Read the full text: Creating a LAY Pastoral Care Team Ministry
from the River Road Unitarian Church

Basic Concepts — Sylvia Friedman

River Road Unitarian Church in Bethesda, Maryland, is a large church — 1400 members, with only ONE minister! When Bill Murry left to become President of Meadville/Lombard, Sylvia Friedman was on search committee, and realized there was a great void in pastoral care. She met with the new minister, Rev. Scott Alexander, to start the process, which took 14 months.

There are presently two pastoral care teams at River Road. The first team has eight people, all retired; the second team has seven people, half are retired and half are 40-65.

They have worked with 53 families; made 35 visits to homes, hospitals, nursing homes; made many phone calls; and worked with 80 families and individuals as of last week, including the terminally ill, acutely ill, and those in nursing and retirement homes. They drive people to church every week and provide respite care (relieving the care caregiver).

Much planning goes into how to help a family or person: teams meet in two or three to discuss before action is taken. Sylvia strongly recommends that you start with a mission statement; think about what you want to do, and don't want to do. Think about the size of the church, the number of people available, their hours of availability, their professional background, and what are the needs of the church (older members) (maybe a buddy system, medical equipment loan program).

Selection, Training, and Mission Statement — Sylvia Friedman

It's really important to have people with a mental health background if you're dealing with people with major life transitions, or are really emotionally upset. Pick your programs, start slow, and do it well. Don't take on too much

Meet twice a month for overview discussions. Friedman said that she cannot overemphasize the importance of confidentiality; you must develop the trust of the confidentiality. Only the minister and the pastoral care team knows who's being seen, but what's being said is confidential. Permission is always asked for the kinds of help given.

River Road Church had a strong commitment to training, and giving people ownership of the pastoral care process, to get them really involved. A trainer came for five hours, stressing the religious component of pastoral care (UU vs. Christian).

Team on "Death and Bereavement" will help from the moment they're notified of a death; the first step is evaluation. One person writes sympathy cards for the group; she is the "card specialist." Team members don't do counseling or psychotherapy; usually women are assigned to women, men are assigned to men.

Programs — Ann Faegre

The premise is that we are a caring community, and pastoral care is an expression of that caring. Pastoral team members do NOT do counsel, therapy or give advice. They make references and recommend connections. She suggested a buddy system, hospital and nursing home visits, and respite care for stressed out parents and other caregivers.

Collaboration with the Minister — Rev. Scott Alexander

The minister needs to get out of the way and let others run it; even though ministers like to help people, and need to be needed, they need to get out of the way.

This program has changed the face of the congregation; in a time of great growth at RRUC, it has reassured people that intimacy will still be there; the minister is spread around more effectively, and uses the mystique of his position to be effective when necessary.

People are gradually learning that to be a member of RRUC, they can ask for help and they will be helped. Over time, a higher percentage of people are asking for help, and are receiving it. It's become more acceptable to ask for help.

Rev. Alexander's main point was that you cannot leave pastoral care just to your minister.

Neighborhoods and Getting People to Ask for Help — Constance Hendrickson

A committee gets together and makes a list of who's not coming to church, or otherwise missing. We make notes from "Joys and Concerns," After a while, a network has grown up, where people know to refer those in need of help.

The minister talks and writes about the Pastoral Care Team constantly, so he gets a lot of names, which he refers to the Caregiver network.

The culture of the church changed almost immediately, as people got to know about it.

Benefit to Pastoral Care Team Member — Constance Hendrickson

The team has benefited from its own care, as team members have also gone through problems and need help.

Questions and Answers

Rev. Thandeka asked: What would you like new ministers to know before they go out into the world? Authority is like love; the more you give away, the more there is;

Rev. Linda Hart asked: In a mid-size congregation, it's hard to get parishioners to take responsibility for pastoral care. When people say, "It's the minister's job," how to you answer that? In ministerial training, they need to get training in empowerment (different from the model of ministerial executive power)

Dr. Ellen Johnson-Fay commented: At the mid-size church conference last year, Jean Trumbauer gave excellent workshops. Some of her books -- Created and Called and Sharing the Ministry -- were excellent, and are highly recommended.

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Creating a LAY Pastoral Care Team Ministry

Introduction and Background .................................Rev. John Burciaga
Basic Concepts ...........................................................Sylvia Friedman
Selection, Training and Mission Statement ....................Sylvia Friedman
Programs ...........................................................................Ann Faegre
Collaboration with the Minister .............................Rev. Scott Alexander
Neighborhoods Is and Getting People to Ask for Help...Sylvia Friedman
Benefit to Pastoral Care Team Member ............Constance Hendrickson
Benefit to the Church ........................................... Rev. Scott Alexander
Questions and Answers ......................................................... Everyone
Closing .................................................................Rev.Scott Alexander

River Road Unitarian Church
3601 River Road, Bethesda, MD 20817-5888
Phone 301-229-0400 Fax: 301-320-3544 e-mail. Office@RRUC.org

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Creating a LAY Pastoral Care Team Ministry
Sylvia Friedman, Coordinator

Table of Contents

Background and Overview
Basic Concepts that Apply to All Pastoral Care Teams
Selection of a Team
Training of the Team
Writing a Mission Statement
Neighborhoods
How to Get People to Ask for Help
Role of the Coordinator
Collaboration with the Minister
RRUC Pastoral Care Team Mission and Covenant

Programs:

Joys Program, Meals and Transportation, Buddy System
Medical Loan Equipment Program, Visiting the III or Hospitalized, Respite
Time of Death and Bereavement
Educational Resources
Visiting Members in Retirement Communities and Nursing Homes
Dealing with Life Crises or Emotional Distress
Protocol for a Death

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Background and Overview

River Road Unitarian Church has 700 adult members, 200 friends and approximately 300 children. It is located in suburban Bethesda, Maryland just inside the Washington D. C. beltway. In the summer of 1997 our long standing minister Rev. Bill Murry left to become the President of Meadville Lombard Theological Seminary. That fall I became part of the Search Committee to find a new minister. In January" 1998 1 retired from the private practice of Psychiatry which I had been doing for 25 years. During the Spring of 1998 1 became aware of the vacuum in our church in the area of Pastoral Care, partly as a result of the information I gathered in interviewing ministers involved in the search process and partly tinder the guidance and direction of our very capable interim minister Rev. John Burciaga.After meeting with Rev. John Burciaga, members of our board, members of the staff, and members of our church who had shown an interest in Pastoral Care, I started to organize a program to meet our pastoral care needs. In the fall of 1998, when Rev. Scott Alexander was installed as our new minister, I received his full support to go ahead with setting up a Pastoral Care Team. I took a 35 hour course in pastoral cam from the Interfaith Training Network and also did a directed study at Wesley Theological Seminary in Pastoral Care where I had been a part time student. I invited a number of people in our church, some with previous experience in Pastoral Care to join in the Team. We started training in January, 1999. Since the first Team was dedicated April 125, 1999, we have been averaging 30-35 home, hospital or nursing home visits a month. we make well over a hundred phone calls a month and send 10-16 note cards a month. We are caring for approximately 60 families or individuals at any one time, In the last 11 months we have helped over 98 families in our church community.

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Basic Concepts that Apply to All Pastoral Care Teams

According to the model we have developed, there are several concepts that are basic to Pastoral Care Teams regardless of the size of the church or the background of the members of the Pastoral Care Team.

1. Our model is based on a team concept, meaning team supervision, team support and problem solving. The team meets twice a month to go over all the work being done and to discuss each new person being helped. Team members exchange ideas as to how to help the person in need and how to support each other. When the problems are complex or time consuming two-three team members work together.
2. Pastoral Care Teams we believe, should start with a Mission Statement. The Mission Statement defines what the team promises to do and its relationship with the church. The goals of the Pastoral Care Team should be based on several items: the size of the Pastoral care team in relation to the size of the church, the professional background or training of the members of the team, and the needs of the congregation. If the team has no one who is professionally trained in the mental health or counseling area, the Team should not take on the responsibility of helping people who have emotional problems or family crises. Someone trained on the Team or the minister needs to handle emotional problems or ones that require mental health judgment. Our Team triage is done by someone with mental health training. so that people who need emotional support are assigned only to those members of the Team who have a background in this area. We do not do counseling, therapy, or give advice. We occasionally refer to individual or group therapy.
3. Based on the following criteria church or Team size, background and time availability of Team member, church needs, also other programs in the church that can support the work of the Team (as Neighborhoods), we suggest that you select a few programs to begin. Included are 10 programs we have set up: choose what best suits your needs. Start small and add to them later. If you have a team in a small church with no minister, send cards for birthdays anniversaries, illness, births, and deaths. Or you can also deliver meals at the time of illness, birth, or death. Just doing a few programs well and consistently will change the attitude of your church community. If you have a church with a large community of older people you might want to visit people in the hospital or nursing home. Also a Medical Equipment Loan Program might be appropriate . In a church with a young population, respite care and meals for new mother, might be most helpful River Road is a large urban church with a wide age range of membership so we try to provide comprehensive services for all ages. In our church, the Neighborhoods provide meals and transportation for members who live geographically close to one another while the Pastoral Care Team acts as a coordinator of services and case managers.
4. We believe that what we do is a ministry. We begin our meetings with a spiritual opening and conclude our meeting with a spiritual closing. We have our own Joys and Concerns at each meeting. We help each other during time of illness or life transition. Names of new PINS (People in Need of Service) are given out at the meetings. Whichever Team member will minister to the new PIN is determined by: how busy that Team member might be, his familiarity with the person needing help (PIN), or the person needing special expertise from a specific team member. The administrative work is done in executive committee which is made up of the coordinator and two co-coordinators. It is important to devise an administrative model or structure that can be bequeathed to succeeding team leaders
5. In order to build trust and respect of the Team by the congregation, strict confidentiality must be maintained. People who receive help need to feet secure that the only people who know about their problem are the minister and members of the Pastoral Cart-, Team. The Team must get permission from those whom they are helping to go to the neighborhoods or other members of the church to get assistance with meals, transportation babysitting, etc. or to put announcements in the church newsletter.

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Selection of a Team

We have selected two Teams each in a different way. The first Town was selected by the coordinator with the approval of the minister. These individuals were invited to join the Team based on their history of being caring, compassionate individuals; some with a background in mental health, The first Team is composed of seven women and one man ranging in age from 69 to 75. All but one of these individuals is retired.

The second Team was formed by interviewing people who volunteered from the congregation. The coordinator and the two co-coordinators interviewed each interested person for an hour, We were looking for people who were willing to make a two year commitment, able to respect confidentiality, had some understanding of what they would be doing, had the potential to be good listeners, and would be able to work with others on a team. So far everyone has worked out well.

A lot of effort has been put into developing each group as a separate Team. The second Team is composed of five women and two men ranging in age from 40 to 85. After the second Team is, fully trained, individuals on the two Teams will, at times, work together. It Is hoped that there will be two representatives on the executive committee from the second Team as well. How the second Team will be integrated into working with the first Team is still being worked out.

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Training of the Team

Each Team has approximately 20 hours of training before starting to work. Our timeline has been to select a new Team in the Fall, start training the first of the year and start work after dedication the first of May.

Karen Lindley did the initial training from First Unitarian Church of Wilmington Delaware where Karen is the Director of Ministry Development. The goal of this four and a half hour work shop is to help new Pastoral Care Team members own their passion and commitment to helping others and actualizing this energy into a Pastoral Care ministry. Our Mission Statement has evolved out of the work done in this initial training.

Next we had a one-day training by Rev. Flo Gelo, a Unitarian minister with particular expertise in Pastoral Care. Flo discusses listening skills, visiting people in the hospital, issues related to death and bereavement, the religious component of Pastoral Care, the importance of confidentiality, and knowing your limits.

Finally we had another one day of training by Kathie Dietsch, a trainer for Hospice Caring. She conducted exercises on communication and listening for half a day and spent the other half discussing Hospice. In between the formal training sessions we had meetings to discuss procedures and the process of evaluating the people we were seeing to decide on how we might be helpful to them. We have also compiled a notebook of community resources. Once the Team is activated we have on-going continuing education in the form of speakers or videotapes Our first Pastoral Care Team spent the past seven months compiling information and answers to questions that arise at the time of a death. Out of this in formation we have developed a protocol based on how to be most helpful to members of our congregation should a death occur. The protocol is in this folder. We find that ongoing education is most useful when it relates to the kinds of problems the team is facing. Death was the area about which we felt we bad the least knowledge; therefore, we spent much time researching and compiling useful information. Other areas in which we intend to get more training ate: dementia, living wills, advanced medical directives, CPR, options for retirement living, bereavement and depression.

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Writing a Mission Statement

Our Mission Statement is based on the first UU principle, to affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Our goal is to provide a ministry of hope and caring so that no member of our congregation need be alone, Our covenant to the congregation is to:

1. visit the ill at home or in the hospital
2. support those going through a life crisis
3. maintain contact with those unable to attend church due to illness or disability
4. support friends and family involved in care giving
5. comfort the bereaved.

We are committed for two years. We also promise to care for and support each other.

Out of our committed have grown about 10 different programs. Any single one of these programs or several of them together could provide all the work of any given Pastoral ("are Team depending on the number of members of the Team, their time availability, and the size of the church

The Joys Program sends cards to members on birthdays, anniversaries, illness, births, deaths or any significant occasion. These cards are handwritten notes from the Pastoral Care Team Meals arid Rides are easy for the Pastoral Care Team to do themselves in a small church. In a larger church such as ours, the Pastoral Care Team oversees this kind of service with the Neighborhoods or arranges for on-going meals or rides with community agencies. We coordinate respite care for caregivers, of infants and the elderly.

We manage it buddy System for older adults living alone.

We supervise a Medical Equipment Loan Program.

We help members moving to local retirement communities get connected with other UU's there and try to find them transportation back to the church on Sundays.

We make hospital and nursing home visits.

We support those going through life crises,

We support members and their families with terminal illness.

We provide information and support at the time of a death and try to support the bereaved person for the following 18 months.

We provide educational materials about Living Wills, Advanced Medical Directives, Retirement Communities, Support Groups, how to manage elderly parents and many other topics.

We have I learned to pick only the programs we can easily manage and do them well, Start slow and grow.

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Neighborhoods

Our church has been divided into 37 Neighborhood Care Groups of approximately 15- 20 families. Each neighborhood has its own coordinator, The neighborhoods provide help in the form of meals, transportation, and other caring needs for those living in close geographic proximity, Anyone needing a ride to church or to a medical appointment or for support after surgery or illness can call their neighborhood coordinator. Neighborhood services are usually short term; transportation or meals over longer periods of time are coordinated by the Pastoral Care Team,

The Pastoral Care Team frequently works with the Neighborhoods along with other people in the church if services are needed over a long period of time. For example we drew on the entire ire church, including the neighborhood, to provide 16 hours a week of respite care for four months to a mother of a baby born with esophageal ulcers, Neighborhood coordinators also call the Pastoral Care Team to let them know if someone in the Neighborhood needs help. Social gatherings in the Neighborhood have been left to the discretion of the coordinators.

A neighborhood system works well for larger churches or those covering a wide geographic area.

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How to Get People to Ask for Help

Publicity is a crucial part of a successful Pastoral Care Team, but it is complicated by the necessity to maintain confidentiality of those who have been helped. Because the Pastoral Care Team offers new services never before available, it is important to repeatedly remind the congregation in many different ways of their availability, especially in the beginning.

It is very important to have the minister's support and public endorsement, Our minister has written articles about the Pastoral Care Team in his column in the biweekly church newsletter. He also acknowledged the Pastoral Care Team from the pulpit. We have an annual dedication of the new Pastoral Care Team the first Sunday in May when the Team is presented to the congregation. We had a re-dedication of the Team this fall.

Each member of the Team wears a special nametag with our Pastoral Care Team logo so we can he identified at all church activities. We write articles in our biweekly church newsletter telling the congregation what we have been doing: entitled the Pastoral Care Corner.

A member of the Pastoral Care Team attends each service to write down the Joys and Concerns that are shared during the service. We follow up with cards for the Joys and a phone call to the person with the Concern to determine if we can help. We keep a Joys and Concern notebook at the church to collect the information.

Referrals come from people calling the Team directly, the church office, the Minister or the Director of Religious Education. We get referrals indirectly when others tell us their concern about specific church members.

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Role of the Coordinator

I see my job of coordinator as having two primary functions:

1. To keep the minister informed about members of the congregation who need help and what the Team is doing to help them, and
2. To support the Team.

I meet with the Minister fairly regularly to keep him up to date about what the Team is doing and I communicate back to the Team about who needs to be seen and how we might be of help With the Team, it is my job to keep track of which Team member is working with which member of the congregation- I am available for any Team member who is ill or having personal problems. I try to assess the comfort level of Team member in their pastoral care work so that they are not overwhelmed. I and the co-coordinators du,, backup for any difficulty a Team member encounters.

In addition, along with the co-coordinators, I help plan the budget, write a column in our biweekly newsletter oversee making brochures or other publicity, and keep the Team meeting coordinators Together we do the recruiting and plan the training for the new team. The co- coordinators are instrumental in supporting the coordinator not only in running the Team on a day to day basis and covering when the coordinator is unavailable, but also in planning new initiatives developed for the Team.

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Collaboration with the Minister

A comfortable working relationship with the minister is essential for the successful operation ion of a Pastoral Care Team and the health of the church. 'Me minister and the Pastoral Care Team have to be seen as working hand in hand, one the extension of the other, in order for the congregation to feel the security of an overall integrated caring presence.

Whether the Pastoral Care Team is initiated by the minister or a lay person is not as important as the ability of the two to support each other; communicate openly about what each are doing, and find a comfortable division of responsibilities that work to extend the caring ministry to the church community, Initially the responsibilities of the Pastoral Care Team need to be clearly defined, as well as the method in which the activities of the Pastoral Care Team will be reported to the minister.

In programs like ours where the duties of the minister and the Pastoral Care Team may overlap, like visiting the ill in the hospital or supporting members going through a life crisis, the reporting to the minister needs to be more frequent Our minister receives a print out of everyone we are seeing and which member of the Team is working with that person, once every two weeks. The minister attends some of our Pastoral Care meetings. He is free to call any member of the Team to inquire how any given person may be doing. The coordinator keeps the minister aware of any new person who has become ill and the minister in turn notifies the coordinator when help is needed. The coordinator of the Team needs to be sensitive to the areas of pastoral care that the minister feels is his/her domain and this will vary from minister to minister. The need for clearly defined areas of responsibility must be intentionally and carefully discussed between the coordinator and the minister as an ongoing topic for open and frank discussion.

For his/her part, the minister needs to encourage, support and enable the Pastoral Cam Team to develop (heir full potential given the goal of providing the most comprehensive caring ministry circumstances will permit The working relationship between the minister and the Pastoral ("are Team will evolve over time particularly if the Pastoral Care Team starts small, (Does a good job which gains the trust of the minister and the congregation, and. keeps the minister informed through clearly defined and mutually agreed upon channels of communication.

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River Road Unitarian Church
Pastoral Care Team Mission and Covenant

In the spirit of our first UU principle, "to affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person, we strive to convey in manners dependable, inclusive and discreet a ministry of hope and caring so that no member of-our congregation need be alone.

We covenant to the congregation of the River Road Unitarian Church:

To work with our ministers, religious education director, the community network, anti the neighborhoods in a continuing process to cherish and care for all members of our church community,

We will:

• Visit the ill at home or in the hospital,
• Support those going through a life crisis,
• Maintain contact with those unable to attend church due to illness or disability
• Support friends and family involved in care giving,
• Comfort the bereaved.
• We will be on call and available for the next two years.
• We will support the next Pastoral Care Team to ensure a continuity of pastoral care presence in the congregation.
• Pastoral Care Team members covenant to each other.
  • To give mutual support, fellowship, and advice,
  • To invest time and effort to help each other towards spiritual growth and enrichment

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Joys Program

A simple, easy program, but much appreciated, is to send cards to all members on their birthday.. anniversary, birth, death, or illness. Cards can also be sent for special occasions graduations, publishing a book, or receiving an award. We send cards for joys shared during the Sunday service. We are beginning to collect a data base for significant birthdays (80) and anniversaries (50+) and weddings, funerals and baby dedications done by our minister

Cards are hand written and have a picture of our church on the front. We hope to have special cards printed with the logo of the Pastoral Care Team within the year. We currently send out 3- 4 cards a week, but we clearly could do a lot more.

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Meals and Transportation

Most people really appreciate a few meals at the time of an illness, birth, or death. In a small church the Pastoral Care Team might do them, but in a larger church, like ours, we contact the Neighborhoods Another method would have a few select people do just meals which x-;.is a system we used before we reactivated our Neighborhoods. for long term needs of daily meals, we use Meals on Wheels or other community agencies.

Transportation is harder to provide because of the difficulty finding volunteers on weekdays. We try to get members to church on Sunday or to medical appointments, We have arranged to get people to radiation therapy or special medical treatments, which can be everyday for up to SIX Weeks. In a large church the Pastoral Care Team coordinates drivers rather doing the driving themselves. We also look for resources in our community foe transportation such as the Red Cross, Jewish Social Services and local community programs. Most I community services are for the indigent or those chronically disabled.

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Buddy System

The Buddy System matches up older members who live alone. Buddies call each other on alternate days to check-in and see how the other is doing. People usually do best when they choose their own buddy, but the Team can help with matching if necessary. The Team keeps track of emergency phone numbers for buddy pairs and serves as a backup if someone is concerned about their buddy.

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Medical Loan Equipment Program

Members have donated to the church medical equipment such as walkers, canes, bedside commodes, guard rails for bed and tub, shower chairs, and crutches. The equipment is stored in the church attic and loaned out to members who need them. A member of the Pastoral Care Team monitors this loan program, This program is simple to carry out; its major requirement is space to store the equipment.

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Visiting the Ill or Hospitalized

This program requires more time and training. Training needs to involve listening skills, behavior around sick people and procedures for visiting in a hospital setting. This program requires some Wariness of one's own limits such as being uncomfortable in hospitals, or with seriously ill people, or circumstances that can't be remedied immediately

Our Pastoral Care Team visits people in the hospital and follows up with calls and visits when they return home. We frequently ask the Neighborhood to bring meals once someone is convalescing at home.

We also try to support the family of the ill person particularly if the illness is serious, sometimes using a second Pastoral Care Team member. In addition to emotional support, the family member may also need meals, transportation, or respite when the hospitalized person comes home.

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Respite

The Team provides someone to care for ill family members so that the caretaker may be Freed to attend church, medical appointments, or take care of their own needs. We have had several situations where we have provided respite care over long periods of time.

In one situation, we had six-eight volunteers a week caring for a baby for two-four hours at a time with esophageal ulcers, to allow the mother to get some rest and spend time with her three year old daughter. We continued this service for four months with a total of 23 volunteers from our church, The baby responded very well to all the loving caretakers.

In other circumstances we provided caretakers for a man with Alzheimer's so his wife could attend church twice a month. We coordinated caretakers for six-eight hours per day for one two weeks for people who can't be left alone when their caretaker needs to return to work.

In. a more unusual situation we found two women in our congregation with an interest in art to take a middle aged woman with Alzheimer's to art museums once each month.

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Time of Death and Bereavement

After researching information that is needed at the time of a death, our Team decided to put together a protocol to be followed when we are informed of a death of a church member.

During the initial phone call informing us of a death, we assess the emotional distress of the person calling the family supports available, the degree of preparedness of the person calling, and the circumstances of the death. We must quickly decide to either go in person or give information over the phone. In routine situations, where the person who died is elderly, or the death was expected, and the family member has supports we give information over the phone. If the caller is emotionally upset, unsupported, or unprepared, we go in person to provide information and support decision making

When we give information we leave our phone number for further contact. We call the Neighborhoods to take meals and express condolences. We send a sympathy card and call back in 2- 3 to see if we can offer any further help. We attend the Memorial Service

We continue to follow the bereaved family for 12-18 months, particularly if the remaining family is a single spouse. We call or visit, and encourage the person who is now alone to re-enter the church community. We try to devise a plan to meet each individual's needs

Although we have not had the experience of being called out to someone's home, as yet we plan that more than one member of the Team or a member of the Team and the minister would go together. in that way we can support each other.

Over the past 6 months we have collected information about funeral homes in our area, Crematories, cemetaries, burials at Arlington National Cemetery, donation of bodies to medical schools planning Memorial Services, writing obituaries and getting started on the paper work for Probate. We think we are prepared to help both at the time of death and to support the bereaved person. We have not had a lot of opportunity to try out our skills.

As opposed to having any one person on call for this Program, the phone numbers for all members of the Team are published so that any member of the Team might be called.

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Educational Resources

We have collected information about many resources in our community. We help people find support groups or email addresses for information about specific medical topics, We have information about local retirement communities and specialized medical facilities, as nursing homes and Assisted living/Alzheimer units. We have forms for Living Wills and Advanced Medical Directives. We have information about hospices, the Hemlock Society, and Compassionate Friends. We have application forms to get a Lifeline, We know how to get in touch with the Maryland Memorial Society.

Although we have not had any educational seminars for the congregation to date, it is a worthwhile activity that a Pastoral Care Team might consider.

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Visiting Members In Retirement Communities And Nursing Homes

Our Pastoral Care Team has tried to support several members of our congregation moving to retirement communities that are within reasonable proximity to our church. We have found that moving out of the longtime family home can be very stressful for elderly people, In the. view retirement community we try to introduce them to other Unitarian Universalists, some from our own church community that are already there. We try to provide transportation for them to attend church regularly and to return for special church functions to stay in touch with old friends.

Members of the Pastoral Care Team visit members of our congregation in these retirement communities and /or nursing homes about once every one-two months and telephone between visits. For one member of our community who had a severely disabling stroke and is now in a nursing home, we organized members of our congregation to visit on a regularly scheduled basis so there would be ongoing visits from friends.

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Dealing with Life Crises or Emotional Distress

We recommend that this program only be done by teams that have individuals with professional mental health training and experience. If a person calls who is going through a divorce or major life transition and wants support because they are extremely upset, they are triaged to one of three members of our Team who have mental health training. Sometimes a person will go to someone on the Team that they know, and will tell them of their depression or emotional difficulties. In such circumstances, someone with mental health training works very closely with that member to support them in their work with the upset person, or they are transferred to a more qualified member of the Team. We also support people who may go to our minister for counseling.

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Protocol for a Death

1. Assessment of the situation:
   • expected/prepared
   • family supports-short and long term
   • unusual circumstances; traumatic suicide
   • child or parent of a young child
   • dysfunctional family
2. Give information over the phone if bereaved person has family supports, or go in person if family needs emotional support or if there is no family- leave your home phone number for them to call you if they need further information.
3. Call Neighborhood Coordinator for meals or condolences.
4. Send condolence card/send separate card to children.
5. Follow up phone call in 3-5 days,
6. Attend the Memorial Service if bereaved is a church member.
7. Follow up for 12-18 months with emotional support, particularly if bereaved is living alone.
   Follow tip might also include necessary paper work, thank-you notes, or disposing of belongings.

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Reported by Allan Stern; formatted for the web by Kasey Melski.