” he says. “Everyone pulled together. The leadership listened to what the people needed.” Current Idaho Falls minister, the Rev. Lyn Stangland Cameron notes, “It was very hard for the congregation. It continues to grieve, and we’ve been very open in recognizing that enormous loss.” She says Bowen was “extremely valuable” in helping the congregation through this time.
Bowen urges congregations to call their district executive immediately when faced with a minister’s illness. She also recommends thinking about these situations before there’s a crisis. “Review your personnel policies now, and make sure you’ve thought through generous, respectful, and supportive medical leave policies.”
It’s also good, she says, to cultivate relationships with nearby Unitarian Universalist and other congregations. “When you have a crisis these are the folks who are most likely to help you.”
And in the end, it’s all about doing the right thing. Says Lambkin, “I couldn’t have asked for anything more from these wonderful people. I was, and still am, awed by their support.”
For more information contact interconnections @ uua.org.
Last updated on Monday, July 30, 2007.
