Disability Etiquette
Etiquette may seem a rather formal term to portray the give and take of our interactions with other people. And yet, etiquette really feels like the right word to use to describe the thoughtful, considerate behavior that we expect to receive from others and give to them.
This is the mission of our faith:
To teach the fragile art of hospitality;
To revere both the critical mind and the generous heart;
To prove that diversity need not mean divisiveness;
And to witness to all that we must hold the whole world in our hands.
—William F. Schulz, Reading 459 from Singing the Living Tradition
Until you know someone with a disability, you may never have had reason to think about the key points that make relationships with someone who has a disability easier and more relaxed. With the intent to create a welcoming and relaxed environment for everyone, here are some basic ground rules we should all keep in mind.
When you are with a person who is blind or has vision problems:
- Speak directly, not through an intermediary. Use a natural conversational volume and tone.
- When you are greeting a person who is blind or visually impaired, use their name and don't forget to identify yourself. For example, "Hi Sam, it's Joe."
- When the person enters a room, be sure to greet them, using your own name (as above).
- It is really okay to use say things like "See you soon." Feel comfortable using everyday words relating to vision like "look", "see", "watching TV".
- During a conversation, give verbal feedback to let them know you're listening. They may not be able to see the expression on your face.
- Do not take care of tasks for a person that they would normally do. First ask if they need help, then offer to assist, and be guided by the person's response to your offer.
- If you see someone about to encounter a dangerous situation, be calm and clear about your warning. For example, if they are about to bump into a pole, calmly and clearly call out, "Wait there for a moment; there is a pole in front of you."
- Never hold a person's arm while walking. Let the person hold your arm. This will let them walk slightly behind you, and the motion of your body will tell them what to expect. Offer verbal cues as to what is ahead when you approach steps, curbs, escalators, or doors.
- When you leave, say you are leaving. Never leave a person who is totally blind or severely visually impaired in an open area. Instead, lead them to the side of a room, to a chair, or some landmark.
- Never distract, pet, or offer food to a guide dog without permission from the owner. The dog is working and must not be petted without permission.
When you are with a person who is deaf or has hearing problems:
- Look directly at the person you are speaking to. If you are working with a sign language interpreter, talk directly to the person who is deaf, not to the interpreter. While working, the interpreter is not a participant in the conversation, but a transmitter for the person who is deaf.
- Don't cover your mouth, and don't create shadow on your face by standing with your back or side to a bright light or window.
- Speak at a slow to moderate rate and don't use exaggerated lip movement. Some people's voices are easier to understand. Women with soft voices can be more difficult to understand.
- If there is a misunderstanding about something you've said, repeat the same idea using different words.
- Keep paper and pen nearby. If communication is difficult, feel comfortable resorting to writing key words or brief phrases—and writing phone numbers or addresses is often a good idea.
- Don't shout—it won't help. Hearing aids make sounds louder, not clearer.
- To get a person's attention, gently tap the Deaf/hard of hearing person on the arm or elbow and make sure they are looking at you before you speak.
- Be aware that being able to hear conversation in a crowd and/or with background noise is most difficult.
When you are with a person who has a mobility impairment:
- Look at and talk directly to everyone with whom we converse.
- Be at eye level with everyone with whom we speak, if possible.
- Ask how we can best help when assisting a wheelchair user to go up or down a curb.
- Move crutches, walkers, canes, or wheelchairs only with the permission of the user. Return the devices as soon as possible.
- Ask if and how we can help in buffet lines.
- Respect everyone's individual space. Do not lean on someone's wheelchair.
- Allow children to ask questions and allow the person being questioned to answer.
- Ask "May I help?" when wanting to be helpful. And if given permission to do so, ask "How may I help?" Unsolicited assistance is rude and intrusive.
- People who use wheelchairs are "wheelchair users", not "confined to a wheelchair".
- Grasp the push handles tightly so that the chair does not go too fast when helping to guide a wheelchair user down an incline,
- When assisting a wheelchair user go up or down more than one step tilt the wheelchair back at all times while descending or ascending the stairs.
- Learn the location of wheelchair-accessible ramps, rest rooms, elevators, doors, water fountains, and telephones.
- Relax and smile! Very few people (even those with mobility impairments) bite! (That's a joke.) Everyone responds to a smile and a warm "hello".
When you are with a person who has an invisible disability:
- Don't refuse to believe what you cannot see by doubting a person's truthfulness.
- People do not like to always have to identify themselves as a person with a disability. When planning an event, add a note about accessibility needs with a direct number to a real person. That opens the door for the person to reach out and not feel like they are imposing.
- The best tactic is to simply talk to a person and ask what they can and cannot do.
- Always assume there is a person with a hidden disability in a group. So always say "Rise if you are willing and able," and always plan quick stretch breaks every 30-45 minutes.
- If a person says they cannot do something, don't try to coax or cajole or convince them to try anyway.
- Invite partial participation, and ask what you can do to make participation possible.
- A hearing impairment is a hidden disability; always assume there is a person in your group with hearing loss so face your audience.
- Don't judge another person's pain or limitations; accept as true what the person tells you.
When you are with a person who has a learning disability:
- Understand that the term learning disability is broad and covers many types of learning styles and behavioral differences.
- Ask a person what accommodation will be most helpful. Then, with the person as partner, try different strategies.
- Recognize that a person with learning disabilities has limitations, as we all do, and be patient, flexible, and realistic, as we should all be with each other.
- Ask if they have understood specific information or if the information needs to be communicated in a different way. Ask what works best.
- Offer encouragement and support...and patience.
When you are with a person who has a psychiatric problem:
- Use an open, caring, accepting manner; find some common ground on which to interact
- Be genuine; like anyone else, a person with mental illness can pick up on a false or demeaning approach
- Try to understand what is being said from the person's perspective; be comfortable even if you feel this person's mind is working in a way that is different from yours.
- Stay calm, keep eye contact and retain a calm facial expression and body manner; what is most important is to communicate that you care.
- Use sentences and words that are short, simple and uncomplicated. If something you say is not understood, repeat the message, using other words.
- Be a good listener. Don't criticize, lecture, or argue. Try to be supportive. Treat the person with respect.
- If the person is angry, don't take it personally, and don't approach or touch the person without his or her request or permission.
- If the person is willing or indicates a need, offer to get the help of a friend, relative, clergy, or qualified professional.
- Focus on the person's strengths and what has been accomplished, and treat this in a positive way.
- Structure limits, behaviors and responses in an appropriate way. Ask for advice about how to handle limit-setting. In a non-judgmental and confidential way, ask your minister, Accessibility or Disability Committee, or Caring/Pastoral Care Committee.
When you are with a person who has multiple chemical sensitivities:
- Choose personal products that are fragrance-free. Be aware that there are hidden, long-lasting fragrances in detergents, fabric softeners, new clothing, deodorants, tissues, toilet paper, potpourris, scented candles, hair sprays, magazines, hand lotions, disposable diapers, and dishwashing liquids.
- Use only unscented soap in restrooms, and carefully wrap and dispose of chemical air "fresheners"
- Designate fragrance-free seating sections for church and community events
- Designate smoking areas away from buildings so people don't have to pass through smoke when entering, or have smoke waft in through doorways or windows
- Adopt a policy of using fragrance-free cleaning products
- Provide adequate ventilation; clean furnace filters frequently
- Make sure toxic substances are labeled, tightly sealed, and stored in a separate safe area
- Post herbicide or insecticide application schedule in your newsletter. Post signs of treatment dates prominently. Use integrated pest management best practices
- Avoid wearing scented personal care products in public places. Improve indoor air quality simply by not wearing fragrance. Fragrance, like second-hand smoke, affects the health of those around you
- Unscented beeswax candles are often well-tolerated by people with sensitivities. Use them, as an alternative to scented or paraffin candles
- Learn what an individual is sensitive/allergic to and make accommodations respectfully
When you are with a person who has mental retardation:
- Use simple sentences—not baby talk—and please speak in a normal tone of voice—but don't use complex words where simples words will do. Talk to the person as a person; talk to adults as adults, not children. Do not be condescending.
- Find commonalities to talk about—TV shows, movies, church events, families
- Make instructions clear and concise. Don't combine many steps into one instruction.
- Talk with the person even though they may not be verbal enough to respond. If they cannot respond, at the very least, introduce yourself, tell them who you are and that you are pleased to meet them. Shake hands if that is appropriate.
- Give clear, non-judgmental feedback when behavior is not appropriate. If you are unsure about how to respond or handle a situation, ask your minister, Accessibility/Disability Committee, family member. Be non-judgmental and patient.
- Be generous, but appropriate, with compliments when behavior is appropriate—or when the person has accomplished a task, or taken initiative.
For more information contact access @ uua.org.
Last updated on Friday, April 18, 2008.
